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She Can't Bring You Happiness

Burningblue

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Here comes the old familiar sting of loss. I have failed again. A few days ago I was dumped. She might have been the one whom I could have stayed with forever, but she walked away and left me with a void. She tried to break it to me easy. Her explanation was that she had a "feeling" or an "intuition" that I just wasn't the right guy. I was crushed. I kept dwelling on how I must have said or done the wrong things. Was I not ****y and funny enough? Was I not being enough of a challenge? Was I done the minute that I sent her flowers? NO. None of the above. It wasn't what I said or did....it was who I was on the inside. On the inside I was an insecure mess. I leaned on my girlfriend as if she was some precious crutch. Try as I might to hide it, she could tell that I needed her badly. She was my crutch. She was helping me stand. No woman wants a man who can't stand on his own.
I know that this has been said countless times before, but I don't think that it can ever be said enough. Confidence and happiness are the only things that matter in the end. Not fake confidence but real confidence. Not fake happiness but real happiness. When you truly believe that you are a great catch. When you learn to have confidence in yourself and your determination. When you come to a place where you are happy even without a woman, it is then that you will reach your full potential. I for one, am now refocussing my life. I'll be treating the next few months almost like rehab. Hi, my name is Burningblue and I'm a chickoholic. My solution is to work on my career, meet new people, pursue my passions/hobbies, and work on being happy with my place in life (despite my circumstances not because of them). It's a tall order but I think it can be done. Here is what I have learned. A woman will never bring you happiness. You've got to be happy first. When your life is so full that you can barely make room for a woman, that's when they will all chase YOU.
 

Francisco d'Anconia

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Basically stop exerting energy on finding Ms. Right and focus on becoming Mr. Right.
 

WestCoaster

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Burningblue,

Good post. Believe it or not, you're WAY ahead of the game. You identified the problem and are going about to finding solutions. On this board people can call you an AFC or whatever, but there are sooooooooo many guys who keep repeating mistake after mistake without every solving the problem. You identified it, good job. Now go out there and aim for the top!

* While I this board helps, it might be wise to step away from it or just read the articles. You're doing what I've done: using catch phrases (****y and funny, etc.), I've noticed out in the real world people aren't saying "****y and funny" and "AFC" "inner game" and "sarging" ... thinking like this board can make one batty sometimes, IMO. Just work on self-improvement, let the catch phrases stay here.
 

Desdinova

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A woman will never bring you happiness. You've got to be happy first.
Looking to another person for happiness is absolutely pointless. Women aren't sources for anything in your life, they're only features. Women can never be the source of happiness, but they can add to your existing happiness. A woman is much like power windows in your car; you don't need them, but they're nice to have.
 

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Pimp-sicle

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Burningblue said:
Here comes the old familiar sting of loss. I have failed again. A few days ago I was dumped. She might have been the one whom I could have stayed with forever, but she walked away and left me with a void. She tried to break it to me easy. Her explanation was that she had a "feeling" or an "intuition" that I just wasn't the right guy. I was crushed. I kept dwelling on how I must have said or done the wrong things. Was I not ****y and funny enough? Was I not being enough of a challenge? Was I done the minute that I sent her flowers? NO. None of the above. It wasn't what I said or did....it was who I was on the inside. On the inside I was an insecure mess. I leaned on my girlfriend as if she was some precious crutch. Try as I might to hide it, she could tell that I needed her badly. She was my crutch. She was helping me stand. No woman wants a man who can't stand on his own.
I know that this has been said countless times before, but I don't think that it can ever be said enough. Confidence and happiness are the only things that matter in the end. Not fake confidence but real confidence. Not fake happiness but real happiness. When you truly believe that you are a great catch. When you learn to have confidence in yourself and your determination. When you come to a place where you are happy even without a woman, it is then that you will reach your full potential. I for one, am now refocussing my life. I'll be treating the next few months almost like rehab. Hi, my name is Burningblue and I'm a chickoholic. My solution is to work on my career, meet new people, pursue my passions/hobbies, and work on being happy with my place in life (despite my circumstances not because of them). It's a tall order but I think it can be done. Here is what I have learned. A woman will never bring you happiness. You've got to be happy first. When your life is so full that you can barely make room for a woman, that's when they will all chase YOU.


Awesome post bro!! I realized this same thing not too long ago through some great threads by some old school members.

Reps



PIMP
 

Burningblue

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All great points. Thanks for the confirmation. My chickoholic days are over.
 

penkitten

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Francisco d'Anconia said:
Basically stop exerting energy on finding Ms. Right and focus on becoming Mr. Right.
the right person comes along when you least expect it, when you are not looking. the right person never seems to come along when you are searching.
 

john_1234

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i posted this thread in "anything else." i came across this thread and thought it relates. i know some guys here might hate on me for posting something like this, but oh well. here it is:

i've been reading self-help material and articles like this for example:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthr...pagenu mber=1

it has inspired me. i realize i should find happiness within myself and to never rely on women to achieve it. i strive to focus on all positive aspects of my life while trying to ignore the negative. i've been doing well for some time. i felt content with my life despite the fact that i had no prospects whatsoever. but this dry spell has been long... almost six months and i'm starting to slip.

sometimes i feel as if i'm fooling myself into happiness. sometimes i think that articles like the one above are written to justify one's loneliness and to make lonely people feel warm and giddy inside. yes, i can feel happy within myself; but that happiness can only reach a certain point though. i'll be honest with you all, the happiness i feel within myself doesn't even come close to the happiness i felt in the past with women. this may sound cheesy and afc'ish, but it's the cold-hard truth. yes, i have been focusing and working on many aspects of MY OWN life, but unfortunately i'm now having trouble maintaining happiness within myself.

anyone have similar experiences? if so, how'd you overcome this?
 

DoubleA

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:yes: I've done it.

And to realixe you have arrived as your own man is a feeling I can't describe. I look around my apartment and remember days when the I used to have piece of furniture and my TV on crates. I had nothing. No woman wanted to holla. They thought I'd be back home with the folks. I refused to ask my parents for anything. I was coming from Major HB, I'll get into that in a second. But I worked everyday and provided for me. I still looked out for others eventhough deep down picking up the pieces was hard and my pockets were hurt.

I gets better. It will get better all the time. But it takes time. It can't be measured in days but it has to be measured in years. Your progression will be seen by those close to you. Your confidence says everything about you. Alot of BS you won't need; therefore, the women who are BS you don't want. You don't need. Everyday I work with the military and I have to be completely accurate with my sh1t. I have to come correct in the things I do. Fortunately this attitude expanded out into my life. I was just growing up I guess. But all the hard work paid off. Now I sit in an apartment that I'd never thought would seem like a home.

Pimp-sicle is right, women are a nice addition to what you have. They aren't property tho, but a nice addition. It took me years to realize that. Now, I'm on the lookout but I still enjoy doing the things that make me happy.

You will become an inspiration to so many people. At work they'll see that you know how to handle your business. They'll respect you and you'll give the respect back.

Oh yea. And the girl that continued to hurt me. She just trying to comeback after a divorce. Maybe even kids. I'm at a place when I could take it or leave it. Honestly. After all the pain she caused back THEN, but NOW I look back and see how far I've come because:

"Damn it feels good to see people up on it. Because I remember when, at first they wasn't. Now look what they caught from my cousin. The Vapors." - Biz Markie, The Vapors. :rockon:

I'm sure you'll do fine. :)
 

Burningblue

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john_1234 said:
i'll be honest with you all, the happiness i feel within myself doesn't even come close to the happiness i felt in the past with women. this may sound cheesy and afc'ish, but it's the cold-hard truth. yes, i have been focusing and working on many aspects of MY OWN life, but unfortunately i'm now having trouble maintaining happiness within myself.
anyone have similar experiences? if so, how'd you overcome this?
I think we all stuggle with this at some point. I struggle with it too. At least you realize that it is a problem. It can and will be overcome.
Sometimes it helps to look back at past relationships and see them for what they really were. How much of it was bliss? How much of it was anxiety, hard work, and pain? I'd be willing to bet that a good portion of most relationships is the later. Then there's the inevitable pain when it's all over. Sometimes that suffering can last longer than your time with the girl. My point is that relationships are not always, or even usually, all that we remember them to be. There's usually a lot of pain involved. So there you go, women cannot be your main source of happiness, though it is possible that they can add to it. There has to be some happiness there first though.
We all have that inner voice whispering to us, saying that we need a woman to make us happy. That voice is LYING to us. That voice wants to take your next girlfriend away from you. Don't let it win. Focus on the other things in life that make you happy. Figure out what those things are and then pursue them with passion. That confidence and happiness is what will draw women to you. That's just a bonus though. Being confident and happy should be an end in itself. Hope it helps.
 
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ElChoclo

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Actually you can be unhappy and still find some women want you. It is incorrect to presuppose that only happy fulfilled men get women. If this were correct there would be few partners for women since many men are unhappy, for a variety of reasons.

Dealing with women is like dealing in any market. If you can't take a loss in the market, you won't have any nerve. And no nerve means bad decision making. Some people rig it so that they always lose, because they want to, and thats self sabotage.
 

Latinoman

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Desdinova said:
Looking to another person for happiness is absolutely pointless. Women aren't sources for anything in your life, they're only features. Women can never be the source of happiness, but they can add to your existing happiness. A woman is much like power windows in your car; you don't need them, but they're nice to have.

Now...this is a great advice.

I like the power windows example. And in another thread somebody used the "monkey" (don't let go of a branch until getting hold of another) example.
 

Burningblue

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ElChoclo said:
Actually you can be unhappy and still find some women want you. It is incorrect to presuppose that only happy fulfilled men get women.
Happy well adjusted people are far more attractive than unhappy people. That is a fact. When happy well adjusted people get together, they are much more likely to have happy well adjusted relationships.
 
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