Hello Friend,

If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.

It will be the most efficient use of your time.

And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.

Thank you for visiting and have a great day!

Sadness knocked my door

Blacksheep

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Get the idea that your parents never loved you. Living alone, cannot trust most of people.

Walking alone and the fear of failure.

The worst is the idealization that I wanted to be loved by my parents. The guilty I feel sometimes, the desire to turn all that off... It's hard guys.

Some know my story, some don't.

Sometimes I have some peace... But in the end I would like to feel loved in any way by someone sometimes. This is a needy thing by living with abusive parents.

In some ways, I wished to go to military and die somewhere really far away from here.

Sorry for spreading those words... It's not positive, but thats really a bad day for me. Just wanted to put this outside.

It's being hard, I'm trying to be strong... But that road is hard.
 

Black Widow Void

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Things like this are going to happen. Sorry to read that it's been one of those days. I used to have them. The older you get, the less it will occur.

Here's how I dealt with things back in the day. One day, I just decided to look at my father in a different way. I began to look at him as someone unlikable. I began to expect him to be this way. And if he did something nice, I looked at it like an unexpected 'bonus.'

Having this mindset led to no more disappointments. And it was a lot easier to cope with.

Wishing you luck on this.
 

Blacksheep

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Things like this are going to happen. Sorry to read that it's been one of those days. I used to have them. The older you get, the less it will occur.

Here's how I dealt with things back in the day. One day, I just decided to look at my father in a different way. I began to look at him as someone unlikable. I began to expect him to be this way. And if he did something nice, I looked at it like an unexpected 'bonus.'

Having this mindset led to no more disappointments. And it was a lot easier to cope with.

Wishing you luck on this.
Thanks for your feedback man!

Thats a good idea, gonna try to do that.

Its a bit hard, but theres nothing more than trying to do our best.

Wish you all the best.
 

zekko

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That must be incredibly difficult to grow up feeling unloved by your parents, sorry to hear that. My parents were not particularly demonstrative, but I grew up in a good, intact family, and sometimes I forget how lucky I am for that. I can only say that we each must try to overcome whatever challenges are placed before us.
 

Atom Smasher

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How old are you @Blacksheep?

I suffered much the same thing growing up. My mother was a raging, unstable and violent person (who occasionally showed kindness), which made for a horrific roller coaster ride. I truly believed she would one day kill me, because of this rage and because she choked me until I blacked out as a toddler.
My dad was fairly absentee and he was ashamed of me. I was a very gentle and sensitive child. He would frequently say, “Don’t be stupid”. I desperately needed a dad to teach me and to help me live in a nuthouse of one unstable mother and three sisters. But he wasn’t able.
Why am I telling you this? Because I have largely escaped the emotional scars as I grew older, and you will, too. Time will afford you the ability to detach yourself more and more from that pain.

I believe that your suffering is amplified by your culture, because I have had several Brazilian friends and every single one of them were mama’s boys snd incredibly needy of love. I have often marveled at that. I’ve never met a Brazilian man who wasn’t very sentimental. You will be able to leverage that to your advantage and to the advantage of others as you get older and calibrate more effectively.
So don’t give up the ship. There’s lots of hope. Keep on learning here and elsewhere, embrace your manhood as your friend and keep striving toward balance between male detached strength and your sentimental need for love.

You will do yourself a great favor if you ponder this thought:
Be an observer of your emotions, snd not a believer of your emotions. Chew on that. The full meaning takes time to digest and internalize. Observe your ruminations, label or name them, and just observe them without passing judgment on yourself for having them. Again I say name them. For example, if you name what you described “Neediness”, you can dispassionately observe it is happening, and say “OK, this is neediness popping up again. It’s ok, it’s just an emotion, just a cloud passing overhead. Here now but gone soon when my attention is elsewhere.” You have removed its teeth because you have learned to regard it as a mechanical phenomenon, something that it tangible and observable from a distance. The emotion isn’t YOU. It’s something that comes, and then goes.

By practicing detached observation and naming (objectifying) the emotion, you will gain mastery over it instead of the other way around.

I will say it again because it is crucial:
Be an observer of your emotions, and not a believer of them.
 
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Bible_Belt

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Mom taught me to take a punch. I never got hit in mma anywhere near what being a little kid was like.
 

Blacksheep

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you have to forgive them brother. You have to investigate further. Were they loved as children? perhaps they weren't. So how could they ever give that love to you if they never had it? imagine your parents as kids. Kids who wanted love just like you did and do. Can you embrace them as that image of kids who weren't loved either? embrace them and forgive them as they didn't get it either.



This could well be a projection. Do you trust yourself fully? Trust in the process my man.



You need to embrace walking alone and have excitement about facing the unknown. Face it with balls and a sense of adventure.



You have to remain in reality. Reality means you have to train your mind to be rational. you are falling into irrational thinking and this is going to cause you to make bad decisions.

A Stoic exercise: What am I feeling? ok I'm feeling loneliness or being unloved. then..Where is this coming from? investigate it without judgement. And then? how can I react rationally to this?

Listen, I am going to tell you a secret: many people commit suicide because they wait to be loved. The solution? You go love instead. Your parents didn't love you? (outside your control). you go love your parents (inside your control).

Whatever you are lacking in your life.....go give it. Giving is in your control and you will get more satisfaction from it. Feeling sad? go make people happy.



You're only solution to wanting to be loved is..........to love. many will kill themselves without realizeing this and it is such a shame. What you are lacking, give it. You will see it come back to you tenfold.



When you wish to die it means in many ways your life is a nightmare. You have to turn your life into a dream. Then death is the nightmare.



No, you posted. it means you want better.



You don't need to be strong....open your heart.

I have faith in you.

Un abrazo fuerte hermanito.
Thanks for those words man! That's very kind!

That idea of giving instead of waiting to receive it is very interesting. I used to have that in my on a point that, if they don't love me I should love myself. That could be a start point, but giving love and doing good things to people is also good for it.

I don't know if I can go there and give my parents love, cause I can't have contact with them with all the things they did. But inside me I can't see that I hate them. With everything that happened since I was child, I feel sad cause I really l loved them.

But how can we love someone who manipulated you, abused you and lied on your back for so many many years of your life? Someone who knew what were doing and just kept doing it. Who called a child as a "monster" because I was fat, bullied, no friends and even family laught at how I was weird. And with that I hide myself on my fantasy world (videogames) and at a highest point I started to say that I could see imaginary things like pokemons, etc. I was 8yrs old I guess. So my sister and I started to play that we could see monsters with our mind and that we could control them... For me it was just childs playing.

My sister told him and he came to me and said that:

"You are the most dangerous boy in this world, how could you manipulate your sister to make her believe in that. You are worse than priests and church pastor who manipulates people to make them believe in bull****." Seriously? I was a child, I had no friends... And also I was not manipulating cause I also believed that and I was just playing like any child do.

At the same day, my mother tried to defend me and asked him:

My mom: "But he is your son, don't you love him?"

My dad: he kept in silence.

My mom started to cry and scream... "How can you not love your son?"

That was one of the things that happened over the years and years.

"Retard, idiot, incompetent, useless, not worth, dumb..." Common things I heard from him since child.

For all that I can't hate them or desire bad things... I just feel sad for that. I really would like that to be different, and more healthy. But as I can't control that, I can only try to be a better person and never be someone like him. Cause I know how hurt I felt with those experiences.

But anyways, that thing you said about giving love... It's important. The times I helped someone, or demonstrate love or kind to someone... I also felt really happy with that. Even with simple actions on our day. I have to focus on that and start to do more of that.

Um grande abraço meu amigo! =)
 

Blacksheep

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That must be incredibly difficult to grow up feeling unloved by your parents, sorry to hear that. My parents were not particularly demonstrative, but I grew up in a good, intact family, and sometimes I forget how lucky I am for that. I can only say that we each must try to overcome whatever challenges are placed before us.
That's very good man! It makes a huge difference growing up in a healthy environment. Happy to know that!

And yes, we must do the best we can to overcome those challenges. It might be painful, hard to deal, but it can also make us stronger.
 

Blacksheep

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How old are you @Blacksheep?

I suffered much the same thing growing up. My mother was a raging, unstable and violent person (who occasionally showed kindness), which made for a horrific roller coaster ride. I truly believed she would one day kill me, because of this rage and because she choked me until I blacked out as a toddler.
My dad was fairly absentee and he was ashamed of me. I was a very gentle and sensitive child. He would frequently say, “Don’t be stupid”. I desperately needed a dad to teach me and to help me live in a nuthouse of one unstable mother and three sisters. But he wasn’t able.
Why am I telling you this? Because I have largely escaped the emotional scars as I grew older, and you will, too. Time will afford you the ability to detach yourself more and more from that pain.

I believe that your suffering is amplified by your culture, because I have had several Brazilian friends and every single one of them were mama’s boys snd incredibly needy of love. I have often marveled at that. I’ve never met a Brazilian man who wasn’t very sentimental. You will be able to leverage that to your advantage and to the advantage of others as you get older and calibrate more effectively.
So don’t give up the ship. There’s lots of hope. Keep on learning here and elsewhere, embrace your manhood as your friend and keep striving toward balance between male detached strength and your sentimental need for love.

You will do yourself a great favor if you ponder this thought:
Be an observer of your emotions, snd not a believer of your emotions. Chew on that. The full meaning takes time to digest and internalize. Observe your ruminations, label or name them, and just observe them without passing judgment on yourself for having them. Again I say name them. For example, if you name what you described “Neediness”, you can dispassionately observe it is happening, and say “OK, this is neediness popping up again. It’s ok, it’s just an emotion, just a cloud passing overhead. Here now but gone soon when my attention is elsewhere.” You have removed its teeth because you have learned to regard it as a mechanical phenomenon, something that it tangible and observable from a distance. The emotion isn’t YOU. It’s something that comes, and then goes.

By practicing detached observation and naming (objectifying) the emotion, you will gain mastery over it instead of the other way around.

I will say it again because it is crucial:
Be an observer of your emotions, and not a believer of them.
I'm 30 yrs old.

Sorry to hear that you went through those things too man. I can imagine how bad that was.

About the brazilian's culture, thats very interesting. I never thought about that. But it makes sense.

And observing emotions are really a great thing to do. I used to do that on meditation... But lately I was not doing that so much. Something that I want to put back in my life. This is a great way to detach from those emotions and to realize that its only an emotion, not who I am... As emotions comes and goes.

Thanks for your feedback! Wish you the best! =)
 

Clee Torres

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I believe that your suffering is amplified by your culture, because I have had several Brazilian friends and every single one of them were mama’s boys snd incredibly needy of love. I have often marveled at that. I’ve never met a Brazilian man who wasn’t very sentimental. You will be able to leverage that to your advantage and to the advantage of others as you get older and calibrate more effectively.
Yup. This is very true and describes me to a tee. However, I am curious to know how this could possibly be leveraged in someone's favor? Feels like a handicap if I'm honest...especially here in the states
 
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