Relationship Game

[luber873]

Looking for more advice here bros. I've learned a lot from this site and now I'm looking for advice/tips to make a relationship last through the initial stages, what works for you guys, etc.

Long story short, I was seeing this girl earlier this year (hanging out 4-5x/week), flipped out on her, didn't talk for a month or so, reconnected, went out on a few dates (I kept distant between dates; no BS texting, etc), just had a version of the "what are we" talk last week that she initiated.

She basically said this go-round is much different than the first, she misses me, cares about me, thinks about me a lot, etc. She said she sees this going long term after which I agreed. When we hang out it's great - cooks for me, asks if I'm bored (worried if I'm having a good time), gives me lots of positive comments, etc.

She said last night "you don't even like me." Is this a bad sign? Am I acting too aloof since we had the "relationship" talk last week. Should I initiate hangouts a bit more or keep laying back and only try to see her 2-3x/week?

Thoughts?

 

[Interceptor]

I think it is a bad sign.
I do feel youre laying on the distant approach a little thick.
She is looking for some confirmation, validation, compliments things like that.
You perhaps feel if you provided some of this (normal) behavior that it would weaken your frame or position.

I think you are a little too aloof.
And I also think you have to take the time to re evaluate your feelings for her and her place in your life.
If you see her in your life long term then you must begin to understand you have to provide her some more tangible emotional nourishment.
It cant be all her doing all the heavy lifting.
Don't get lazy and complacent, because this road youre on is the road in which she will get bored with you, feel unfulfilled and leave you.

Which then will leave you in a position (if you truly love her and want her) of weakness , of trying to prove your love and loyalty and all that.

Avoid that road, and give her some of that companionship and emotional nourishment, and bonding she needs.

The behavior you are seeing is temporary.
You don't see this. But I do.
Listen to me. If you don't start to change your overall behavior she will one day disappear. And if somehow you do manage to reconnect, it will be less likely she will EVER continue this loving, affectionate behavior you have gotten used to from her.

Get smart. Listen to her trying to make you happy.
Listen to her moves to try to find out if she is doing things right, or do you not appreciate her? etc..this is all her way of trying to find out what is the weak link or problem here.

If you continue this way,she is going to feel that the underlying message is that you don't appreciate her and all she does for you.
And once she realizes that, then there is permanent damage to your bond and relationship.

Start being proactive. Plan things for her. Make her feel loved and appreciated.
From a certain perspective, some would say that is 'weak' or un Alpha or whatever. But its not.
Its what a Man, who loves his woman, does for her as HER Man. THE Man of her life. He loves and appreciates her. And is comfortable showing it.
A man doesn't automatically grow a vag because he compliments and acts loving and thoughtful to his woman.

If she's your long term, this is the part of the duties, as it were, of the Man of the relationship.
Men of Action. Not always sit back and let her do ALL the work.
Because it WILL stop one day.

 

[Checkmate12]

Amen Interceptor.

I agree that you have taken it a bit too far. Playing aloof is a very powerful strategy but if you lay it on too thick she will begin to think youre not interested and after a period of time she will grow tired of trying to no avail and move on.

If she is cooking for you, complimenting you, etc. then reward her good behavior. Whether it be with a subtle compliment of your own or an act of appreciation. Being an alpha is not all take, take, take. You have to give a little as well. Give her small tastes of what its like to be desired by you in the midst of your aloofness and she will go crazy, always chasing that feeling you briefly provided her.