Poor selection process -- need advice

[WestCoaster]

OK, I consider myself a decent DJ, definitely not a "player" or "womanizer" but a solid DJ with fairly refined DJ skills and mannerisms. And yes, I'm a reformed AFC, big time

That said, I'm very disappointed in my selection process of women of late. Just got back from a date on Friday (long distance deal) with a gal I knew in grad school. I was somewhat infatuated with her, despite her incessant talking and attention wh-reness. Well, after Saturday I finally had enough as the beyotch (whom I greatly overrated) spent 3 hours talking about herself and no one but herself, and frankly wasn't that nice to me despite not seeing me in a couple months. NEXT!

That doesn't bum me out. What bums me out is this beyotch is very similar to several I've dated this year -- attention wh-res deluxe. And trust me, I've been dating up a storm, everyone from 25-year olds to 40-year olds and all points inbetween.

One of the reasons why I'm so down on American women is because of this. Realizing that there might be a good 5 to 10 percent of decent American women out there ... how do I find them?

I'm having a serious blindspot in my selection process and need to correct it. And no, I'm not a guy who is into "clubs" and such, and yes, I'm currently involved in a couple dating services and activities.

Getting the dates isn't the problem; finding QUALITY is the problem.

Any suggestions?

* P.S. Flaming, sarcastic remarks and so forth will be completely disregarded.

 

[TooColdUlrick]

5% - 10% is about right, i'm afraid! it's a numbers game finding someone quality. just keep pluggin away. get yourself where the quality ones tend to hang--wine tasting gigs, self-improvement stuff, yoga classes, university extension classes, other seminars, shiat like that.

they're out there.

you're right though, American(ized) women are the worst in the world, in the head. but the best in looks and bods. if it makes you feel better, i know many, many, guys from other countries, who say the same thing about their women.

 

[WestCoaster]

Thanks!

I appreciate the advice. The thing that struck me the last couple years is even some of these so-called educated women are nearly as whack as some of the uneducated ones. They don't know how to deal with their own issues.

Good point on trying to find quality places to date quality women. I'm amazed how many psycho/attention wh-res there are out there. It's mind-numbing.

 

[Crank_It_Up]

Re: Thanks!

Originally posted by WestCoaster
...I'm amazed how many psycho/attention wh-res there are out there. It's mind-numbing.

Perhaps they seem like attention wh-res because they find you dull and boring, or they are nervous and are merely trying to impress you.

 

[WestCoaster]

Thanks for the encouragement f-head

Nice generalizations there about me being dull and boring -- which I'm not.

Don't you have another woman to meet in 9 days to run off with and say everyone should do that?

 

[Crank_It_Up]

Re: Thanks for the encouragement f-head

Originally posted by WestCoaster
...Don't you have another woman to meet in 9 days to run off with and say everyone should do that?

no, lately they all seem like attention wh-res


I never said you were dull and boring, only that perhaps they might think so... or that they were nervous and were trying to impress you. You might not think you are dull or boring, but they might, perhaps, maybe, could be, just a thought, get it?

The first step in getting out of a well is to first realize you are in one.

Would this answer be more to your liking?

How dare all those horrible american women act like attention wh-res when they are in the company of someone with such an exciting and dynamic personality as yourself?

 

[Slickster]

I don't know where you live and it may be very rare if you live in a large urban center but - try finding yourself a small town gal with a good head and good personality.

I've had the opportunity to live in both cities and small towns and the difference between the women from both places is immense.

In my experience "City girls" are a major pain in the arse. Attention wh*res, high maintenance, etc.

 

[WestCoaster]

Good points by all ... didn't mean to land to hard on you Crank, but today wasn't a day that I could put up with flippedness, even if it wasn't meant to be flippant. Sorry about the misunderstanding ... but like my disclaimer said, I didn't want flaming and that's what I perceived.

For Slickster, I live in a mid-sized city, but I hear you. I grew up in a small town and the women -- particularly farm girls -- are WAY better than city girls. I hear ya on that one!

 

[dietzcoi]

West Coaster

Only consider going out with women who act "girlish" when you meet them... you know what I mean, flirtatious, coy, smiling, joking, etc. I.e. high interest level.

You are wasting your time with the others, who seem to think a date is a business deal...

I have no time for women who won't laugh, flirt, and get into the whole back and forth thing. If they are too serious, NEXT

Life is too short to deal with biatches!

Really, it is easy to tell. The problem is we try to force something to work, which won't.

Good luck

BTW: Crank it up, why are you here if you are only going to take a self-seving, smug position? Shouldn't you be smoking your pipe, giving homespun advice to your kids, and having the dog fetch your slippers?

Dietzcoi

 

[WestCoaster]

Good points again

Thanks dietz. I've dated a lot this year, mostly with not bad results, but very strange stuff. In the past my dating has been sporadic. This year I've gone out a lot more and I almost forgot how twisted the "average" American woman is ... or at least the ones I've been dating.

Every time I think it's me, I get a nice smile, hello, and interesting questions/conversations from some beautiful foreign gal where I work and I realize it might not be me, but U.S. women. Yesterday is was a gorgeous Swede ... sheesh.

 

[princelydeeds]

I agree westcoaster. I seem to keep dating the same three women in different bodies.

1) The decent chick (usually an HB6.5-7.5) who Im not all that attracted too but treats me nicely. This chick is usually educated or hard working. Her problem lies in her deep seeded insecurity and because she thinks shes not good enough for me she gets on my nerves as she reveals her insecurities.

2) The fun chick who I love banging and is great to hang out with. This chick is lots of fun but in all actuality there is no chance at all of us ever getting together. She is usually either very young, has children and/or isn't someone you would ever introduce to your mother.

3) The self centered, self absorbed diva. She is usually educated and attractive. She feels like the world is hers and she can treat people however she likes. She expects to go to expensive restaurants and be treated like a queen. Outside of her looks and average to below average sexual ability, she offers little and expects alot.

I find most women to be a combination of these qualities. I get tired of the game. Maybe I've settled but Ive learned to take every woman for what shes worth. The fun chicks I love to sex, the decent chicks I mess around and appreciate them but develope no feelings other than friendship. With the Divas it never works out, I can't deal with selfishness for very long.

My advice, get what you can, maybe you need 3 women to provide what 1 woman should provide. Whatever way it works for you be at peace. Don't quit find a different way to think about the subject, when you are at peace with your circumstances life is much easier.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

I like DJ's Princelydeeds three categorizations of women - they seem to apply universally!

WestCoaster - You need to re-title yout thread. It has nothing to do with the "selection process" rather your dismal search results has to do with the "poor candidates" within the selection process!

Based on my 25 year search, 5 - 10 % of viable candidates who are deemed worthy for my company is quite high - I would put it at less than 1% percent in terms of the values, character, and attitude that she must possess to even consider her for a LTR/Marriage.

There is nothing you or I can do to change this personal/cultural/institutional damage in the female psyche and behavior.

My best counsel is for you to beware of letting your drive to have a woman be greater than the drive to have a respectable decent woman who knows her place in a relationship and exhibits her femininity in her actions and her words!

 

[NewMan]

I think you are maybe expecting to much out of your search. If you expect that the woman of your dreams can be found so easily, then she's not much of a woman.

Ever since my break up I've been dating heavily also - and I really hate to place women in these pre defined categories.

My take of this is slightly different.

I don't cold approach. I don't go through the internet. I don't go through dating agencies. All of these I feel are a huge waste of time and space.

Cold approach - yeah - I'm really likely to find a girl that I'm going to get on with - or have anything in common with by approaching her in the street and asking her out ( or where ever). Give me a break - cold approach's are a complete waste of my time - and are reserved for the young pups out there. I expect more.

Internet - say not more - lie's, cheats, ugly chicks, chicks with zero social skills or friends in general. These are ones to run the hell away from.

Dating agencies - Yeah I'm going to meet chicks who are desperate - and are looking for one thing - LTR and marrage. These are the chicks who have a huge list of requirements - one of which is how much I make and which resteraunt am I going to take her to. Talk about Biatch's who think highly of themselves. The only thing these girls are ineterested in is where their next meal will be at.


So that leaves me to the rest. I meet girls I've dated through friends - work or bars.

At least I can gauge their interest. I can be around them - or know someone who knows them. I frequent local bars - not fancy $10 a drink bars - where again the gold digging biatches generally frequent.

Yeah, nothing is perfect. But I've meet some really cool girls this way. Not all have been LTR material for me - but everyone is different. At least there's been no biatches, gold diggers or crazy chicks.

Coater I don't know where your meeting your women - but it maybe time to re-think your stratergy.

 

[WestCoaster]

Thanks for the tips

Good points, particularly by PRL (as always) and New Man.

I've been playing the numbers game as in date tons and see how rises to the top. Then I realize I'm in America and not much rises to the top. Oddly, I've been dating of late women who have been asking me out, but then later they tell me they have boyfriends. Hmm ... I know women find me irrisistable, but this is getting ridiculous :>)

I live in the Northwest in a mid-sized city with a fair amount of hotties, who pass the eyeball test but that's about it. Honestly (as I've noted ad nauseum here), I prefer foreign women and have had some success in the past with African Americans, who treat me better than white American women, who were born on third base but act like they hit a triple.

Like Phil Mikelson (to keep on the sports theme), I need to change my strategy to win. I'm really into sports, watching and participating, so I would prefer to meet someone through that venue. I'm also into books, the arts, and thinking, so brainy women also attract me.

But in America brains, beauty, and athleticism is hard to find in a women. Add the fact that many are pretty twisted and PRL's 1 percent is probably on the mark.

If this runway model Swede who keeps walking by my office was 10-15 years older and I wasn't in a supervisory position at where she attends college, that would be nice. She's gorgeous, brainy, AND athletic.

Then again, she's from Sweden, not from this Cosmo-reading/hostess eating culture that is the U.S.

 

[NewMan]

I'm going ot have to disagree on some of the points.

There are some great women around - and PRL's 1 percent is so below because every chick he meets is a Ho. So only virgins should apply. Nothing wrong with that - but you get what you ask for - so obviously if your selection process is that tight - that's the percentage your going to get.

We've beat that topic to death on other posts - so no need to go into types/kinds of chickies.

Yeah - there are fvcked up chicks out there - much like there are many AFC - pvssy - fvcked up guys etc.

But you weed out the loonies - and again it's how/where your meeting these chicks.

Maybe I'm more of an optomist - but again I've not meet any of these crazy biatch's - perhaps I'm lucky, but I'd like to think it's the girls I'm selecting.

 

[WestCoaster]

Good points again, New Man. Looking back to my 20's, that was probably the ripe time for me to date or get very serious with someone (and I did with a few, but they were bigger losers than me). But I was a royal AFC, hadn't dealt with my interpersonal stuff, and was not confident.

Now somewhat older, I can tell you that while older (30's, 40's) gals appear more mature, they are a freakin' mess.

Despite a divorce (or two), they tend to gravitate back towards the type of man they just divorced. They have not taken good care of themselves physically, mentally, or spiritually. I've known many 30-somethings who still sleep around like ho-bags, then contradict themselves saying they want one man, who is loyal and a professional. "Then why are you sleeping with Mr. STD beyotch?!"

Just had a young (24) friend of mine e-mail me today. She's too young for me, but she got me thinking. She is positive, smart, has an incredible body, is very pretty, athletic, and she loves children and wants to help others who are less fortunate. Surprisingly she has trouble finding a decent guy.

But if she doesn't get beat down by stupid guys (AFCs or jerks), or our twisted, corrupt American culture, she'll turn out to be a gem. Unfortunately, she's in PRL's 1 percent.

So to make a long story, longer: Gals in their late 20's are the best, but get them before they get corrupted and negative.

The selection process is tough ... choose wisely.

 

[Genghis Juan]

It Cuts Both Ways

WestCoaster, you are right on about the bitterness factor. If the fruit is not picked before a certain time, it becomes damaged and bitter. Jerks and NiceGuy Doormats spoil the fruit. Thankfully, as men, we have a longer shelf-life (if we take care of ourselves).

I think the 24yo presents a unique opportunity for you, and you should pursue it.

NewMan, I think you are right in terms of the percentage of high quality HB's, 5 to 10 percent.

Similarly, the same percentage applies to men, about 5 to 10 percent.

Read this quote from a cosmo board I have been spying on. They answer the exact same question we've been discussing in regards to the percentage of high quality men that are out there:

Girl A -

"I think it is about the same 5-10%. The men with the most qualities might be too independent and have the take it or leave it attitude that they don't actually need a woman because they are so secure in their lifestyle and being."

Girl B-

"I think it's pretty small...5-10%. But that's in part because of my age group (40s) and because integrity and character are most important to me, and those qualities are lacking in a large percentage of the population, period, whether single or married, male or female."

Girl C-

"I have never thought of it in terms of percentages, but I'm with BG, I sure hope it's higher than 5-10%! I think that there are a lot of men who are desirable to me in terms of the tangibles that you mentioned, the problem is the intangibles like chemistry."

Chemistry I think is ******** for good DJ Skills.


Obviously, its a two-way street. In order to land a girl in the top 5-10%, we have to be the top 5-10% too. Which is obviously what this website and the DJ theory is all about. (Assuming a guy has a certain minimum prerequisite in terms of looks and lifestyle. An ugly dude or a janitor isn't going to get far) You can't just sit on your fat azz drinking beers being a lazy shyte and expect the top 5-10% of women to desire you, or even give you the light of day.

For example, last month, while out with a HB9 blonde, she met a mutual acquaintence. He is tall, kind of chubby, has a girlfriend. Is not very well spoken eventhough he has a degree. The HB9 couldn't even understand how he even HAD a girlfriend, nevermind what the girlfriend looked like. The HB9 was brutal, going off on all his quirks and stuff. Even open-minded low-maintenance HB9's can be critical and judgemental as hell.

 

[WaterTiger]

WestCoaster~
There is NOTHING wrong with your selection process. You are choosing NOT to settle. You know what you want and you shouldn't have to make do with "good enough" when you really want "extra fine".

If it's any consolation...it's nearly impossible finding an intelligent, dependable, well read man without 3 ex-wives, 6 kids and a box-car full of emotional baggage!

( I'm starting to think Demi Moore is right, grab some unsuspecting 25 year old AFC and raise him the way I want him. )

 

[Crank_It_Up]

Originally posted by WaterTiger
...( I'm starting to think Demi Moore is right, grab some unsuspecting 25 year old AFC and raise him the way I want him. )

make sure it's only an average looking guy or you'll get dumped in the end... watch Demi get dumped within the next year.

 

[Chrispy]

Originally posted by WestCoaster


Just had a young (24) friend of mine e-mail me today. She's too young for me, but she got me thinking. She is positive, smart, has an incredible body, is very pretty, athletic, and she loves children and wants to help others who are less fortunate. Surprisingly she has trouble finding a decent guy.

A decent girl comes knocking on your door, and you're not doing anything about it? Lose the inhibition, being logical/rationale, or whatever it is and ask her out for a coffee or something. Find out what you two have in common and go from there!

But yes, I think women get brainwashed by all that stuff you mentioned...but eventually they realize how unreal it all is...those are the ones whom we should pick.