Hello Friend,

If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.

It will be the most efficient use of your time.

And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.

Thank you for visiting and have a great day!

Plates finding out about each other

oldmanofthesea

Master Don Juan
Joined
Mar 23, 2018
Messages
1,481
Reaction score
2,818
Age
45
I already know what the “but it’s a totally different situation” response would be from her: how she’s not happy in her situation and trying to get out of her relationship (she’s scared of what he’ll do) as opposed to me seeking out someone.
Typical self-victimizing. Classic narcissist behavior. She is painting herself as the victim in that situation so she doesn't have to take any responsibility for it. This is a major red flag that tells you she is always going to be manipulative. Girls don't stay with guys because they are worried of what they will do (the exception being serious physical abuse and she is in fear of her life which I'm guessing isn't the case here). And keep in mind she was already rid of him yet chose to go BACK to him which even further invalidates that argument. Not to mention the whole argument is just laughable because she could be saying, "I met these 15 guys at a support group for depression and I'm perfectly in my right to keep letting them gang-bang me every Wednesday night because it's to help them feel good about themselves. But just know that I don't like it, and I'm trying to get out of it.... I just haven't figured out HOW yet. Meanwhile, you should be exclusive with me and not touch another woman." She doesn't have to TRY to get out of her relationship. There's literally nothing stopping her. She simply doesn't want to because she likes him and doesn't want to say that to you.

But having said all that, cheers to you for admitting where you went wrong and taking ownership of it.
 

BeExcellent

Master Don Juan
Joined
Dec 16, 2015
Messages
3,394
Reaction score
4,620
Age
52
Concur entirely with @oldmanofthesea on this.

You own it. You are transparent about it. She is seeing others; you are seeing others. Do not be afraid of losing her & do not back down. Be matter of fact. This makes you beyond reproach. Ok you lied. You shrug your shoulders and say “Look. It’s frankly none of your business. It’s not appropriate to ask.”

I used to tell people who would ask these sorts of questions this:

I’ll answer you...BUT...Do not ask questions you may not want the answer to.

Ive had guys ask if they are the best lover, about previous relationships and all kinds of things that frankly are none of their business. I find it handles the matter in a more indirect way, and also points out in a more non confrontational way that really the question is out of bounds.
 

Billtx49

Moderator
Joined
May 23, 2013
Messages
4,912
Reaction score
4,254
Location
DFW
@RickPound , she’s doing the classic female triangle bouncing act. I’ve seen a woman literally go back and forth between two men multiple times for about three years. She gets bored with one she heads south to the other one…

You got the other woman response static from her because you’re her man, she just doesn’t want to be with you ‘right now’.

The Only way this type of action with some women ends is when one or both men walk.
If she’s pathological, her act continues, but with different men…
 

BackInTheGame78

Moderator
Joined
Sep 10, 2014
Messages
5,232
Reaction score
5,270
Concur entirely with @oldmanofthesea on this.

You own it. You are transparent about it. She is seeing others; you are seeing others. Do not be afraid of losing her & do not back down. Be matter of fact. This makes you beyond reproach. Ok you lied. You shrug your shoulders and say “Look. It’s frankly none of your business. It’s not appropriate to ask.”

I used to tell people who would ask these sorts of questions this:

I’ll answer you...BUT...Do not ask questions you may not want the answer to.

Ive had guys ask if they are the best lover, about previous relationships and all kinds of things that frankly are none of their business. I find it handles the matter in a more indirect way, and also points out in a more non confrontational way that really the question is out of bounds.
Any guy who needs to ask if he is good in bed isn't. I know I put it down because they can't stop talking about it ..during, after the fact, every day from then on and to all their friends.

Why the hell would I need to ask?
 

TheKid

Don Juan
Joined
Oct 22, 2020
Messages
81
Reaction score
77
Age
28
Shes playing you and your playing yourself.
Stop being a clown.
You should have no respect for her because she even went back and still assumed your good to go. You are paying for this disrespect. Sometimes you just have to eat your feelings and walk away from the table.
 

image

"If you love women, you must read the SoSuave Guide to Women. It's fantastic!"

BeExcellent

Master Don Juan
Joined
Dec 16, 2015
Messages
3,394
Reaction score
4,620
Age
52
Any guy who needs to ask if he is good in bed isn't. I know I put it down because they can't stop talking about it ..during, after the fact, every day from then on and to all their friends.

Why the hell would I need to ask?
That’s kinda my point.

My exBF made a presumptive statement along those lines once. And I stated “Actually you don’t want to know the real answer to that question/statement...” I was put off by his arrogance which was what prompted my response. And he shut his mouth and never made such an arrogant presumption again.

And he made more effort & actually developed into a good lover. But there was mad attraction & chemistry so that always helps.

But yeah. In Texas we have a saying:

Big Hat...little cattle.

He was all Hat at first.

Men that have got it going on do not need to talk. Their actions say everything...and they have a quiet knowingness about them. Subtle. Sexy AF.

Cheers
 

BadBoy89

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jan 18, 2020
Messages
544
Reaction score
785
She was upset and she interrogated me about my night but I smoothed it over and she came around, but at the end of the day it was awkward when she left and she said she felt "off". She said it makes her "unsure" of me as in I don't care about her, but just having "somebody". I don't know the chances of her asking her yoga instructor for details, but if she does she'll find out I lied. Also, it might ruin my thing with the yoga instructor if Girl #1 asks her about it.
So you are worried that a girl you are not sleeping with is going to ask another girl you are not sleeping with if you met in a group setting or not?

Come on bro, these are high school problems.
 

BackInTheGame78

Moderator
Joined
Sep 10, 2014
Messages
5,232
Reaction score
5,270
So you are worried that a girl you are not sleeping with is going to ask another girl you are not sleeping with if you met in a group setting or not?

Come on bro, these are high school problems.
He is banging her and has been for a while now...she has been the subject of other threads
 

dude99

Master Don Juan
Joined
Feb 1, 2016
Messages
2,420
Reaction score
2,949
Age
48
You’re right, she has zero leverage and knows that - but this time I lied to cover my tracks for some reason (moment of weakness) and if she finds out I lied she can lose respect (which would lower attraction) rather than a healthy dose of jealousy or anger (which would be ok).
She already doesn't respect you or her boyfriend. She sounds entitled and needs to be hammered down a peg or 2.

Here is my question. Why are you respecting her? She is a side chick. Her low quality behaviour puts herself into that category. Her behaviour doesn't warrant any respect. When you are the 3rd wheel in a love triangle and you know about the other guy.... you are the one that matters the least to her. Stop giving garbage quality your time, effort and resources.

Here is how you fix this. "Hey chick. Im seeing other women. You can have your bf and i will see other chicks. Don't like it? Good Bye."
 
Last edited:

RickPound

Don Juan
Joined
Feb 17, 2021
Messages
118
Reaction score
81
Age
36
Guys I’m thinking about taking initiative and telling her that grilling me about what I was up to and getting upset was out of line and trying to take back some respect - regardless of her attitude or whether or not she brings it up again. I think I need to man up and not be afraid of losing her.

Is this too emotional if I bring it up again if she doesn’t? Or should I just chill and see where the chips fall and know what to do next time she brings drama?
 

Hamurabimbi

Master Don Juan
Joined
Dec 4, 2018
Messages
632
Reaction score
504
Location
California
I was ‘plating’ 3-4 plates in ‘19. They all vaguely knew about each other. At one point, two of them started talking about a 3-some. Ultimately, I had to ditch social media as they, & my ex-‘s were becoming even more aware of each other, trying to ‘friend’ each other & such. I was on Tinder as well. So dealing with them, and a weekly new Tinder date was crazy. I felt like I was in some French rom-com. It was fun while it lasted, but ultimately (for me), unsustainable.
 

oldmanofthesea

Master Don Juan
Joined
Mar 23, 2018
Messages
1,481
Reaction score
2,818
Age
45
Do not bring it up. It will let her know she got under your skin, it will communicate that you DO feel guilty about it and that you've been stewing over it ever since and confirm that you did do something with the yoga instructor. You lost your opportunity to handle it properly in the moment she originally brought it up and you can't have a do-over unless SHE brings it up again. Just learn from the mistake. And yes, your last sentence is exactly what to do.

Also, not to be a d*ck, but you are repeatedly showing you care too much about this girl by how much you are worrying about this. I've been there so I know. I thought my RP knowledge would allow me to "play the game right" and get the upper hand or get what I wanted out of it or avoid being hurt. I was wrong, and it won't get better. Once you allow yourself to catch feelings for a girl, in my own personal experience, you can't detach yourself while still seeing her. Maybe you are different than me in this regard, but in the rare occurrences in the last 5 years when I allowed myself to catch feelings, there was no going back. Ultimately I either got dumped, or had to dump the girl myself to avoid the exact kind of mental anguish you are clearly suffering from right now (how much time and thought and negative emotions is this woman occupying in your head for free).
 

RickPound

Don Juan
Joined
Feb 17, 2021
Messages
118
Reaction score
81
Age
36
Thanks @oldmanofthesea you are right. I have thought that understanding more RP and game and the true nature of women would help me get the upper hand, but I’m beginning to realize that doesn’t help when you’re emotionally invested - it’s about avoiding that in the first place. Somewhere someone said red pill is not to be used to attain your blue pill goals.

I’m meeting up with girl #1 later today and im just going to see what happens. I talked to her this morning and she sounded stressed but asked if I’m free. It’ll go one of two ways…
 

image

Put away your credit card.

You can now read our detailed guide to women and dating for free - Right Here!

RickPound

Don Juan
Joined
Feb 17, 2021
Messages
118
Reaction score
81
Age
36
Well she came over and was horny AF. We ****ed, one of the best sessions with her in awhile (side note I track her cycle and she’s a few days from ovulation)

and THEN she brought it up.

This time I didn’t backpedal. Basically saying she has no right to put me in that position or try to make me feel bad for anything I do by getting upset and asking questions and I’m not going to answer or explain anything.

When she said she was leaving I said “ok” and she stood there for awhile, then said “sorry for bringing it up, I’ll see you tomorrow?”

I think the real decision is even though it seems she wants to keep ****ing, this might be my time to really man up and eject…
 

Billtx49

Moderator
Joined
May 23, 2013
Messages
4,912
Reaction score
4,254
Location
DFW
(side note I track her cycle and she’s a few days from ovulation)

I think the real decision is even though it seems she wants to keep ****ing, this might be my time to really man up and eject…
I would hope you do eject if she’s banging both of you at the same time. I don’t know of many men that would settle for only 50% of a woman.

Keeping track of her cycles is good if you do stay in this, it could turn into a real cluster fvck is she somehow gets knocked up…
 

Glassguy

Master Don Juan
Joined
Apr 25, 2016
Messages
4,309
Reaction score
7,669
Age
44
So she is back with her ex and seeing you on the side but expects you to remain loyal to her?

Am i missing something here? She has zero leverage if this is the game she is playing.
This. Tell her the truth. You're dating and feeling out your options. If she gets mad, tell her to go back to her bf.

You need to create anxiety in this chick for many reasons, all of which benefit you.

As for me, I rarely mess around with a chick that's involved with someone. As is your case, its just too messy, too much drama and they are never free when I need them to be.
Too many single chicks out there to be taking heat from one that's in a relationship with another dude.
 

BackInTheGame78

Moderator
Joined
Sep 10, 2014
Messages
5,232
Reaction score
5,270
Guys I’m thinking about taking initiative and telling her that grilling me about what I was up to and getting upset was out of line and trying to take back some respect - regardless of her attitude or whether or not she brings it up again. I think I need to man up and not be afraid of losing her.

Is this too emotional if I bring it up again if she doesn’t? Or should I just chill and see where the chips fall and know what to do next time she brings drama?
Nah...it makes you look like you care too much
 
Top