Marlimus
Senior Don Juan
Last year, september 2004. I had a course where we would spend every other Saturday exploring Manhattan, and doing research. This girl, an HB9, just comes straight out and asks me to go to a restaurant and bar with her after class. We go, we chat, but I was untrained at the time, and said a couple AFC things. Still. the attraction persisted.
During the course of that academic year, she would run rings around me. She would blatantly check me out and devour me with her eyes one minute, then be almost indifferent the next. She would insinuate that she wanted to go somewhere with me, then show up with her friends. If I asked her out, she would say "I don't know, let me knock on your door later and I'll let you know." If she couldn't make it, she would say that she was so sorry, then flirt with me, then tell me to ask her out again.
In other words, the textbook games that women play, but still I was untrained, and so I thought about her more and more.
Finally, I stumbled across www.becomeaplayer.com in February of this year, and things began to change. I understood the basics. I abruptly ceased all contact for about a month, and when I returned, I would tease her, call her on her bull****, and so on. She started to give consistently stronger indications of interest.
A key moment came when one day, after ignoring her for a while, she was sitting on a bench outside. I sat down next to her, and stretched arm out so that my wrist was by her shoulder. She looked over at me, and deliberately moved in closer so that my arm was around her, and ended up telling me some of her deepest personal fears about life. I followed the rules. I offered no advice, but listened attentively and offered enocuragement.
In the ride up in the elevator, she was giving me the doggy dinner bowl look, and nodding.
"What?" I asked.
"Nothing. I was just giving you the nod."
Her game-playing dissipated as the semester went on, and her resistance seemed to fade. I tried to kiss her once but she pulled away, but she had a boyfriend, and I didn't really make a big deal of it. Then summer came.
Summer went, this semester began, and I decided to deliberately make myself scarce. She would have been expecting me to stop by within the first two days, and I didn't try to visit her for about 3 weeks, and made no attempt to contact her, all in the spirit of being a challenge, speculating that my absence would make her chase me, seek me out.
It didn't. By the time I came back around, she seemed to have raised her defenses once again, and she held me at arm's length. The rapport I had established the previous semester had been destroyed. I knew what I did wrong, the question was why didn't it work? I recently found that The Mystery Method had the answer.
With this girl, near the end of last semester, I would have been somewhere in either C1 or C2. The mutual attraction phase was ove, but the attraction was still there so I was in no danger of falling into the friend zone. By deliberately pulling away too much, I had broken rapport and destroyed comfort. There was a period of time in which in my absence it would have been wise to reestablish rapport by visitng her, giving her a hug etc to slacken some of the tension, but I didn't.
So this is my tip: long, protracted absences during the comfort stages (especially if it is obvious that you are doing it deliberately) will undo your work, and comfort (trust) when lost is difficult to regain. In the comfort stages, don't let the tension go completely slack, but tone it down considerably.
During the course of that academic year, she would run rings around me. She would blatantly check me out and devour me with her eyes one minute, then be almost indifferent the next. She would insinuate that she wanted to go somewhere with me, then show up with her friends. If I asked her out, she would say "I don't know, let me knock on your door later and I'll let you know." If she couldn't make it, she would say that she was so sorry, then flirt with me, then tell me to ask her out again.
In other words, the textbook games that women play, but still I was untrained, and so I thought about her more and more.
Finally, I stumbled across www.becomeaplayer.com in February of this year, and things began to change. I understood the basics. I abruptly ceased all contact for about a month, and when I returned, I would tease her, call her on her bull****, and so on. She started to give consistently stronger indications of interest.
A key moment came when one day, after ignoring her for a while, she was sitting on a bench outside. I sat down next to her, and stretched arm out so that my wrist was by her shoulder. She looked over at me, and deliberately moved in closer so that my arm was around her, and ended up telling me some of her deepest personal fears about life. I followed the rules. I offered no advice, but listened attentively and offered enocuragement.
In the ride up in the elevator, she was giving me the doggy dinner bowl look, and nodding.
"What?" I asked.
"Nothing. I was just giving you the nod."
Her game-playing dissipated as the semester went on, and her resistance seemed to fade. I tried to kiss her once but she pulled away, but she had a boyfriend, and I didn't really make a big deal of it. Then summer came.
Summer went, this semester began, and I decided to deliberately make myself scarce. She would have been expecting me to stop by within the first two days, and I didn't try to visit her for about 3 weeks, and made no attempt to contact her, all in the spirit of being a challenge, speculating that my absence would make her chase me, seek me out.
It didn't. By the time I came back around, she seemed to have raised her defenses once again, and she held me at arm's length. The rapport I had established the previous semester had been destroyed. I knew what I did wrong, the question was why didn't it work? I recently found that The Mystery Method had the answer.
With this girl, near the end of last semester, I would have been somewhere in either C1 or C2. The mutual attraction phase was ove, but the attraction was still there so I was in no danger of falling into the friend zone. By deliberately pulling away too much, I had broken rapport and destroyed comfort. There was a period of time in which in my absence it would have been wise to reestablish rapport by visitng her, giving her a hug etc to slacken some of the tension, but I didn't.
So this is my tip: long, protracted absences during the comfort stages (especially if it is obvious that you are doing it deliberately) will undo your work, and comfort (trust) when lost is difficult to regain. In the comfort stages, don't let the tension go completely slack, but tone it down considerably.
