Hello Friend,

If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.

It will be the most efficient use of your time.

And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.

Thank you for visiting and have a great day!

On techniques & focus.....a bit technical

Poet

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Have you ever wondered why in retrospect you can anaylize every little detail about what went right & what went wrong when meeting a woman / starting a relationship?? You think..."Damn, I fukked up there, why did I do that / say that / think that / why did I say / do nothing?! etc.?" Or "that was a good line / time / meeting / experience / etc." or "That was the perfect thing to say / do / not do, ad nauseum"....If only we(i) had that clarity of thought at the moment it was happening! The techniques on this board certainly help with this problem but....

Now I've been thinking & for me personally, it seems that the problem is (when it occurs which is less & less thankfully) that I loose myself in the subjective moment & fail to see objectively how I am being viewed & how the situation is developing. Ross Jeffries talks about visualizing experiences from 2 different views...to increase confident thought you see the experience through your eyes, the un-successful way is to see yourself as if you are watching a movie somehow outside yourself as if seing a picture. I agree as to the reasons the first way is more effective in building confident visualizations of self in successful actions but the second way to me also has value because it tells you how you are doing in the situation. In this case not a visualization of an abstract or imagined action but the ability in your mind to step back & "see" what is happening while at the same time being right there, looking thru your eyes in all the subjective mishmash of sensory onslaught...all the things that can confuse you & contradict you...all the info you need to filter & gauge & react to in a continuous on-going fashion.
It seems this is a higher level skill because it implies the ability to act & react moment to moment while assessing / stepping outside your subjective view & monitoring your actions. Envision runnning along a road, you see the road & the trees, the cars, you smell the flowers, you hear the dog barkinng, you feel your feet hit the ground, etc...now in this analogy you also see yourself running as if standing above or from a helicopter, now you see that car coming at you from the right, the dog that looks mean & might bite ya! etc. This is what I am getting at. You hold 2 views at once. The seduction of the moment & the woman's presence makes view one full of things that can impede your thinking & reacting process'. View 2 is a long shot view of the whole scene & is more objective. Is it possible to keep both pictures in your mind at all times or to switch from one to the other? The mental ability to switch to view 2 might be something as simple as a thought "How am I doing here, how am I being perceived based on my actions?" i.e. simply not loosing track of your goals & your actions....I am not implying you second guess your actions constantly or question everything you say & do....that would undermiine all your confidence. We should have a plan of sorts & have a basic understanding of what we want to accomplish but at the same time (at least for me) I find it necessary to step back & weigh the situation at the moment. How do others see this. Do you ever wonder why hindsight is 20 / 20? It's because we act, react, act ,react, etc. We need (I need) to act,analyze (based on feedback), react, act, analyze (based on feedback), react! The key for me is to analyze feedback immediately & quickly, otherwise I can find myself totally at odds with the situation, lumbering ahead with my "agenda" & blissfully ignorant of the real situation. Part of the skill I need to develop is to become an "active listener" which means really hearing what someone is telling me....getting outside of my thoughts & into theirs, feedbacking on them based on what they are really saying. You can't walk like a sleepwalker, if your dreams are giving you direction that's fine but you have to open your eyes & SEE what is going on at the same time!

I probably overcomplexified a simple concept but it's one that I personally feel I need more work on...to not get "lost in the moment" & loose the sense of objective thought & purpose. To remain poised with "ice cold logic" & always be ready with the most correct response to the situation. Any thoughts or more less wordy ways of stating this? Poet

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Action is all....words don't mean ****.

Trust your instincts & nothing else.
 

Anti-Dump

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Any thoughts of more or less wordy ways of stating this?

-Poet


Yea. I have some.

Just focus on the single word 'NUMBER' when you are talking to a woman.

And then focus on the single word 'YES' when you call to ask for a date.

You only need TWO words Poet. Number and Yes. This may be too simple for a brain like you!

And please don't pull out any FU's. It's a joke.

Forget Words. Take action.

AD
 

Poet

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Number....&....yes. Got it...I think I see one of my problems here...perhaps I should deconstruct my logic a bit & be more linear in my thoughts....hmmmm....opening my suitcase...oh there's lots of goodies in here! Let's see...lottsa FU's....nah...I'll save em for when I really need em! Thanks...hey at least I am not as confused as "Locksmith"! Even with the "user bicch" I didn't get anywheres near that degree of ineptitude & I have learned a lot since then.... so there's hope! Later, Poet

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Action is all....words don't mean ****.

Trust your instincts & nothing else.
 

Anti-Dump

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You are on the Road to Romance Poet.

You are going to score bigger than you ever have before.

I had three different girlfriends as I changed from nice guy to Don Juan.

The weight of each girlfriend was fifty pounds LESS than the last!

Soon you won't believe what you can achieve. But first your head has to be screwed on right.

AD
 

Poet

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Can I call you "Dad"?! Har har...I wanna give ya a warm n fuzzy feeling....no wait that's what I want! Oh well, Not tah worry, I am getting my head screwed on right after a long time of a combination of luck, chance & tenacity. I always got some women before cause I was never afraid to actually talk to them, always had those balls but I didn't have the background & decision making strategies or the attitude to keep me out of trouble. Now I have that in spades thanks to you & others...keep me honest..I'll do my part...Later, Poet

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Action is all....words don't mean ****.

Trust your instincts & nothing else.
 

Dee-Zy

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AD, You dump everything with low interest right?

Well what do you do to get High-Interest or Higher the Interest of a women? That is before you get the number. That's where I am confused and that's where I need to learn.

You say that as a DJ you get a better girl everytime. As for me If I would work on focusing on High Interest only, I'd probably get real NASTY girls. Right now I get ugly girls hitting on me and ugly girls having interest in me. I don't wan't them, How can I actually get the ones I wan't?


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I'm Ghost, Peace Out.

(.`*·.¸(`*·.¸ ¸.·*´)¸.·*´.)
*·.«´¨`·.Dee-Zy.·´¨`».·*
_...,·'(.·'´(¸.·''·.¸)`'·.)'·,..._
 

Poet

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How do you get the ones you want? Talk to them, amuse them, engage them & gain their interest..intrigue them, make them laugh..show them you have balls & are a little nuts....(no pun there ha ha)..Poet

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Action is all....words don't mean ****.

Trust your instincts & nothing else.
 

Anti-Dump

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Originally posted by Dee-Zy:

That is before you get the number.
I keep telling you that 'signs' are unreliable and are a waste of time to look for.

Women HIDE (!) their true feelings. They conceal them until they are absolutely sure. That process takes months and months in a relationship. And you want them to show it before? Never going to happen.

The ugly ones do it because they are desparate. The 9&10's DON'T do it generally speaking.

You can't get into a woman's head early in the dating process. It's a SEALED VAULT. You must strike women at their WEAK spot. Their 'weak spot' is ACTION.

Men rule the action world. Women are king in COMMUNICATING. But weak in action.

The secret is asking them to DO things. This is their weak spot. They would rather 'talk' all the time and discuss things. They are experts in that. You CAN'T WIN UNLESS 'YOU' ARE THE EXPERT.

And you are. In DOING things. Asking for a date is the ultimate test. If a girl is interested she will go into her 'weak' area for you. She will do things. She will let you lead her in the ACTION world.

Women that are mediumly to low interested in you will HESITATE and think about it.

'Signs' are a form of communicating and that's where women are king.

Asking for a date is really saying 'let's do some action things'. You are seeing if she will leave her communicating world for you.


If I would work on focusing on High Interest only, I'd probably get real NASTY girls. Right now I get ugly girls hitting on me and ugly girls having interest in me.
Just say no.

You are under the impression that 9's & 10's will do that. Most won't. It's not a REVERSABLE process. Because ugly girls do that, beautiful one's WON'T.

The good looking ones HIDE their true feelings.

You must ask out the ones that show very little signs IF SHE IS SOMEONE YOU really WANT!

Risk is part of the game. No risk, no reward.

AD
 

BigBadJon

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Originally posted by Anti-Dump:
Men rule the action world. Women are king in COMMUNICATING. But weak in action.

The secret is asking them to DO things. This is their weak spot. They would rather 'talk' all the time and discuss things. They are experts in that. You CAN'T WIN UNLESS 'YOU' ARE THE EXPERT.

And you are. In DOING things. Asking for a date is the ultimate test. If a girl is interested she will go into her 'weak' area for you. She will do things. She will let you lead her in the ACTION world.

Women that are mediumly to low interested in you will HESITATE and think about it.

'Signs' are a form of communicating and that's where women are king.

Asking for a date is really saying 'let's do some action things'. You are seeing if she will leave her communicating world for you.
AD,

I am curious where you obtained this info.

By the way, YOU ARE 100% DEAD ON CORRECT.

This is the key to understanding women's behaviour. This is why you get her ass off the phone to meet you in person. It's put up or shut up. Watch TLC. There are a couple of shows about sex and the sexes that they replay from time to time.

According to TLC, men are better dealing "silently with things" whereas women are better "discussing things with people". Men are supreme at performing spatial tasks, while women are the communicators.

By getting her off the phone and into action, she is out of her territory. Action gives you the power.

Last night my buddy met a girl at a club. Nineteen y/o, gorgeous (9), VERY talkative. They stood at the bar and talked for most of the night. She was in total control. I tried to tell him to get the # and move along, but he reasoned that he needed to talk to her all night to try to get her to go home with him. I was just shaking my head.

I do have to comment about signs of attraction though. If a woman is interested in you, she will show signs most of the time, good looking or not. If you catch her eye, she will look your way.

I do agree it is BAD to look for and analyze these signs. It is better to simply go after what you want. Approaching without getting any signs will pique her interest. It also tilts the balance of power in your direction.

I recommend trying to catch both of the TLC shows if you have the chance (they usually run back to back). There is a goldmine of other info, such as specifics of what attracts women to men (looks, intelligence, being a risk taker, etc.). They also discuss how men adhere to a strict heirarchy, whereas women are more egalitarian. Very valuable stuff for understanding women and ourselves.



[This message has been edited by BigBadJon (edited 11-19-2000).]
 

Poet

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Well I agree with AD to a point but I think in today's world there are plenty of active women. They like to do things, to get out there & mix it up. The thing is they are talking & taking their girl friends with them so it's still talk talk talk even when they are doing sports, etc. I mean I see a woman telling another woman "want to go to the bathroom & blah blah" have you ever seen a dude ask another guy to go to the bathroom with him?! That's a woman for ya..another excuse to "talk"...

Back to AD's point..I agree that women are the communicators. I think to really throw them a curve ball you have to get them out of that realm as AD said. But also if you are communicating with them blow their minds with stuff they are not used to hearing...be blunt, be perverse & push the envelope, freak em out a bit. Shake their boat a little & they will remember it & you! Poet

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Action is all....words don't mean ****.

Trust your instincts & nothing else.
 

Anti-Dump

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BigBadJon,

I'm glad someone understands what I'm talking about.

Originally posted by BigBadJon:

I am interested where you obtained this info.
The communication/action strategy is my own. But it is based on Men Are From Mars/ Women are from Venus by John Gray.

This book is the best book ever written about relationships. Don't get married without reading it.

But...... it is a very dangerous book if you apply it to dating.
DO NOT! Repeat, DO NOT apply it to dating.

Why? Because you will be manipulated and used.

The Mars/Venus book (John Gray)
can only work if you have married a HIGHLY INTERESTED woman. Like Bonnie, his wife.

Suppose you marry a woman that doesn't love you. Happens all the time. All the giving will be ONE SIDED on your side. She will make excuses why she doesn't want to make love to you. By the rules of the book you HAVE (!) to accept her feelings and CANNOT 'INVALIDATE' them.

It's like you taking a criminal into your house but you can't call the police when he robs you.

You accept a women's negative feelings ONLY IF she really loves you.

If you use the book for dating you will be like Lockman. You will have to be 'understanding' even about her insulting you.

You are a smart dude BigBadJon. I know you get this.

The book <<<<PRESUPPOSES>>>> high interest. But he doesn't say that in the book. Very dangerous.

About your other comments:

As you said there ARE many 'signs' a woman gives. I HAVE seen some of those TLC shows. They are great. Like in one show they showed a tape of how some women look at a guy's shoes when they first meet. I don't doubtyou are judged, by some women by your shoes. As a matter of fact I always make sure, after seeing that show, my shoes are new when going out!

So I am not against signs.

The greatest lesson you will ever learn as a Don Juan is this: You must stop 'understanding' women and start CHOOSING ones that work with you and not against you.

Mars/Venus doesn't tell you that IT IS UNNECCESSARY TO UNDERSTAND a woman if she is highly interested in you! She will automatically do everything right!

Good luck BBB.

AD
 

Peak

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Quote by Anti-Dump:

Men rule the action world. Women are king in COMMUNICATING. But weak in action.
Very true AD. However, I recommend that men also master their skills of communication!! Yes guys practise your writing and verbal skills..that means writing essays well at school or Uni.

It's powerful because if you are stronger than them at their strongest point then they truelly revere you. Once they realise in their minds that you are better than them then they submit to you. They will test you on it initially, then they will simply WANT YOU. Why? Cause they will feel weak and vulnerable, but with you around they will feel protected.

Trust me.


Cheers.


[This message has been edited by Peak (edited 11-19-2000).]
 

BigBadJon

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Originally posted by Poet:
I mean I see a woman telling another woman "want to go to the bathroom & blah blah" have you ever seen a dude ask another guy to go to the bathroom with him?!
Hehehe, my buddy I mentioned in the post above always asks the guys in the group if anyone else has to use the restroom when he goes! First I thought he was being a freak but then I just figured maybe thats what the younger guys do these days...who knows. I always wait till he gets back before I go.

But also if you are communicating with them blow their minds with stuff they are not used to hearing...be blunt, be perverse & push the envelope, freak em out a bit. Shake their boat a little & they will remember it & you! Poet
You got that right. There is a definite advantage to adding some shock value to the convo.

Learning about psychology gives an edge when learning how to be a more effective communicator.

[/B][/QUOTE]
 

BigBadJon

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Originally posted by Anti-Dump:
The communication/action strategy is my own. But it is based on Men Are From Mars/ Women are from Venus by John Gray.
If it's that good I will borrow it from my friend.


But...... it is a very dangerous book if you apply it to dating.
DO NOT! Repeat, DO NOT apply it to dating.

Why? Because you will be manipulated and used.

The Mars/Venus book (John Gray)
can only work if you have married a HIGHLY INTERESTED woman. Like Bonnie, his wife.

Suppose you marry a woman that doesn't love you. Happens all the time. All the giving will be ONE SIDED on your side. She will make excuses why she doesn't want to make love to you. By the rules of the book you HAVE (!) to accept her feelings and CANNOT 'INVALIDATE' them.
Interesting how dating and marriage strategies are completely different. Nice guys never understand this.

If you use the book for dating you will be like Lockman. You will have to be 'understanding' even about her insulting you.
Poor guy.

The book <<<<PRESUPPOSES>>>> high interest. But he doesn't say that in the book. Very dangerous.
The more I understand the logistics of your strategies the more everything makes sense. I am the kind of person that can't accept information for face value. Now I have a much clearer picture of where you are coming from.

I HAVE seen some of those TLC shows.They are great. Like in one show they showed a tape of how some women look at a guy's shoes when they first meet. I don't doubtyou are judged, by some women by your shoes. As a matter of fact I always make sure, after seeing that show, my shoes are new when going out!
Never seen that show myself, but my buddy caught a couple of girls checking out his shoes awhile back. I try to wear nice, shiny, fashionable shoes when out. Details, it's all in the details! Nice shoes, WALLET, clean fingernails (women are very judgemental of fingernails).

So I am not against signs.

The greatest lesson you will ever learn as a Don Juan is this: You must stop 'understanding' women and start CHOOSING ones that work with you and not against you.
Think less...act more. Having the analytical mind that I do makes this a difficult task. Making leaps and bounds improving though!
 

JasonR

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Those posts from AD were ****ing oscar inspired, i never in my whole life have heard so much BS, and you all worship him like hes the greatest thing to walk the earth, i bet hes just a 15 year old, never had a gf, but thinks that pretending will somehow give him confidence in real life, please i beg of all of you, dont listen to this guy, hes totally lost.

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Whatever....
 

BigBadJon

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Originally posted by JasonR:
Those posts from AD were ****ing oscar inspired, i never in my whole life have heard so much BS, and you all worship him like hes the greatest thing to walk the earth, i bet hes just a 15 year old, never had a gf, but thinks that pretending will somehow give him confidence in real life, please i beg of all of you, dont listen to this guy, hes totally lost.

Jason, if you have been on more than two dates in your life you would understand where this logic comes from.
 

Marauder

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Originally posted by JasonR:
Those posts from AD were ****ing oscar inspired, i never in my whole life have heard so much BS, and you all worship him like hes the greatest thing to walk the earth, i bet hes just a 15 year old, never had a gf, but thinks that pretending will somehow give him confidence in real life, please i beg of all of you, dont listen to this guy, hes totally lost.
Well JasonR, if it sounds all BS to you, why not you do it the opposite way then ?? Get out there and prove AD's logic wrong...A few dates and you'll be back to the board a whole lot wiser....

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Marauder

What that don't kill me only
makes me stronger...


[This message has been edited by Marauder (edited 11-24-2000).]
 

Poet

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Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha hha ha ha hha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha hha ha hah ah ah ah ahha ha ha ha ha ha You are a fukkin moron...."JasonR" or whatever U call yourself...U shouldn't blast AD. He's right, your....well....whatever.....Poet

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Action is all....words don't mean ****.

Trust your instincts & nothing else.
 

scottdahustla

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Originally posted by JasonR:
Those posts from AD were ****ing oscar inspired, i never in my whole life have heard so much BS, and you all worship him like hes the greatest thing to walk the earth, i bet hes just a 15 year old, never had a gf, but thinks that pretending will somehow give him confidence in real life, please i beg of all of you, dont listen to this guy, hes totally lost.

This guy is 18, his girl is probably 16 or 17. AD is a big man who speaks from exp about WOMEN. You know the ones that have CARS, got a JOB, have their own HOUSE. KIDS are different, throw the book out the window and just talk to them. This dudes girl probably works at Publix or something like that. This argument JasonR has with AD is pointless, no need for anyone to get rowdy.

JasonR, buddy you are a good dude but you gotta understand this is not kiddy love. Most of these guys are MATURE. Your advice is for a quick f**k at the beach.

AD's advice is for a sucessful relantionship and probably marriage.

OKAY!

DO YOU GET IT NOW MAN!

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Image


and Confidence.
 
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