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OK i have a real problem with this behavior from women

Ricky

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This is happened to me a few times and it just happened again today.

1) The girl will make plans with me. In fact in both cases it was her making the suggestion to go out

2) She cancels or attempts to

3) Even worse she trys to cancel by e-mail.

It would be one thing if I am pressuring her for a date but this is happened when the girl initiated the date.

No fun at all.

And it's basically unacceptable.
 

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Don Juanabbe

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It's gameplaying. Women don't generally like to be the one to have to ask.

How much attention did you pay this girl, or did she initiate everything?
 

Ricky

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E-mail flaking.

I didn't reply to it and am tempted to ignore it and just show up to teach this girl a fricking lesson.

My time is too valuable for this b u l l s h i t . In fact I did make plans to skate out of work a bit early to catch up to her.

Now she isn't feeling well. Great.
 

Ricky

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Actually this has happened with two different girls. Fortunately not two girls right now, or I'd be even more pissed.

With the most recent one, I wrote things off with her due to some issues we had on a date (I had a few really great dates with her and one that sucked). But then she contacted me again.

This is actually two strikes in a way because last week we had something scheduled for one day and she tried to switch it on me due to some changes in plans her friends made. I refused due to some of my own plans.

Now she suggested one for tonight and is trying to back out because she's sick. Lame.
 

Don Juanabbe

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If you weren't really paying her attention, and she initiated everything, including the dates, and then flakes, then chances are she's a manipulating attention hor type - but I like how you've kept your options open, so play this out however, just don't get too affected by it. I would remain detached, but open to possibilities.

The last girl that played this game with me I nexted after two flakes. She then started getting more aggressive with me, and when I bit, she flaked again - watch out for the game of cat and mouse. It's possible she's doing the same.
 
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Ricky

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Damn between this new girl and my ex who is nothing but a pure unadulterated gold digger I am surprised I haven't lost faith in all women. And if you read some of my posts in the last week you would believe that I have in fact lost faith in them.
 

Kaine

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Yeah sounds like you're having a bad month. Go take up kickboxing ;)

Think positively as least women are receptive to your advances. You have a quality problem now, you attract women? But finding one which isn't psych0 b1tch attenti0n wh0re.

If they are making the EFFORT to initiate contact with you give them the benefit of the doubt. They could be cancelling due to genuine reasons. Girls usually don't even bother to follow through if they weren't slightly interested in you. Keep escalating physically, use that to discern interest level and really amp the attraction during your dates. A normal girl with high IL will not play games like this with you.

Get in there, get the date, show her how great you are. If they begin to disrespect you, then pull back. Don't be impolite or next them so soon, just let them be the ones going out of the way to initiate contact and asking you out. Accept the dates (thats what you want! BUT tell her she has to make it up to you. (an indirect message that she was wrong and you are worth more then that).

Once you have her hooked she will drop the games.
 
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Eileen

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I have to ask, how much contact did you have with this girl between when she said she wanted to go out and when she blew you off?

Something that's happend a lot with me is that I've asked a man out, he's agreed then he's become too available. This is as offputting to women as it is to men.

I don't know if that is what has happend to you, but I thought I'd mention it.
 

Ricky

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We've been out about 5 times. Had a great time all but one of those times

I have been a bit too available to her, but try to play hard to get.

We had a good talk today, she was genuinely not feeling well. Maybe we'll go out this weekend, maybe not.
 

Ricky

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Eileen to answer
We talked last Tuesday night and then Wed she blew me off due to her friends plans changing for Saturday. She tried to reschedule with me for Friday but I already had plans.

Then on Monday she contacted me and we talked Monday night to go out tonight. Which she just blew off.

Now she wants to go out Saturday. If this Saturday falls through I think I'm done.

It's a matter of respect of time.

I didn't let her have it when we talked tonight. She did sound sick.
 
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Originally posted by Ricky
This is happened to me a few times and it just happened again today.

1) The girl will make plans with me. In fact in both cases it was her making the suggestion to go out

2) She cancels or attempts to

3) Even worse she trys to cancel by e-mail.

It would be one thing if I am pressuring her for a date but this is happened when the girl initiated the date.

No fun at all.

And it's basically unacceptable.
That's some lame assed shyt Ricky. Drop that fool to the curb. It isn't worth your time anymore. And email cancelling of a date is the lamest.

It's obvious some other thing is coming up that she desires doing more than kicking it with YOU.

Your better than that man. You don't have to take 2nd to no one else homie.

Next time do the same thing to her and cancell by email to teach her a fawking lesson!!!
 

GREAT WHITE SHARK

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yes I hate when ppl cancel things on the last minute. But learned to just Forget About It.
 

PocoDiablo

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It sounds like you are making yourself too available. Don't go out with erh on Friday/Saturday nights, let her know you're free Tuesday and Wednesday because you "have other plans Friday now." Just insinuate you are dating another woman. And stop calling her, emailing her, etc. I find that less electronic contact = more real contact.

Personally, if you tolerated this behavior of hers, I would (1) tell her something like "I will not tolerate being stood up" and (2) let her know she can make up to you however she wants (like make you dinner or take you to dinner - she pays) and if she even SLIGHTLY flakes again - or starts to - just let her know "I told you I don't tolerate this, so I am very sorry but I can no longer see you." Cut her off.

She's looking for a man, you are supplicating to her and letting her walk all over you. I used to do that. It sucks. As hard as it may be to believe, telling her the bad news RIGHT when it happens has excellent overall results.

Try it. You'll feel better about yourself, too! :)
 

frenchlover

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a buddy of mine once told me that if a woman flakes on you,
just flush her number down the toilet and NEVER call her again.
 

Gangster Of Love

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It this is happening often, then you need to work on your game. Why are you hanging out with somebody for 5 "dates" without ending up at her or your place? Or are you? Make sure that by the 2nd or 3rd get together you are meeting at your places for dinner or movie, or to show her your Star Trek collection, etc.

You can't afford to "waste" 5 "dates" and try to spark attraction. If you wait too long, she's already categorized you, and usually it is not favorable. Most of the time she is not even aware of this, but she keeps loosing interest by the minute.

A girl will never tell you, "Ricky, I am loosing interest but I can't tell you to your face, so I'll wait to see if a better offer comes up, and if it does, I'll flake in the least confrontational way possible (e-mail)."
 
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PocoDiablo

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I agree with that. Personally, I make a move to kiss her by date two at the latest. If I do not get a kiss, I don't call her again. Plain and simple.

I am not in the business of taking a girl out to dinner 5 times!
 

Ricky

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Well I have spent the night at her house on 3 out of 4 occasions and slept with her, so it's a bit more than that.

We are going out tonight. I will just have a good time nothing more.

There is really no pressure on me, but I do hate flaking. She was really sick so I will give her the benefit on this one. The other flake she conveniently placed the blame on her friends and counter offered.
 

PocoDiablo

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I think the counter offer is a good thing. However, I would put my foot down and tell her that you will not tolerate being stood up. She's a big girl, she can get a calendar, and she can keep a date if she makes a date.

If not, you should see if you can have a backup date to go out with. ;)
 

PocoDiablo

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Hell, I'd just stop calling her. And I would not ask her out. I'd wait for HER to make plans - like offer to make you dinner at your place. Something like that.

See, for me the biggest problem with a woman like this is that she is (1) wasting your time (2) distracting you and (3) preventing you from meeting other women. Those three things combined can end up leaving you alone at home on a perfectly good date night. I can't stand that! If anything, let her know the only days you have available are Monday and Tuesday nights. No more "prime time" dates on Fri and Sat nights! You can meet someone better on those nights! :)
 

TooColdUlrick

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Originally posted by frenchlover
a buddy of mine once told me that if a woman flakes on you,
just flush her number down the toilet and NEVER call her again.
BINGO!

why on earth are u torturing yourself with this cr@p? do you not have respect for yourself and your time? do you like to have women walk all over you? do you like the idea that she cancelled on you, in favor of another guy that she is MORE interested in? do you like to be the back up dude, third string even?

would you accept this kind of behavior from a guy friend of yours? didn't think so.

if you've BEEN dating and she flakes, that's one thing. but if it's early in the dating (e.g. first couple or three dates), a flake out is a bad bad sign--there is NO WAY AROUND IT. if she flakes twice, forget it, toast her, move on.

if she flakes, AND gives you some advance notice AND gives a genuine reschedule offer that comes through, that's okay, but proceed with caution. reduce your contact with her, and put her lower on your list--the "A-LEAD" gets dropped down to a "B-LEAD". make her put some effort into getting some of your time. if she's interested, she will. if she's not interested, she won't. you've automatically filtered her.

do you not have any other options with the ladies?

if you don't have very many options with chicks, you will sweat flake outs.

get yourself five prospects in the pipeline, always have five in the pipe. do this and dealing with chicks that flake out becomes MUCH easier.

MY BOTTOM LINE: if a chick flakes out on you, there's a 90% chance she ain't interested 'enough' in you. i'd rather wack off then call or contact a chick that clearly isn't interested in me. WTF?
 
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