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Not sure I have ever dated a quality woman

BillyPilgrim

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LMAO Cats and BE are relationship girls who act like it's a binary system (LTR girls vs. sluts). There is very obviously a middle road and women who are open to either. Casual energy will indeed work on women who are in the middle.

Now, back to the thread.
 

DonJuanjr

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"3. Be a player forever

This option is barely worth talking about because very few men will choose this option. The vast majority will chose to settle down and pair bond in some form or fashion. Regardless, it's still an option technically.

The only big problem with this option is loneliness. I have never seen a guy choose this option and not wrestle with recurrent feelings of loneliness. Some form of pair bonding is more conducive to long-term happiness for a man, particularly as he gets past age 35. "
@Dash Riprock Care to weigh in? You're a mid 40s Don Juan who isn't looking for monogamy.. Do you wrestle with loneliness?
 

Pierce.Manhammer

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I mentioned two categories of men, but we can drop it.

The exercise was about semantics, the way people use words is important. I call them “weasel words”, anyone that is skilled in negotiation or public speaking uses them.

“A rose by any other name smells just as sweet…”

The result being? That I have always have men around? Yes okay the result may be the same, the difference is like I said I prefer to meet new men, not keep recyling the old.

We stopped seeing each other for a reason, there is no reason for me to go back there. And as such, no reason for me to keep him on my radar or him as an orbiter or backup. Once I am done, I am DONE.

I don't need that sort validation from men, old, new or in between.

Look I get this is hard to absorb, I KNOW how most women are. So call me different, weird, an alien from outer space lol, whatever you want. It's the truth, my truth.

What works for ME. You do you.
 

2Rocky

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@Dash Riprock Care to weigh in? You're a mid 40s Don Juan who isn't looking for monogamy.. Do you wrestle with loneliness?
My bachelor uncle is 75 now and has completely fallen into the Beta Clutches of a Long Distance Relationship. Its's not a question of If, it is a question of when.

The ones who DON"T ever pair bond are miserly curmudgeons with questionable and usually objectionable hygiene. I've seen a few examples in my local community.
 

DonJuanjr

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My bachelor uncle is 75 now and has completely fallen into the Beta Clutches of a Long Distance Relationship. Its's not a question of If, it is a question of when.
But he wasn't red pilled was he? Even a natural Chad will still hold blue pilled ideals, and be vulnerable to the manipulations of a possible "true love".
 

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Kotaix

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Just curious but are you able to pair bond and do you want a LTR?

Not an accusation, simply a question.

Reason I ask is cause many of these threads, not yours specifically but others, allude to men not wanting an exclusive long term serious relationship but nevertheless desiring a high quality woman who does, and then HE decides.
I think that this kind of behavior from men is one of the factors that can contribute to damaging women's ability to pair bond.
 

2Rocky

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But he wasn't red pilled was he? Even a natural Chad will still hold blue pilled ideals, and be vulnerable to the manipulations of a possible "true love".
Values change over time...I saw the change happen in him about the time I was going through my divorce. I think he said "what is the point of all this independance if there is no one to share it with?" He literally went to 100% debt free, and retired from a 40 year career in banking to 100% focused on his relationship. The last "girlfriend" I remember him having was 30 years ago. It's like Carnegie and money
 

BeExcellent

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Advice from the old lady:

Quality women are not on the market long. If one becomes unattached and is attractive/fit? She is going to be pounced on by men. One of the comments that truly resonates with me in this thread was from @Kotaix who stated that he looks for women who still have joy in their smile. That's a great indicator actually, if a man has the ability to recognize it. Joyous energy is immensely attractive and magnetic.

As far as keeping men in reserve, orbiters or on back burner. That is not healthy and is insecure behavior if the woman is in a committed relationship. Now having said that I do have several male friends who I have been involved with at some prior point in time. One is a private investor of mine who I trust expressly. I must keep an ongoing interaction with my ex husband, the father of my children, who my fiance gets on well with, and he trusts these interactions which are relatively infrequent and always about the children or business. I am utterly transparent about these friendships and there is no wanting to go back in time on the part of either party. The interaction is no longer of an intimate nature, hasn't been for a long time, and has evolved to a different place. Similarly he has an ex-GF from several years before who has remained a close friend to him. She has become a very good friend of mine as well. Neither of them want to go back to that interaction either, and I trust them both even if I am not around. Some people think this is odd. None of us care, we know and trust the nature of the interactions, in fact it's funny because his ex who remained a friend? We chat (and not about him) more than he & she do.

I will say this LA. My guy dated many women who fit a profile like the one you describe. He liked me at first meet but of course didn't really know anything about me other than I was really attractive to his taste and friendly and happy...and as we have gotten to know one another it has become obvious that he has never had experience with someone like me. His mother has told me that on several occasions and so has he. His ex who is a close friend is the closest woman to me in mental composition but they were never in love with one another and never going to become exclusive and life partners etc. for a number of reasons. They did not share the connection/desire/compatibility that we do. The stripper/adult entertainer/unstable types he ran around with were very pretty, wild in bed, but were NOT quality people worthy of building a future with. Crap personalities, selfish, on the take, volatile, demanding without offering substance in return. He was in SoCal dealing with the Sunset Strip types/the Vegas wannabe types, etc. Vacuous. You are familiar with those. Pretty on the outside, Ugly on the inside.

But it's tough because he wanted a certain moxy in a girl like many women want a certain edge in a guy. He kept looking for that moxy without holding out for class. Few women understand how to be sexy and classy at the same time. The ones that do have more choices than they can entertain.

The biggest thing in my opinion is to keep an open mind and look for a person who is happy and has that inner light and joy. Everyone else wants a girl like that too so you have competition of course but if you keep your eyes open those women are out there...and these quality women you observe who are already in couples? Typically they have quality friends, some of whom might be single. Be up front that you'd like to meet someone cool. Women love to play matchmaker and see their girlfriends happy if they are good people.
 

LARaiders85

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That's fine. I speak my truth, you're not obligated to consider it. You might want to consider @2Rocky 's post however, who essentially said the same thing different words.

In any event, all the best.
Yes the woo girl stuff, law of attraction. Did it ever occur to you why this site exist? Hint: it's not because living a virtuous life was reaping rewards lol.
 

Steno

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I resonate with everything you said op. Out of the last 20 chicks I dated only 2 of them were LTR material, one of them had a kid and the other one wasn't quite attractive enough. Is 2/20 a normal ratio?

Here is how I would classify them, keep in mind that some of them could be grouped into more than one category:

2. Loves the game and doesnt attach usually(sometimes does), doesnt seem to value LTRs at all:
7. Extreme promiscuity in past, turns into an extreme flirt/cheater when drinking

13/20 of them fit in this category, the type who always go out for drinks and stuff. There is one chick who I couldn't get a good enough read on but it could easily be 14. One of them seemed to kind of be in the process of getting out of that lifestyle but wasn't quite there yet.

Edit- The avoidant attachment didnt apply so I took it of for the category below, I guess it was thotty friends that influenced her to do this, grass aint greener on the other side
4. Single well into their late 30s. They did often have LTRs or marriages early on.
1/20 this chick was also in the category above 2 and 7. These are the trickiest women to screen because they tend to have a whole bunch of green flags and they know how to hide the red flags. Long story short, this particular chick got out of a very long LTR and afterwards went on a EXTREME hoe phase.

6. Bad personality/judgmental/objectively boring
4/20 had very unpleasant personalities, either they were rude, horrible sense of humor, annoying, sarcastic etc. One of them was just too boring and socially awkward. I don't mind slight awkwardness but too much is a turn off.

Where too mysterious for me to trust:
4/20 there was 2 who gave me the impression they were the quiet type who does sneaky stuff on the low, undercover freaks. The other 2 just showed erratic behaviors like trying too hard to present themselves in a certain way.

Too pushy:
3/20 on the 1st date one of them kept asking me what I was looking for which I found weird, she had asked me 6 times a different variation of what am I looking for and if I am single. One chick was trying to be too controlling and demanded too much of my time, mind you I had only went on 1 date with her and she expected gf treatment. The third I regret nexting because she was hot AF my perfect type and easily top 3 I've dated look-wise, super cool but she was a bit pushy and I could tell it would take a while to smash, she also lived a bit too far away.

Batsit cray cray:
2/20 one of these chicks was nuts I could tell she had some severe depression and self esteem issues, she drenched in negativity. The woman was so beautiful though, petite with a gigantic ass. The 2nd chick technically wasn't crazy but she was an alcoholic, she was drinking at least 5 days of the week.
 
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BillyPilgrim

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Yes the woo girl stuff, law of attraction. Did it ever occur to you why this site exist? Hint: it's not because living a virtuous life was reaping rewards lol.

Kinda random, but you should play blues guitar man. You're like a bluesman looking for an instrument lol.
 

BeExcellent

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Kinda random, but you should play blues guitar man. You're like a bluesman looking for an instrument lol.
Truly he should, lol. And then the chicks will emerge from the woodwork to court him. I know a pediatrician in NYC who married a drummer. She outearns him I'm sure but she devotedly attends his shows and they have a grand time.
 

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LARaiders85

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One of the comments that truly resonates with me in this thread was from @Kotaix who stated that he looks for women who still have joy in their smile. That's a great indicator actually, if a man has the ability to recognize it. Joyous energy is immensely attractive and magnetic.
This is pretty much what I look for now in practice. I don't do a ton of screening for specifics anymore.
 

DonJuanjr

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one of them kept asking me what I was looking for which I found weird, she had asked me 6 times a different variation of what am I looking for and if I am single.
How did you handle this?
 

SW15

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From Caleb Jones, aka Blackdragon....


"3. Be a player forever

This option is barely worth talking about because very few men will choose this option. The vast majority will chose to settle down and pair bond in some form or fashion. Regardless, it's still an option technically.

The only big problem with this option is loneliness. I have never seen a guy choose this option and not wrestle with recurrent feelings of loneliness. Some form of pair bonding is more conducive to long-term happiness for a man, particularly as he gets past age 35. "
I can relate to this as I have experienced feelings of loneliness at various points in my life. If a man is unattached in his 30s (particularly after 35), he isn't welcomed into most social circles. His friends from his teens or 20s (if he's managed to live in the same place for a while) will scale back their interactions with him in their married lives or cohabitation LTR lives. He might have difficulty making new friends in a similar place in life. That's a recipe for loneliness. Getting laid regularly can soften the impact of this.
 

Steno

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How did you handle this?
She first asked me what I was looking for I said something like "someone I connect with long term and have a future with" then she said what does that mean, I said something that evolves into gf/bf and eventually marriage and she just kept asking as if she didn't know wtf a relationship or marriage meant. Then she asked me if I was single I said yes and then she was like what does that mean, and im like I dont have a gf or wife, and she just kept being super weird. I nexted her right after the date, not dealing with women who have severe trust issues.
 

Howiestern

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@LARaiders85

Ive experienced every type of girl you mentioned. Multiple times. The best girls stay in long term relationships and that is what they prefer. Although my girl wears me out from time to time, she is ranks high in all categories. Definitely in the top 5 of all the women I've been with. My buddies(ones that get women) tell me all the time that I have a great chic.

When I met her she was two months out of a long term relationship. Similar to what others have said, they don't stay single long and they have low partner counts.

How did I get a girl worth keeping? I changed how I dated. I was straight forward with all of them from the start. I told them I have been with lots of women, I know what I'm doing, and it's just hot sechs and fun times until I am convinced she is quality. Telling them this filtered out all of the insecure ones very quickly. Insecure women always have a lot of mental issues and a long list of dudes they've been with.

And I kept dating. If I didn't like them or saw a red flag, that was the end of them. I wasn't sticking around to reiterate what I learned before with 5 other women. And now it didn't matter because I had another lined up.

Basically approach dating like a woman does by Keeping your prospect list lengthy.
 
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