aznbreakerjrey
Senior Don Juan
Well hope you like my first tip to you guys. This board has been providing me a lot of help for a while now, and I felt it’s time to give back. Heregoes:
Nonverbal Communication
Previously, I had believed that it is best to approach girls with a broad, super gleeful smile, tons of eye contact, kino, getting in a close proximity of the girl, etc. Then I read The Secret Language of Success: Using Body Language to Get What You Want, by David Lewis. Wow, what a change that made.
I’ve learned several important things:
Words are responsible for only 40 percent of the information people acquire in face-to-face communication. Voice characteristics account for 10 percent of the message received, and the remaining 50 percent comes from nonverbal communication. The first sentence basically reinforces that actions speak louder than words. The second sentence means that one must match your voice with what you’re saying. If you’re telling a joke but have a morose look upon your face, then you’re not going to be able to effectively communicate what you’re trying to say. The third sentence states that we are basically instinctual beings, and despite being all caught up in this fast-moving and advanced world, it all comes back down to instincts and our subconscious. It explains why sometimes when we meet someone, we find we dislike the person for some reason even though they were pleasant enough in the encounter. Your reaction is most likely a result of a subconscious acknowledgment of bad nonverbal communication on their part, whether it was a violation of your personal space, or conflicting words and expressions, or even too much exaggeration of expressions.
One must match the type of smile with the situation. When approaching a girl, one should probably maintain a smile of medium intensity that has the sides of the mouth lifted and has a bit of the upper teeth visible. Too tight of a smile conveys tension and apprehension, while too broad of a smile can be seen as overbearing, aggressive, and fake.
Normally, a male faces front to front while socializing with close friends, while a female is most comfortable doing so in a side by side position. It’s said to be that is because males are more competitive and in your face, while females are willing to cooperate more. Personally I think it’s because women shop a lot and thus must talk to each other side by side most of the time hehe. However, this is not true for social encounters with strangers. When faced with a social encounter with a total stranger, negative feelings arise when the stranger occupies the place where his/her close intimate circle would usually be (for the guy it would be face to face, and for the girl it would be side by side).
Thus, it is preferable for one to approach a girl face to face, rather than appear at her side. Then, as one develops rapport after conversing for a few minutes, you may slowly move to the position where the loved ones would usually occupy. Not surprisingly, this generally results in an unexplainable liking and affection towards you. The same applies when the girl is sitting. Say you find an attractive gal in the library. Given the option of sitting beside her or across, choose the seat across.
People say that closed positions (folded arms, defensive) is basically a guaranteed shutdown. However, you can combat that by somehow forcing her to stop the closedness by perhaps offering her gum, a cigarette, or holding out your hand for a handshake. If she has a closed leg position, then try to lead her someplace else, eg. Let’s move away from here, the music’s too loud.
When dealing with shy women, sometimes a DJ may appear too headstrong. As stated earlier, the smile must look sincere and appropriate for the situation or else her defensive shield may rise greatly (usually subconsciously) due to a chance of (in this situation, perceived) danger. The key is to look for the buy signs, which are summed up well in Specter’s So, you've found a target....now what? at http://www.sosuave.com/ubb/Forum6/HTML/001221.html When near a hot chick, check for these signs, and the approach comes in this fashion:
First, comes the initial eye contact. Give a lil smile, hold eye contact for approx 3 seconds, and then look down. Any other direction may signal lack of interest. This look down, understandably, my be protested by some people here, but the reasoning for looking down is to provide a temporary break in the eye contact. Once you break eye contact, immediately look back into the eyes. She’ll probably reciprocate, and then bang, smile again, and make the approach. So the general outline is:
Initial eye contact and slight smile – 3 seconds
Break eye contact – approx .4 seconds
Reestablish eye contact and you’re in
Of course, there will be occasions you throw this all away, but it’s good to know eh?
Finally comes kino. Before, I’d charge headstrong into an approach and apply kino. The key is to slide easily into a good zone to initiate kino. If you approach and are too clsoe to her (say right in her face, and not in a club), then you will be perceived as a threat and she’ll back off from your aggressiveness. Start from a casual conversation range, about 3 feet. Then as the conversation progresses and rapport builds, then move in. For a more in depth look at kino, check out T Dog’s The Ultimate Kino Guide at http://www.sosuave.com/ubb/Forum6/HTML/001677.html
And remember, sincerity is key. If a girl can see right through your false smiles or whatever, then it’s over. It’s gotta look natural and not overdone guys.
[This message has been edited by aznbreakerjrey (edited 05-09-2002).]
Nonverbal Communication
Previously, I had believed that it is best to approach girls with a broad, super gleeful smile, tons of eye contact, kino, getting in a close proximity of the girl, etc. Then I read The Secret Language of Success: Using Body Language to Get What You Want, by David Lewis. Wow, what a change that made.
I’ve learned several important things:
Words are responsible for only 40 percent of the information people acquire in face-to-face communication. Voice characteristics account for 10 percent of the message received, and the remaining 50 percent comes from nonverbal communication. The first sentence basically reinforces that actions speak louder than words. The second sentence means that one must match your voice with what you’re saying. If you’re telling a joke but have a morose look upon your face, then you’re not going to be able to effectively communicate what you’re trying to say. The third sentence states that we are basically instinctual beings, and despite being all caught up in this fast-moving and advanced world, it all comes back down to instincts and our subconscious. It explains why sometimes when we meet someone, we find we dislike the person for some reason even though they were pleasant enough in the encounter. Your reaction is most likely a result of a subconscious acknowledgment of bad nonverbal communication on their part, whether it was a violation of your personal space, or conflicting words and expressions, or even too much exaggeration of expressions.
One must match the type of smile with the situation. When approaching a girl, one should probably maintain a smile of medium intensity that has the sides of the mouth lifted and has a bit of the upper teeth visible. Too tight of a smile conveys tension and apprehension, while too broad of a smile can be seen as overbearing, aggressive, and fake.
Normally, a male faces front to front while socializing with close friends, while a female is most comfortable doing so in a side by side position. It’s said to be that is because males are more competitive and in your face, while females are willing to cooperate more. Personally I think it’s because women shop a lot and thus must talk to each other side by side most of the time hehe. However, this is not true for social encounters with strangers. When faced with a social encounter with a total stranger, negative feelings arise when the stranger occupies the place where his/her close intimate circle would usually be (for the guy it would be face to face, and for the girl it would be side by side).
Thus, it is preferable for one to approach a girl face to face, rather than appear at her side. Then, as one develops rapport after conversing for a few minutes, you may slowly move to the position where the loved ones would usually occupy. Not surprisingly, this generally results in an unexplainable liking and affection towards you. The same applies when the girl is sitting. Say you find an attractive gal in the library. Given the option of sitting beside her or across, choose the seat across.
People say that closed positions (folded arms, defensive) is basically a guaranteed shutdown. However, you can combat that by somehow forcing her to stop the closedness by perhaps offering her gum, a cigarette, or holding out your hand for a handshake. If she has a closed leg position, then try to lead her someplace else, eg. Let’s move away from here, the music’s too loud.
When dealing with shy women, sometimes a DJ may appear too headstrong. As stated earlier, the smile must look sincere and appropriate for the situation or else her defensive shield may rise greatly (usually subconsciously) due to a chance of (in this situation, perceived) danger. The key is to look for the buy signs, which are summed up well in Specter’s So, you've found a target....now what? at http://www.sosuave.com/ubb/Forum6/HTML/001221.html When near a hot chick, check for these signs, and the approach comes in this fashion:
First, comes the initial eye contact. Give a lil smile, hold eye contact for approx 3 seconds, and then look down. Any other direction may signal lack of interest. This look down, understandably, my be protested by some people here, but the reasoning for looking down is to provide a temporary break in the eye contact. Once you break eye contact, immediately look back into the eyes. She’ll probably reciprocate, and then bang, smile again, and make the approach. So the general outline is:
Initial eye contact and slight smile – 3 seconds
Break eye contact – approx .4 seconds
Reestablish eye contact and you’re in
Of course, there will be occasions you throw this all away, but it’s good to know eh?
Finally comes kino. Before, I’d charge headstrong into an approach and apply kino. The key is to slide easily into a good zone to initiate kino. If you approach and are too clsoe to her (say right in her face, and not in a club), then you will be perceived as a threat and she’ll back off from your aggressiveness. Start from a casual conversation range, about 3 feet. Then as the conversation progresses and rapport builds, then move in. For a more in depth look at kino, check out T Dog’s The Ultimate Kino Guide at http://www.sosuave.com/ubb/Forum6/HTML/001677.html
And remember, sincerity is key. If a girl can see right through your false smiles or whatever, then it’s over. It’s gotta look natural and not overdone guys.
[This message has been edited by aznbreakerjrey (edited 05-09-2002).]
