Hello Friend,

If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.

It will be the most efficient use of your time.

And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.

Thank you for visiting and have a great day!

Need Moderators? Sign Me Up!

U

user43770

Guest
"criticizing other mods is unacceptable as it creates a hostile environment"

Codified groupthink...and the essence of blue pill mentality.
I'm a big proponent of criticizing other people's beliefs, but I can also see why you wouldn't want moderators doing it.

I think mods know this when they sign up; that they're basically relinquishing their guns, so to speak.

I've always thought it kind of sad when a quality poster becomes a moderator. Sure, they can still post about women and game, but that stuff gets boring after a while.

The further you get into female thinking and the reality of the sexual marketplace, the less interesting it all is.

Don't get me wrong here, getting laid is great! But it all gets so repetitive after a while. You end up dealing with the same problems you did before. Such is the dynamic between men and women, such it shall continue to be.

These days I'd much rather hear a poster's perspective on everything else. And everything else is where the most beneficial life advice resides.

Personally, I already know how to be completely satisfied in romantic life: You must enjoy frivolous spending, needless emotional outbursts and listening to why you should spend more time doing what she wants to do.
 

Atom Smasher

Master Don Juan
Joined
Sep 22, 2008
Messages
8,734
Reaction score
6,664
Age
66
Location
The 7th Dimension
Moderating really boils down to one thing: Limiting petty bickering. Petty bickering tends to turn any forum into a trash heap of kindergarten-level slap fights. Very few men possess the self-control to have a limited exchange of disagreement and then move on. These petty fights derail the original intent of threads and seriously degrade the quality of the site.

Drama queens, whether in the general membership or within the group of mods, have two glaring destructive personality traits. The first is ambient, uncontrollable anger. The second is lack of self-control. It’s the ego being in control of the man, when it should be the other way around.

Childishness and selfishness are the inevitable by-products of an ego that is not controlled, and the manifestation is usually that threads deteriorate from useful discussion into petty playground fights. This is not acceptable in a forum devoted to self-improvement and teaching men to handle life effectively.

Of course these boys are the minority, but they make the most noise. Most of the men here are decent, respectable and respectful guys who are here to learn and to teach and help make this site a valuable resource.
 

Serenity

Moderator
Joined
Aug 19, 2013
Messages
4,952
Reaction score
4,773
Age
32
Location
Eye of the storm
I'm a big proponent of criticizing other people's beliefs, but I can also see why you wouldn't want moderators doing it.

I think mods know this when they sign up; that they're basically relinquishing their guns, so to speak.
Criticizing ideas and beliefs is not something mods generally take action against. The problem arises when such disagreements become personal and a member criticizes the other person directly, rather than just their ideas and beliefs. It makes an initially rational discussion turn into an emotional one.

I can express my opinions and I can disagree with the other mods and members, but I do so respectfully. Mods don't get fired and members don't get banned for just their opinion, poor expression of those opinions do.

Every time someone gets banned we have someone saying it was because of their opinions, that mods disagree with what they think. This is untrue, it's all about how those opinions are expressed towards other members and whether it's the idea or the person being criticized.
 
U

user43770

Guest
Criticizing ideas and beliefs is not something mods generally take action against. The problem arises when such disagreements become personal and a member criticizes the other person directly, rather than just their ideas and beliefs. It makes an initially rational discussion turn into an emotional one.

I can express my opinions and I can disagree with the other mods and members, but I do so respectfully. Mods don't get fired and members don't get banned for just their opinion, poor expression of those opinions do.

Every time someone gets banned we have someone saying it was because of their opinions, that mods disagree with what they think. This is untrue, it's all about how those opinions are expressed towards other members and whether it's the idea or the person being criticized.
But some of my favorite posters only became that after they challenged me directly.

They called me out personally, and showed a set of nuts. I respect that more than any generic game advice.
 

Black Widow Void

Master Don Juan
Joined
Feb 24, 2010
Messages
2,183
Reaction score
3,850
But some of my favorite posters only became that after they challenged me directly.

They called me out personally, and showed a set of nuts. I respect that more than any generic game advice.
I wish that more people shared this mindset. We all (self included) can become full of ourselves and have our own personal set of bias's. How else do we learn, evolve and grow... if not being called out.

It's no secret that I do a bit of calling out on this forum. When doing so, I cite previous examples of behavior. If someone simply shoots off simpleton phrases toward someone like "you're an idiot" etc... they've failed to prove their case and become their own worst liability.
 
U

user43770

Guest
I wish that more people shared this mindset. We all (self included) can become full of ourselves and have our own personal set of bias's. How else do we learn, evolve and grow... if not being called out.

It's no secret that I do a bit of calling out on this forum. When doing so, I cite previous examples of behavior. If someone simply shoots off simpleton phrases toward someone like "you're an idiot" etc... they've failed to prove their case and become their own worst liability.
I like to challenge manhood on this forum for no reason. Only the most prominent posters, of course. I don't pick on newbies.

Most of them respond in kind. Some of them I PM with. Some of them also put me on ignore.

If they put you on ignore, you know they're soft in the middle.
 

Atom Smasher

Master Don Juan
Joined
Sep 22, 2008
Messages
8,734
Reaction score
6,664
Age
66
Location
The 7th Dimension
But some of my favorite posters only became that after they challenged me directly.

They called me out personally, and showed a set of nuts. I respect that more than any generic game advice.
No one ever got banned for challenging anyone directly. That's called discussion.
 
U

user43770

Guest
@Atom Smasher @Who Dares Win

You know, one time i tried to hurt his feelings by making fun of his ancestors or something like it.

Didn't phase him.

I took something personal about him that I'd picked up off the forum, because he posts a lot, and attacked him with it. Water off his fvcking back.

And i'm a good troll...

So to tell me that you have a good reason to ban a guy like that?
 

Black Widow Void

Master Don Juan
Joined
Feb 24, 2010
Messages
2,183
Reaction score
3,850
Right. So I can hardly figure what spaz did, as he was never one for base insults.
I'd beg to differ on this one. Usually, I'd cite reasons to substantiate my claim. However... because he's banned, this means that he could read this posting, but be unable to respond and defend himself. Therefor, I'll just say that I won't miss him.
 

TheProspect

Moderator
Joined
Feb 5, 2016
Messages
891
Reaction score
1,795
You can challenge someone and call out their ideas or behaviour without disparaging and personally attacking them.

You can also exercise discipline when dealing with hostility and personal attacks are thrown your way by de-escalation. A skill that many here seem to either lack or simply appear uninterested in learning.

We have choices:

a) We can artfully criticize ideas. This promotes constructive discourse.

b) We can also choose to instead attack character. This causes defensiveness and high school drama ensues.

One choice requires maturity, the other a fragile ego. One choice requires poise, the other a lack of tact and self-restraint.


Often times, we react emotionally to what we read on here. As a result, we respond emotionally. Our responses conflate ideas with character, and our criticisms of ideas include well-dressed personal attacks of character.

A lot of times there is no ill-intention deep down in us, and it's merely an inability to articulate are own ideas and perhaps we never learned how to communicate effectively...

Luckily, this is an internet forum, not a high school...

There is a buffer between what we read and how we choose to respond. Our first gut response likely won't be our most effective one.

In-person we lack the buffer and discretion to craft an eloquent response. Here, we have more space to moderate our reactions and subsequent behaviours and, therefore, less excuses when we fail to do so.

If we repeatedly demonstrate we are unable or unwilling to moderate our own behaviours on this forum, the moderators will have to step in and do the moderating on our behalf.
 
U

user43770

Guest
I'd beg to differ on this one. Usually, I'd cite reasons to substantiate my claim. However... because he's banned, this means that he could read this posting, but be unable to respond and defend himself. Therefor, I'll just say that I won't miss him.
Well, I just mentioned how I hit him below the belt, probably worse than you could.

So feel free
 

TheProspect

Moderator
Joined
Feb 5, 2016
Messages
891
Reaction score
1,795
To build upon my last post and to add another perspective,

Again, this is an internet forum, not a high school.

We should remember that most people reading this forum aren’t registered members, rather just lurkers who visit for the content.

This means when we engage in discussion with other members, our conversations are not strictly an isolated dialogue without external eyes. Instead, there are observers –– a spectating audience.

When an audience observes a discussion or a debate, it is fairly easy for them to pick up on emotional language and hostility.

In the eyes of an audience, nothing hurts the persuasiveness of our arguments more than us showing a lack of composure via personal insults aimed at our opponent.

Even if we feel like we can’t break through to the person we are aiming our response at, we should avoid personalizing our responses out of frustration. Instead, we should look at the bigger picture and understand that our sphere of influence extends beyond just that of who we are responding to, it extends to all readers of this forum — to our audience.

This means acknowledging your part in recognizing hostility not only in yourself, but also in the other, and attempting to de-escalate situation for the sake of civil discourse and a fruitful conversation for all readers.

I find the following quote holds a lot of truth,

“Insults are the last resort of insecure people with a crumbling position trying to appear confident.”
 

TheProspect

Moderator
Joined
Feb 5, 2016
Messages
891
Reaction score
1,795
I didn't realized Spaz got banned. Is it permanent? I think the timing is kind of odd. But now out of nowhere he's banned.
His ban is not permanent.

Before I was a moderator, I used to think the timing of many bans were odd myself and seemingly out of nowhere too.

However, I learned there is actually a lot of discussion between the moderators that goes on before anyone is actually banned. We wait for input from ALL moderators before making a final decision. This process can take awhile, even weeks, and is why there is usually a gap between the latest offence and the actual banning itself.

Before any established member is banned, they are warned MULTIPLE times before a ban is issued.

People may not agree with the interpretation and enforcement of the rules by some or all of the moderation team, but they can rest assure no established member is hastily banned without being given multiple chances to reform the offending behaviour.
 
U

user43770

Guest
You can challenge someone and call out their ideas or behaviour without disparaging and personally attacking them.

You can also exercise discipline when dealing with hostility and personal attacks are thrown your way by de-escalation. A skill that many here seem to either lack or simply appear uninterested in learning.

We have choices:

a) We can artfully criticize ideas. This promotes constructive discourse.

b) We can also choose to instead attack character. This causes defensiveness and high school drama ensues.

One choice requires maturity, the other a fragile ego. One choice requires poise, the other a lack of tact and self-restraint.


Often times, we react emotionally to what we read on here. As a result, we respond emotionally. Our responses conflate ideas with character, and our criticisms of ideas include well-dressed personal attacks of character.

A lot of times there is no ill-intention deep down in us, and it's merely an inability to articulate are own ideas and perhaps we never learned how to communicate effectively...

Luckily, this is an internet forum, not a high school...

There is a buffer between what we read and how we choose to respond. Our first gut response likely won't be our most effective one.

In-person we lack the buffer and discretion to craft an eloquent response. Here, we have more space to moderate our reactions and subsequent behaviours and, therefore, less excuses when we fail to do so.

If we repeatedly demonstrate we are unable or unwilling to moderate our own behaviours on this forum, the moderators will have to step in and do the moderating on our behalf.
Is this copy and pasted from the HR department?

You're obviously Alan.

I'd like to thank you for keeping this forum open. I've tried to offer you money before, but you refused it through you people.

I wish I had something bad to say about the mods, while I have your ear.

But I don't.
 

TheProspect

Moderator
Joined
Feb 5, 2016
Messages
891
Reaction score
1,795
Right. So I can hardly figure what spaz did, as he was never one for base insults.
@TheProspect While I have your ear, why did spaz get banned?
Spaz has been banned before. He has also been warned at least a half dozen times since then.

Spaz knows the rules. Spaz also knows the intention of many of his posts are to get a rise out of people.

He is usually very subtle with his attacks, but they are attacks nonetheless.

Being clever with your bullying doesn’t make you fly under the mod’s radar.

Following around other members in multiple threads in order to bait them into reactive bickering is harassment, not to mention it derails the thread.

Spaz has been a provocateur, albeit a sly one.

However, being slick doesn't make you above the rules.

Per the forum rules:

* If you insult, harass, or disrespect any member of this forum, you will be banned from the forum.

* Please do not reply to insulting, harassing, or disrespectful posts from another member -- this simply escalates the problem. Contact a moderator who will review the offending message and take the appropriate action.
Hope that wasn't unclear.
 
U

user43770

Guest
Spaz has been banned before. He has also been warned at least a half dozen times since then.

Spaz knows the rules. Spaz also knows the intention of many of his posts are to get a rise out of people.

He is usually very subtle with his attacks, but they are attacks nonetheless.

Being clever with your bullying doesn’t make you fly under the mod’s radar.

Following around other members in multiple threads in order to bait them into reactive bickering is harassment, not to mention it derails the thread.

Spaz has been a provocateur, albeit a sly one.

However, being slick doesn't make you above the rules.

Per the forum rules:



Hope that wasn't unclear.
Really?

Come on, bro.

Most times with younger posters you have to give them the cold shoulder. Just so they can get in check.

This is par for the course. And if you want to ban someone, might as well ban all the seasoned vets, because none of them are prim and proper.

And if they're worth a sh2t, they haze newbies to a certain degree
 

samspade

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jan 5, 2008
Messages
7,996
Reaction score
5,054
Spaz has been banned before. He has also been warned at least a half dozen times since then.

Spaz knows the rules. Spaz also knows the intention of many of his posts are to get a rise out of people.

He is usually very subtle with his attacks, but they are attacks nonetheless.

Being clever with your bullying doesn’t make you fly under the mod’s radar.

Following around other members in multiple threads in order to bait them into reactive bickering is harassment, not to mention it derails the thread.

Spaz has been a provocateur, albeit a sly one.

However, being slick doesn't make you above the rules.
I'm guessing this means someone complained about him. I can't believe a user would be banned for saying cleverly harassing things if no one ever responded to him in kind. And if it's true that someone complained (note: wasn't me), then as Mods you have to listen and execute the rules, so I get that.

Personally I found Spaz entertaining and kinda funny. Yeah he got under my skin once or twice, but I see it as more my fault than his if I got into a pissing match with him. Really he's just testing everyone's frame - but some guys think their internet forum honor is at stake and get into it with him.

Well, if he's reading this I'm sure he's loving the attention and will let us all know when if he returns.
 
Top