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cooper1234

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Been reading these posts a long time, in fact, I used the DJ handbook to a t to land my recent GF. Had a little rocky road at first with her (her ex kept calling, i didn't freak out, let her do the work, didn't pitch a fit, let her go out didn't pursue her hard.....let her catch me etc), used the techniques......she chased and chased me and we ended up being exclusive. Have known each other for a long time, but have been seriously dating for over 6 months. Has taken me home numerous times to meet the family, she's met mine, everything's been extremely good. She's been pressuring me into moving into a place with her and I resisted for a while, but we agreed to give it a shot and are moving forward with it, haven't done it yet, but have been picking out apartments....she hasn't let her family in on it but has told mine (her's are traditional and it's gonna freak them out). She's had an extremely high interest level, I've used the rules to a t, but feel I might've gotten a bit slack as of late. She was constantly complaining if i wouldn't spend the night, been treating me great, does things for me out of her way.........but things are shifting.

Things have been extremely good between both of us for the majority of the time, se# life has been great up till the new job. She started a new job that gets her to work very early, mine lasts very late, so for the past few weeks we haven't seen each other much but in passing, has taken a toll on the relationship........has been making it dull due to both of us being very tired, no free time. Her interest level has seemed to drop in the past two weeks, she's stopped paging me all the time and calling all the time, but she still calls when she gets off work, txts me, gets me to come over, but our affectionate side has dwindled.

I wonder if I've let things slip and have quit using the rules. I thought after establishing a serious relationship and testing her......i could back off a bit. Have made myself very available for her, talk to her a lot, have spent the night with her about every night for the past few months. Due to past relationships, I've always pulled the plug at this point, when it felt like things were waning...... but she's a great girl, does the right things for me, but it seems like things have shifted the past two weeks where I'm more interested than she. So am I being paranoid here, or do relationships go through periods like this? She was still picking out apartments yesterday, wanting to get things ready for the move, taling long term things......yet we're not as affectionate as usual. She s complaining about stress, time, being tired and worn down, and I can believe it, but the suspicious part of me wonders if it's something else and I should bail. What's your take on this? She invites me around her friends, to come by her work, always has time when I call. Have I gone away from the rules and need to start working them again, and if not the whole gambit, what would you advise? I really care about her, I just dont' want things to go stale and get old.............. What would you suggest???? How do i get this back on track??? Please, not snyde comments, looking for real advice from the experts.
 

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Desdinova

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She's been pressuring me into moving into a place with her and I resisted for a while, but we agreed to give it a shot and are moving forward with it,
What exactly are you looking for? If you're only looking for a LTR and are NOT contemplating starting a life with her, I really wouldn't suggest living with a woman.

I just dont' want things to go stale and get old
This is where YOU come in. You need to keep the relationship exciting and interesting. Take her out on fun and interesting dates. Just because you're in a LTR, it doesn't mean you can slack off. You need to do maintenance on the relationship. This is a very big part of being in a LTR. If you don't keep things interesting, the relationship will get boring, and she'll leave to find the excitement that you two had at the beginning.

If you feel that things are going downhill, moving in with her isn't going to save it. Make sure your relationship is in excellent shape before you take a big step like this.
 

cooper1234

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No, I am contemplating starting a life with her, she's brought it up and we've talked a lot about it, we both see it going that way and want to explore it. I couldn't see marrying someone I haven't lived with (me staying at her place doesn't count as living together....) She is definitely keeper material, we've always been able to talk about things, especially since we've been in a ltr.

I'm not moving in together to save the relationship, we've been fine up until our schedules not being in sync, yet she's still determined to move in. we've talked a bit about it and she really still wants to, she's worried i'm getting cold feet which maybe i am, this is the point I always run and look for something new, whihc was exactly your point but opposite. Just wondering if i'm being neurotic and that things settle down in relationships.

And you are right on the mark about the dating, it's up to me to keep things fresh, but i've been working a second job on weekends that drains me, she's been asking me to quit but i wasn't going to just because it upset her, now i think it might be taking a toll on us. I really don't need it, but its a fun job.....i think she might be a little insecure about it though since there's a lot of women around, however, she said she's trusted me like no person she's ever dated before. (and yes, she's tried testing me and i passed the tests). Am i slipping here?
 

Desdinova

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I don't really see any other place you may be slipping, rather than keeping the excitement in the relationship.

The only thing I'm going to mention is don't make any MAJOR investments with her unless there's at least wedding plans in the making. If you enter debt while you're only living with her, she can fvck off at any time and leave you with all the financial burdens the both of you contributed to. Make sure that you can support yourself should she leave.
 
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Wyldfire

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You guys aren't listening to him. He's saying that she is a "keeper" and that he can see himself staying with her. He wants to live with her to find out if they are able to get along under the same roof before he thinks about marriage.

You need to lose the weekend job...that will give you time to spend keeping the spark alive in your relationship. The situation you're in right now is a result of not either of your feelings about each other or the relationship...your schedules are just out of sync and it's making it really hard on both of you. No matter how good things are...if you're tired, you're tired. If she has the weekends off and you give up the second job then you will have at least a couple of days a week where you aren't too tired to enjoy each other's company.
 

Big Pappy

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This seems to me to be a case of normal relationship stuff. It's really up to you to decide if this part time gig is worth it.

This new job she has- is she making more money or is it just a different job?

If you don't need the weekend gig, cut it back to every other weekend and see how it goes( if the boss will let you)

Or, maybe just work one of the weekend days instead of both.

This is a good problem to have. :)
 
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