Need Damage control here guys...

[Snakeinthegrass]

Ok....me and a wonderful woman/HB have been dating each other for almost 4 months...
We have never defined our relationship as we always have said it is what it is...
I played it cool, but she really rushed in ....and I kept it cool.
She killed me with sex and comfort...plain and simple...I started to really like her for the things that I got from her...
Recently I noticed she has been acting a little funny...(insecure)...like questioning me about certain things aluding to the fact that I have been messing around with someone else...
Just flaky stuff...
I just plain old asked her does she want to be my woman or don't you? I guess it was almost like asking her if she wanted to be exclusive...
And then I asked her if she loved me or not...(she slipped up in the past and said she did)....
But I ....like a ****in chump...slipped up and said that I loved her....which actually I do...
I revealed my feelings WAY to early....(I realize it was a feeling)
Anyway at that point I talked to her a few days later, and she said that she didn't want to be settled...and she felt like I did...
and then I just said well let's date others but we can still date each other...and she seemed game, but her friends said we shouldn't be doing that ....cuz we've slept together blah blah...
I really like her...I tried to call her...and she didn't answer....left a voicemail asking her if she wanted to go for a date...no answer.
Sent an email...no reponse....
WALKAWAY NOW? Let her come to me next? Or wait a couple of weeks and then ask her if she wants to get out? I'm still game to see this chick....but I know I ****ed up by revealing things too early...but dammit if she didn't suck me in by giving and giving and giving...and sending me the sweet nothings all the time..!

 

[JC9]

I'd say back off completely.

If she is still into you she will at some point re-initiate contact. When she does act normal, no saying 'why haven't you called' or anything like that.

In my opinion, even if a girl if giving you a lot of attention, telling you that you are the best and that she loves you, it should be taken with a grain of salt early in a relationship. Some girls are just like that with how they express interest, and it can suck you in if you believe it.

I was in a similar situation recently where I acted needy when my girl pulled back, calling/emailing/texting her instead of just living my life and pursuing my hobbies as I did any other time. Results were to be expected, 'I think we should just be friends'

Hope it works out for you.

 

[speedo_meme]

wow me and my gf are at the same stage too, 4 months, she confesses her undying need for me all the time, she's sooo glad she met me, blah blah blah...

I know when I reciprocate she'll all of the sudden "want to see other guys". It's like I told my ex: I know I'm a dumb lookin mother fugger but I ain't half as dumb as I look. Girls are so easy to predict.

Yes, the ONLY option for you now is too avoid contact for at least a month, or until she initiates. Don't even answer the phone the first time. You have to be a challenge again. This is the ONLY option, I know it doesn't seem like that now, but she will probably come back...

Relationships suck huh? I think we're better off without the stress to tell you the truth...

 

[MightyMate]

Always let woman say this words first. SPecially in this kind of unsaid relation. You reallty failt.

 

[stalluproar]

"Hey, I emailed/called you last week and I didn't hear back from you, whats up? hmmmm.., anyways I am alive and well and kicking it so call me back, bye."

Do this one week after the no contact.

 

[Jariel]

Go for the cool indifference. You need to withdraw from her life to make her realise how much you mean to her. Personally, from what you have written, I do believe she feels the same, but is either too scared/insecure to commit or has taken you a little for granted believing you'll be there for her if she changes her mind.

As long as you are calling her and trying to make ammends, the ball is in her court and she can put you on the backburner for when she's finished having fun.

Take her options away, let her feel like she's lost you and it will hit her. It's basic reverse psychology: tell someone they can't have something and they want it more.

The only question is, are you strongminded enough to back off and take that leap of faith? That means ignoring her when she tries to call, not responding to trivialities just to hear her voice and waiting until you have some kind of apology or compromise. It could take days, weeks or a month, but have faith. It's not enough to get her to agree tentatively to be with you; you need to get her back on your terms if it's going to work.

Also, if and when you have contact with her, continue being indifferent yet friendly. Tell her you've been spending time with friends, been busy and make it seem like you haven't given her much thought and you're happy putting it behind you.

 

[Snakeinthegrass]

OK...
Pathetically, I still think about her, but I'm getting better
The last time I emailed her was 1 week ago now....I haven't initiated any contact with her whatsoever...
but I work at a health club....and that is where she works out at...
she came in ...with her friend and worked out....I ignored her and her friend completely...
Then on Monday I casually just waved to her as I walked by...but ingnored her the rest of the time....
then she stopped coming to the gym...and hasn't been seen since. That is not like her.
hmmmmmmmm....that is definitley not like her....
I wonder what she's doing or up to though....but I am strong enough to just not contact her anymore if that's what it takes....I have a feeling it could be a while...and it is hard, because of her kindness, and comfort she really got me to feel for her....and that sucks....am I doing this right? Should I wait at least a month?

 

[wheelin&dealin]

The desperate-O-meter is pretty high right now from your calls and emails. Leave her alone for a few weeks.

 

[FM 3321]

Originally posted by Snakeinthegrass
OK...
Pathetically, I still think about her, but I'm getting better
The last time I emailed her was 1 week ago now....I haven't initiated any contact with her whatsoever...
but I work at a health club....and that is where she works out at...
she came in ...with her friend and worked out....I ignored her and her friend completely...
Then on Monday I casually just waved to her as I walked by...but ingnored her the rest of the time....
then she stopped coming to the gym...and hasn't been seen since. That is not like her.
hmmmmmmmm....that is definitley not like her....
I wonder what she's doing or up to though....but I am strong enough to just not contact her anymore if that's what it takes....I have a feeling it could be a while...and it is hard, because of her kindness, and comfort she really got me to feel for her....and that sucks....am I doing this right? Should I wait at least a month?

Personally I would prepare myself to never see her again. Waiting a month or any length of time won't help. I was reading a book called "The Way of the Superior Man" and there is a chapter with the title "Choose a Woman Who Chooses You." It goes on to say "If a man wants a woman who doesn't want him, he cannot win. His neediness will undermine any possible relationship, and his woman will never be able to trust him. A man must determine whether a woman really wants him but is playing hard to get, or whether she really doesn't want him. If she doesn't want him, he should immediately cease pursuing her and deal with his pain himself."


Yeah, it's hard but you gotta make your life great enough that you're happy without her. It's a hard thing to but it's the mature way. This is fictional but I've noticed on James Bond movies the women love him but if he loses them, usually through their death, he greives for a moment and moves the fukk on. If you watch movies on WE or Oxygen you'll see men woo women back with flowers and sh1t which is the pussie way to do it.

You know what you gotta do. My first reason for coming here was to make a thread like this and I learned to suck it up and move on. This was back in January 2005 but I have to say moving on from a girl was one of the best things I did. I saw her only once in because I bumped into her but 2005 was the best year of my life so far and it was all without the girl I fell in love with.

Ok, long post but hopefully you get the picture. Pretty much what everyone is telling you here. I know if you were able to go out tomorrow night and find an even more beautiful girl that was warm and kind you would forget about this girl in 2 days. I think we're all here so we can learn to grow up, become better men and teach ourselves to find the women we want. It's not easy, there maybe alot of loss and heartbreak but it's better than guarding yourself and not trying new things with women.

 

[Snakeinthegrass]

The weird thing is that she hasn't come back to the gym at all this week...except for Monday....that is not like her...hmmmmmmm....maybe I affected her after all.....maybe it's too tough for her to see me .....I would think if she didn't give a **** she would be there working out like she used to.....maybe she does....??????? Psycologically I'm not sure how to take that....but it's not up to me to figure it out....I guess....but I do miss her....but I'm strong and haven't even attempted contact................

 

[cave dweller]

contact

snake,

She just gave you the 'dump job'.

So, what do you do?

1...Don't email or call her.

2...Do not go to places where she 'hangs out'.

3...Vanish---become a ghost.

ie: Give her some time to start missing you and she will come back.


my 2 cents

BTW, I am in the same boat. My 'fvck buddy' just dumped me (this week), so, I will lay low and she will come back when she gets ready.

cave dweller

 

[Snakeinthegrass]

It's just weird that she mysteriously vanished from the gym....maybe she's the one playing the game...I hope she just can't come in there because it's so tough for her to see me....????

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Originally posted by Snakeinthegrass
It's just weird that she mysteriously vanished from the gym....maybe she's the one playing the game...I hope she just can't come in there because it's so tough for her to see me....????

Here's your problem in a nut shell.


Your interest level is sky high while her's is at an all time low!!! The effect of this is desperation on your part and sudden loss of attraction on her's. I'm not saying she won't come back to you down the road, BUT you've already lost this one. If she comes back to you 1,2, or even 3 months down the road its because she doesn't have anyone else.

If your happy as the back-up bf then you can pick at those wounds and open them up again. However if your all about self-improvement with women, you'll look at your mistakes and never make them again.

Remember when your interest level in a girl is too high, its just a matter of time before you fuvk it up, so nothing would've saved you in this case. Your own interest level was blinding you to your chumpish behavior. And no matter how much a girl tells you she loves you and says sweet things, as the man, you have to always maintain control of your emotions or you'll lose her faster than you got her.



PIMP

 

[Nighthawk]

She's ****ing someone else. Avoid all contact, walk away and if she misses you and she'll call. In the meantime suck up the pain of rejection and go find a girl that does want you.

 

[Synik]

Oh no... Bud, I'd recommend laying low for awhile. I think you snapped, but hopefully you can get back in the game. Right now, you need to do one thing:

SEE OTHER GIRLS

I'm really serious. I know this girl might "be the one," but I don't give a sh!t. You better talk to/take out/kiss/bang as many girls as possible. The reason you should do that is so it will let the whole "flipping out" incident drift into the past as well as a good way to get your mind off of her. Seriously, man, I feel for you, but if you want to keep this girl... You'll have to let her go for awhile. If she comes back, just make sure not to go crazy again.

One more thing... Don't ever listen to a girl's friends. They're evil creatures trying to keep their friend for themselves. Don't be mean, just make sure to go deaf when they tell you things. Good luck.

-Synik

 

[Snakeinthegrass]

Yeah...I guess I've lost it...what really sucks is that I know I played it very cool for the first couple of months....and then she was like putty in my fingers..., but the minute I put her higher on the pedestal she was gone.....I was killed with comfort...(making me dinner, telling me how wonderful I was, and that they don't make men like me, blah blah blah....what a joke....damn I'm a joke.........let that be Lesson #147,541 in my life.... CHUMP...I guess what stings the most is that she had to have been FAKING interest level for the last month....because I had emails, and voicemails from her all the way till a few days before it crashed.....I GUESS SHE FOUND ANOTHER GUY....who perked who interest more........THIS SUCKS...like the Montgomery Gentry song.......She's GONE

 

[Synik]

C'mon now snake... Don't give up. I know you're not an AFC. I can tell. You just have been bitten by the serpent of love/lust (it could be either of the two). Listen, if you play it cool, you can have her back in your life. Just make sure to keep your mind off of her as much as possible. Like I said before, "GET WITH OTHER CHICKS." I promise man. It works like a champ. Good luck and keep me posted.

Synik

 

[Snakeinthegrass]

Synik...I appreciate it man. I really do. I got 3 new girls numbers in 3 days. So me and some friends are gonna go out and kick it later this week....

 

[Snakeinthegrass]

She came back tonight at was workin out tonight...anyway...as I turned the corner ....she was walkin' towards me and engaged in eye contact...a little prolonged.....I just grinned and kept goin'...but my attitude has been very stoic around her......so this is getting fun anway...hahah..but I will NOT call her....or even approach her to make small talk....is this the DJ way? Or should I approach and make small talk...after a month or so? I already have dates, so I'm movin on ...but if there is a chance ...even if small I want to be ready.....truthfully I still miss haning out/****ing her....here...sometimes TIMING seems to be everything

 

[Jariel]

Originally posted by Snakeinthegrass
She came back tonight at was workin out tonight...anyway...as I turned the corner ....she was walkin' towards me and engaged in eye contact...a little prolonged.....I just grinned and kept goin'...but my attitude has been very stoic around her......so this is getting fun anway...hahah..but I will NOT call her....or even approach her to make small talk....is this the DJ way? Or should I approach and make small talk...after a month or so? I already have dates, so I'm movin on ...but if there is a chance ...even if small I want to be ready.....truthfully I still miss haning out/****ing her....here...sometimes TIMING seems to be everything

Keep going, keep playing cool. You will know when the time is right to talk to her and that's when SHE initiates it. If it happens, you will know when the tables have turned. Trust me, I've done it many times and it usually ends with the girl apologising and offering long and dramatic explanations. You'll feel in a position of power.

The moment you start initiating the talk, she'll be back to thinking she still has you tagging along.

Take a look at this tip/list of experiences to get an idea how this will work in your favour. Also read some of the follow up replies, as others have offered the wisdom of their experiences too:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=82346