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need advice..how to handle guys hitting on your girl in front of you

Sire

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Just curious on what the best way to handle guys hitting on your girl in front of you is. Last weekend my girl must of got hit on around 10 differnt times. I'm sitting with her and a guy at the other end of the bar is sending drinks to her and staring at her. Another time me and her were leaving this lounge area in a club, when someguy told her to come over, I waited and she came back and told me he said if she gets bored with me to give him a call. Now I always keep my cool but I'm also the type that has no problem at all punching someone in their face. I don't want her to think I'm a pvssy but at the same time I don't want to come off as an insecure @sshole. How should I handle these encounters?


Sire
 
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VeryBadGirl

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Sire,

In most cases it is up to your girlfriend to reject other men's advances - and if she isn't, you've got a problem.

Most of the time, when my boyfriend and I are together and a guy hits on me, I politely decline - reject his drink, tell him I am not interested, have a boyfriend, etc. And we go back to having fun.

When I am alone, it is the same thing - it's up to me.

If some guy told me to "come over here," I wouldn't - unless I thought he was a cop or a bouncer or something. Just shaking your head and saying no isn't that hard.

Even if a guy starts harassing me (which usually happens more when I am alone) it is still up to me to walk away from the situation and/or ask a bartender/bouncer to throw him out if it gets really out of control.
 

Safari

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Sire,

I knew this bartender whose gorgeous girlfriend hung out at a booth until he was finished with his shift. She was hit on constantly right in front of him, but he showed no concern.

My buddy asked him, "Doesn't that bother you?"

"Nope," he replies.

"Why not?" my friend asks.

"Because I know at the end of the night, she's coming home with me."


You should sit back and act cool. You'll appear to have total confidence in your relationship, and any girl worth a dime will recognize that and appreciate it. IL will go up. What you don't do is ask 20 questions and don't get in the guy's face, unless of course he drunkenly crosses boundaries of decency. For her part, she should decline drinks, otherwise it shows she is accepting advances, and obviously she should not give any kino.

Dating attractive women requires patience.
 

vectorz

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WTF ? Why did your girlfriend come over to him just because he asked her to? Dang man, that's seriously disrespectful. I wish all chicks were that easy to ask to come over.
 

JJMcLure

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Originally posted by Sire
Just curious on what the best way to handle guys hitting on your girl in front of you is. I'm sitting with her and a guy at the other end of the bar is sending drinks to her and staring at her.
Drink it yourself and wave thanks at him.

Guys doing this are seriously disrespecting you.
 

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Dark Nimbus

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Let me ask you something Sire, what are you doing in the bar with your gf to begin with? If you're bringing your girl to a bar, expect her to get hit on. I personally have a pet peeve against guys who take their girls to bars because it makes it difficult for singles to hook up.

When I spot a chick at the bar talking to some guy, how am I supposed to know that she isn't single and he's just some AFC trying to pick her up? It's not always real obvious that they're a couple, so should I pass up a chance to approach and possibly get her digits, or should I try and talk to her?

If you don't want your girl hit on, take her somewhere else where the majority of people aren't single and looking to hook up, otherwise get over it. If you trust her then you should just sit back and let her tell the guy she's with someone, no big deal. If you don't trust her, again, don't be bringing her to a bar in the first place. I agree with VBG that it's the girls move when she's hit on, and there's no need for you to get involved unless the guys not taking no for an answer, and that's when you step in.

Oh yeah, and the first thing that came to mind when I read the part about the guy ordering her drinks (AFC), is exactly what JJMcLure said, and if you're feeling really brave you could blow him a kiss.
 

Mack Of All Trades

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Re: Re: need advice..how to handle guys hitting on your girl in front of you

Originally posted by JJMcLure
Drink it yourself and wave thanks at him.

Guys doing this are seriously disrespecting you.
\


Excellent Idea. Ill be sure to implement this in to my repetoire.
 

Sire

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Re: Re: need advice..how to handle guys hitting on your girl in front of you

Originally posted by JJMcLure
Drink it yourself and wave thanks at him.

Guys doing this are seriously disrespecting you.

Believe me bro I really hold myself back from hurting these dudes. I'm thinking about setting a major example on the next person that does that ****. I have a very short fuse and I'm surprised at how well I've been taking it.. :)

VBG,
I completely agree with you. And she does tell them to back off because she has a boyfriend but they are some persistant lil fvckers. That's why I want to see some others opinions on this before do things my way.

Safari,
That is what I've been doing, totally playing it cool. I usually just brush it off because I know that I'm the one going home with her, but sometimes guys are a little bit to disresectful, and it makes me want to swing on em. But If I take that route I'll be getting in fights every time I go out and thats not cool either.

Vectors,
We were sitting in a lounge area and one of the guys called to her while she was walking away so she did'nt know what he wanted at first. Then she pointed at me and kept goin so I just gave him a hard look.

Thanks' for the replies so far.

Any one else been in simular circumstances?

Sire:
 

Hot Ice

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JJMcLure, Wonderful idea!
I'm gonna use this sometime.
Especially cool when you add the 'blowing him a kiss' idea of Dark Nimbus :D


vectorz:
I wish all chicks were that easy to ask to come over.
Oh yeah, what if you got own gal? :rolleyes:
 

Sire

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Originally posted by Dark Nimbus
Let me ask you something Sire, what are you doing in the bar with your gf to begin with? If you're bringing your girl to a bar, expect her to get hit on. I personally have a pet peeve against guys who take their girls to bars because it makes it difficult for singles to hook up.
Her getting hit on isn't the problem DN, That's expected. It's when they KNOW I'm her boyfriend and they keep trying. That's what piss's me off.

Originally posted by Dark Nimbus
Oh yeah, and the first thing that came to mind when I read the part about the guy ordering her drinks (AFC), is exactly what JJMcLure said, and if you're feeling really brave you could blow him a kiss.
[/B]

I like this one..lol
 

hitop

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major drama

Hey

First of all, whose magnificent idea is it to hang out in a bar/nightclub/lounge anyway? Let me guess, it's more your girls idea, right? Most guys don't like to go to bars with their gf or even a date. When I go to a nightclub my friend and I just laugh at the guys who bring their ladies to these places because it is trouble waiting to happen. This has nothing to do with rhetorical BS like "she's goin home with me at the end of the night anyway" or "If you're secure about yourself it shouldn't bother you".

Alcohol = liquid courage

When you bring your gf to a bar, it's open season whether you like it or not. And guess what? This is all going to happen at your expense buddy. More often than not, I truly believe if you watch closely, that if guys are hitting on women who are with their bf's it's because they're sending signals. if you're with a woman who is totally into you and only you, other guys will sense this by either her body language and/or the look on her face. Yep. But, there are the exceptions. These are the drunks/chumps who don't take no for an answer or can't figure out for the life of them if a woman is interested or not or whether she is with YOU and into YOU or not. Let me ask you this or should you be asking yourself this question, do you think in this whole time your gf may be enjoying and basking in this attention? What are you going to do, jack up the Macho-Meter? Are you going to go over there and punch this guy in the face to defend your gf's honor? Why? You're in a singles bar, you're in that zone where she gets to bask in attention at your expense. Picture dropping in 3" thick filet mignon into a tank of hungry piranha. If it's your idea to be in a bar and not hers, well, you shouldn't be here asking what's up with that.

Red Flag: Did you say that your gf went over to another guy just because he waved her over? In front of you she did this? Jeez, I wonder what she would do when you're not there. Looks like she's getting off at your expense buddy. Look, real couples just don't hang out in bars because it breeds problems and it's usually the guy who gets taxed in this situation. Here's some good advice. The next time she wants to go hang out in a bar, say "Sure, but let's go in separate cars and we'll just meet down there". Thats what single people do. Go hang out in places that are more conducive to having fun and not having to get caught up in drama cr@p. IMO, I think you need to consider what you're getting into with this person. Might be time to step back and truly guage what her IL might be.

Peace out and good luck brother
 

Hot Ice

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Hitop brought some new and good points here.
 

Sire

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Re: major drama

Originally posted by hitop
Hey

First of all, whose magnificent idea is it to hang out in a bar/nightclub/lounge anyway? Let me guess, it's more your girls idea, right? Most guys don't like to go to bars with their gf or even a date.]
You made some good points Hitop.

It's usually both of our idea. I like to go out with her and have fun and get some drinks, dance, ect. I don't like to sit around the house and plus she doesn't get off work untill after 1am on the weekends so we usually go out with some friends.


When you bring your gf to a bar, it's open season whether you like it or not. And guess what? This is all going to happen at your expense buddy. More often than not, I truly believe if you watch closely, that if guys are hitting on women who are with their bf's it's because they're sending signals. if you're with a woman who is totally into you and only you, other guys will sense this by either her body language and/or the look on her face.
90 percent of the guys in bars and clubs are clueless chumps that couldn't pick up a signal if they had a fvckin cellphone built into there head. The guys that are hitting on her are str8 AFC's so I don't think it's her sending out signals, she's usually rite by my side but you may be rite. I don't put anything past women.


Yep. But, there are the exceptions. These are the drunks/chumps who don't take no for an answer or can't figure out for the life of them if a woman is interested or not or whether she is with YOU and into YOU or not.
This isn't the exception. More like the majority.


Let me ask you this or should you be asking yourself this question, do you think in this whole time your gf may be enjoying and basking in this attention? What are you going to do, jack up the Macho-Meter? Are you going to go over there and punch this guy in the face to defend your gf's honor?
I don't think she is enjoying it because sometimes we'll just go to the local bar up the street for a few drinks. She doesn't even put any make up on and dresses in plain old clothes and still gets hit on and complaines about it. And no I'm Not gonna just turn up the macho meter but being disrespected by some chump pisses me off.


Why? You're in a singles bar, you're in that zone where she gets to bask in attention at your expense. Picture dropping in 3" thick filet mignon into a tank of hungry piranha.
The last time I checked, bars were for anyone who wanted to go and have some drinks and talk. Not just singles. And I used to be single not to long ago and I have always shown respect for a guy and his girlfriend. Even if I hit on the chick without knowing he was there I would apologize and walk away. There's alot of disrespectful peeps tho so I guess it comes with the territory.

Red Flag: Did you say that your gf went over to another guy just because he waved her over? In front of you she did this? Jeez, I wonder what she would do when you're not there. Looks like she's getting off at your expense buddy.
The guy was sitting rite next to us and when we got up he said hey to her and she turned around. I was about 2 feet away from her so i couldnt hear what he was saying but she walked off with me and told me rite after.

Go hang out in places that are more conducive to having fun and not having to get caught up in drama cr@p. IMO, I think you need to consider what you're getting into with this person.
(See first quote at top)

Thanks for the reply Hitop, You gave me something to think about and showed a different perspective.

Peace,
Sire
 

hitop

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For sure, no problem Sire. Even when I was in my worst AFC state of mind did I ever take a gf/date to a bar though. I realize that people need different forms of entertainment at times and going to a bar can be one of them. More often than not when you read about guys getting pissed about other guys hitting on their woman in a disrespectful manner is in a bar. It really dumbfounds me that happy couples would want to be around cr@p like that. I have been asking a lot of men and women alike as to whether they would hang out in a bar/nightclub with their bf or gf, almost every response was like, "are you kidding, no way, that's not the place to be for committed couples".

Take care
 

Mr.Bates

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If a chick is into that kind of thing, why not take her?

What I'm hearing here is that some of you guys are afraid of others hitting on your girl. Yes, it will happen. If you don't like the club scene, that's fine -- it's more of a nuisance than anything else. But if you do like the clubs, then it's all how you handle it.

You have to remember that she is there with you. If you are doing your job and spending your time being into her, it'll be clear to most people that the two of you are together. If she is talking to everyone else except you, well guess what: she's not interested in you. Call her on it. Be firm and tell her she's being disrespectful.

Don't like guys hanging around her at the bar? Go out to the dance floor. Put your arms around her. BE her reality.

Forget about the other guys. They're like flies buzzing around a steaming pile of sh1t -- annoying but harmless. And if you are being physically intimidated by some of the guys, find another bar.

Someone once suggested that if a guy tries to intrude, ask him to borrow a pen, then throw it away and say "fetch." If you get bothered by guys hanging around, all that does is show off your insecurity.

"Oh no, she's talking to this other guy, I wonder if she likes him more! I think I need a hug...mommy!"

Personally, I like going to clubs. And I like going there on dates, especially early on, because it presents excellent opportunities for kino. Dancing makes for a "fun" date. Plus, when it comes time to slow dance, that's the time to go for the tonsil hockey.

If you want to go to a bar, go to a bar. Just stand up for yourself.
 

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Brad23

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They don't give a s.hit about us...Discuss...

hi everyone

I am fast coming to the conclusion that women do not give a s.hit about the men who they aren't attracted to.

I mean, they don't do they? They are almost Nazi-like in their total lack of feeling towards men to whom they are not attracted.

But this must mean that they don't give a s.hit about us at all. I mean, look at Marlon Brando 50 years ago. A lot of guys were looked down on for not being like him. Now I'm better looking than him and STILL there are women about who think I don't deserve to be alive just because they wouldn't have sex with me!

The worst thing is, when women get older and fulfil their role in life, they try to make out they were never into appearances (pretty much because they don't have to be any more, and also they can no longer pull due to having lost their looks anyway.)

I'm feeling that women are basically animals and spend their whole live living a sub-mental existence. Maybe we should start treating them like the animals they are and see how they like it.

What do u think?
 

T Dog

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Sire,

It sounds like your girlfriend is giving you the buy signals and you are not recipacting the affection or attention.

Other guys in the bar are looking at her and she's money and they are looking at you thinking, "Is this guy blind? He's should be all over this girl! She's throwing herself at him!"

No one wants to see a hot girl who's willing and ready get passed up on. I see it all the time.

Pay more attention to her, touch her arm, lean into her, show her some fvcking attention for god's sake! If you have that glow in your eyes and so does she guys won't want to approch her. It's the hardest pick up in the place.

But if you look like you'd rather be watching the game above the bar than be with her, then of course they are going to approach her.

If these guys aren't coming up to YOU and asking how long you two have been married, then you aren't paying her enough attention.

T Dog
 

Don-Wan Kenobi

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Sire, you are certainly NOT ALONE!

Sire,

Pay attention to all of the great advice on this thread! In particular, know what you are up against when you bring a girl to a bar, lounge, club, etc. These are places frequented by pick up artists and a special breed of horny and inebriated buffoon. Second, if you find yourself in one of these places, make sure the locals know that she is with you! Touch her! I used to make the mistake of being shy all of the time, thinking it was out of respect for the woman (see what listening to AFC friends does for you?) Lastly, always remember that your date has the freedom of choice. If she wants to entertain the other men, that is her decision and I encourage you to accept her decision. I encourage you to also do what is best for you and that may be finding another date if need be there on the spot!

Just so you know you're not alone, I'll share with you my recent frustration:


December, at some quiet lounge with a girl

We're in a booth together, talking and having a good time when the epitome of Don Juan satire rambles over to us and starts a conversation... I'll let you guess with whom.

"I couldn't help but overhear all of the lovely things this young lady has been saying about relationships. I would love to marry a woman who feels the way you do about love." Take a bow, Romeo!

The girl is blushing and I'm thinking this guy is in for a surprise... oh, he was. It's true. It's true.

So, we both laugh at Mr. Don Juan with his slick hair, shirt unbuttoned to the sternum, and toothpick flickering between his lips. I thought Razor Ramon was going to give me his autograph. So, we get back to talking and I notice that the sultan of smooth is now sitting across from us, winking and waving at my date. She's smiling at him. Okay, bad situation. At one point, she gets up to go to the restroom and has me watch her purse. Supertool points and laughs at me and then races after her. She comes back to sit down and I head over to the restroom myself. Cap'n Dichead doesn't look at me when I pass by him to take a piss. On my way down, however, I catch my date sitting with him and one of his friends, leather jacket man. There's an emtpy chair next to them so I decide I'll join in their fun for a good second or two. Only sexomania puts his leather coat over the chair and says, "I'm sorry... snort snort, but there is not a place for you to sit."

Oh, he's about to be sorry...

What Twiddle-e-dee and Twiddle-e-dum didn't know was that this girl and I have been hanging out on a friends only basis for years. In fact, both her and her boyfriend have been good friends of mine. We planned what was going to happen next.

So, back to the story. I come back from the restroom to find my "date" sitting with Don Giovanni and Leporello. Don G throws his coat over the unoccupied chair and tells me there's no place to sit. Big shyt eating grin on his chops. Oh, I was gonna win this time.

DWK: "Gentlemen, have a good evening. Sally, same to you."

(exit DWK)

Sally: Waaaaait!!!!! (gets up, crying and knocks over her chair making a thud that gets everybodies attention). I'm so sorry Rob! Don't leave without me! Please! I'm not interested in these guys even if this one is trying to pick me up! I'll give his business card back to him!!!! Please don't go!!!!

(DWK doesn't turn around and walks straight out of the lounge with Sally in hot pursuit.)

My friend didn't know why us guys make big a deals out of these things. Oh, but we do. Don't we, Sire?

If I'm ever in the Springfield Gardens area of New York, I'll have to stop into Kevin's place of business and thank him for his card... that hairy chested AFC :rolleyes:


Hope this true story inspires you to do the right thing the next time you're out with a date and she seems receptive to some jerk's flirtations.

peace,

DWK
 

Nightwing

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Originally posted by VeryBadGirl
Sire,

In most cases it is up to your girlfriend to reject other men's advances - and if she isn't, you've got a problem.

Most of the time, when my boyfriend and I are together and a guy hits on me, I politely decline - reject his drink, tell him I am not interested, have a boyfriend, etc. And we go back to having fun.

When I am alone, it is the same thing - it's up to me.

If some guy told me to "come over here," I wouldn't - unless I thought he was a cop or a bouncer or something. Just shaking your head and saying no isn't that hard.

Even if a guy starts harassing me (which usually happens more when I am alone) it is still up to me to walk away from the situation and/or ask a bartender/bouncer to throw him out if it gets really out of control.

Excellent response to this guy's question. Even though these guys are disrespecting you by hitting on your date in front of you, it's ultimately up to her as to wheter or not she accepts those advances. If she really liked and respected you, she wouldnt, but if she is doing things like accepting drinks from guys and responding to their advances by going to where theyre at when the beckon her, its best not to lose it and start kicking guy's azzes. Always be nonchalant as if it doesnt bother you, and dont take this girl out for a while. If she calls you and asks, what's the matter, let her know that as her date, you dont find her accepting other guy's advances acceptable and then see if she staightens up her act. Letting her know where she fuucked up at is up to you, but I really do mean it when I say to keep a cool head whenever that happens.
 

Don-Wan Kenobi

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I wouldn't even confront her on it. Waste of time. She'll only grow resentful and check out her other options. Women do not like being controlled and when they entertain other men trying to pick em up while they're out with you, they can only be described as one of the following:

1. Dense as a brick. "Oh, they're not hitting on me, are they?"

2. Waste of your time. Forget about her. She will keep doing this even if you slap her on the wrist or tell her to take a time out. If in ever she tells you it's serious, she'll be the one that sleeps around with your friends.

Since when has the concept of nexting a girl altogether lost its charm?

DWK
 
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