My life - Part 2: giving up dating/women, filling the void, getting older

[mikedee]

Hey guys,

I'm going through a super long dry spell, it started 2 years ago approx. In the last 2-3 years I've dated a lot of women, but very few lays. Almost none if we compare to the number of women I've dated. At first, I thought, well I'm going to try this, fix that, change here, finetune there... Nothing works.
I meet new women on a regular basis, I'm considered to be an attractive guy (tall, handsome, etc.) so meeting women through cold approach is not a problem, I meet them mostly at the university or on the street, sometimes on Tinder. I have to say that I've been living abroad for the last 3 years, so I guess it doesn't help (cultural differences).

It's always the same story. We have 2-3 dates, we make out but I can't bring them home of go to their place even if I try, and then they ghost me, they don't reach out, find excuses, etc. My game is not perfect, but I'm quite experienced, I've been with hot girls all my life (fwb, girlfriends, ONS), so like I said I tried to find the issue and fix it, but I can't find it, I feel I've tried everything. I don't think I do anything "wrong". Of course I f*ck up from time to time, but usually I'm tight. Well, I think, I don't know anymore.

My situation is not ideal right now (in terms of dating). I'm in my mid-30s, and I study abroad and live in a dorm. Never too late to go back to school. In my 20's I had a really exciting life, I tried different things, different paths (worked as a DJ, fashion photographer, traveled, lived abroad and women), I won't have any regrets later because least I've tried. But I'm older now and I need to focus on my future and do something "serious" with my life, this is exactly what I'm doing right now. I study abroad, I will get a degree while living in another country, which is a cool life experience too.

I've dated a lot of 20-something (18-22) during the last 2-3 years, and now I realize that it just doesn't work anymore. It might be the reason why it's so difficult, why it never works. As soon as they know how old I am, it's going downhill. In the beginning they don't really care but with time they think about it and it becomes a deal breaker since they can't handle (or don't want to handle) the pressure from their peers and society in general, even if I look way younger than my age. Some will say that a big age gap is not problem, let's be honest, it is a problem. The girl is 20, I'm 35, it's a bit unusual, and not well seen.

Another thing is that I'm not attracted to women of my age. Their beauty has faded away long time ago, they can't compete with early 20's girls, which is my target group by default. When they are attractive, they have children, they want children (I don't want children or take care of a child that is not mine, single mother no thanks), or they expect a man to be wealthy, established (provider type), 3 strikes. So I'm too old for the young ones, and too "young" for the old ones. Plus, I find that older women are not more interesting than younger ones, they don't have much to say, they are boring and too serious. I saw a solid milf in the bus today, she was my age I think but there was such a big gap between us, to me she was a old women while I was a probably a youngster in her perception.

I've been thinking about my situation for a while, and finally admitted to myself that 90% of my dissatisfaction in life comes from women. What I hate is the feeling of wasting my time on dates that go nowhere, again and again. I reached a point where I have to change something. So I'm seriously thinking about giving up dating, it would be the best thing to do since it only causes me disappointment and frustration, I get nothing positive out of it anymore, nothing. I have to accept the fact that the party is over. The party lasted until my early 30s but the party has come to an end. I've hit "my wall". In my 20's I knew that it would happen one day or another. It's happening right now. I have to face the reality, I'm getting older and it's never gonna be the same, it's going to be harder and harder. I've been quite successful in terms on women in the past, I consider myself to be lucky to have been with so many hot girls but now I feel trapped in a dead end.

Ok, I quit dating. Then what? I have to feel the void, since dating and women have been a big part of my life. I'm trying to focus on some projects that I have, focus on school, focus on me. When I'm at home with no distractions (women), I feel ok, I accept the situation and keep myself busy with things I like
but there is something missing, it's not the same thing with the thought that I might be alone/no sex for a while. No dating/women is boring. When I'm on the street, at school, etc. and I see a girl I'd like to approach, I get confused. The excitement of meeting a new woman hits me, but at the same time I know that I'm gonna waste my time again and be pissed off, so I began to "not approach" to change my old habits of approaching and create a new one (to walk away/ignore), but everytime I keep feeling like I'm missing out on an opportunity. You know that unpleasant feeling when you should to approach and you don't.

My mother and friends tell me that I should "mature" and date women of my age, I have no interest in dating women I don't find attractive just for the sake of dating. They also say I should focus on myself (what I'm doing right) like you can't focus on yourself and at the same time date and get laid occasionally, gotta choose. That makes no sense to me. I feel like whether I keep meeting new women or quit dating altogether, I will still have this black cloud over my head.

I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm going through a mourning/grief (I don't know how to say that), like I have to say goodbye to my former love/sex life.

Has anyone stopped dating/meeting women? How do you fill the void? How to do you accept your situation? How do you deal with getting older? Is it normal to feel like this?

Thanks!

 

[Mike32ct]

I did very well in my late 20s and early 30s. It wasn't so much age per se, but it was hair loss that largely ended dating for me by say 37-38. I'm 46 now and still open to meeting somebody in their 40s, but that is a very tall order.

I have female friends, but that's it at the moment.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I'm not sure how you could go through that kind of dry spell...I haven't gone without sex for more than 3 weeks in like 5 years.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

Hey guys,

I'm going through a super long dry spell, it started 2 years ago approx. In the last 2-3 years I've dated a lot of women, but very few lays. Almost none if we compare to the number of women I've dated. At first, I thought, well I'm going to try this, fix that, change here, finetune there... Nothing works.
I meet new women on a regular basis, I'm considered to be an attractive guy (tall, handsome, etc.) so meeting women through cold approach is not a problem, I meet them mostly at the university or on the street, sometimes on Tinder. I have to say that I've been living abroad for the last 3 years, so I guess it doesn't help (cultural differences).

It's always the same story. We have 2-3 dates, we make out but I can't bring them home of go to their place even if I try, and then they ghost me, they don't reach out, find excuses, etc. My game is not perfect, but I'm quite experienced, I've been with hot girls all my life (fwb, girlfriends, ONS), so like I said I tried to find the issue and fix it, but I can't find it, I feel I've tried everything. I don't think I do anything "wrong". Of course I f*ck up from time to time, but usually I'm tight. Well, I think, I don't know anymore.

My situation is not ideal right now (in terms of dating). I'm in my mid-30s, and I study abroad and live in a dorm. Never too late to go back to school. In my 20's I had a really exciting life, I tried different things, different paths (worked as a DJ, fashion photographer, traveled, lived abroad and women), I won't have any regrets later because least I've tried. But I'm older now and I need to focus on my future and do something "serious" with my life, this is exactly what I'm doing right now. I study abroad, I will get a degree while living in another country, which is a cool life experience too.

I've dated a lot of 20-something (18-22) during the last 2-3 years, and now I realize that it just doesn't work anymore. It might be the reason why it's so difficult, why it never works. As soon as they know how old I am, it's going downhill. In the beginning they don't really care but with time they think about it and it becomes a deal breaker since they can't handle (or don't want to handle) the pressure from their peers and society in general, even if I look way younger than my age. Some will say that a big age gap is not problem, let's be honest, it is a problem. The girl is 20, I'm 35, it's a bit unusual, and not well seen.

Another thing is that I'm not attracted to women of my age. Their beauty has faded away long time ago, they can't compete with early 20's girls, which is my target group by default. When they are attractive, they have children, they want children (I don't want children or take care of a child that is not mine, single mother no thanks), or they expect a man to be wealthy, established (provider type), 3 strikes. So I'm too old for the young ones, and too "young" for the old ones. Plus, I find that older women are not more interesting than younger ones, they don't have much to say, they are boring and too serious. I saw a solid milf in the bus today, she was my age I think but there was such a big gap between us, to me she was a old women while I was a probably a youngster in her perception.

I've been thinking about my situation for a while, and finally admitted to myself that 90% of my dissatisfaction in life comes from women. What I hate is the feeling of wasting my time on dates that go nowhere, again and again. I reached a point where I have to change something. So I'm seriously thinking about giving up dating, it would be the best thing to do since it only causes me disappointment and frustration, I get nothing positive out of it anymore, nothing. I have to accept the fact that the party is over. The party lasted until my early 30s but the party has come to an end. I've hit "my wall". In my 20's I knew that it would happen one day or another. It's happening right now. I have to face the reality, I'm getting older and it's never gonna be the same, it's going to be harder and harder. I've been quite successful in terms on women in the past, I consider myself to be lucky to have been with so many hot girls but now I feel trapped in a dead end.

Ok, I quit dating. Then what? I have to feel the void, since dating and women have been a big part of my life. I'm trying to focus on some projects that I have, focus on school, focus on me. When I'm at home with no distractions (women), I feel ok, I accept the situation and keep myself busy with things I like
but there is something missing, it's not the same thing with the thought that I might be alone/no sex for a while. No dating/women is boring. When I'm on the street, at school, etc. and I see a girl I'd like to approach, I get confused. The excitement of meeting a new woman hits me, but at the same time I know that I'm gonna waste my time again and be pissed off, so I began to "not approach" to change my old habits of approaching and create a new one (to walk away/ignore), but everytime I keep feeling like I'm missing out on an opportunity. You know that unpleasant feeling when you should to approach and you don't.

My mother and friends tell me that I should "mature" and date women of my age, I have no interest in dating women I don't find attractive just for the sake of dating. They also say I should focus on myself (what I'm doing right) like you can't focus on yourself and at the same time date and get laid occasionally, gotta choose. That makes no sense to me. I feel like whether I keep meeting new women or quit dating altogether, I will still have this black cloud over my head.

I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm going through a mourning/grief (I don't know how to say that), like I have to say goodbye to my former love/sex life.

Has anyone stopped dating/meeting women? How do you fill the void? How to do you accept your situation? How do you deal with getting older? Is it normal to feel like this?

Thanks!

i have friends who’ve given up. Been years for them. They appear to have coped. personally I couldn’t live without women.

You are ‘tall, handsome’ & mid 30’s. you should be slaying. Girls don’t care that you live in a dorm.

 

[Epicwinguy]

How can you stand to live in a dorm? **** that ****!

 

[Robert28]

I'm not sure how you could go through that kind of dry spell...I haven't gone without sex for more than 3 weeks in like 5 years.

You’re very lucky. I’ve gone 2 years without it before. TWO YEARS.

 

[Velasco]

As soon as they know how old I am, it's going downhill. In the beginning they don't really care but with time they think about it and it becomes a deal breaker since they can't handle (or don't want to handle) the pressure from their peers and society in general, even if I look way younger than my age

Angles you want to play at are to either

Be her dirty little secret that nobody knows about.
https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=sneaky link

Or hook up with one of the girls that like older men

https://twitter.com/i/web/status/1594557408721895430

And let her spread the good word about your reputation.

Good reputation = no bad peer pressure.

 

[Velasco]

How can you stand to live in a dorm? **** that ****!

Wym? Good logistics if you ask me. Especially if youve got a room to yourself.

 

[Robert28]

I feel your frustrations man. Last few years I can’t get past the one month mark with women before they dump me. Things will be going fine then it’s like they pick a fight out of nowhere after 3 weeks and then their interest begins the rapid decline after that, over the fight they caused.

 

[Supreme Solar Wolf]

Time to embrace the Black Pill.

 

[The Duke]

You're 35 years old, and have little to offer. That was fine in your younger years, but not good enough when you are rolling up on 40. Society has higher expectations.

I have two friends that relied on their looks in their 20's and early 30's and were not very "serious" about life as you stated, but by the time they hit 35 the struggles with women started. Neither had accomplished much in life, nor did they learn any skills along the way because when women come easy you don't learn much.

Put your man pants on, and get serious about an education/career.

 

[Pierce.Manhammer]

When I advise my male friends that are trying to bay above their average the analogy I use is:

You own a home in a subdivision, last year your neighbor sold his house for $1m, you then listed your home for the same- “hey he did it and I just didn’t remodel my kitchen last year it’ll work!”

No offers- for months.

Then you decide to do something radical, you tell your realtor to drop the price on the house 10k or whatever every two weeks. Suddenly around week 5 you’re getting offers, then finally a full cash offer.

Dating is like selling real estate - you believe you rate a 25 yr old 9 - well bub if you’re not getting offers from that group guess what? You’re batting above your league in your market. You have to lower your expectations until the market meets your relative SMV. It’s simple.

You may not like it, but it’s reality. “I rate a 22yr hb9!” Isn’t gunna get ya one. It’s magical thinking.

It’s like economics.

 

[Hal9000]

I've had playboy friends who banged college students until they were about 40 then it all went away almost overnight. At some point you're just too old for most 18-22 year olds to want to hook up with and let's be honest, no normal 35+ male would ever want to do anything with girls that age other than have sex because they are insufferable to be around most of the time. Meanwhile my female friends who are are in their 40s and 50s have much younger men throwing themselves at them constantly. Just a couple of the reasons that people who buy into this whole "wall" concept for women being a real thing are in for a huge disappointment. Its going to be hard for you to meet women your age when you live in a college dorm. I'd suggest completing your studies and then focus on finding someone once you've moved on to the real world. I can assure you there are plenty of hot thirty somethings out there.

 

[Epicwinguy]

I used to think that if I was 30 I would be too old for younger women and honestly nowadays I prefer a woman to at least be 25 as I find them more relatable. BUT I find girls younger than 25 are friendlier and come onto me a lot more and I am 29. Idk about this "wall for men" it seems younger women are adventurous and will want the experience of sleeping with an older man. That being said I am not 40 still not even 30 yet so it remains to be seen by me if girls like older guys.

 

[mikedee]

How can you stand to live in a dorm? **** that ****!

To be honest the only downside is the lack of privacy/intimacy (depending on the type of room).
I'm in Europe, the apartments are super expensive so most people live with roommates, pretty much the same thing as living in a dorm.
Living in a dorm is way cheaper, my dorm is clean, hot water heating electricity highspeed internet, no problem with the landlord, a pub downstairs, lot of young girls.. Next semester I will try to have a single room. I've lived alone for several years, I had my own flat. I just cant live with roommates (flat or dorm, same thing), I mean I can but I don't like it.

 

[corrector]

Welcome to the incel club.

 

[mikedee]

You're 35 years old, and have little to offer. That was fine in your younger years, but not good enough when you are rolling up on 40. Society has higher expectations.

I have two friends that relied on their looks in their 20's and early 30's and were not very "serious" about life as you stated, but by the time they hit 35 the struggles with women started. Neither had accomplished much in life, nor did they learn any skills along the way because when women come easy you don't learn much.

Put your man pants on, and get serious about an education/career.

This is what I'm doing.
But tell me, what does the average 35yo who works a steady job (in a bank for example) have to offer except some stability, his own place, a car maybe and 2 weeks off per year. To me, he doesn't have much to offer. I can afford to go out, to dress nice, to travel a bit, I just can't afford to buy a bmw live alone/have my own place right now.
So sayin: you have nothing to offer is a big statement, compared to? The millionnaire 35yo? Yes I agree. Compared the the guy who works 40h at the bank doing a job he doesnt really like? I see no difference. Nothing to offer for a women whi is looking for a provider? Yeah you're right. A women who has her **** together, has her own place. No difference in my opinion.
I get your point though.

 

[mikedee]

Welcome to the incel club.

I've had playboy friends who banged college students until they were about 40 then it all went away almost overnight. At some point you're just too old for most 18-22 year olds to want to hook up with and let's be honest, no normal 35+ male would ever want to do anything with girls that age other than have sex because they are insufferable to be around most of the time. Meanwhile my female friends who are are in their 40s and 50s have much younger men throwing themselves at them constantly. Just a couple of the reasons that people who buy into this whole "wall" concept for women being a real thing are in for a huge disappointment. Its going to be hard for you to meet women your age when you live in a college dorm. I'd suggest completing your studies and then focus on finding someone once you've moved on to the real world. I can assure you there are plenty of hot thirty somethings out there.

Yeah I guess I will have to put women and dating on hold for a while. It's not that I was not serious when I was younger, I was really serious and determined but I chose difficult paths and unfortunately "it didn't work". I was very active in my 20s, it was the best time of my life. My 30s are amazing too (from a "life experience" standpoint) but I cant get laid anymore. And for a guys who use to get laid with hot girls in on regular basis, it sucks big time.

 

[mikedee]

i have friends who’ve given up. Been years for them. They appear to have coped. personally I couldn’t live without women.

You are ‘tall, handsome’ & mid 30’s. you should be slaying. Girls don’t care that you live in a dorm.

That is the short 5-6 guy fantasy who thinks that if yiu have the look you fck like a pornstar, lol. Doesnt work like that, It helps of course but it doesnt garanty anything.
And yes they do care, complicated logistic, show lower status, etc. The girls that live in the dorm dont care, but they are too young. The girls 25+ care. Trust me.

 

[corrector]

Yeah I guess I will have to put women and dating on hold for a while. It's not that I was not serious when I was younger, I was really serious and determined but I chose difficult paths and unfortunately "it didn't work". I was very active in my 20s, it was the best time of my life. My 30s are amazing too (from a "life experience" standpoint) but I cant get laid anymore. And for a guys who use to get laid with hot girls in on regular basis, it sucks big time.

What relationship was meaningful? Did you have a great short term relationship with someone that you remember their birthdate and had some standout memories? I dont get idiots on here who are obsessed about notch counts.

I had some nice times including a wedding.