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My girlfriends 20 year old son bopped my 8 year old son over head with a grocery bag

orbit123

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I was on the phone and I looked out the window and I saw my girlfriend, her son and my son all at the front door coming back from the grocery store. My girlfriend was opening up the door with her keys and I watch as her 20 year old takes the grocery bag which im not sure if there was something heavy in it or not and he bops my 8 year old son over the head with it. I didnt hear my son cry and im unsure if her son was just joking around or not when he did it. This was all captured on a ring camera which I havent reviewed yet. How should I handle this? Should I get in his face angrily and push him or should I call the cops on him? Should I just have a talk with him? How will I know if it was friendly or intentional? How would you guys handle this???
 

Travel memoir21

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I would hold a family meeting, have a conversation with all of them in the living room. Make sure to gently and firmly question your son first so he reveals the truth.

If there was any foul play involve it’s up to you how you want to handle it, you could give him a stern warning not to do it again or you could press charges.

How does the 20 year old act around your son? Is he playful? indifferent? or mean to him? etc.
 

orbit123

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I would hold a family meeting, have a conversation with all of them in the living room. Make sure to gently and firmly question your son first so he reveals the truth.

If there was any foul play involve it’s up to you how you want to handle it, you could give him a stern warning not to do it again or you could press charges.

How does the 20 year old act around your son? Is he playful? indifferent? or mean to him? etc.
The 20 year old does things to my 8 year old like comes up to him from behind sometimes and scares him or if they are in the back seat he will take car keys and jangle it by his ears until my 8 year old tells him to stop doing it. I asked my 8 year old son how he feels about the 20 year old and he says he likes him but my son is only 8 so its hard for him to know whats going on. I have confronted the 20 year old before in the past and I think he got scared of me after that because I came at him with an aggressive tone. The 20 year old avoids me. He didnt know I was looking out the window to see this most recent event.
 

manfrombelow

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This 20-year-old sounds immature for his age. I agree with #2 that this needs to be publicly discussed at a family gathering.
 

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SW15

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Blended families stink. There's no way to sugarcoat it.

It's unfortunate because single dads and single moms are a more natural fit than childless men and single moms, which is the worst combination. Childless women and single dads fall somewhere in between those two. Childless women in their 30s who want kids often complain about single dads not wanting more kids.

Adult children in blended families also stink too. While supposedly more tolerable than children under 18, they come with their own set of issues. They are often a pain even if they are independent and don't live with their parent.
 

2Rocky

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You need to talk with both of them about what "Good Attention" and "Bad Attention" is.

While boys do need to rough house, The age difference requires The 20 Year old be cognizant of where the line is and not torment the youngster.

"Jack, why did you hit Joe with the grocery bag?"
"I dunno. I thought it was funny."
" Joe did you think it was funny?"
"No, it hurt."

"Jack, I need you to be a good example for Joe. He looks up to you because you are older, and when you tease him, it sends the wrong message about how to treat people. I'm 20 years older than you. Would you like me to smack you around like that? Probably not. Let's make sure when you two rough house it is mutual and nobody's gonna get annoyed or hurt OK?

Cheesy visual...



 

orbit123

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Well since I wasnt outside and I witnessed some of it through the window I asked my girlfriend what happened and she said she witnessed the whole thing. She told me that her son did in fact bop my son over the head but claims the bag only had small bags of cookies in them and she claims they were both laughing. She then claims that my son told her son that he couldnt hit him again over the head and was laughing. She claims her son was barely hitting my son with the bag. I asked her are you sure he wasnt hitting him in a mean way and she said yes. She said they were playing around. Should I still say something to him or does this sound acceptable??
 

bmp2cpm

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Honesty, your GF’s son does not respect you. If you can get him to respect you, many of your problems will disappear.

Strength attracts respect.

Weakness attracts disrespect.

Disrespect is contagious. Let this go on for too long and your gf will start disrespecting you too.

All you are is a friend to the 20-year old. You must be a friend he respects.

Hopefully, the s*x is worth all this.
 

andreihaha

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I was on the phone and I looked out the window and I saw my girlfriend, her son and my son all at the front door coming back from the grocery store. My girlfriend was opening up the door with her keys and I watch as her 20 year old takes the grocery bag which im not sure if there was something heavy in it or not and he bops my 8 year old son over the head with it. I didnt hear my son cry and im unsure if her son was just joking around or not when he did it. This was all captured on a ring camera which I havent reviewed yet. How should I handle this? Should I get in his face angrily and push him or should I call the cops on him? Should I just have a talk with him? How will I know if it was friendly or intentional? How would you guys handle this???
I'd piss in his shampoo. Fight fire with...well... something that extinguishes fire.

He's just as immature as all 20 year olds are now. And the fact that he (presumably) lives with an 8 year old is also a factor. When kids and teens spend a lot of time together, they tend to subconsciously lower the age gap. So you shouldn't be surprised if your son will end up acting more mature than his age.

This reminds me of a funny thing I noticed people do in dating. If someone is attracted by someone else, they tend to bridge the age gap.
The oldest woman I've been to was 37 when I was 26. I could've sworn she's in her early 30's, while she kept telling me "I can't believe you're so young". That's just an example, but I see this very often.
 
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