My best friend is flirting with my girlfriend and she subtly reciprocates

vato

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Hi,

I've been close friends with one of my best friends for over 20 years. Two years ago, I introduced my girlfriend to him and his girlfriend. This marked the first time I officially introduced a girl to anyone, as I generally keep my life private. However, I liked her and thought it was time to involve her with my friends.

During a dinner at his place, my friend started making disrespectful jokes about me, questioning her choice, and continued throughout the day. “you could chose anyone and you chose HIM?! Are you blind?”, “I’m just curious, wtf did you see in him?” This pattern of disrespectful behavior persisted during subsequent visits, with him bringing me down at every opportunity.

After three meetings with her, he told me that if I broke up with her, he and his girlfriend would still maintain contact with her, even though I hadn't mentioned breaking up. This, combined with flirty comments and actions between him and my girlfriend, raised concerns. Comments like “I’m the only one who flirts in this room” while looking at her, and her reaction being getting shy and starting to play with her hair.

Fast forward two years, and during a recent visit to his place, he made her cook while they’re laughing and giggling while cooking together. When the food was done my friend asked her to tighten the table leg (you have to rotate the leg), he then asked her in a flirty tone “is it tight?” And she responded “I would say it is tight”, - all this was done with a flirty undertone. When I expressed my feelings to my girlfriend, she denied any issue.

She is not innocent, she has subtly reciprocated his advances by flirting back by not shutting it down by being cold and dismissive of his attempts.

I feel betrayed by both my friend and my girlfriend. He acts flirtatiously only with her, and she hasn't shut down his advances.

I need advice on what to do. Should I cut them both from my life?

I should also mention he has a girlfriend.
 

soulforge

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Hi,

I've been close friends with one of my best friends for over 20 years. Two years ago, I introduced my girlfriend to him and his girlfriend. This marked the first time I officially introduced a girl to anyone, as I generally keep my life private. However, I liked her and thought it was time to involve her with my friends.

During a dinner at his place, my friend started making disrespectful jokes about me, questioning her choice, and continued throughout the day. “you could chose anyone and you chose HIM?! Are you blind?”, “I’m just curious, wtf did you see in him?” This pattern of disrespectful behavior persisted during subsequent visits, with him bringing me down at every opportunity.

After three meetings with her, he told me that if I broke up with her, he and his girlfriend would still maintain contact with her, even though I hadn't mentioned breaking up. This, combined with flirty comments and actions between him and my girlfriend, raised concerns. Comments like “I’m the only one who flirts in this room” while looking at her, and her reaction being getting shy and starting to play with her hair.

Fast forward two years, and during a recent visit to his place, he made her cook while they’re laughing and giggling while cooking together. When the food was done my friend asked her to tighten the table leg (you have to rotate the leg), he then asked her in a flirty tone “is it tight?” And she responded “I would say it is tight”, - all this was done with a flirty undertone. When I expressed my feelings to my girlfriend, she denied any issue.

She is not innocent, she has subtly reciprocated his advances by flirting back by not shutting it down by being cold and dismissive of his attempts.

I feel betrayed by both my friend and my girlfriend. He acts flirtatiously only with her, and she hasn't shut down his advances.

I need advice on what to do. Should I cut them both from my life?

I should also mention he has a girlfriend.

Total 100% disrespect dude.

Never be afraid to cut toxic people out of your life & your mate is definitely not your mate, he is a snake.

At this point and don't see how your girlfriend can be trusted either.

Might be an idea to cut them both out.
 

Baibars

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Why do you allow such disrespect? These people are definitely not good friends including your gf but it seems like they keep doing it because you don’t punish them for their behavior
 

soulforge

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Why do you allow such disrespect? These people are definitely not good friends including your gf but it seems like they keep doing it because you don’t punish them for their behavior
I don't know what punishment OP can apply to his friend? Clearly he is not a real friend when it's comes to puzzy and would bang OPs girlfriend at the first opportunity.

This is snake behaviour. I would cut this friend out completely.
 

Baibars

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I don't know what punishment OP can apply to his friend? Clearly he is not a real friend when it's comes to puzzy and would bang OPs girlfriend at the first opportunity.

This is snake behaviour. I would cut this friend out completely.
Then we have cultural differences. In my circle it would be ok to hit such a „friend“ for disrespect like this but it’s totally ok to cut him out.
 

ItsBeenAWhile

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I had a similar situation early on in my relationship. I was trying to hook up a friend of mine with my girlfriend's friend so we went on a double date. The entire conversation, the guy kept making snide remarks about me instead of talking with the girl. This guy was someone I went to school with and had known for over 5 years, and here he was being a bvtch to me when I was trying to hook him up, so I just stopped talking to him. It's been 2 years now and apparently he's asked around about me to our mutual friends. I'm a very reserved person so I don't know if it'll be as easy for you to just cut him off, but that'd probably be the best course of action in this case. He has no respect for you, or your relationship. Sure guys bust each others balls when they're together but he sounds like he's got it out for you in this case.

This is the type of shyt that happens when you're a stupid teenager, putting others down because you think it'll make you look cool to girls. Some people never grow up. He probably doesn't have anything interesting or worthwhile going on with his life to talk about if all he can do is talk about you.

About your girlfriend, talking about "being tight" and flirting with another guy sounds crazy. And denying it too? You need to start looking for a new girl because she's probably in the process of finding a new guy herself.
 

Fruitbat

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Same thing happened to me. Lifelong friend was always a womaniser. Drifted apart (as he was messing with my other mates GF and broke them up).

met him after maybe 10 years and started up friendship again giving him second chance.

He was cheating on his GF first opportunity and my wife said he kept eyeing her up.

Resolution is an arms-length relationship. He can’t be trusted. What makes it harder is he is really good looking, so it’s always an issue as he is capable of it, it’s not some ugly dude trying it on. I’ve known him years and women make a bee-line for him
 

mikedee

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I would stop talking to that friend and have discussion with the gf. I never mix friends and girlfriends.
 

characternote

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What makes it harder is he is really good looking, so it’s always an issue as he is capable of it, it’s not some ugly dude trying it on. I’ve known him years and women make a bee-line for him
haha. We used to have a guy in our friend group who we'd always try to not introduce our girlfriends too. He wasn't outrageously out of order or anything, but he was friendly and a bit of a natural flirt, but what made it a problem was that he was a very very good looking dude. So many of my friends girlfriends would end up putting it on a plate for him as they couldn't contain their attraction. Get uglier friends is my advice! haha
 

vato

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Total 100% disrespect dude.

Never be afraid to cut toxic people out of your life & your mate is definitely not your mate, he is a snake.

At this point and don't see how your girlfriend can be trusted either.

Might be an idea to cut them both out.
I agree. The disrespect is obvious from both my friend and my gf. I talked to her when we left his place but she denied it and played the victim card. She started to bring up irrelevant issues and arguments that has nothing to do with what I was talking about.

I got angry just by reading this... Confront them both as soon as possible, especially and firstly your "best" friend.
This has been going on for two years and it has gotten me angry but I held back because I wasn't sure if I was being paranoid or jealous for small things.

Sounds like you have a problem choosing your friends.

And your women.
I agree. At least I know where I have my friend and gf..

Why do you allow such disrespect? These people are definitely not good friends including your gf but it seems like they keep doing it because you don’t punish them for their behavior
I didn't realize that they were actually flirting in the beginning. I thought I was being paranoid but I made a mental note that these comments were being made. Also I wanted to test both of them and see how they are with each other - they failed the test. I have to get better with setting boundaries but at the same time if I set boundaries then I won't see their true intentions. My gf and my friend are both vert good on catching social cues and are both socially intelligent so the only way to see them for who they are is if I let things play out.
 
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vato

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haha. We used to have a guy in our friend group who we'd always try to not introduce our girlfriends too. He wasn't outrageously out of order or anything, but he was friendly and a bit of a natural flirt, but what made it a problem was that he was a very very good looking dude. So many of my friends girlfriends would end up putting it on a plate for him as they couldn't contain their attraction. Get uglier friends is my advice! haha
The issue is not my friend being good looking. I'm better looking, taller, have a better job, better income. I get more girls than him when I'm single. My gf is better looking than his girl. I have no issue with my confidence. I have worked on myself for many years. But I never competed with him because I don't need to validate myself by disrespecting him in front of his girl. My issue is setting boundaries - I need to work on this.

I'm not sure if I will break up with my girl yet. But I'm getting rid of this snake "friend".
 

Baibars

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The issue is not my friend being good looking. I'm better looking, taller, have a better job, better income. I get more girls than him when I'm single. My gf is better looking than his girl. I have no issue with my confidence. I have worked on myself for many years. But I never competed with him because I don't need to validate myself by disrespecting him in front of his girl. My issue is setting boundaries - I need to work on this.

I'm not sure if I will break up with my girl yet. But I'm getting rid of this snake "friend".
You have a good character and you respect others. That’s a good principle to have and I’m like you. I have friends in relationships/ marriages and I respect that a lot, I wouldn’t even make a joke that would hurt their pride as a man.
you’re smart but you have to take action when necessary.
 

ItsBeenAWhile

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You're in a tough spot. I'd like to think it's common sense for anyone not to flirt with someone else while being in a relationship, specially in their partner's presence, but maybe it's not. If you don't cut her too, I'm sure you'll eventually be plagued by the question of what she does behind your back if even flirting with someone else in front of you was not a big deal to her. If you bring this up with her again she'll probably try to deflect it and tell you you're insecure, it's nothing serious, that you don't trust her, etc.

So what do you do? The straight forward answer here probably is "dump that bytch and date others" but it's not an easy decision to make. Good luck. And remember, how and what you feel is valid. Don't let her or anyone else twist it to make it seem like you're making a big deal out of nothing.
 

ThisIsSparta

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only way to see them for who they are is if I let things play out.
This is how you end up being the cuck.

If you give a woman enough rope, she will hang you with it. That goes for allmost every woman that gets the idea that you are a doormat that fails every ****test for years.

If she loses respect for you, you are done.

What you need to do two years ago is completely cutting that toxic snake of a friend out of your life.

Then watch how your GF reacts. If she keeps contact with that azzhole, tell her she needs to break contact for obvious reasona. If she doesnt comply and starts a drama, she needs to walk.

Its your way or the highway in this.

Now..... go forth and crack down one them brother.
 

CyrusTheGreat

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Others have probably said variations of this, but here I go as well...

  • You should have cut your friend off the very first time he offended you in front of your girlfriend. If you haven't yet, cut him now.
  • You could have probably sustained your relationship with your girlfriend had you cut him off much earlier. My vote now is that it's too late, and you can't salvage your relationship. If you can't let her go just yet (which I think you should), tell her that you are cutting your friend because of his manners towards you, and she should do the same. If she does anything but 100% compliance, dump her and forget she ever existed.
 

Gamisch

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Well. Nothing new to see here. That's why I always say that once you've been around the block and got your fair share of women, it's almost impossible to go back to being a bluepilled beta bytch.

Having said that, after some time " the clock passes the 12 mark again ". What do I mean by that? that I'd might even reach a point where I wouldn't mind her doing this shyte. Once you ACCEPT female nature for what it
is, you stop worrying about shyte like this.


Any woman can flirt with any man at any given moment. Your 72 y.o mother, your 12 y.o daughter , your 32 y.o seemingly loyal wife ect. That's why i say the position of a bluepilled beta bf is the WEAKEST one on the spectrum .

__________________________________________
Having said that, there are always certain dynamics at play. I used to sleep with this 19 y.o girl, who got a 32 y.o bf after our little affair. She cheated on him with his best friend, and gave him the std his friend had...

You'll see it a lot : once a relationship is over she'll date " within the same circle ". Familiarity breeds..trust.

You can argue that your friend is the "more alpha " person between the two of you, but even that thesis isn't always true. I.o.w: you CAN try to threat/fight him, but let me tell ya: both prison and the graveyard are full of men who went through this..on the other hand: if it's CLEAR that you can't defend yourself against your "friend" you're also fecked..that's why unfortunately the bluepilled man is almost always the loser..


This by the way is how women mess with us!! She might go from a bodybuilder to a nerdy skinny dude, and back,leaving BOTH feeling insecure.

Take from my post what you want. Who do you wanna be?
 
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