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Murk's relationship - SOS

Murk

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I need to put my current situation and thoughts into one place and need everyone's advice, regardless of your age and experience.

I'm in over my head, I've matured mentally and financially in the last 5 years (I'm 33) so much I'm ready to skip to the marriage and kids stage. But foregoing my qualification.

I'm in a relationship with a girl I've known 4 years who I deemed LTR worthy, but since (1-2 months ago) learned about her promiscuous past (that she hid) due to going through her phone and seeing a complete list of sexual conquests (well aware she would have left some out). Her number is about 30. She says that's not high, I say your hoe friends shouldn't be the benchmark. She says it could be a lot more if she wanted, bravo clap clap have a fvcking medal you wh0re.

She's had 2 MMF threesomes 10 years ago. 1 she admitted to while I was spinning her (and didn't care about her) and another she kept secret. Now I'm thinking of the next relationship stages I don't think I can let this slide. She's submissive, can pair bond, etc etc but I don't think I can ever respect her.

The worst part is I've seen these men, I looked through her blocked Whatsapp contact list and correlated names in her notes to names on the screen, so I've seen these guys and it can't be unseen.

I kind of like the fact the majority are attractive strong men, but also torn because I want a girl that's been in a few LTRs with low count. She's always told me about her ex doctor bf of 6-8 years. She never mentioned everything in between. I feel duped, like I don't know her, and I told her this. Her respose is "go find a virgin then" well no, I'd rather find an honest women.

She protests she told me her number is 30, "I told you already, I'm sure I told you it was 30" - as men we all know if a women tells you her number that's going to stick, I won't let her gaslight me here.

My issue is, she was with her first from 15-21 years old, all good so far, then went on a self professed "hoe phase" for the next 5 year, got back with her ex for 1 year and didn't work out then met me 6 months later.

I just think it's better to start fresh with a new girl and vet properly or with a girl who is honest. I met her at 29, I only realise now, that she'd lead a life and looking to settle. I even asked her, am I the first guy that wears a suit and has a proper job you have been with, she said yes, that kinda hurt because I thought she had better judgement. I feel she's settling for the best thing that came along, despite the fact I'm going to be her best no matter what.

I'm so torn because she has great mother/wife qualities, same political/relgious views and she's unvaxxed. I just feel lied to and duped, and I've told her this. I just needed to vent SS.
 
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Von

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These insecurities are eating you alive.
Vent
Try her out has a gf and forget her past, like she forgets yours ;)

Ps: if she keeps mentioning ex's than next her or make her stop talking about them
 

Murk

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These insecurities are eating you alive.
Vent
Try her out has a gf and forget her past, like she forgets yours ;)

Ps: if she keeps mentioning ex's than next her or make her stop talking about them
She doesn't mention exes, only him, and very sparringly, but that clouded my judgement, I'm happy to be with a girl who was with a doctor since school and it didn't work out. A girl that then went on a rampage and had many men devalue her and I'm picking up the pieces, doesn't sit right. Explained that to her too, told her "disgust" is what I feel. I've been googling and it seems this feeling never leaves a man. I'm currently trialling her, but is it just a waste of time. Shouldn't a great relationship bang from the get go, do you need to coax a good thing? I think not.
 

RBK

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Perfect example of why you never ask these questions. There is no way for you to go back. You know what you know. Either deal with it or break up. You badgering her about it is going to turn her off majorly.
 

Murk

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Perfect example of why you never ask these questions. There is no way for you to go back. You know what you know. Either deal with it or break up. You badgering her about it is going to turn her off majorly.
I don't care about turning her off it's about me, she has to live by her decisions, I have a choice not to.

I never asked btw, I've never asked a girl for details or looked through their phone. I'm on the verge of break up because I can't respect her.
 

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RBK

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I don't care about turning her off it's about me, she has to live by her decisions, I have a choice not to.

I never asked btw, I've never asked a girl for details or looked through their phone. I'm on the verge of break up because I can't respect her.
Time to go then, your ego is damaged.
 

Von

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I don't care about turning her off it's about me, she has to live by her decisions, I have a choice not to.

I never asked btw, I've never asked a girl for details or looked through their phone. I'm on the verge of break up because I can't respect her.
You gotta find the strength to accept to reset her count and yours.

To you are my first now (she and you to each other).

It takes mental strength. The only thing that can "erase a body count" is what you build in the relationship and never look back
 

Murk

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Time to go then, your ego is damaged.
Do I ride it out to let her decorate my house (something she excells in and I'm weak in), my personal friend tell me ride it out for a few months.

My integrity says let her go ASAP because I need to value myself more than this and you're right it's eating me up and affecting my work/mental state.

My female friends tell me, the qualities she has that I love (loyal, submissive, feminine, religious) can be found in many girls and I should bounce ASAP.

It's just, going back to the deep unknown, as a man that really doesn't have the time or inclination for dating and plate spinning any more. My need for kids is superceding rational thought. Kids will push me to the next level as I have no desire to push further solely for my own gain, I can't have the mother of my kids had trains run on her. Disgust is actually not correct it's dissappointment and the realisation that as smart as I think I am, she pulled the wool over my eyes and women aint ****.
 

Murk

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You gotta find the strength to accept to reset her count and yours.

To you are my first now (she and you to each other).

It takes mental strength. The only thing that can "erase a body count" is what you build in the relationship and never look back
Is that strength? Or is that weakness?

Ego aside she's a great girl, but I'm very ego driven. She's had no childhood trauma like me, so my tolerance for this is low. No reason to hoe it up unless you are damaged and have low self worth. Nobody bagged her and took her off the market for a reason.

I'm a deviant, I like recording sex, she mentioned that one guy was filming her while she gave head, she then said "it was a boyfriend" I know her boyfriends by name so it was a random dude, more disgust. Fvck sake.
 

BackInTheGame78

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These are kinda your issues bro, not hers. There is pretty much no woman who is going to tell you their real number. Most probably don't keep track.

You do what you want but I promise you, you will find the next woman has something wrong with her also and you will become insecure over that too...this is something you have to fix within whether or not you stay with this woman.

I would just focus on fvcking her better than any of the other 30, but that's just me.
 

Murk

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These are kinda your issues bro, not hers. There is pretty much no woman who is going to tell you their real number. Most probably don't keep track.

You do what you want but I promise you, you will find the next woman has something wrong with her also and you will become insecure over that too...this is something you have to fix within whether or not you stay with this woman.
But with the next woman, I would pre-select for not participating in threesomes (never though I needed to), wouldn't ask for numbers (I didn't this time). It's not my insecurity, it's the fact I have traditional values. I discovered the true number through snooping, most men never truly know the number but I do, in a way that makes me feel good because there's not too many more surprises, so if I can accept this then it's all good, right?
 

BackInTheGame78

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But with the next woman, I would pre-select for not participating in threesomes (never though I needed to), wouldn't ask for numbers (I didn't this time). It's not my insecurity, it's the fact I have traditional values. I discovered the true number through snooping, most men never truly know the number but I do, in a way that makes me feel good because there's not too many more surprises, so if I can accept this then it's all good, right?
If you weren't insecure you wouldn't snoop. Simple as that.
 

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Jake_Gyllenhaal69

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Just end this. I think I remember you complaining about this girl in another topic. Plenty of other girls out here without 30 plus lay counts that you will be proud to boast about on here to us. She doesn’t need to tell you her number because men have an ability to sense it out.

Worst Case Scenario, you jerk off for a month in between girls, so you will be fine letting her go. Don’t be weak!
 
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Pierce.Manhammer

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Op: the well is poisoned now, unfortunately, you said “I can never respect her”. I’m sure that all you see in your head is her getting railed and dp’d by a couple guys - this is normal, it’s your subconscious saying this is not a good choice. Her responses to you on this are not apologetic- they are defiant. She already sees you as insecure is my read.

Do not settle, unless you can retrain yourself to think about it all differently, which is near impossible to do.

My cardinal rule is: “do not ask questions you do not want the answers to”.

I feel ya man. Do both of you a favor: jump now.
 

SW15

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@Murk -- You are quite insecure here. Your own insecurity destroyed a relationship sooner than it needed to end. The point can be made that she's probably a broken women not worthy of a ring and babies, but you could have kept that relationship going and going well for at least another year.
 

EyeBRollin

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Two things:

1) She’s a Ho

2) @Murk don’t like hves.

End this. Next time vet better and don’t ask about body count. You should be able to tell by how she acts how sleazy she is. This particular girl is a trash bag. You will never pair bond or score high enough on her psyche. Start fresh with a girl who has less miles on the odometer.
 

bat soup

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I need to put my current situation and thoughts into one place and need everyone's advice, regardless of your age and experience.

I'm in over my head, I've matured mentally and financially in the last 5 years (I'm 33) so much I'm ready to skip to the marriage and kids stage. But foregoing my qualification.

I'm in a relationship with a girl I've known 4 years who I deemed LTR worthy, but since (1-2 months ago) learned about her promiscuous past (that she hid) due to going through her phone and seeing a complete list of sexual conquests (well aware she would have left some out). Her number is about 30. She says that's not high, I say your hoe friends shouldn't be the benchmark. She says it could be a lot more if she wanted, bravo clap clap have a fvcking medal you wh0re.

She's had 2 MMF threesomes 10 years ago. 1 she admitted to while I was spinning her (and didn't care about her) and another she kept secret. Now I'm thinking of the next relationship stages I don't think I can let this slide. She's submissive, can pair bond, etc etc but I don't think I can ever respect her.

The worst part is I've seen these men, I looked through her blocked Whatsapp contact list and correlated names in her notes to names on the screen, so I've seen these guys and it can't be unseen.

I kind of like the fact the majority are attractive strong men, but also torn because I want a girl that's been in a few LTRs with low count. She's always told me about her ex doctor bf of 6-8 years. She never mentioned everything in between. I feel duped, like I don't know her, and I told her this. Her respose is "go find a virgin then" well no, I'd rather find an honest women.

She protests she told me her number is 30, "I told you already, I'm sure I told you it was 30" - as men we all know if a women tells you her number that's going to stick, I won't let her gaslight me here.

My issue is, she was with her first from 15-21 years old, all good so far, then went on a self professed "hoe phase" for the next 5 year, got back with her ex for 1 year and didn't work out then met me 6 months later.

I just think it's better to start fresh with a new girl and vet properly or with a girl who is honest. I met her at 29, I only realise now, that she'd lead a life and looking to settle. I even asked her, am I the first guy that wears a suit and has a proper job you have been with, she said yes, that kinda hurt because I thought she had better judgement. I feel she's settling for the best thing that came along, despite the fact I'm going to be her best no matter what.

I'm so torn because she has great mother/wife qualities, same political/relgious views and she's unvaxxed. I just feel lied to and duped, and I've told her this. I just needed to vent SS.
You have to be realistic. In today's society, this is normal.

On the one hand, women are told they can have their freedom and do what they want. On the other hand, they know they'll be judged by men if they tell them about it. So they lie.

If you want to find a woman that's a virgin at marriage you have to go to some middle eastern or religious conservative country and find a girl from a village. Go visit her parents to ask for her hand and don't forget to bring a goat.
 
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