Met a gorgeous girl at the bar last night, not sure how to proceed

[stringpuller]

Side note, if I were to go out tonight and she happened to be at the same bar again, any suggestions for how to play that out, if at all?

Yes just be chill. You already met, went to the party and escalated. She has got to buy into your frame and start to pursue. Think push pull. If she touches you play with it. Push her hand away
Etc etc. Thirst is your enemy at this stage.
Just be cool and tease her.

 

[stringpuller]

Here’s the issue I see @BPH :

1. Hitting her up makes you look like an orbiter. You do not want to be an orbiter.
2. Long game is better even if you’re waiting out the summer. If you chase after her by texting then you damage any mystery not communicating might have helped with.
3. The bold moves guys made with me do not matter. They had no fvcks given attitudes (or came off that way) even though they were impressed with me. They remained cool, aloof even. That makes the bold move so effective, the take it or leave it component.

You were not and are not in the right mind set to deliver a bold move effectively. Or you would have done so.

And bold moves did not always work on me either, by the way. Some guy I’m not interested in could have the best game going. If I’ve no interest? It’s a moot point and my typical response would be “nice try, but No.”

Interest level must be there. This chick is NOT interested in you period. If she was she’d have blown off the frat party to hang with you that night. She didn’t. Even drunk she DIDN’T. Instead she used the frat party to escape from you.

Why? She knows she’s rejecting you but did it indirectly to avoid conflict and confrontation.

Plain as day. But you have oneitis so bad you missed the neon sign. NOT INTERESTED.

Only a very small % of women will straight up reject you to your face. I do, and I do so in a gracious way (unless the man is too socially inept to understand a gracious no and requires me to be more blunt, e.g., “I’m not interested and I’ve been cool about it. If I need to be mean I can be….”)

Most women are totally non confrontational and they don’t like telling a guy no because they don’t want to hurt the guy’s feelings. So they exchange social media or you get the number, and often the girl is just looking for an out to get off the hook while the guy is thinking he actually has a chance then gets confused when the girl either never responds, flakes, etc. etc. It’s low interest.

That’s why I reject right then and there. I hate the idea of stringing a man along. I think it’s very UNcool.

This is more respectful toward the man imo and a stand up guy can adjust and recalibrate better to that.

Very few women will do that, fewer still do it graciously.

Wow the old lady sharpening some Iron. Lol
OP she is right. Play the longer game on this. You are right at that ledge of no return. Take a few steps back and target some other girls. Do it even if she is in the building. Zero fcks givin

 

[BPH]

You were not and are not in the right mind set to deliver a bold move effectively. Or you would have done so.

No, I get that, I'm just curious how far the envelope can be pushed between being considered "bold" and "pushy" or "creepy".

Also, to save myself from making another thread I have a question for the room:

I learned the college that frequents that bar had their last day of classes today and their finals begin early next week. Meaning they will be out at the bars all week according to my manager friend there.

Now, I usually go out there on the weekends. I am considering going out there a couple more times this week since it'll essentially be the last week/weekend that it will be fun there for a while.

As mentioned before, I'm older, recently 29. Would it be odd to show up there? On the weekends it makes sense because everybody's off. But I do have work tomorrow and the rest of the week, I just would have to keep the drinking to a moderate level which isn't a problem. I'm mostly concerned about public perception here from the point of these girls.

I'll tag @Divorced w 3 here for input because I know he's done similar stuff as an older guy at younger bars.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

No, I get that, I'm just curious how far the envelope can be pushed between being considered "bold" and "pushy" or "creepy".

Learn to read her vibe. It's a physical force you can learn to feel.

No, I get that, I'm just curious how far the envelope can be pushed between being considered "bold" and "pushy" or "creepy".

Also, to save myself from making another thread I have a question for the room:

I learned the college that frequents that bar had their last day of classes today and their finals begin early next week. Meaning they will be out at the bars all week according to my manager friend there.

Now, I usually go out there on the weekends. I am considering going out there a couple more times this week since it'll essentially be the last week/weekend that it will be fun there for a while.

As mentioned before, I'm older, recently 29. Would it be odd to show up there? On the weekends it makes sense because everybody's off. But I do have work tomorrow and the rest of the week, I just would have to keep the drinking to a moderate level which isn't a problem. I'm mostly concerned about public perception here from the point of these girls.

I'll tag @Divorced w 3 here for input because I know he's done similar stuff as an older guy at younger bars.

Learn to grow a sack. Yes it would be odd but when you're concerned you amplify it drastically. Who tf cares? Say you're phucking on vacation (from work) or something.

 

[Dr.Suave]

As mentioned before, I'm older, recently 29. Would it be odd to show up there?

To some girls it might seem odd. But unless @Jesse Pinkman invites you to one of those yacht parties, what choice do you have?

 

[stringpuller]

No, I get that, I'm just curious how far the envelope can be pushed between being considered "bold" and "pushy" or "creepy".

Also, to save myself from making another thread I have a question for the room:

I learned the college that frequents that bar had their last day of classes today and their finals begin early next week. Meaning they will be out at the bars all week according to my manager friend there.

Now, I usually go out there on the weekends. I am considering going out there a couple more times this week since it'll essentially be the last week/weekend that it will be fun there for a while.

As mentioned before, I'm older, recently 29. Would it be odd to show up there? On the weekends it makes sense because everybody's off. But I do have work tomorrow and the rest of the week, I just would have to keep the drinking to a moderate level which isn't a problem. I'm mostly concerned about public perception here from the point of these girls.

I'll tag @Divorced w 3 here for input because I know he's done similar stuff as an older guy at younger bars.

You just asked 2 times about "going there"
Bud your emotions are spiking right now. I would kinda slow down on the analytics and maybe shoot for a more adventure vibe?
Just a suggestion

 

[BPH]

slow down on the analytics and maybe shoot for a more adventure vibe?

Bad habit on the analytics thing. I do that a lot, not emotional, just a habit of overthinking.

Got any input on the second half of that?

 

[Divorced w 3]

No, I get that, I'm just curious how far the envelope can be pushed between being considered "bold" and "pushy" or "creepy".

Also, to save myself from making another thread I have a question for the room:

I learned the college that frequents that bar had their last day of classes today and their finals begin early next week. Meaning they will be out at the bars all week according to my manager friend there.

Now, I usually go out there on the weekends. I am considering going out there a couple more times this week since it'll essentially be the last week/weekend that it will be fun there for a while.

As mentioned before, I'm older, recently 29. Would it be odd to show up there? On the weekends it makes sense because everybody's off. But I do have work tomorrow and the rest of the week, I just would have to keep the drinking to a moderate level which isn't a problem. I'm mostly concerned about public perception here from the point of these girls.

I'll tag @Divorced w 3 here for input because I know he's done similar stuff as an older guy at younger bars.

My advice, and I mean this with all the possible support I can offer, is that you’re overthinking this a lot. I’ve given a lot of advice on this already here, the last thing I will say is this: go there later. Go at like 10 or so. Let the vibe develop. Let it get dark in there. (Cool) Backwards hat, jeans, maybe a sweatshirt or maybe have it around the waist. You wanna tap a frat girl you need to dress the part. Best way you’re gonna get this girl is by moving on with other girls. It’s inevitable that if you frequent this bar you will see her. I like Saturday night, you pick one night and you go. Do not be there too often. You need to be a sniper. If you want a bar to hang at go find one, but it can’t be where you’re going to go pull. You’ll develop a reputation, you will see the same folks and it won’t work. Just have fun, post up, let life come to you, be in traffic, do not be the toolbag out dancing all night walking up randomly on the dance floor. And for gods sake do not buy women drinks.

 

[BPH]

My advice, and I mean this with all the possible support I can offer, is that you’re overthinking this a lot. I’ve given a lot of advice on this already here, the last thing I will say is this: go there later. Go at like 10 or so. Let the vibe develop. Let it get dark in there. (Cool) Backwards hat, jeans, maybe a sweatshirt or maybe have it around the waist. You wanna tap a frat girl you need to dress the part. Best way you’re gonna get this girl is by moving on with other girls. It’s inevitable that if you frequent this bar you will see her. I like Saturday night, you pick one night and you go. Do not be there too often. You need to be a sniper. If you want a bar to hang at go find one, but it can’t be where you’re going to go pull. You’ll develop a reputation, you will see the same folks and it won’t work. Just have fun, post up, let life come to you, be in traffic, do not be the toolbag out dancing all night walking up randomly on the dance floor. And for gods sake do not buy women drinks.

Thanks, just to clarify I'm not asking whether to go or not because of THIS girl, just in general since I don't usually go during the week, this being an exception seeing as there's only another week or so that it'll be fun before the summer where everyone goes home.

Though since it is the only bar worth a damn as far as women, in my opinion at least, it is the only one I frequent on the weekends so I'm sure it's too late to change my reputation, I'm sure I already have one. But yeah, I pretty much do what you describe; hang around behind the bar with the manager and staff, chat, drink, occasionally doing a lap to see if there's anyone I want to talk to, repeat throughout the night. No dancefloor at this place, much as I enjoy dancing I find that the places that offer it are usually crowded sweatfests with more beastly women than cute ones.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Thanks, just to clarify I'm not asking whether to go or not because of THIS girl, just in general since I don't usually go during the week, this being an exception seeing as there's only another week or so that it'll be fun before the summer where everyone goes home.

Though since it is the only bar worth a damn as far as women, in my opinion at least, it is the only one I frequent on the weekends so I'm sure it's too late to change my reputation, I'm sure I already have one. But yeah, I pretty much do what you describe; hang around behind the bar with the manager and staff, chat, drink, occasionally doing a lap to see if there's anyone I want to talk to, repeat throughout the night. No dancefloor at this place, much as I enjoy dancing I find that the places that offer it are usually crowded sweatfests with more beastly women than cute ones.

I would stay on the customer side of the bar, I would not do laps hardly ever, and I would if possible find a new bar that has nightlife and go there late. The advantages are the following: nightlife brings out hot young women, and those women are going to be drinking. So by staying in traffic I am referring to posting up at that bar that they are going back and forth to in the most congested area in between dancing or whatever else they are doing. Befriend the bartender, ideally the hot woman but if it need be a guy so be it. The hot woman is going to be your best wingman because if you can make her smile and laugh you’re going to immediately reduce the tension of every other woman in there. (Wait until you take one home and come back and that bartender is there again, you’ll really have something to laugh about)When they’re next to you, you have to do your best assessments on whether or not you’re going to say something and how you’re going to do so. Again, having a friend here is really important. It takes the perception away that you’re literally sitting there fishing for women. Also try paying for drinks in cash. Guys in college don’t have cash. Subtle differences but they go a long way. I literally had one girl ask me once if I was in college and I was like I’ve got cash in my pocket, absolutely not. She ate it up. It’s a fantasy for a lot of girls, the older but not ancient older guy, the late 20’s mid 30’s (I’m 38) with their act together and fit, you just scream good time in bed. Go get ‘em.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

My advice, and I mean this with all the possible support I can offer, is that you’re overthinking this a lot. I’ve given a lot of advice on this already here, the last thing I will say is this: go there later. Go at like 10 or so. Let the vibe develop. Let it get dark in there. (Cool) Backwards hat, jeans, maybe a sweatshirt or maybe have it around the waist. You wanna tap a frat girl you need to dress the part. Best way you’re gonna get this girl is by moving on with other girls. It’s inevitable that if you frequent this bar you will see her. I like Saturday night, you pick one night and you go. Do not be there too often. You need to be a sniper. If you want a bar to hang at go find one, but it can’t be where you’re going to go pull. You’ll develop a reputation, you will see the same folks and it won’t work. Just have fun, post up, let life come to you, be in traffic, do not be the toolbag out dancing all night walking up randomly on the dance floor. And for gods sake do not buy women drinks.

Don't act gay either lol

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Thanks, just to clarify I'm not asking whether to go or not because of THIS girl, just in general since I don't usually go during the week, this being an exception seeing as there's only another week or so that it'll be fun before the summer where everyone goes home.

Though since it is the only bar worth a damn as far as women, in my opinion at least, it is the only one I frequent on the weekends so I'm sure it's too late to change my reputation, I'm sure I already have one. But yeah, I pretty much do what you describe; hang around behind the bar with the manager and staff, chat, drink, occasionally doing a lap to see if there's anyone I want to talk to, repeat throughout the night. No dancefloor at this place, much as I enjoy dancing I find that the places that offer it are usually crowded sweatfests with more beastly women than cute ones.

Just introduce yourself as "Hunter". Different directions you can go with this lol.

 

[BPH]

I would stay on the customer side of the bar, I would not do laps hardly ever, and I would if possible find a new bar that has nightlife and go there late. The advantages are the following: nightlife brings out hot young women, and those women are going to be drinking. So by staying in traffic I am referring to posting up at that bar that they are going back and forth to in the most congested area in between dancing or whatever else they are doing. Befriend the bartender, ideally the hot woman but if it need be a guy so be it. The hot woman is going to be your best wingman because if you can make her smile and laugh you’re going to immediately reduce the tension of every other woman in there. (Wait until you take one home and come back and that bartender is there again, you’ll really have something to laugh about)When they’re next to you, you have to do your best assessments on whether or not you’re going to say something and how you’re going to do so. Again, having a friend here is really important. It takes the perception away that you’re literally sitting there fishing for women. Also try paying for drinks in cash. Guys in college don’t have cash. Subtle differences but they go a long way. I literally had one girl ask me once if I was in college and I was like I’ve got cash in my pocket, absolutely not. She ate it up. It’s a fantasy for a lot of girls, the older but not ancient older guy, the late 20’s mid 30’s (I’m 38) with their act together and fit, you just scream good time in bed. Go get ‘em.

I'm surprised you'd suggest staying on the customer side. It's hard to paint a picture of what the bar setup actually is, but I'm not like WITH the bartenders to the point where people think I'm working. I thought it advantageous because I'll have some girls asking why I'm so special that I can be back there.

A better nightlife venue isn't really an option simply because there aren't any...Delaware is a pretty underwhelming state for nightlife. There are some other options but most of them are far away, expensive (Philly), or don't have much in terms of women. Delaware bars also close at 1AM, earlier than most states as far as I'm aware. The upside to that is it seems people "condense" their drinking to fit in that short window, so more people are drunker faster I'd say.

I could try the posting up suggestion. This bar has a "main" bar with like 3 smaller "side bars" so I usually go around to look and see if there are any cute girls there instead of where I am.

Thankfully the fact that I'm friends with most of the staff also includes the one attractive-ish bartender girl there. She's always happy to see me, gives me hugs, prioritizes my drink orders, sometimes does shots with me, etc so it sounds like that helps. Downside is she's usually at the back on one of the side bars which get less traffic, so less girls to put at ease.

I might be able to go out with a friend to some of these other bars but for the sake of this one for the remaining two weeks, probably won't have company unless they're off-duty staff. I'll try the cash thing too, usually I go card because I hate fishing for big or small bills.

Just introduce yourself as "Hunter". Different directions you can go with this lol.

?

 

[Divorced w 3]

I'm surprised you'd suggest staying on the customer side. It's hard to paint a picture of what the bar setup actually is, but I'm not like WITH the bartenders to the point where people think I'm working. I thought it advantageous because I'll have some girls asking why I'm so special that I can be back there.

A better nightlife venue isn't really an option simply because there aren't any...Delaware is a pretty underwhelming state for nightlife. There are some other options but most of them are far away, expensive (Philly), or don't have much in terms of women. Delaware bars also close at 1AM, earlier than most states as far as I'm aware. The upside to that is it seems people "condense" their drinking to fit in that short window, so more people are drunker faster I'd say.

I could try the posting up suggestion. This bar has a "main" bar with like 3 smaller "side bars" so I usually go around to look and see if there are any cute girls there instead of where I am.

Thankfully the fact that I'm friends with most of the staff also includes the one attractive-ish bartender girl there. She's always happy to see me, gives me hugs, prioritizes my drink orders, sometimes does shots with me, etc so it sounds like that helps. Downside is she's usually at the back on one of the side bars which get less traffic, so less girls to put at ease.

I might be able to go out with a friend to some of these other bars but for the sake of this one for the remaining two weeks, probably won't have company unless they're off-duty staff. I'll try the cash thing too, usually I go card because I hate fishing for big or small bills.



?

You’re too into your head my friend. Stop thinking, read some of what was suggested, try what you want, and roll with it. This should be a fun time. It’s turning way too much into a physics experiment

 

[BPH]

You’re too into your head my friend. Stop thinking, read some of what was suggested, try what you want, and roll with it. This should be a fun time. It’s turning way too much into a physics experiment

Got it, yeah I know. Thanks for the suggestions though, I appreciate the input

 

[MatureDJ]

https://open.umn.edu/opentextbooks/textbooks/1273

 

[xavier_2000]

Dude... like you care too much about what she thinks of you and about you.

You lost her already. You should've kissed her and told her you wanted to **** her. Instead of just acting like her girl friend lol.

Don't grab numbers unless you ****ed her. It will never go anywhere as she's gonna wake up and not even remember the night or what happened.

She doesn't give a **** about you so stop caring so much. Did she do the exact same thing to you? Did she talk to her friends about you? Ask her mom about you?

****.

 

[xavier_2000]

Just to be clear about the body count thing, I did NOT ask, she volunteered that. I think it came up when I asked about their boyfriends, assuming one of these guys was it, and she described how she's recently broken up and only had 3 bodies - I don't vividly remember but the point is I didn't ask, I didn't tell her mine, and she volunteered hers. I wouldn't have cared either way, but if it IS actually that low it might explain why she was coy about kissing later that night.

But ok, so your suggestion would be similar to my friend's: hit her up next week to go out. Sounds like the difference is he thinks I should take her out one-on-one and my guess is you think I should just have her meet me at whatever bar for drinks.


Well apparently she wasn't interested in anything that night either, hence my confusion.

Also..... Don't ever ask about boyfriends.

And never believe what they tell you bro.

Lol I'm being hard on this because I've been lied to so many times its thoroughly helped cement my don't give a F mantra bro. I've had girls say one thing and do the complete opposite so many times it's unreal.

 

[Divorced w 3]

This is why we can’t have nice things

 

[BPH]

Also..... Don't ever ask about boyfriends.

And never believe what they tell you bro.

Lol I'm being hard on this because I've been lied to so many times its thoroughly helped cement my don't give a F mantra bro. I've had girls say one thing and do the complete opposite so many times it's unreal.

The boyfriends question isn't a big deal. I don't ask it in a way like I really care, but in a way where I assume they have someone already, and usually leads to them giggling going "omg no we're actually single haha" and then I go from there.

I won't discount that line because that was actually the opener I used on a girl and her friend that I ended up dating for a year.