Marriage...

[LARaiders85]

For me, I receive quite a bit of attention and get hit on as well, but the difference for me is that when . . . in love with my SO, I have absolutely NO desire to cheat. Unlike men, I am a naturally monogamous person, it's my nature to be monogamous.

This is not as different from men as you think. We just don't backwards-rationalize or reverse engineer it. We don't blame our desire to seek other people out on our partner(as often). If you are able to fall in and out of love then you are not so different than men. Certainly in practice, mindreading aside.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Lolz dudes, what exactly has Cats done to earn all of this free attention you're giving her?

 

[catsmeow]

Lolz dudes, what exactly has Cats done to earn all of this free attention you're giving her?

Thanks Billy! That's what I'd like to know too!! And I believe I asked the same (or similar) question yesterday as well.

 

[Stuffnu]

A man’s decision to become monogamous is not a true commitment.
It’s a suppression of there instinctive need.

 

[BeExcellent]

Never a desire to cheat. That doesn’t mean I never felt desire for someone. I simply did not and do not respond to the desire out of character and out of respect (for him, for the relationship, for myself).

Some people are just magnetic. I know I am. And magnetic men know they are too. But it is not worth damaging something really good for a whim or a curiosity or even for a possibility when it would wreck something that is a known quantity that I have invested myself in. The idea of being a betrayer is awful to me, perhaps because many years ago I was betrayed. I am not going to be a person who wreaks someone with that kind of blindsiding devastation. I remember how terrible that felt and I’m not going to do that to another. I’ll be straight up and I’ll leave before I’ll betray someone. It simply isn’t how I operate.

As I’ve stated any number of times around here. I love men. Just adore them. Especially the scoundrel archetype. And with my vibe being what it is (which cannot just be turned off) I attract that type despite minding my own business. Yes there have been instances here and there where the man in question was very appealing, and there was the element of inherent desire that could have been capitalized on. And nobody would have known. To have character is to remain true in those moments in the face of the temptation, not the never having temptation. I have a very high libido and a siren vibe. This emanates from me. No much I can do about that but understand it’s there, it appeals to men and it’s my job to manage it and turn down advances in favor of my man. It is an expression of respect to him.

Cheating is at the end of the day the ultimate disrespect to a spouse.

 

[catsmeow]

Never a desire to cheat. That doesn’t mean I never felt desire for someone. I simply did not and do not respond to the desire out of character and out of respect (for him, for the relationship, for myself).

Thanks for clarifying @Be, that was my question. I suppose we're different in that regard as I explained in previous. Cause I don't feel sexual desire for other men when sexually attracted to and in love with my boyfriend, just not how I am wired no matter how magnetic they are or I am. I am a "one at a time girl" all the way. Still waters run deep is how some people might describe me.

Anyway, no wrong or right. It all comes down to one's own character, moral compass and integrity. Some people possess those traits, some don't.

I do, my boyfriend does. You do, your fiancé does. That's all that matters at the end of the day.

I don't know when you're getting married, but I wish you both the best of luck!!

 

[andreihaha]

Women assume/project it’s an emotional affair, and that’s why it hurts them so much. That’s the betrayal. She’s lost the security and you’ve triggered the primal “omg I’m going to be left alone in the wilderness.”

Not only that, but cheating reveals him as weak, not able to control himself, a lesser man. And women don't want to be seen with someone like that.

Someone told me once: "How can you take care of a family of you can't even control yourself?"

 

[Pan87]

Not only that, but cheating reveals him as weak, not able to control himself, a lesser man. And women don't want to be seen with someone like that.

Someone told me once: "How can you take care of a family of you can't even control yourself?"

Yep. If you get caught in betrayal like that you have to walk away. Nothing can fix that frame. The stakes are very high. Trying to salvage it only weakens you further in her eyes because you seem confused about what you want.

 

[Zimbabwe]

Biologically yes men want to Fvck multiple women yes, but for the sake of societal stability this is not good at all.

 

[andreihaha]

I don't believe that to be true @Be. There are many women who choose to not be married, especially these days. I happen to be acquainted with a few. Beautiful, intelligent, accomplished feminine women who believe in love and commitment but who choose for whatever reason to not be legally married.

Something is rotten in the state of Denmark.

If a woman isn't/wasn't married by the time she's 40, there IS a reason for it. It may not be obvious to everyone, but there certainly is a reason.

 

[andreihaha]

She would be very silly to let her high value man roam free in the wilderness and sample other women. All these other women will be tempting him away from her and offering him better deals. If she’s younger, hotter, tighter then he’d ruthlessly discard her and switch his investment elsewhere. It happens. And women are not stupid. Women are highly evolved at ensnaring most men. But they struggle to ensnare an abundant alpha with options, much to her tingling pvssy’s dismay

And these are not the only risks she faces. She could be the youngest, hottest, tighter option for him, but if she has nothing in the brain department or is simply boring, the man might still find himself more attracted to a more interesting woman. There are many reasons for a woman to secure a life partner. And there are some for men to do the same.

And, even if few people here seem to almost never point this out, there are reasons both male and female partners share for marriage (having children in a healthy environment, living a Christian life, simply realising they found someone they're willing to spend the rest of their life with etc.)

 

[andreihaha]

I think the OP wasn't exactly on the topic of cheating at all and this has become kind of a sub-discussion within the "marriage" one -- however, I was responding to your previous post where you said that "unlike men" you were monogamous. The truth is both men and women have to go against their natural inclinations to be truly monogamous. And I am not looking to be argumentative with you about whether you are or you aren't (since I wouldn't know anyway). I do, however, know many women who have told me they are monogamous or "they would never cheat" (a favorite) but partake in the monkey-branching I described with a man (or men) they are interested in during the relationship. Again, that isn't monogamous. That is just making a preemptive strike.

We all people, regardless of our sex, have an inclination towards sin. Towards self destruction through sin even. Some of us have a stronger inclination, some a lesser one. Cheating is a part of this inclination.
But at the same time, we as people have this great gift called "free will". And this dictates how we live and also how we die.
Another thing that is affected by our free will is how people perceive us. This is why @OP is in this situation.

In this life, people will keep judging you by your actions. And it's as fair as things can be. Most of us will struggle in this battle between morality and sin until the day we die. And all the best of us can do is keep fighting, striving to become our best selves.

As to the OP I totally ignored so far, I feel like you don't know what to do because you don't know what you want. Look yourself in the metaphorical mirror and really think about it. If you want to be with her, all you can do is being honest. God knows if she can ever feel the same again with you, but you do your part. If what you want is to get away, say a nice goodbye and be on your way. In the end, in both situation the best thing to do is to be honest (with yourself and with her).

 

[catsmeow]

Not only that, but cheating reveals him as weak, not able to control himself, a lesser man. And women don't want to be seen with someone like that.

Someone told me once: "How can you take care of a family of you can't even control yourself?"

So very true. And to repeat the words of my boyfriend "if you love, value and respect your partner and marriage, then you make the decision to keep it in your pants like a man versus chasing tail like a horny sex starved boy."

I never thought of it that way, but cheating does reveal weakness and weakness is a turn off.

Which is a harsh reality for me since my own dad cheated on my mom.

 

[catsmeow]

If a woman isn't/wasn't married by the time she's 40, there IS a reason for it. It may not be obvious to everyone, but there certainly is a reason.

Oh of course there's a reason. Could be anything from fear of commitment and inability to pair bond to she simply doesn't believe in the institution itself which is becoming quite common these days for both genders.

And of course a couple doesn't necessarily need a marriage license to make a strong commitment to each other.

My post was simply responding to the post saying "if a woman is never asked to be married, she's not marriage worthy," which I don't believe to be true.

It's too broad a generalization and an unfair assumption imo, that's all.

 

[RBK]

So m

Thanks for chiming in @Be and wanted to respond to this^. I understand you had many opportunities to cheat and never considered it, which of course is admirable but did you ever feel a "desire" to cheat? You weren't clear about that, hence why I'm asking.

Women aren't built this way. Women don't want a whole lot of random dcks they want ONE special dck.

 

[catsmeow]

Women aren't built this way. Women don't want a whole lot of random dcks they want ONE special dck.

This is what I always thought too and how I'm built.

It's feminine energy. That for women, sex is emotional and our emotions are linked to the physical nature of it.

But perhaps that's too broad a generalization as well.

Like everything else, sex and our desire for sex can be very nuanced, not a 'one size fits all."

 

[RBK]

This is what I always thought too. It's feminine energy. That for women, sex is emotional and our emotions are linked to the physical nature of it.

But perhaps that's too broad a generalization as well.

Like everything else, sex and our desire for sex can be very nuanced, not a 'one size fits all."

Men however are the opposite, we want a wholeeeee bunch of random women.

Mens cheating isn't because we don't love our spouse most of the time, we just want DIFFERENT. Womens cheating is because somewhere along the line men messed up in relationship. (Didn't lead, became beta, failed a provider whatever).

 

[EyeBRollin]

Not only that, but cheating reveals him as weak, not able to control himself, a lesser man. And women don't want to be seen with someone like that.

Someone told me once: "How can you take care of a family of you can't even control yourself?"

Eh. Fvcking another bvtch isn’t cheating. Having a full on affair is cheating. Male mammals are not sexually monogamous. I don’t know why modern humans are still trying to make something is that just isn’t.

Every woman that I’ve dated, and I’m sure a majority of them out there, have had past boyfriends that have physically “cheated” with other women. Of all income levels. All religions. All races. Men are just built this way.

 

[catsmeow]

I deleted my post, it wasn't kind.
CYA

 

[EyeBRollin]

So what, that still doesn't make cheating okay and if you think it does, there is something wrong with your value system.

Look I am not trying to shame you. And if you provided a valid argument other than “we’re men and men need a variety of sex with different women!” I’d be open to at least trying to understand your thought process for wanting to get married.

Marriage has nothing to do with love, sexual monogamy, or any of the other Disney propaganda you believe in.