LTR, Marriage & Divorce

highSpeed

Master Don Juan
Joined
Nov 20, 2011
Messages
713
Likes
546
#21
Maybe so, but this thread has been edifying for me, someone who walked away from one marriage but isn't sure he'd ever tie the knot again. My marriage was short, 3 years or so, but I had no problems with sex, at least. What I'm seeing on this thread are two schools of thought, 1) that she can (and likely will) withhold or diminish sex and there's nothing you can do about it, and 2) that it's up to you to maintain frame no matter what, the game never ends, no matter how familiar you two are, you must lead, and run the game, to keep her on her toes.

Both seem true. I'm guessing going with #2 until and unless she doesn't change, in which case it's hopeless.
This is the problem with state enforced marriage contracts though. She's incentivized to behave badly. With marriage and kids, if it doesn't work out for whatever reason, the man is usually the one who is punished. There are rare cases, for instance, where the female is the breadwinner but honestly, that just doesn't happen that much right now and historically. Most guys in those situations anyway, are too proud to try and soak their soon to be ex-wives anyway, or at least they'd be shamed for doing it. How many guys you know would emulate Kevin Federline? He's a joke and I honestly don't know how I'd be able to look any other guy in the face if I was him.
 

samspade

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jan 5, 2008
Messages
4,723
Likes
939
#22
This is the problem with state enforced marriage contracts though. She's incentivized to behave badly. With marriage and kids, if it doesn't work out for whatever reason, the man is usually the one who is punished. There are rare cases, for instance, where the female is the breadwinner but honestly, that just doesn't happen that much right now and historically. Most guys in those situations anyway, are too proud to try and soak their soon to be ex-wives anyway, or at least they'd be shamed for doing it. How many guys you know would emulate Kevin Federline? He's a joke and I honestly don't know how I'd be able to look any other guy in the face if I was him.
That all makes sense. And I don't think most men would want to be in the position of making less money than their spouses, in the long run. I agree with you on all points. I'm at a pivotal age where kids are a diminishing prospect, so it's a bummer. Maybe I'll settle down in South America.
 
Joined
Aug 6, 2007
Messages
70
Likes
33
#23
The "Did your wife change after kids" post got me thinking a bit.

For those who are divorced, at what point did you realize the marriage was over?
I asked her to have sex because I was feeling depressed, she begrudgingly accepted, a few days later she accused me of "using" her.

It was the last straw. She had used ME for 10 years to have a lifestyle she could not afford, needless to say, it was me who did most of the cooking, household chores, take care of our daughter, etc.

What do you believe you did wrong?
1. Marrying her
2. Having a kid with her
3. Buying a house with her (actually, I paid 99% of the cost, she just signed the papers)
 

Ranger

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jul 9, 2018
Messages
2,293
Likes
1,852
Age
59
#24
I asked her to have sex because I was feeling depressed, she begrudgingly accepted, a few days later she accused me of "using" her.

It was the last straw. She had used ME for 10 years to have a lifestyle she could not afford, needless to say, it was me who did most of the cooking, household chores, take care of our daughter, etc.



1. Marrying her
2. Having a kid with her
3. Buying a house with her (actually, I paid 99% of the cost, she just signed the papers)
Oh does this sound familiar. Standard marriage. I get it brother.
 
Joined
Jan 4, 2019
Messages
34
Likes
24
Age
31
#25
I don't know where you got the idea from that men are overwhelmingly responsible for divorces; perhaps a woman? Did you see who was copping the majority of the abuse in that thread?

Remarks like this suggest that you have absolutely no idea. Divorce (like marriage in general) is a VERY nasty institution in feminist (western) societies. Women are pretty much paid (certainly incentivised) to divorce their husbands. So, guess who overwhelmingly initiates divorces? Anglo-American societies are run by lawyers and divorces help feed the lawyers (which is what the law is for).

You probably need to acquaint yourself with just how corrupt these institutions are.

I can't post links, but I would suggest going to Youtube and looking up:

. Red Man Group - ep. # 30 Divorce

. Red Man Group - ep. # 41 DDJ on The Feminist Lie

. Richard Cooper (one of the Red Man Group) also has an interview with DDJ on his channel (Entrepreneurs in Cars). Rich is divorced with a daughter.

. I think Stefan Molyeux has an interview with the guy who made Divorce Corp.

. Divorce Corp. (documentary about this industry in the US especially - probably won't be on youtube but elsewhere)

They also have a new group called The Patriachs which attempts to deal with the niche of marriage which might interest you.
There is also much excellent advice on this forum but it sounds like you need to get your bearings first.
I'll take a look. I think their was a major misunderstanding with my comment about it being the man's fault.

Why would you assume it’s the man’s fault >90% of the time?

-Augustus-
When I say "it's the man's fault > 90% of the time" I mean it like, if your woman is pissing you off, has a ****ty attitude, cheating on you etc... I would assume, based on what I have read and my own experience, that the man isn't handling the woman like he should be. Their behavior is out of control because the man isn't keeping it in line. Like a child, if you let them have a tantrum and give them what they want, they will continue to misbehave. Is a relationship much different?

Maybe so, but this thread has been edifying for me, someone who walked away from one marriage but isn't sure he'd ever tie the knot again. My marriage was short, 3 years or so, but I had no problems with sex, at least. What I'm seeing on this thread are two schools of thought, 1) that she can (and likely will) withhold or diminish sex and there's nothing you can do about it, and 2) that it's up to you to maintain frame no matter what, the game never ends, no matter how familiar you two are, you must lead, and run the game, to keep her on her toes.
This sums up what I meant above.

To be rather forward, you are asking the wrong questions. Too many assumptions.

1. Who told you it’s the man’s responsibility to make a woman happy and want to stay? The act of trying to make her happy or happier to be with you is a failed proposition.

Who here thinks that a man has to do something to express his devotion or love or that he should do more? This type of thinking is a coffin nail.
The exact opposite is the truth. Do less to “make her happy”. That doesn’t mean do sh!tty things to make her unhappy.

A woman is happiest when she has to work to keep her nest together and functioning. If a woman can’t drop into that frame...she’s worthless. If she hasn’t developed any skills other than shopping she is the worst kind of woman imaginable. Absolute garbage.

So OP to answer your question. She works to hold it together. It’s her nest. Never build that nest for her. You take away all of her challenges related to living with a man. Her whining is just background noise.
A marriage is fundamentally sex and children. When a woman says it’s time for you to work on your relationship? You’re dead fukking meat.

Not showing intimacy, care, and understanding of her world is also just as wrong. You are the one she is following. Stop doing that and letting her run the show? Somebody start playing taps and call up the pallbearers.
I don't believe women know how to make themselves happy (for the most part), and thus rely on their man for it. I agree with a lot of what you said here. Now, I'm not saying the man should be bending over backward to MAKE them happy, being a superior man and acting accordingly should make the woman happy. A man builds a successful career, keeps himself educated and in shape, has a social life, etc... are attractive qualities for a woman. Not saying he should do these things FOR woman, rather himself. If the man lets himself get lazy and his wife wants a divorce, or the marriage crumbles, I think that's the man's problem.

Of course the woman could get lazy, not put any effort into the marriage, etc... But I doubt after the divorce your ex wife lives a life of celibacy (she still wants to be with a man, why not you?). That was sort of my point in making the thread. Why did she get this way? Were you really the best man you could be, and she wasn't satisfied with that?

With a name like 'calihopeful', one has to assume he's a product of left wing, feminist indoctrination.
It's a username I used when I was trying to transfer to a top California university a few years ago (I got in), and just kept the name. It means nothing, like your comment.

He made this thread Friday, yet he hasn't responded to the replies and it is now Wednesday. I would imagine this guy is trolling or incredibly ignorant in the ways of the world. Neither would surprise me.
Maybe hes not addicted to this form like many of us are.
Correct, classes started up recently, I'm in the process of divorce and buying a house. Got busy.
 
Last edited:

How This "Nice Guy" Steals Women from Jerks

Did you know a woman can be totally UN-ATTRACTED to you...

And she'll still sleep with you?

If you've ever seen a girl go home with some asshole she didn't even LIKE, you know this is true.

But how is this possible?

Because deep inside her brain, sexual desire has nothing to do with what you LOOK like...

And everything to do with how you make her FEEL.

Matt Cook knows this all too well.

Matt is a nice guy... but he steals women from JERKS all the time.

In this free video training below, he'll show you how he does it:

How to Control Her Emotions and Make Her Chase You

Joined
Jan 14, 2018
Messages
4,695
Likes
3,306
Location
Somewhere where's it's none of your business
#26
I'll take a look. I think their was a major misunderstanding with my comment about it being the man's fault.



When I say "it's the man's fault > 90% of the time" I mean it like, if your woman is pissing you off, has a ****ty attitude, cheating on you etc... I would assume, based on what I have read and my own experience, that the man isn't handling the woman like he should be. Their behavior is out of control because the man isn't keeping it in line. Like a child, if you let them have a tantrum and give them what they want, they will continue to misbehave. Is a relationship much different?



This sums up what I meant above.



I don't believe women know how to make themselves happy (for the most part), and thus rely on their man for it. I agree with a lot of what you said here. Now, I'm not saying the man should be bending over backward to MAKE them happy, being a superior man and acting accordingly should make the woman happy. A man builds a successful career, keeps himself educated and in shape, has a social life, etc... are attractive qualities for a woman. Not saying he should do these things FOR woman, rather himself. If the man lets himself get lazy and his wife wants a divorce, or the marriage crumbles, I think that's the man's problem.

Of course the woman could get lazy, not put any effort into the marriage, etc... But I doubt after the divorce your ex wife lives a life of celibacy (she still wants to be with a man, why not you?). That was sort of my point in making the thread. Why did she get this way? Were you really the best man you could be, and she wasn't satisfied with that?



It's a username I used when I was trying to transfer to a top California university a few years ago (I got in), and just kept the name. It means nothing, like your comment.





Correct, classes started up recently, I'm in the process of divorce and buying a house. Got busy.
Seems you got the proper mindset.

And it's true that when a man fails to lead, he is ultimately responsible.

Once a man accepts that then and only then can he see a different version of himself.

This is what separates the winners from the losers.
 
Joined
Jan 22, 2017
Messages
23
Likes
24
#27
I'll take a look. I think their was a major misunderstanding with my comment about it being the man's fault.



When I say "it's the man's fault > 90% of the time" I mean it like, if your woman is pissing you off, has a ****ty attitude, cheating on you etc... I would assume, based on what I have read and my own experience, that the man isn't handling the woman like he should be. Their behavior is out of control because the man isn't keeping it in line. Like a child, if you let them have a tantrum and give them what they want, they will continue to misbehave. Is a relationship much different?



This sums up what I meant above.



I don't believe women know how to make themselves happy (for the most part), and thus rely on their man for it. I agree with a lot of what you said here. Now, I'm not saying the man should be bending over backward to MAKE them happy, being a superior man and acting accordingly should make the woman happy. A man builds a successful career, keeps himself educated and in shape, has a social life, etc... are attractive qualities for a woman. Not saying he should do these things FOR woman, rather himself. If the man lets himself get lazy and his wife wants a divorce, or the marriage crumbles, I think that's the man's problem.

Of course the woman could get lazy, not put any effort into the marriage, etc... But I doubt after the divorce your ex wife lives a life of celibacy (she still wants to be with a man, why not you?). That was sort of my point in making the thread. Why did she get this way? Were you really the best man you could be, and she wasn't satisfied with that?



It's a username I used when I was trying to transfer to a top California university a few years ago (I got in), and just kept the name. It means nothing, like your comment.





Correct, classes started up recently, I'm in the process of divorce and buying a house. Got busy.
You are right on target with that mindset. Failing to lead or failure in general with a woman is a temporal hindrance. What is important is to accept responsibility and use that failure to learn and for self improvement. It sometimes takes a number of failures before a Lion gets a successful kill for food. If he gives up because of failure, he ceases to exist. After failure to kill prey, the Lion will normally self examine and come up with a different strategy, eventually leading to a belly full of fresh juicy meat.

Same, if a man gives up because of a failed relationship or two, he ceases to exist to women, worse still to society in general. A successful leader is a product of failed attempts, who never gave up but instead used those failures for his next pursuits. Failures + unrelenting pursuits = success.
 
Top