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Losing girls after make-outs


Master Don Juan
Jul 9, 2013
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I have been trying to date higher quality women as I want a relationship and on quite a few occasions I've had girls go cold on me after kissing/public make outs.
The first thing you should check is that you're good at kissing, good hygiene, that these girls are enthusiastically consenting, that the public make outs aren't too public, etc.

I read advice in a book once that guys shouldn't forget that girls will get bored if all you want to do is make out and stop talking once the kissing starts.

If you have the typical definition of high quality I'm surprised you're even able to get public make outs on the first/second date; most would associate that with party girls.

For your goals I'd say tone down the sexuality and ramp up more slowly and smoothly

Personally I'd count getting a first/second date make out as a win and write off any girl who goes ghost as not being into me enough.


My modus operandi since my early 20s (I'm mid 30s now) has been to be flirty, physically escalate fast and get girls into bed as soon as possible.
But when I reflect back on the women I've dated and gone out for the most part they've been desperate/easy/needy/nymphos and generally low quality.
I have been trying to date higher quality women as I want a relationship and on quite a few occasions I've had girls go cold on me after kissing/public make outs.

Generally how it goes on the first or second date we've had some drinks, conversation, I've moved from some light incidental touches to a bit of handholding and then my hand would be resting on their thighs or around their waist and we are on a nice sofa or something and I lean in and kiss them and we start making out. But then after ten minutes or so they suddenly go cold and say it is getting late and then become more distant by text and it goes south.

One possibility I considered is they didn't enjoy kissing me. I wouldn't say I am the world's greatest kisser and people have different preferences when it comes to kissing so there is a compatibility issue but plenty of girls in the past haven't been able to get enough of kissing me and have complimented me on my kissing. But it seems the most logical explanation.

Another is that they feel uncomfortable and self conscious kissing in a public place because they are good girls and associate those negative feelings with me.

Another is that by moving too fast I am showing too much interest and ruining the sexual tension and challenge and putting myself in the same bracket of guys they've come across who just want sex.

Anyone else had this kind of experience before?
Stop punching below you weight class


Don Juan
May 14, 2007
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Thanks for the comments.

Yeah could be I am choosing too public venues or venues that are not dim/dark enough or late enough at night that it segues neatly to saying "let's go back to mine". I know quite a few girls dislike PDAs and feel uncomfortable or say that it is for teenagers. And yeah there is sometimes a little awkwardness when you finish making up and try to go back to conversation whereas in a private venue make outs usually lead to sex and a noticeable decrease in whatever anticipation/tension had been building.

And yeah I guess if you are too eager to make out and paw them it can show too much interest and seem desperate and hungry.