LJBF before even dating - any thoughts?

[tony.shai]

Hello guys, I'm relatively new to the community. I encountered a situation which I could not find thread about somehow, but I'm really looking into how I should have handled this better.

So I talked a bit with a girl (I wasn't attracted to her initially so no moves), then on the next day I asked her friend about her, because I couldn't find a way to ask her out (pretty dumb) when we were together (group setting). Now, she literally told her and send me a message of her saying she can offer only friendship, which I declined with the enough friends response, through her friend, o god. After that, a week later we met (pretty ****ed up situation), and I didn't accept her friendship offer of course, but I said that we had a good time and nothing else. I know this is ultra retarded, but I'm really starting out, please be bitter as possible, I want to hear out how could I have handled this better and also, what should I do the next time I meet her if my goal is to give it a try (she got out of a toxic relationship recently), but I'm unsure if I just missed an opportunity by just nexting her. And in general, how would you guys determine that you next or not in that situation?

 

[tony.shai]

Well, I didn't sound butthurt (that was not my line exactly), it was more of a business-like response. But yeah, generally I think I played that really dumb. Otherwise the girl showed IOIs, but maybe I was mistaken cause she is more of the AW type of girls. Thank you for your good answer!

 

[Black Widow Void]

Welcome aboard.

I'll start with the ending and then go to the beginning.

The odds of this current situation being salvageable are slim. As far as I see it, the only way to increase those odds, would be if you came across as unfazed and were seen with other girls and having fun.

After the girl expressed disinterest, It sounds like you shifted gears on her. Not the best move. It will indeed come across as appearing 'butt hurt." Now ask yourself this: If you can assert yourself like the above when she expressed disinterest... why could you not assert yourself to this same degree... when it came to asking her out? I'm not putting you down. It's just something you might want to think about and change.

Despite what a lot of girls/women may say, they do not want to lead. When you had a friend do the asking for you, this did not communicate a leadership quality. Also your reaction also 'communicated' that your behavior was dependent on her response. This also reinforced her first (not so great) opinion.

Don't let some of the members here fool you. We've all made similar mistakes in our lifetime (self included). In fact, some people never learn and continue making these mistakes.
The fact that you are wanting to work on yourself and improve your outcome .... means that you will.
Don't beat yourself up on this one. Instead, learn from it and become a 'newer and improved' version of yourself for the next gal.

Good luck.

 

[tony.shai]

Thanks for your answer, it's very encouraging to see that others have gone through these mistakes. You are very correct - in fact, had I known we'd be meeting up again I wouldn't do any of that. Besides, I think that there may be a problem with a girl communicating through her friend about something like that, as she might appear like a slut in front of her. Also, don't get me wrong, I'm not that good to turn this over, but what you guys gave me as feedback are some good points to consider with my interactions in the future.

 

[backseatjuan]

Let’s be friends is same as let’s not fck, and is same as I am not sexually attracted to you.

It’s same as you saying no to an ugly girl.

Could mean you ugly, could mean you fat, could mean you’re not rich enough, could mean anything. Focus on increasing your smv. You got no chance with her, period.

 

[Robert28]

If she just got out of a toxic relationship that tells me that’s exactly what she goes for....toxic relationships. Gives her the tingles. You came off as the “good guy”, which there’s nothing wrong with. Just understand that this girl loves the toxic relationships, you won’t provide that so it doesn’t give cupcake the tingles she craves.
Do not under any circumstances be friends with her or any woman. Unless you enjoy being used and never get anything in return for your efforts. Sounds like a hell of a deal huh? That’s what being friends with women is in a nutshell. Your response is fine, don’t listen to these other guys, you didn’t sound butthurt but you made it clear that you deserved more than just friendship. That’s all that matters.

 

[backseatjuan]

Don’t waste your time with her social circle, her friend for example. You have a certain place there, nice guy. It’s useless now. New set of friends.

It could feel empty. I’m empathetic, couldn’t possibly relate, but I remember it’s emotional. Cheer up, put a happy face on your ass like jeans overfat ass and do something about it.

 

[tony.shai]

Don’t waste your time with her social circle, her friend for example. You have a certain place there, nice guy. It’s useless now. New set of friends.

It could feel empty. I’m empathetic, couldn’t possibly relate, but I remember it’s emotional. Cheer up, put a happy face on your ass like jeans overfat ass and do something about it.

That's actually what I was thinking, I won't be using her social circle as they seem really stupid. I'm very well financially and intelligent, guess I really turned into the nice guy lmao. I don't have much experience in those kind of social circles though, and was really the new guy there so yeah.

 

[backseatjuan]

Financed is good, intelligent as long as it don’t mean an incel. Get a cool haircut to cheer up, that’s + to your smv, ask a barber to cut to your face whatever he wants. Some cool clothes. A little make over.

Online is sht, it’s a tool but that’s not how you meet. Do approaches.

 

[Skyline]

Actions speak louder than words.

If she is giving signs of more than friendship, but says she only wants friends, then are you really going to listen to that?

I consider the friends only line a sh*t test. Especially if her actions say otherwise. The “friend zone” is probably the best “zone” you can be in. It gives you social value and if you’re actually good at gaming women then it will become a ‘we started out as friends..’ story. Or just a FB situation.

The only drawback of being “friend zoned” is if you make it a drawback.

 

[tony.shai]

Yeah but I read in the Rational male books that often women do that after LJBF in order to regain the previous attention levels that you gave them, so I took it as her wanting to boost her ego. It's very confusing and difficult to put up with that crap.

Also, I think I ****ed up because I build too much comfort in the beginning, but I wasn't interested before knowing her (I know it sounds weird that you dont want to **** someone before knowing him). I'm reading David DeAngelo right now and trying to improve that aspect of my game and trying different things here and there on the field, but yeah - consider that too.

 

[zinc4]

Hello guys, I'm relatively new to the community. I encountered a situation which I could not find thread about somehow, but I'm really looking into how I should have handled this better.

So I talked a bit with a girl (I wasn't attracted to her initially so no moves), then on the next day I asked her friend about her, because I couldn't find a way to ask her out (pretty dumb) when we were together (group setting). Now, she literally told her and send me a message of her saying she can offer only friendship, which I declined with the enough friends response, through her friend, o god. After that, a week later we met (pretty ****ed up situation), and I didn't accept her friendship offer of course, but I said that we had a good time and nothing else. I know this is ultra retarded, but I'm really starting out, please be bitter as possible, I want to hear out how could I have handled this better and also, what should I do the next time I meet her if my goal is to give it a try (she got out of a toxic relationship recently), but I'm unsure if I just missed an opportunity by just nexting her. And in general, how would you guys determine that you next or not in that situation?

This was a girl you never dated nor anything....you should be unfazed say yes friends are good then just avoid her afterwards knowing that she is a waste of time...... forget about this ho and keep talking to new chicks

 

[tony.shai]

Welcome bro. Ok move on to another and let this one come back. Dont talk to her and let her work for your attention. Think of your attention as dollar bills. Use it as a currency to slip into her panties when she is doing what you like.

Yeah I did that the second time we met - it was hell of fun watching her try to grab my attention in different ways but I was like a rock, like I said cause I read that in the book and was expecting it. But dw I'm spinning plates it's just that was the most afc/beta situtation I ever had but I thought it'd be interesting to get some feedback that's it.

 

[tony.shai]

She knows you are interested.
Do NOTHING now. Don't ask her out, be polite and friendly when you see her again, but don't give her any more attention than you give others.

If she is interested, she will make a point of trying to talk to you or get your attention

Yep well, when we talked (1 on 1) the second time we met I think she expected me to ask her out, but knowing the attention thing from the book I didn't, cause she was going to be like oh that's so cute or something. I realise how **** ty that seems as it makes me look like a pu ssy, but it's obvious I was interested. I actually think I pissed her off by not asking her out lmao. I'm going to go your way the next time we meet and if **** doesn't happen I'm ok with that. Also, the girl is my age (which is 22), so I might say that she doesn't really know what she wants so you guys should consider that too in your analysis

 

[mikey2012]

Waste of time. Move on.

 

[wifehunter]

LJBF = ask to meet 'her friends'

Some are probably hot, and maybe even hotter.

 

[Robert28]

LJBF = ask to meet 'her friends'

Some are probably hot, and maybe even hotter.

I have never heard of a girl that friend zoned a guy agree to hook him up with her better looking friends, or any friends for that matter.

 

[wifehunter]

I have never heard of a girl that friend zoned a guy agree to hook him up with her better looking friends, or any friends for that matter.

Sure, make sense. Most guys are too focused on one girl. Which is the problem.

 

[Robert28]

Sure, make sense. Most guys are too focused on one girl. Which is the problem.

In the two times I’ve been friend zoned the girl was not about to give me up to one of her friends. Or some other random girl. It was up to me to go meet someone else and both times I did it made them madder than ****. I have no positive experiences about being in platonic relationships or friendships with women, nothing but a bad taste has been left in my mouth about it. There’s absolutely no upside to it for me.

 

[Robert28]

Epic. And as simple as it can be.

In a younger guys defense or a guy that’s a late bloomer with women, I can see why they get hung up on one girl after being friend zoned. It’s not like the girl is sending clear signals that you don’t have a shot, they say and do just enough to keep you on the hook.