Hello Friend,

If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.

It will be the most efficient use of your time.

And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.

Thank you for visiting and have a great day!

late bloomer

Doc73

Don Juan
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If what I am about to say does not seem to make sense, bear with me. It is after all 3 am at the moment and I seem to have a bit of a case of insomnia.

I am for all intents and purposes a late bloomer. Some of you might ask what I mean by that. Well, basically I mean that I am just starting to develop social and dating skills that most people have down pat by the time they are in their late teens. I have never been in a serious relationship, although I have dated a bit and I was the last of my circle of friends to lose their virginity at the age of 30. (I should point out that I had chances to lose it when I was younger, but at that time I thought I wanted to save myself for marriage).

Anyways back to my situation/problem. Late last year I discovered this site and since then I have been making progress in increasing my confidence and learning how to socialize and even flirt better. It has been painfully slow, however with a lot of personal setbacks, and a lot of obstacles. For one my family, and my upbringing. I was brought up by a father who believes that the way to get a woman is to shower her with attention and buy her gifts and basically let her take control. What is worse is that the rest of my family are very passive and weak minded. Add to this the fact that I spent most of my childhood and teenage years trying to recover from serious mental health problems, and you can see what I am up against. Its not easy trying to undo thirty or so years of negative programming, especially when your family is against everything you stand for. I have had to fight tooth and nail for all my successes and I imagine I will have to fight equally as hard for what I want in the future.

So what kind of progress have I made in the five months since discovering this site? In my opinion, a lot. Before this site I had problems making even simple eye contact with attractive women, and my style of communication was passive. Now I can make and hold eye contact no problem and have even been able to make conversation with girls I have just met. I began to work out at the gym and lost 50 lbs, now sitting at around 190 or so. One of my biggest problems was learning how to communicate, so I took a job doing phone tech support. I have been incorporating more C+F in my communication with women, and one girl I was chatting with seemed very surprised when I told her I was actually shy around women. I have been learning to flirt, and I am to the point where I am comfortable initiating kino. Sometimes it doent work, most of the time I get positive results. Although I still get missed opportunities (I have a list a mile long), I have been learning to recognize them.

Here is my problem, however. I am by nature an impatient person, partially because I have adult ADD, and partially because in an ironic twist, most of my friends are hardcore players, and admittingly i do get a bit envious/jealous. I am not getting any younger, although thankfully I do not look anywhere near my age (closest anyone has come to guessing my age is 29, I usually get mistaken for 22-25) and I do try to use it to my advantage. I want to take what I am doing and learning to the next level but what is holding me back is, to be blunt, fear. Like I said earlier, its not easy to undo 30 years of programming, especially when that tiny voice inside your head is feeding you negative vibes and false information. I know in my soul that there is a regular Don Juan hidden inside me waiting to be unleashed, and when he does come out, he is going to ask... "What took you so long?"
 

smooth_as_silk

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Originally posted by Doc73
So what kind of progress have I made in the five months since discovering this site? In my opinion, a lot. Before this site I had problems making even simple eye contact with attractive women, and my style of communication was passive. Now I can make and hold eye contact no problem and have even been able to make conversation with girls I have just met. I began to work out at the gym and lost 50 lbs, now sitting at around 190 or so. One of my biggest problems was learning how to communicate, so I took a job doing phone tech support. I have been incorporating more C+F in my communication with women, and one girl I was chatting with seemed very surprised when I told her I was actually shy around women. I have been learning to flirt, and I am to the point where I am comfortable initiating kino.
You're definitely on the right track! Everything comes with practice and patience (a lot of patience)...
Good Luck
 

Chrispy

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are you able to take medication for ADD? I can see that as being an issue for LTR's if that is what you are looking for.
 

ogre

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welcome welcome. glad to know you.

we're in the same boat. Your bio sounds like me in some spots. I think maybe I'm STARTING to get the hang of this. (later, I'll post updates to my last thread. please look for it.)

my family defintely fawked up my head. Mamma was a secular jewish liberal feminist fruitcake. she joined a new-age cult when I was 8, and they fawked up my head even more. daddy was a whimp who he did not know what cajones were for. it's amazing he had any kids at all. Mamma nagged him to suicide, literally, by means of drink, smoke & valium. So with no father figure to provide "balance", mamma's eccentricites and dysfunctions ran amok.


Its not easy trying to undo thirty or so years of negative programming .........I have had to fight tooth and nail for all my successes

exactly my sitch.

having said thus, None of this DJ stuff is gonna work unless you get your mind right. first thing you have to do is get rid of that sexual shame, fear and guilt that has been drilled into you. Be proud of your sexuality! God equipped you with a set of testicles so you could get out there and use them! Be fruitful and multiply!

you also have to be aware that we are fighting the "politically correct" feminist agenda that is everywhere.

Here are some websites that I've found helpful regarding feminism:

www.savethemales.ca
and
www.heretical.com
(WARNING/DISCLAIMER: this site has a lot of articles that some of you may find offensive. I am posting it because of the articles on feminism)

as for your ADD, DO NOT seek medication. your mental condition is a normal reaction to your circumstances. You need your emotions. They will drive you to change. prepare to have your heart trampled on a few times. It's part of the process. and if you medicate your emotions you may inhibit your growth. your ADD will improve as your self-esteem improves. it's hard to concentrate when you are depressed. this is normal. But if you really feel the need to soften the intensity you can get some homeopathic or herbal stuff from the health food store.

anyway you're doing great.
 

Doc73

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as for your ADD, DO NOT seek medication. your mental condition is a normal reaction to your circumstances. You need your emotions.
are you able to take medication for ADD? I can see that as being an issue for LTR's if that is what you are looking for.
I definately do feel that I need to seek some sort of medical attention about my adult ADD, but I absolutely refuse to take any prescription medications for it. I do plan, however on consulting a naturopath in the hopes that he can suggest a more organic treatment.

I am going out with a few people tonight including possibly one or two girls. I'll keep you all posted :)
 
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