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Just Realized I Don't Like Dating. Is There A Way To Change This?

momentomori

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As far as dates go, we had a nice first date. As per usual she was a little more chunky in real life than in the pics, but she still looked pretty good. We scheduled a second date, but she flaked, apologized and texted me today to see what my schedule was like.

At first, we were about to plan a date, but then after a little back and forth I sent the following text "Hey, you know what. I'm not interested in dating right now. I think you're a really nice person and I'm sorry for wasting your time".

For the last two years, I have been going really hard at trying to learn how to date and make things work. I never realized the headache, inconvenience, and general unpleasantness involved with the process of dating. At this point, I feel like it is just not worth the trouble. I vastly prefer being alone. I've given this dating thing the ol' college try, but I simply don't like it. It also doesn't help that the results in relation to the amount of effort put in have been crap.

Is there a way to actually enjoy dating? Maybe I need to increase my value proposition (i.e., more resources) so that I could more easily attract women / retain them. But I still would have to be around them, and I don't particularly want that. This is a conundrum because I would like to like dating, but as it currently is, I do not. Is there a way to change this?
 

BackInTheGame78

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As far as dates go, we had a nice first date. As per usual she was a little more chunky in real life than in the pics, but she still looked pretty good. We scheduled a second date, but she flaked, apologized and texted me today to see what my schedule was like.

At first, we were about to plan a date, but then after a little back and forth I sent the following text "Hey, you know what. I'm not interested in dating right now. I think you're a really nice person and I'm sorry for wasting your time".

For the last two years, I have been going really hard at trying to learn how to date and make things work. I never realized the headache, inconvenience, and general unpleasantness involved with the process of dating. At this point, I feel like it is just not worth the trouble. I vastly prefer being alone. I've given this dating thing the ol' college try, but I simply don't like it. It also doesn't help that the results in relation to the amount of effort put in have been crap.

Is there a way to actually enjoy dating? Maybe I need to increase my value proposition (i.e., more resources) so that I could more easily attract women / retain them. But I still would have to be around them, and I don't particularly want that. This is a conundrum because I would like to like dating, but as it currently is, I do not. Is there a way to change this?
No, you seem like you'd prefer to be alone which there is nothing wrong with, but then don't turn around in a year or two and complain about it either.

This is conscious decision you are making, you have to own that.

The only thing I'd say is that you seem to take dating way too serious, as in there has to be some pattern followed and if it doesn't follow that pattern then it's all wrong.

There are no patterns in dating. You have to basically be fluid and able to handle different situations.

The only way to change it is to go on dates with women you like, which means you are going to have to go through a lot of them you don't like first.

That's just life...you can either accept it for what it is or you can just not bother trying.

Realize that dating is simply a means to an end which is regular sex with someone. If that doesn't hold enough interest to you then maybe you shouldn't bother.
 
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Konada

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If you just want hookups I believe there are sites out there that, seekingarrangements.com or hire escorts. You don't pay them for sex, you pay for them to leave you alone after that.

Other than that, dating is a necessary thing to meet women. Going for women you like helps alot in the process as well
 

DreamAgain

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As far as dates go, we had a nice first date. As per usual she was a little more chunky in real life than in the pics, but she still looked pretty good. We scheduled a second date, but she flaked, apologized and texted me today to see what my schedule was like.

At first, we were about to plan a date, but then after a little back and forth I sent the following text "Hey, you know what. I'm not interested in dating right now. I think you're a really nice person and I'm sorry for wasting your time".

For the last two years, I have been going really hard at trying to learn how to date and make things work. I never realized the headache, inconvenience, and general unpleasantness involved with the process of dating. At this point, I feel like it is just not worth the trouble. I vastly prefer being alone. I've given this dating thing the ol' college try, but I simply don't like it. It also doesn't help that the results in relation to the amount of effort put in have been crap.

Is there a way to actually enjoy dating? Maybe I need to increase my value proposition (i.e., more resources) so that I could more easily attract women / retain them. But I still would have to be around them, and I don't particularly want that. This is a conundrum because I would like to like dating, but as it currently is, I do not. Is there a way to change this?
Date more interesting / higher educated women.

Bartenders, retail workers (unless they are students), HR, hair dressers, sales, these are a no go.
 

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Dr.Suave

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Hi OP. Dating is supposed to be fun, even if you didnt get laid. Sex is just the cherry on top. Just plan dates you would enjoy regardless of company and do stuff you actually want to do.
 

SW15

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I never realized the headache, inconvenience, and general unpleasantness involved with the process of dating.
The early stages of dating are generally unpleasant. The approaching, capturing attention, planning dates, being on your game to impress, are all a lot of effort. There's also coping with ghosting and flaking. Swiping and texting on apps are also high effort, low yield plays too. Most interactions are "one date, no sex, no second date", which is a lot of wasted effort. The effort is worth it if you get laid a decent amount and/or form an extended relationship but otherwise it isn't worth it.

Is there a way to actually enjoy dating?
I've never enjoyed the early stages of dating for the reasons stated above. I don't think a lot of men enjoy the early stages of dating if they are honest about it.

For the last two years, I have been going really hard at trying to learn how to date and make things work.... At this point, I feel like it is just not worth the trouble. I vastly prefer being alone. I've given this dating thing the ol' college try, but I simply don't like it. It also doesn't help that the results in relation to the amount of effort put in have been crap.
Dating is unenjoyable if your outcomes are crap. Your outcomes have been crap. Too many "one date, no sex, no second date" interactions are psychologically taxing, especially if the woman is ghosting/flaking on you while you are still interested.

Even in the best of situations, I perceive that early stages is only tolerable to get to the sex phase.
 

Jake_Gyllenhaal69

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Hi OP. Dating is supposed to be fun, even if you didnt get laid. Sex is just the cherry on top. Just plan dates you would enjoy regardless of company and do stuff you actually want to do.
I'll say it out it is...Dating/courting is a feminine based hobby. It doesn't mean that I'm calling you feminine because not every guy is 100% masculine and female is 100% feminine. Hell, I have some hobbies of myself that could be considered feminine, but I think it is perfectly reasonable for a guy not to like dating/courting. I'm pretty sure that is a recent edition because men didn't have time for all of that shvt back in the day. At our core, we were meant to Protect, Pillage, and Provide not emotionally manipulate. Aside from that, learn the arts of dating to master the art of panty wetting, but you aren't crazy for not enjoying it whatsoever lol.
 

kavi

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Dating sucks. Men should really look at other avenues to spend time with women rather than play this stupid game. The best date is probably a walk in a park.

Social groups, parties are the best way to spend time with women imo. If you can get a woman to really like you without going out with her too soon you would probably avoid all those low-quality dates and the process would be easier for you.
 

momentomori

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Dating is unenjoyable if your outcomes are crap. Your outcomes have been crap. Too many "one date, no sex, no second date" interactions are psychologically taxing, especially if the woman is ghosting/flaking on you while you are still interested.

Even in the best of situations, I perceive that early stages is only tolerable to get to the sex phase.
Yeah, good point. I haven't really made it past the early stages of dating with most girls. Maybe if I were to find a couple of girls to make it past the initial phase and have regular sex with then my perception of dating would be different.

Still probably wouldn't like it though.
 

momentomori

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No, you seem like you'd prefer to be alone which there is nothing wrong with, but then don't turn around in a year or two and complain about it either.

This is conscious decision you are making, you have to own that.

The only thing I'd say is that you seem to take dating way too serious, as in there has to be some pattern followed and if it doesn't follow that pattern then it's all wrong.

There are no patterns in dating. You have to basically be fluid and able to handle different situations.

The only way to change it is to go on dates with women you like, which means you are going to have to go through a lot of them you don't like first.

That's just life...you can either accept it for what it is or you can just not bother trying.

Realize that dating is simply a means to an end which is regular sex with someone. If that doesn't hold enough interest to you then maybe you shouldn't bother.
I actually think I prefer having a pattern.

Example:
  1. Invite her to the coffee shop within 10 mins walking distance to my apartment
  2. Attempt to pull within 30 minutes.
  3. If she rejects continue talking for 10-15 minutes or just bail right there.
  4. Schedule second date at my apartment or the same coffee shop.
  5. Attempt pull.
  6. Etc.
If anything, having a pattern has made things less stressful for me. When I would meet her at a random coffee shop with questionable parking and an inability to walk back to my place to pull then I would be much more stressed because I know the date would go nowhere.
 

BillyPilgrim

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OP, I've talked about this ad-naseum on the forum, but one trick that can help is the identification and careful screening of Italian-descended women. Even if you live in an area where there aren't very many, you will still find a high percentage of them on the apps. They tend to be the biggest headaches out of all the white women out there.
 

SW15

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Yeah, good point. I haven't really made it past the early stages of dating with most girls. Maybe if I were to find a couple of girls to make it past the initial phase and have regular sex with then my perception of dating would be different.

Still probably wouldn't like it though.
That's exactly the case. You'd tolerate the early stages to get the sex out of some sort of 6-24 month relationship.

one trick that can help is the identification and careful screening of Italian-descended women. Even if you live in an area where there aren't very many, you will still find a high percentage of them on the apps. They tend to be the biggest headaches out of all the white women out there.
In thinking about my "one date, no sex, no second date" type interactions with White women, very few (if any) have been with Italian-American women. I recall one Jewish woman acted like a Jewish American Princess once and refused to go on a 2nd date with me when she heard about my car. At the time, she had a less than 2 year old luxury brand car.

Most of my "one date, no sex, no second date" type interactions with White women have been with ordinary White women than weren't Italian-Americans or Ashkenazi (European) Jews.
 

zekko

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Is there a way to actually enjoy dating?
In my experience, when you find the right woman (or women), you will enjoy dating. By that I simply mean finding the right woman that you enjoy spending time with. Doesn't have to be like "the one" or anything like that, just someone you genuinely enjoy spending time with.

I know there are guys here who hate spending time with women except for the sex part. But with all the LTRs I've been in, it's always been with women I actually enjoy being around. Not because they're going to help me change my transmission or whatever, but I like the yin/yang of it. When you're out with girls who aren't a good match for you, it can get pretty tiresome.
 

SW15

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In my experience, when you find the right woman (or women), you will enjoy dating. By that I simply mean finding the right woman that you enjoy spending time with. Doesn't have to be like "the one" or anything like that, just someone you genuinely enjoy spending time with.

I know there are guys here who hate spending time with women except for the sex part. But with all the LTRs I've been in, it's always been with women I actually enjoy being around.
Having sex with a woman makes me want to spend more time around them. If the sex is good, then I want to be around them for non-sex stuff and then that stuff can enhance sex too.

Even with women I really like, the early stages are tolerable and then the sex takes it up to another level.

When you're out with girls who aren't a good match for you, it can get pretty tiresome.
One of the more tiresome scenarios that you didn't mention was the scenario where you think there's a good match with a woman and she ghosts/flakes on the interaction.

That has been more common for me over time than bad matches. I have had dates that were so bad that I had zero interest in offering a 2nd date. I'm less pissed about those interactions than the interactions where I wanted to continue the interaction and she didn't.
 

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DonQuixote

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I agree with most posters here that dating is not enjoyable unless you find the girls that suit you. Depending how eccentric (or lack thereof) you are, you are compatible with more or less women. The best girls I met were through social circle. No social circle, no quality girl. When I cold approach women I don't have serious intentions in mind, unless that girl strikes me as my type and checks many boxes. It is mentally draining and a form of homosexual behavior if we take it to the end conclusion of transient sterile relationships or anonymous sex.
 

SW15

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end conclusion of transient sterile relationships
You could make a case that I have a lifetime of interactions of transient sterile relationships. This represents 20+ years of dating.

The best girls I met were through social circle. No social circle, no quality girl. When I cold approach women I don't have serious intentions in mind, unless that girl strikes me as my type and checks many boxes.
I've never had a social circle capable of arranging dates for me. Some of that has to do with circumstances outside of my control. The early in life relocations had a lot to do with that. When I've approached strangers, I have had serious intentions. I have had intentions of extended interactions of dating websites (pre-swipe app era) and swipe apps when I used them. When you don't have a social circle, it's a major disadvantage in the mating game.
 

eli77

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Group dates could be a possibility and look for the warning signs that she's a psycho most guys miss that
 

DonQuixote

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You could make a case that I have a lifetime of interactions of transient sterile relationships. This represents 20+ years of dating.



I've never had a social circle capable of arranging dates for me. Some of that has to do with circumstances outside of my control. The early in life relocations had a lot to do with that. When I've approached strangers, I have had serious intentions. I have had intentions of extended interactions of dating websites (pre-swipe app era) and swipe apps when I used them. When you don't have a social circle, it's a major disadvantage in the mating game.
The circle builds naturally but past a certain age it is harder to do and to care. Since age 25 I stopped caring who I meet or if I make friends. Most names and faces I forget unless someone made an umpression on me. I am naturally gregarious but at this point I don't care who I meet and who I talk to unless there is mutual attraction or benefit.

It is not that people arrange dates for you but there will be a girl or several who like you and one of them you like as well and you grow into a couple eventually. I prefer it this way because I actually care about the girl and even if it does not work out I won't forget her in my lifetime, having sweet memories and all.

About the transient sterile relationships: Roosh did that for two decades and now lost his mind. As a kid I always wanted to have children myself. I made sure if I have sex with this girl that I won't regret it if she gets pregnant. Never understood having relationships that do not lead to marriage and having children. I had a girlfriend who told me she does not want to have children and she was just 19. When she already made her mind up and has such a twisted opinion I did not want to continue the relationship with her, it became pointless.
 

momentomori

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It is mentally draining and a form of homosexual behavior if we take it to the end conclusion of transient sterile relationships or anonymous sex.
Hah... I can see how it is mentally draining to have very superficial relationships with women. Constantly going through the initial dating phase with one new chick after another truly is mentally draining. I believe there was research called the "mappiness" study which showed that we are about 2 points out of 10 points less happy being around strangers than we are by ourselves, but we are about 4 points happier being around people we know/are friends with than being alone. So what you're saying does make sense. And gays do love their sex with rando's.
 
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