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It's not the friend zone, but is this better or worse?

The LadyKiller

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It hit me this week that I haven't received the "let's just be friends" words or text from a HB in a long time. Good, right? Maybe not. While I have met some girls and been on a few dates in the past several months, the percentages generally haven't been in my favor.

Most of the time, it's a girl I already know and it'll go down like this: We get along well, there's flirting, some kino, the usual stuff. Everything's progressing as planned. But when I ask if they want to get coffee or drinks, they don't say no. They never do. Instead, they behave as if they're mad I ever suggested it. The HB will completely ignore me, block me on anything and everything before eventually cooling off and only communicating in 1 or 2 word answers when we do run into each other again. I don't persist, I don't keep texting if they haven't responded, and I don't get angry. Doesn't matter how well I know them, merely suggesting we get drinks = barely ever talking to me again. I know guys who do react very negatively, and the HB's aren't cutting them off, and they aren't treated this harshly.

Furthermore, if a girl I know is flirting with me in front of people, my friends may joke that she's into me. Instead of a, "haha no, we're just friends", they get annoyed. One girl - who I know very well - PUNCHED my friend for even suggesting it and then stormed off (my friend is a big guy so it didn't hurt, but still). Another girl or two have openly said, "eww, never!" demonstratively. And trust me, this isn't a sh*t test, they're not seeing how I react. They appear genuinely offended.

Let me be clear - I of course never want to be in the friend zone, I never want to be an orbiter. But I find it peculiar that these girls I know, and in some cases know well, always opt to burn the bridge instead of keep things as they were or at least go for the extra attention (like they do 99% of the time), if that makes any sense. It doesn't happen to any of my friends when similar situations arise. Do you have any possible explanation as to what's going on?

If you're wondering why I care, two reasons:
- Asking a girl I know out shouldn't involve putting the entire relationship on the line. I can move on quickly if a HB says no. Shouldn't involve the HB nuking the relationship.
- Girls like to play matchmaker. If they're not interested but we still get along, they could potentially introduce me to their friends. It does happen. Expanding my social circle is a plus.
 
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Reykhel

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Learn about FRAME

Learn about THE REASONS FOR SPINNING PLATES

Learn about SPINNING PLATES

 

The LadyKiller

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I'm generally unresponsive to sh*t tests and I spin plates, which inconveniently constantly all come crashing down at the same time.
 

Filter

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Most women you go out with should be taken out to form a relationship... not because one is already in place.

From what I can read, it seems that you cannot differentiate between female friends that are purely platonic and women that are sexually interested in you.

Personally, I only ask out women that are absolutely not in my social circle. It creates too much tension and a potentially awkward situation if you ask out a girl you already have an even semi-platonic relationship with. If she's in your social circle, and she likes you, you'll know. She'll make it very easy for you two to get together. I've met most of my girlfriends this way.

But it sounds like you're actually in the friend zone. Like you're asking out female friends or trying to be their friend before screwing them.
 

hockeyfreak79

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What I find amusing is how much weight millennials put into social media. I mean I get why woman do, ultimately it's a screening tool for them. Saftey reasons, attention whoring, etc. I don't know if you are a millennial it's just my initial thoughts on your post.

I don't add prospects on FB, only social media I'm on. If it's a problem for them I just move on. And now that I think about it, it's never really come up. Even my fwb never said anything or made it an issue.

I personal don't care add whoever you want to your social media, I just prefer not to. It today's market the majority of woman expire after 90 days. Just my 2 cent.

I personal think it's better that they do this, I pretty much do the same with prospects I meet and I don't care to pursue. I'm not interested in being a buddy buddy friend or orbiter I just move on.
 
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The LadyKiller

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From what I can read, it seems that you cannot differentiate between female friends that are purely platonic and women that are sexually interested in you.

Personally, I only ask out women that are absolutely not in my social circle. It creates too much tension and a potentially awkward situation if you ask out a girl you already have an even semi-platonic relationship with. If she's in your social circle, and she likes you, you'll know. She'll make it very easy for you two to get together. I've met most of my girlfriends this way.

But it sounds like you're actually in the friend zone. Like you're asking out female friends or trying to be their friend before screwing them.
I don't get the "friend zone" vibes from the girls I ask out. They flirt, initiate/respond well to kino. I looked up the classic friend zone signs, and these HBs aren't exhibiting them.

When I say social circle, I refer to girls in my network, but not in my group. Friends of friends, acquaintances, people I run into when I go out, etc. However, I think you're right that girls make it obvious when they like you.

The reason I made the post isn't because of girl who are or aren't interested. It's the hostility aimed my way when they're not.
 

Arcturus

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Are you particularly overweight or unattractive? Could you be asking them out in a creepy way? How long have you known these girls before you as them out? There seems to be some key information missing. Can you give us more details?
 

Poon King

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A relationship is a woman's reward for having sex with you.

If you're attracted to a woman.. you should not be "establishing a relationship" with her PRIOR to sleeping with her.
When you meet a new woman you're attracted to.. you should just be flirting, going out with her and building up to sex. Its not a relationship (as far as I'm concerned) until sex happens.

This makes it MUCH easier to weed out attention wh0res and other time wasters.

If I have a platonic relationship with a woman.. its because I either work with her.. she is dating/friends with a buddy of mine, or I don't find her sexually attractive.

You're playing the game backwards.
 

The LadyKiller

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Are you particularly overweight or unattractive? Could you be asking them out in a creepy way? How long have you known these girls before you as them out? There seems to be some key information missing. Can you give us more details?
I don't believe so. I'm buff and in shape, my one physical shortcoming is that I'm a shorter guy (5-7). However I primarily pursue girls that are shorter than me or are close to my height, though my height remains a topic. I ask girls out just like every other guy. I have an outgoing personality so sometimes I can be a little bit enthusiastic early on, but it's no reason for these girls to tee off on me. Especially since I know a majority of these girls, I'm no stranger.

I appreciate the advice about social game. As I said earlier, "social circle" is a loose term - it's simply people I know or are friends of friends, not people I hang out with. Due to living far away from a major city, there aren't as many resources or people/girls at my disposal.
 
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