It Finally Sunk in....Marriage

[SeekerOfTheWay]

You’re one of few women Ive ever heard openly admit that women cheat more than men. I applaud and respect your honesty.

Can you elaborate on why you believe women cheat more than men, and on the disparities you see in sexual market value between the cheating women and the men they cheat with? As well as the SMV disparity between the men women cheat with, versus that of the boyfriends/husbands?

Sorry, i can’t really answer why i think women cheat or cheat more in any scientific way. i think for one women just have more options. you’ve heard the chris rock bit “men are only as faithful as their options?” Not quite the same for females but if we have any inclination to stray, it’s just so easy to find one or more partners for sex or... what’s more likely... an emotional affair that also includes physical.

I also think partly it is because men are so willing and aggressive. when i was married i was approached alot (18-36) no matter that i wore a wedding ring and that i wasn’t flirty or confident back then. i was standoffish. men may have seen that as a challenge too. some men were def white knight types that connected to my “story” of being married to an alcoholic. i fell into that easily. i no longer feel i beed to be “saved” thank goodness.

i personally cheated because my ex was/is an alcoholic and i needed the affection, attention, validation and “love” from someone. i wasn’t getting it from him. at least am not as much as i thought i needed. personally i was insecure and a bit needy and codependent. i am still all of those things but getting more aware and always working on my issues.

i think it’s way more “serious” when a female cheats because that means she’s usually more emotionally involved in the other man and could potentially leave her partner. when a man cheats (correct me if wrong) he can do it workout much emotions and for the physical. that’s why i am leaning towards being poly and being okay with my partner(s) having established FWBs or 1-2 others LTRs. It doesn’t seem to threaten my relationship with them. i can still get my needs met.

sorry i have no big insights. i am still just bumbling my way through dating and love and life. i find relationships very challenging and confusing and tiring. i think cheating is poor character and i still do it because i can and want to and become it’s easier than dealing with my men telling me what to do. i would rather be loyal and reliable and honest and i have good intentions but i am finding men are so demanding that i resort to just doing my thing and keeping it quiet.

for the record i was married 20 years and and single now for 3. not sure if i went over that.

as far as who i cheated WITH, it was men that met my standards and were the same “value” i guess as my hubby.