Is sex special?

[Pandora]

I have been thinking about the role of sex in my life recently. I have a couple questions for you guys about the nature of sex. When you talk to different people about the role of sex in life you get different viewpoints. I want to get your opinions on each of these viewpoints. I

1.) Sex is special. Sex is a sacred thing that should only be done in a committed relationship. Some people actually believe that 2 people that join sexually are transferring supernatural energy. The women/men that believe this tend to be more spiritual. They also tend to be balanced mentally. These women rarely engage in casual sex and when they do they experience guilt.

2.) Sex is a mechanical act. It holds no great significance and may be performed with people that you just kind of like. There does not have to be a deep emotional connection involved. These women are what we refer to as sluts. The men that act like this are called players. They usually have higher partner counts. Their only criterion for sexual involvement is a slight physical attraction. PUA artists are part of this camp.

When I was younger I used to exclusively be part of camp number 2. Getting laid by hot women was my ultimate goal. I was an aspiring pick up artist/player. As I got older I started to suspect that sex might be more significant that I originally thought. I started noticing that I was happier having sex in a happy monogamous relationship than I did having sex with a string of casual partners. I suspect this is why one night stand sex is often not as fulfilling as relationship sex. I also noticed that the people (male and female) that viewed sex are purely mechanical were a lot more mentally unhinged than the people that had a more special view of sex.

Maybe the truth is somewhere in the middle. The two points of view may not be mutually exclusive. Maybe sex can be mechanical and it can be special. Maybe it has dual functions. Pornstars often make this claim. They say they “****” their coworkers but make love to their “boyfriends/ husbands”. Promiscuous girls also make the same claim. They say they can have sex with a guy and it not be significant. But they can have sex with another their boyfriend and it’s special. What do yall think?

 

[samspade]

It's nature's way of keeping the species going. The feel-good part of it is the incentive. Since nature is about balance, I think #1 holds a lot of weight. Yes #2 is true, too, but #1 as you described plays into the female's desire for stability and security, and the man's desire that she be chaste and exclusive to him. Real sustained attraction is reduced when these desires are cheapened. That's why you wouldn't be as attracted to a slvt, nor she to a loser. Yet sex can still happen because of the urge.

 

[zekko]

Maybe the truth is somewhere in the middle.

There's your answer right there.

 

[Alvafe]

like they said its both, the act is mechanical and a physical need, but the thing really get good when you like the girl.

but also note I wouldn't call it special, everyone does(or should at least) so its nothing special, but of course its good because we need to feel good doing it if not what is the point? its important, even more in a LTR, both need to want it to keep things healthy.

 

[Pandora]

The reason i ask is that the modern woman often sluts around. If most of the sex she is having is type 1 mechanical/ getting rocks off sex then maybe its not so detrimental (this is the argument they make).

 

[Pandora]

I have just been thinking that maybe sex was never intended to be just purely physical. I have become more spiritual lately. I used to be a hard core atheist/ materialist. But after seeing the effects of rampant promiscuity i am starting to change my tune. Most of the great religions and philosophies warn about having emotionless sex.

One of the reasons i think sex is supposed to be emotional is because sex is better when there is a deep emotional connection involved. One night stand sex is usually akward ( not always though). In fact one usually starts to develop an emotional connection after having a lot of sex with a person.

Another reason i think sex is supposed to be emotionally based is because the people that engage in a lot of mechanical sex with often have deep seated issues. The many super sluts are BPD or products of trauma. Many of the super slutty guys are seeking validation. Maybe the goal of this PUA stuff should not be to bed many women. Maybe it should be to find a woman that you can have a deep bond with.

Maybe the religions were right. Sex within a marriage or committed relationship is the way to go.

 

[Desdinova]

Maybe the religions were right. Sex within a marriage or committed relationship is the way to go.

I actually believe that religions are correct in this sense, however the couple needs to abide by the bible in the sense that the man is the head of the household, and the woman is a compliment to him. If these don't exist, then it doesn't work. With regards to how society today functions, it doesn't work. Men have become feminized and are no longer leaders, and women are now "strong and independent".

Women attach themselves to the most masculine man they encounter early in their dating life, and they remain attached even throughout the men they date afterwards. That's why some women go back to their a55hole ex-bfs again and again.

What I've noticed throughout my FB friends is the ones who married their high school sweethearts have a much better chance at being successful than those who either fvcked around or didn't find anybody.

 

[Pandora]

What I've noticed throughout my FB friends is the ones who married their high school sweethearts have a much better chance at being successful than those who either fvcked around or didn't find anybody.

Dude you are very correct. It takes having to see it all and done it all to realize that conservative societies are the best route. The sexual revolution has been going on for 50 years and has produced disastrous results for both men and woman. You are right about the highschool sweetheart thing. Ignorance is bliss. Once you bite the apple in the garden, you cant go back.

 

[Alvafe]

I never consider correct religion, there is a reason religion says this, and the reason is to control, male need to be sure her kids are his, so this is for all woman need to be a virgin to marry,

for high school sweethearts, is the simple lack of knowledge and the though of can't do better or even don't even consider it, they are so used to each other they will keep around even when they can't stand each other anymore, plus I don't trust on how well someone lives are based on FB, most will only share joys, even fake happiness over the FB just to look like they ahve a great life

also I will repeat don't trust on religion that easily, first learn why that things said are being said, there is always a reason to control or to gather more people used to that idea.

the idea of sex being better when you like someone is the simple fact of your childrens, its said the normal time for someone stay in love, still like someone is 7 years, that is the time normally enough for they kids have growth enough to survive alone, anything over then that is a social convention.

but in short yes you should find a good woman, but don't think religion is really the way to go, I can tell you from experience most religious people are like that for fear and/or shamed of her life so that person need to find something to belive his life will have a better meaning then just get hold of his own life and stop waiting for someone come to fix his life

 

[rugby11]

Was just thinking about this evening. Yes and No somewhere in the middle.

 

[Pandora]

Was just thinking about this evening. Yes and No somewhere in the middle.

I was hanging out with some Israeli girls in Vegas the other night. Me and my friends tried to pick them up. We ended up going to a quiet bar and talking for hours. It was apparent that these girls were not open to casual sex. One had a bf back home and one had recently broken up. Their view on sexuality is that its some thing special to be shared with a guy you love. They did not want their number count to exceed more than 3. One girl said she would feel ashamed if she slept with 3 guys and didnt end up marrying them. These girls were 21 yrs old and cute. They were sexy yet modest and feminine. They were pleasant to be around and relatively intelligent. They shyed away from overly sexual conversation. One of my friends was desperately trying to get them to open up sexually. They resisted. It was a refreshing experience compared to the modern American slut.

This is when i understood how corrupted our American society is. Women are not taught that sex is an expression of a bond between 2 people. This is one of the main reasons the American female is so mentally screwed up. Promiscuity has a negative result on a persons psyche ( male or female). Even the PUA community has corrupted men. Having multiple sex partners does not lead to fulfillment. Having a meaningful relationship with one gorgeous sane chick leads to fulfillment.

In conclusion i do believe that sex is meant to be special. Acting as if sex is not special is chartering into dangerous territory. We have seen this in action ever since the feminist movement and the sexual revolution of the 1960s. Viewing sex as casual causes the decay of the nuclear family.

Almost every slut i know has had to take a "break" from sex. Sometimes they call it going celibate temporarily or having a sexual cleanse or whatever. This is because having too much casual sex is destroying their psyche. This is evidence that sex is best used as an expression of a strong bond monogamous relationship.

 

[Pandora]

This does not mean that meaningless sex is not enjoyable. It is enjoyable but it is playing with fire. It should be avoided if possible. I strongly believe that most men delve into the casual sex trap because they have to settle. These men could not get the meaningful relationship with the sane attractive girl so they took the next best option. This next best option is meaningless casual sex. Its a band aid for not finding your ideal girl. I know it was a band aid for me atleast.

2 Options:
1.) Have a gorgeous intelligent feminine girl that you can only have sex with for life.

2.) Have casual sex with low quality (but attractive) girls for the rest of your life aka the American dating market.

I think most guys would choose the first option. The first option allows you to build and create something cool. The second option just makes you more cynical and jaded. Even the most voracious sluts deep down want the fairy-tale. They deep down want a wedding and a white picket fence life. But their past trauma and dysfunction keeps sabotaging their efforts.

 

[Pandora]

the idea of sex being better when you like someone is the simple fact of your childrens, its said the normal time for someone stay in love, still like someone is 7 years, that is the time normally enough for they kids have growth enough to survive alone, anything over then that is a social convention.

I am ok with this. I dont see anything too wrong with having a series of long term monogamous partners. Imagine if women slept with a new guy every 7 yrs. That would be a vast improvement over sleeping with a new guy every 7 months like we have today.

I used to be a hard core evolutionary biologist. I used to think the answers were in how we evolved. But i think there is more to it than the evolutionary biological answers. I cant totally agree with your evolutionary reasoning. I think there is a spiritual component also. But i do agree with you for the most part.

 

[Alvafe]

I am ok with this. I dont see anything too wrong with having a series of long term monogamous partners. Imagine if women slept with a new guy every 7 yrs. That would be a vast improvement over sleeping with a new guy every 7 months like we have today.

I used to be a hard core evolutionary biologist. I used to think the answers were in how we evolved. But i think there is more to it than the evolutionary biological answers. I cant totally agree with your evolutionary reasoning. I think there is a spiritual component also. But i do agree with you for the most part.

i'm saying that is how our brain is wired, but its not hard to think that could be changed based on our high life spam (to around 80 from what? 40 or less), but your "spiritual bonding" is nothing more then trust and feeling at ease with someone, the no fear or the urge to make a awesome sex in ONS, even if that means taking half a viagra, also have sex with younger girls, its like a damn porn they only want to do the hammering, not much kissing, or "exploring".

and serious each 7 months? know girls go around each month.....

 

[glass half full]

I actually believe that religions are correct in this sense, however the couple needs to abide by the bible in the sense that the man is the head of the household, and the woman is a compliment to him. If these don't exist, then it doesn't work. With regards to how society today functions, it doesn't work. Men have become feminized and are no longer leaders, and women are now "strong and independent".

Women attach themselves to the most masculine man they encounter early in their dating life, and they remain attached even throughout the men they date afterwards. That's why some women go back to their a55hole ex-bfs again and again.

What I've noticed throughout my FB friends is the ones who married their high school sweethearts have a much better chance at being successful than those who either fvcked around or didn't find anybody.

The truth.

 

[HoneyHitter]

Pandora, I think the presented dichotomy is flawed.

First of all, rare occurrence is what makes anything "special". From an objective standpoint sex is not special. From a male perspective it could be argued that it's "special" because less than half of all males reproduce.

Secondly, something doesn't need to be special to be considered important. Just like oxygen, sex is very significant for the survival and quality of life of the human species.

Even if you think sex is "not important", being reckless with it can affect your health and relationships. So unless you're aiming to self-destruct, you are better off knowing when to be careful or reckless.

IMO it's best to combine (1) and (2), depending on who you're with.

 

[Die Hard]

because less than half of all males reproduce.

Source?

 

[Pandora]

Pandora, I think the presented dichotomy is flawed.

First of all, rare occurrence is what makes anything "special". From an objective standpoint sex is not special. From a male perspective it could be argued that it's "special" because less than half of all males reproduce.

Secondly, something doesn't need to be special to be considered important. Just like oxygen, sex is very significant for the survival and quality of life of the human species.

Even if you think sex is "not important", being reckless with it can affect your health and relationships. So unless you're aiming to self-destruct, you are better off knowing when to be careful or reckless.

IMO it's best to combine (1) and (2), depending on who you're with.

You make a great points. I agree that sex is not rare so its not technically special. I also agree that something does not have to be special in order to be considered important.

I have read all of the replies to this post but I still do not know how to answer the common retort of sluts. Sluts will often say "whats wrong if i have a lot of casual sex with a lot of different people. Its just sex". I often answer with "but sex is special blah blah blah". I could never really justify why exactly it is special. Like why i have a disgusting feeling in my stomach when im with a slut.

I know about the evolutionary biology explanation about not knowing if the offspring is yours. I am not satisfied with that explanation. I think its deeper than that.

Even if you think sex is "not important", being reckless with it can affect your health and relationships. So unless you're aiming to self-destruct, you are better off knowing when to be careful or reckless.
.

This is gold. I want to know exactly how it can effect your health. Sluts often respond with "i use protection so my health is fine". I respond with it effects your psychological health. But that is a difficult argument to make becuz it takes a long time for the psychological ramifications of rampant promiscuity to show up.

 

[Pandora]

it can be either. ive had both types. both types with casual partners and exclusive relationships.

some girls who i havent known for long but for whatever reason ( setting, context, ambiance, current life events) i vibed with them the sex has felt pretty special even if it was a one time thing. one girl i'll never forget was a one i met at a beach gathering in my early 20s. had crazy fun that day and we just clicked really well right off the cut. i felt young and alive with a lot to look forward to. the stroll through the boardwalk at night with the fireworks overhead and our banter you would think we'd been together forever. a friend of mine actually let us crash at his place that night and she even took the train ride back with me instead of the ride she came with. plenty of similar stories like that

same as with any LTR. ive had 2 (real) LTRs. the same girl that pushes your buttons just right that sometimes you wanna just let a quick backhand go. the girl whos made me feel pretty damn good when i felt pretty stressed and shltty at any given moment without even having mentioned anything to her. yea even after 3 or 4 years together the sex was very special even if it was routine and boring here and there. i used to have this habit of having my emotions swell up whenever one of my LTRs was peacfully asleep. for some reason i would reflect at how much of a jerk i was to her at times i would think "shes pretty damn good to me, i should really treat her better and stop taking her for granted". then shed wake up and start nagging me to take her somewhere i didnt wanna go lol

I think in your case the girls that you just met and had great sex with were exceptions ( boardwalk girl). They were rare girls that you clicked with instantly. I bet the sex was anything but mechanical. It was probably awesome and emotionally charged. Just because you just met them does not mean you didnt feel an intense emotional bond with them.

Sluts are not hooking up with the rare guy they click with instantly. They are able to smash random dudes that dont necessarily push their emotional buttons. This is why its so fascinating to me. They are truly a different breed.

I read a theory on this from an article once. The theory states that early in their development (hypersexual sluts) they separated sex from emotions due to sexual trauma. This causes them not to value sex. Sex is seen as not important. This is a coping mechanism due to molestation. They have to disassociate themselves from the idea that sex is personal. If sex is not a big deal, then the sexual abuse that occurred to them is not a big deal. I dated a BPD slut and she would always repeat that sex was no big deal to her. She didnt see the sacredness of it. Of course she was promiscuous. She was molested at a young age. When you talk to good girls they cant fathom not having a deep bond with a guy before having sex with them.

Sluts live their lives thinking sex is nothing. When they come across a guy like me, i have a hard time articulating why i feel sex is something.

Like many posters replied before, sex may be somewhere in the middle of the 2 views. It maybe emotional at certain times and purely mechanical at others. For some reason this makes me sad. I want to believe that sex is not nihilistic. I see that the biggest sluts i know have horrible personal lives and i want to blame it on the fact that they treat sex recklessly.

 

[Pandora]

It's nature's way of keeping the species going. The feel-good part of it is the incentive. Since nature is about balance, I think #1 holds a lot of weight. Yes #2 is true, too, but #1 as you described plays into the female's desire for stability and security, and the man's desire that she be chaste and exclusive to him. Real sustained attraction is reduced when these desires are cheapened. That's why you wouldn't be as attracted to a slvt, nor she to a loser. Yet sex can still happen because of the urge.

Yoo Samspade i just read this reply again. I get what you are saying now. This may be the answer i am looking for. I guess you are saying that yes you can reduce it down to quelling an urge. But when you reduce it down to that you will not find sustained attraction. You will also not find real satisfaction.

You are saying it is better to find a person that you are really attracted to so that you satiate the urge and you find a stable suitable partner. This is brilliant! I didnt understand ur post earlier bruh.

This is why sluts will often tell me "yeh i fu*ked all those guys but i choose you to be my bf". They just satiate an urge with those guys but find sustained attraction with me. They dont understand that guys dont look at it that way.