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Is it even worth it to be in a relationship if the cex is rare or you gotta ask for it?

catsmeow

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I don't know if I have beta male blue pilled naivety but any girl that needs to be gamed and manipulated this hard into having sex with you is forever plate/side girl material at best.

In my opinion a relationship worthy woman just likes having sex with you a lot because it's fun. Not because she needs to use sex to win the power struggle and feed off of your attention.
Fair enough and ideally I agree. BUT like I said, when a man is all over us, acting like a thirsty desperate dog and pressuring which how a woman views it, it IS a turn off.

That's why I said, leave her alone for a bit and allow her sexual desire to return organically. Just go do other things, hopefully you have a life outside of her and your relationship.

Re "gaming" her, imo the game should never end. For either of you! That's how you sustain a relationship, by reading each other properly, knowing when to pull and knowing when to push.

Relationships don't just exist, it takes effort and the proper knowledge to keep sexual desire and attraction alive.

If you get lazy and believe a woman should just want you 24/7 without you doing anything, that's called complacency and your relationship will eventually die imho.
 
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catsmeow

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"Maintaining Sexual Desire in a Long Term Relationship"

Good TED Talk video if anyone's interested.

 

ubercat

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Sort of. I think the disconnect here is what's @catsmeow is saying is passing through the guys red pill ears and sounding like hard work for men and entitlement from women. It needs a better pitch so here goes

I don't pull it out often but time to dust off the elder statesman card. I have been through dozens of strs and ltrs and sometimes learned from my mistakes. And I pass what I have been given from the greats like backbreaker and motu and scaramouche.

There are levels of game and then there is basic respect. 'dress to impress'. Men should looksmax too. And for a man that means gym too. Maintaining a certain amount of privacy when living together us essential. And being playful and shaking things up once in a while.

Remember men like routine like variety. If you don't please her once in a while of course you are self destructing. If she never tries to please you ditch the b1tch. Life's too short for broken chicks

Never let life become a grind if you can avoid.

basics otherwise you r sleep walking towards the funeral for your relationship. Don't lose your self discipline and your sense of self amusement. They served you well in the dating market they will continue to do so

I d also say be physically affectionate without it always leading to sex. Kiss her hello and goodbye. I think that's actually huge.

Come and nuzzle on her neck when she s cooking.

Pick her up and give her a spin around occasionally.

She should always be be slightly nervous in the bedroom. Next time she is lying down playing with her phone. Pull it out of her hand. Lie on top of her (half bodyweight) hold her arms out and bite her neck like a tiger. Then roll off and make the coffee. Every so often don't roll off, give her a quickie and your both late for work.

Now please spectrum Boyz I m not saying force your woman. Or love her up while she s pH talking to her sick mom. Obviously choose your moment.

Kiss her all over while she s talking to her family on the phone will make her feel naughty.

I don't want to do this thread too smutty some of you guys are easily triggered. But worth mentioning when you do fvck her use variety. Different positions different places different times.

Remember when it comes to sex man is blowtorch, woman is oven. You need to warm up the oven.
 
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catsmeow

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I think the disconnect here is what's @catsmeow is saying is passing through the guys red pill ears and sounding like hard work for men and entitlement from women. It needs a better pitch so here goes
May I ask how not hounding your lady for sex ad nauseum, leaving her alone, doing your own thing is "hard work"? And for women "entitlement"? I'm pretty good at owning my shyt but not understanding your rationale about that, can you clarify?

Creating a bit of distance (separateness, quietness and space) is good imo.

If her sexual desire is ebbing which happens in LTRs (ebb and flow), the distance allows her to think about you, wonder about you, miss you, all of which creates attraction but also serves to reignite attraction and desire, again if it's waning.

I liked your ideas but I would think doing all that, the effort it takes thinking about it and executing it, wouid require more work than simply doing your own thing and leaving your lady alone for a bit.

It also assumes she still very much desires you. My suggestions are for when her desire has waned and she doesn't desire sex with you which is the topic of this thread.

Anyway, my boyfriend(s) introducing separateness, quietness and space always worked to reignite my desire (or rather maintained it cause frankly it rarely ever waned) in our LTRs.

My longest was six years and our passion for each other AND sex was pretty darn HOT for pretty much the entire time we were together. There was quite a bit of distance though, perhaps too much in retrospect. Now I strive for a balance between togetherness and distance, and it works much better.
 
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ubercat

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'sounding like...' I think you might have mistaken discussion for debate. Since I wasn't debating what I was suggesting was for relationship maintenance not repair. I.e plus your good points not instead of.

The guys here are generally pretty good at silence and distance. I think they all have the tattoo and the coffee mug

As AtomSmasher has wisely said the danger for women who participate is that if a you hang out too long in the wasps nest you become like a wasp. I know binary tit for tat threads are too common. You won't find me getting out the baseball bat very often. The only exception is i do call out dishonest manipulative debating techniques just like i would call out a pot hole.
 
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catsmeow

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Thanks @ubercat, for clarifying. I understand.

I wonder what @BeExcellent thinks about this, if she agrees with me (or not).

We don't always agree but I really like her take on things.

Calling @BeExcellent if she can hear me....
 

RickTheToad

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The question is, why doesn't she want to have sex with you?

I'll share a little secret about how sexual desire works for many women. I'm sure many of you already know, but will repeat anyway, for emphasis.

When a man acts super "thirsty" for us, constantly on us about having sex, pressuring us, we get turned off.



There is a lot of truth to this^. Stop acting so thirsty, give her a chance to miss you, miss the sex, wonder about you, sexually desire you!

If you're constantly on her about it, acting like thirsty dogs, her sexual desire goes right down the drain.

In short, leave her the hell alone. Let her wonder why you're not coming on to her, let her think YOU have lost your desire, or gasp, you're getting it elsewhere.

What will this do? It will get her brain spinning, and her wondering, reigniting her sexual attraction, and SHE will be all over you. Seeking your validation that you still sexually desire her. It's called flipping the script and it works.

It's actually a win-win because you're having hot sex again, which is what you (and she) both want!

If it doesn't, if she doesn't initiate like it states in the quote above, then you've got a problem.

You could try talking to her but frankly not sure what talking will do, it certainly won't reignite her sexual attraction, in fact it may lower it, lower than it already is.

Why? In her mind, it's more proof just how thirsty (and desperate) you are.

Best to just leave her alone. Or break up with her. I mean, if she doesn't desire you, desire to have sex with you, what's the point of being in a relationship at all.

JMO based on my own experience as a woman who has experienced this with boyfriends..
It's meant to give her a change to right the ship. Fix the situation. A dude shouldn't have to always encourage the female to have sex. However, due to life, things can get sidetracked. A little nudge can't hurt. If it becomes a continuous issue, then decisions must be made.
 

BadBoy89

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If you're constantly on her about it, acting like thirsty dogs, her sexual desire goes right down the drain.

In short, leave her the hell alone. Let her wonder why you're not coming on to her, let her think YOU have lost your desire, or gasp, you're getting it elsewhere.

What will this do? It will get her brain spinning, and her wondering, reigniting her sexual attraction, and SHE will be all over you. Seeking your validation that you still sexually desire her. It's called flipping the script and it works.

It's actually a win-win because you're having hot sex again, which is what you (and she) both want!
So if you are not getting sex from her, you continue to not get sex from her, on the off chance that she may give you sex later?

If that’s the case, OK. But she holds all the cards regarding sex, so why would a man be in a relationship if he can go get sex from a younger hotter girl?
 

devilkingx2

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May I ask how not hounding your lady for sex ad nauseum, leaving her alone, doing your own thing is "hard work"? And for women "entitlement"? I'm pretty good at owning my shyt but not understanding your rationale about that, can you clarify?
As far as I'm aware OP hasn't mentioned hounding her for sex, if he's getting laid every day and complaining that it's not 3 times a day instead then I agree with you.

But if he's barely getting laid, and the reason is that the girl needs her arm twisted (metaphorically by withdrawing attention), because loving her boyfriend isn't enough motivation for sex then that sounds like a pretty crappy relationship.

If you get lazy and believe a woman should just want you 24/7 without you doing anything, that's called complacency and your relationship will eventually die imho.
I agree with this. It's important to keep being attractive and put effort into the relationship. Don't take it for granted and treat your girlfriend like a sex robot.
 

catsmeow

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As far as I'm aware OP hasn't mentioned hounding her for sex, if he's getting laid every day and complaining that it's not 3 times a day instead then I agree with you.
You know what? I agree with you, I was projecting, my apologies.

I've had a couple of boyfriends (short term relationships) who were constantly after me for sex, touching me, pawing at me, I never had a moment to miss him or feel desire for him!

He killed it with his persistence even when we were having sex twice a day sometimes! I always complied but wasn't into it, just going through the motions.

When they began leaving me alone and stopped hounding me, my desire eventually returned.

But you're right, we have no idea what the context is in OP's situation, he may not be hounding her at all.

In that case, perhaps some distance would help or as @RickTheToad said, stop initiating, give her a gentle nudge to fix the situation.
 
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devilkingx2

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You know what? I agree with you, I was projecting, my apologies.

I've had a couple of boyfriends (short term relationships) who were constantly after me for sex, touching me, pawing at me, I never had a moment to miss him or feel desire for him!

He killed it with his persistence even when we were having sex twice a day sometimes! I always complied but wasn't into it, just going through the motions.

When they began leaving me alone and stopped hounding me, my desire eventually returned.

But you're right, we have no idea what the context is in OP's situation, he may not be hounding her at all.

In that case, perhaps some distance would help or as @RickTheToad said, stop initiating, give a gentle nudge for her to fix the situation.
2 times a day sounds like a dream

In my experience whenever a girl I'm dating loses sexual desire it's because the new guys she's banging are using up all her energy.

I agree with the consensus that the first step is to withdraw attention and try talking to her (in whichever order he wants to try those).

The next step is to start preparing to talk to other girls or become single. Hopefully OP's girlfriend comes around soon and it all works out.
 

catsmeow

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In my experience whenever a girl I'm dating loses sexual desire it's because the new guys she's banging are using up all her energy.
Oh cripes, wtf. Women like her really make it harder for the rest of us.

I've never behaved that way in my life and never would, that's so low level.

Trash behavior; it may not have seemed that way at the time, but she did you a favor, huge bullet dodged imo.
 

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Scaramouche

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Hi Orbit123,
" Is getting sex once a week considered pretty average for a long term relationship?"....That's starvation rations!...For a young Woman assuming you meet frequently in a congenial situation 3-4 times a week...In my experience chats,incentives and even ultimatums are a complete waste of time.from here on it just gets worse...Start to build a social network,chose your time and "Walk out the back Jack".
 

BuckledWheel

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Is there any point in being with a woman if she doesnt have cex very much?
If you got to ask for it, she’s not that into you & you’re existing in her frame. There is no genuine desire. No woman has as high a sex drive as a man but If you’re married or in a LTR work out her cycle, google woman’s cycle and learn when she should be super horny. This problem is age old in a marriage or LTR. There are ways to reframe, look it up..!
 

Epimanes

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Without emotional or medical reasons... it won't get better.

Has it always been this way?.... if so... it won't get better. Especially with kids.

If it was better but died off... maybe time to have a heart to heart and gently ask if things are ok?

Epi

But.... in the grand scheme of things. Women are to make your d!ck hard not your life....
 

orbit123

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I decided to go with the advice of what some of you said. I am on day 10 of not bringing up sex. I refuse to initiate it anymore. Suprisingly I am able to think clearer and feel more like a macho man. Its giving me more of an edge in my attitude which im really liking. Time will tell if she brings up wanting to have sex. I will let all of you know how this plays out...
 

devilkingx2

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I decided to go with the advice of what some of you said. I am on day 10 of not bringing up sex. I refuse to initiate it anymore. Suprisingly I am able to think clearer and feel more like a macho man. Its giving me more of an edge in my attitude which im really liking. Time will tell if she brings up wanting to have sex. I will let all of you know how this plays out...
If she doesn't initiate sex:

On day 14 start going out and meeting other girls.

On day 31 dump your girlfriend.
 
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