Master Don Juan
- Apr 28, 2018
- Reaction score
The problem is that most women automatically just classify any guy that has success with women but doesn't commit into category #2 regardless of what the truth is if they end up sleeping with him and he doesn't commit. In your case with your boyfriend, given what you have told us, I imagine had he simply not given you commitment you would have concluded that he deceived you into sleeping with him.First off, I think we should define “player,” I never could figure it out.
(1) Does it mean successful with women and multi-dating, which includes having sex with various women simultaneously until you meet a woman you’re inspired to become exclusive with? You guys call it spinning plates but to me it’s simply casually dating which is fine, especially in early stages as you’re getting to know each other (aka abundance). No need to tell your "plates" any of this (unless she asks and if she does be truthful).
Or (2) does it mean spinning various plates and/or engaging in ONS, lying and deceiving women into thinking you want a RL when you really don’t, you just tell them that so they’ll sleep with you, which is somewhat sociopathic. To me, THAT is a player but people will have their own way of defining.
Anyway, I have had four long term boyfriends since the age of 18 and three of them were number 1 including my current boyfriend and I KNEW that prior to dating them. It never bothered me, to the contrary, it intrigued me! We eventually became exclusive not without a bit of push/pull and other various forms of gamesmanship from both of us.
I have met other men whereby it became known fairly quickly they were number 2. The sociopathic “player,” guys without a conscience who would say and do anything to get a woman into bed (whether the truth or not) and then ghost her afterwards aka “pump and dump.”
Being the perceptive girl that I am, I have a keen eye for those types, I stay away from them and as such have never been pumped and dumped. I was ghosted once after a few months, but the guy came back round and “explained,” and wanted to date me again but I had moved on.
@James, I don’t know you at all but from what I’ve read, you strike me as number 1. This is good thing imo and most women who are honest with themselves are intrigued by it. Again, I certainly was!
Just one woman’s opinion but I am fairly certain @BeExcellent’s now-fiancé was a player also, not sure if number 1 or 2, but either way she apparently wasn’t bothered by it as she and her former "player" boyfriend, are now engaged.
Perhaps she will chime in with her own thoughts, personally I always learn something valuable from her postings if even if/when her opinions have differed from mine.
The problem is this is usually a completely subjective belief by women when, in fact, the objective facts usually point to the man not ever using deception but rather avoiding the topic of commitment (which is what many DJs preach to do). Avoiding discussing commitment is not deception. If a woman forces the issue and asks about commitment, most DJs know that this is a watershed moment in her plate status where he either must transition her to an LTR OR tell her he is not interested in an LTR and she slowly fades out of existence altogether. It is a small percentage of men who will outright lie and agree to an LTR and keep seeing all of their other plates.