Is (Girl/Group) Gossip About You A Bad Thing?

[Barrister]

First off, I think we should define “player,” I never could figure it out.

(1) Does it mean successful with women and multi-dating, which includes having sex with various women simultaneously until you meet a woman you’re inspired to become exclusive with? You guys call it spinning plates but to me it’s simply casually dating which is fine, especially in early stages as you’re getting to know each other (aka abundance). No need to tell your "plates" any of this (unless she asks and if she does be truthful).

Or (2) does it mean spinning various plates and/or engaging in ONS, lying and deceiving women into thinking you want a RL when you really don’t, you just tell them that so they’ll sleep with you, which is somewhat sociopathic. To me, THAT is a player but people will have their own way of defining.

Anyway, I have had four long term boyfriends since the age of 18 and three of them were number 1 including my current boyfriend and I KNEW that prior to dating them. It never bothered me, to the contrary, it intrigued me! We eventually became exclusive not without a bit of push/pull and other various forms of gamesmanship from both of us.

I have met other men whereby it became known fairly quickly they were number 2. The sociopathic “player,” guys without a conscience who would say and do anything to get a woman into bed (whether the truth or not) and then ghost her afterwards aka “pump and dump.”

Being the perceptive girl that I am, I have a keen eye for those types, I stay away from them and as such have never been pumped and dumped. I was ghosted once after a few months, but the guy came back round and “explained,” and wanted to date me again but I had moved on.

@James, I don’t know you at all but from what I’ve read, you strike me as number 1. This is good thing imo and most women who are honest with themselves are intrigued by it. Again, I certainly was!

Just one woman’s opinion but I am fairly certain @BeExcellent’s now-fiancé was a player also, not sure if number 1 or 2, but either way she apparently wasn’t bothered by it as she and her former "player" boyfriend, are now engaged.

Perhaps she will chime in with her own thoughts, personally I always learn something valuable from her postings if even if/when her opinions have differed from mine.

The problem is that most women automatically just classify any guy that has success with women but doesn't commit into category #2 regardless of what the truth is if they end up sleeping with him and he doesn't commit. In your case with your boyfriend, given what you have told us, I imagine had he simply not given you commitment you would have concluded that he deceived you into sleeping with him.

The problem is this is usually a completely subjective belief by women when, in fact, the objective facts usually point to the man not ever using deception but rather avoiding the topic of commitment (which is what many DJs preach to do). Avoiding discussing commitment is not deception. If a woman forces the issue and asks about commitment, most DJs know that this is a watershed moment in her plate status where he either must transition her to an LTR OR tell her he is not interested in an LTR and she slowly fades out of existence altogether. It is a small percentage of men who will outright lie and agree to an LTR and keep seeing all of their other plates.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Seems like most of the bros here are of the

Bad publicity is good publicity route.

That's interesting. I'd imagine being man slut-shamed would actually deter women from considering you since most women have a built in biological drive for security and loyalty.

Also, I genuinely think if we are committed to the plate spinning life long enough, even in a bigger metropolitan area, inevitably the word will go around on the player rep. I really don't see how bad publicity (at least in female eyes) is avoidable if you're red pilled and plating.

And additional thing is I've recently experienced being gossiped on by men in my social groups that I considered friends. Funny thing is they are trying to bang as much as I am but because I'm somewhat successful they started to tell other girls gossips about me.

No, that's not how it works. Women are ultra competitive with each other, so if she is hearing about "so and so" with a guy she is going to want to prove that she is as good as her and get him too.

When women go out most guys think they are dressing up for them. Wrong...they are dressing up to be better than the other women.

Plus women like guys who know how to lead them to the bedroom and clearly a guy who is a player is one of those type of guys.

 

[catsmeow]

In your case with your boyfriend, given what you have told us, I imagine had he simply not given you commitment you would have concluded that he deceived you into sleeping with him.

No that is incorrect @Barrister because we didn't discuss being exclusive (committing) for at least a couple of months, and during that time, I had no idea what he was up to with other women; I assumed he was dating around and perhaps even having sex with others (I didn't actually know), but it didn't concern me. 100% truth, I believe I have previously posted that and why it never concerned me. As for me, I chose to remain monogamous during that time, but again we didn't agree to exclusivity for at least a couple of months.

But honestly and I mean this sincerely, even if he had never wanted to commit, I would not have concluded he deceived me into sleeping with him, my mind doesn't work like that. I would have assumed that although we were highly attracted to each other, for one reason or another he didn't want to commit which is FINE. He never lied to me and said he did so there was no deception there. I try and stay away from drawing conclusions like with no real basis in fact.

It is a small percentage of men who will outright lie and agree to an LTR and keep seeing all of their other plates.

I have read posts on this forum from men who do this (no names) and there have also been a couple of threads about men who operate this way. The Tinder Swindler was one and there was another about a man, I think he was given the name "West Elm Caleb" who was apparently banging women he met on line, sometimes three chicks per day, telling or rather manipulating them into believing he wanted a serious relationship, but ghosting afterwards.

But you're right, such guys are few and far between and also I know I am in the minority about this. MOST women would conclude exactly what you posted that if a man they were dating and having sex with never wanted to commit they would conclude he had deceived them.

 

[anonymous12345]

Great, important topic.

I was in the same situation as you, the difference being that you’re a successful player. I was at a post-high school music school in Sweden, which is the worst kind of these places: quirky psychological artists that all adhere to the feminism/alternative/trans/etc/etc. There’s men walking around in skirts/hand bags/etc, many girls in short hair/crew cut, etc. Girls say masculinity is bad. So, “traditional” men, and in particular a red-pilled man such as me — observe the contrast — is then the absolute devil and horror. The threat.

After a while there was gossip and I got black-listed. I admit, as a freshly nofap’ed/red-pilled I could have had a better game, but the criticism was things like “you said to a girl she is pretty” and “You knocked on the door to her exercise room and asked her if she wanted to get sushi, you’re not smooth”. These are basically exact quotes. I fully understand that all SS members are perplexed by this.

As a result I got isolated, no one talked to me, and so forth. This is one reason I left the school, it was in many ways too draining and pointless. I developed a rather strong social anxiety by this weight, and I got an online therapist to tackle this. You write annoying, but monitor yourself here so you don’t take too much beating.

One lady friend brought this up with me (“People don’t speak well of you”). I listened to her feedback and essentially asked questions, leading to her saying she didn’t know what she is talking about. What does this mean? If you’re a “bold” man, it will lead to you being a catalyst for reflection and gossip. Maybe there’s nothing else going on. The friend went into an entangling monolog about age differences among her parents (me being 37, they 20-25). One can have an empathic view on the social system here. Only human.

In one sense feminism hasn’t lead to a balancing coin. Instead the coin has flipped and we see man shaming. Watch the movie Malena (2000). She experienced what we do now. What should she have done differently? I don’t know, thoughts welcome. Maybe a widely acknowledged phenomenon in two/three decades or so, movies about it, etc.

At the same thing, this is the danger of social circles. I’m very content with not being part in any currently. I have close male friends, but beyond that I hit the clubs/bars and have a high volume. I don’t have to deal with being a tool for people’s own reflections and incapability of handling their own lives or boredom in them. I think social circles is for having a girlfriend, that kind of thing.

There are enormous contrasts in our societies, especially in Scandinavia. Red-pill vs. the officially backed policies. Watch out.

We have societies that treat women as rational beings, but this kind of behaviour shows aspects that we on SS are well aware of. Women will gossip about you if you make an impression or is worthy, so it’s essentially gigantic sh1t tests. One can shrug it off, but it can indeed get grim beyond some girls eye rolling. It’s manly to not conform, be individualistic and take risk, so I agree with the advice to remain red-pilled, though unsure about the practical specifics of how.

Social systems are though moldable, so this gives hope. For instance, I got good connection/rapport with the girls I’ve flirted with, so the critique and scolding I in one sense cannot confirm. I got that good rapport (“You’re leaving the school? That makes me sad” etc) because of demonstrated good value over time. The true equilibriums will form over time.

Would be useful with suggestions how to deal with this. I honestly think there’s little to do: either fold, conform and turn invisible, or stand tall in the storm.

 

[Barrister]

No that is incorrect @Barrister because we didn't discuss being exclusive (committing) for at least a couple of months, and during that time, I had no idea what he was up to with other women; I assumed he was dating around and perhaps even having sex with others (I didn't actually know), but it didn't concern me. 100% truth, I believe I have previously posted that and why it never concerned me. As for me, I chose to remain monogamous during that time, but again we didn't agree to exclusivity for at least a couple of months.

Not sure I completely buy that what he was doing in that time with other women "didn't concern you." That isn't how women operate pre-relationship at all. Unless you are telling me you settled for him/weren't that into him. Even the most dialed back of women who are HI are reaching out a lot, wanting to spend time together, and even a sniff of competition sends them into overdrive to get your attention and onto your calendar as much as possible. You make your time before the relationship sound like you could have taken it or left it. That certainly isn't my experience with high interest women and I would say is abnormal - unless again you simply settled.

What you describe sounds like two people who were fvck buddies and just decided to get involved in an LTR after some time had passed. I would venture this is a very small percentage of LTRs that form this way. Most women are pushing, perhaps discreetly but still pushing, a man towards a relationship from the get-go if she perceives him as having very high SMV. I can safely say this is true because I have experienced it many times. Hence my original comment that when women make this push and don't get to where they want to be, they normally cry deception by the man.

 

[2Rocky]

There is also the gossip about your Availability....That is whether you are or are not in a relationship. I think occasional monogamy keeps some women interested because you have shown you can maintain a relationship. At a certain age , if you don't have an occasional public girlfriend, or ex wife... women will wonder why? and avoid you for the same reason we don't go to a restaurant with no reviews.

 

[catsmeow]

You make your time before the relationship sound like you could have taken it or left it. That certainly isn't my experience with high interest women and I would say is abnormal - unless again you simply settled.

Actually the bolded isn't that far from the truth! However, not for the reasons you might think as I was extremely into him and him into me. I don't date men I am not into and who I don't perceive are into me and I can differentiate fairly quickly between the men that are truly into me from the men who are simply after sex, or a challenge or whatever.

You'd have to really know me to understand this, but my nature is highly free-spirited. I do literally take things one day at a time, including my relationships. I detach from the outcome and because of that, my attitude is always ALWAYS, if it doesn't work out, then so be, that is what the Universe intended and I accept that, cherish the memory and learn from it.

100 truth!!

All my boyfriends including my current have told me that is one reason why they actually wanted to commit. Because I don't push, I don't nag, I am relaxed, any anxiety I feel I try to contain, I am not constantly after them to spend time, I don't compete for their attention, in short I'm not a PITA like their previous girlfriends were and who they wanted to get away from!! lol

I allow and actually prefer things to escalate slowly, naturally and organically, in fact I have been known to "run away" from men who have pushed me!! I need as much "space" as many men do which until they understand my nature, has thrown them a bit off balance but we've worked it out. I am a strong communicator and encourage honest disclosure.

I have been accused of being a "commitment phobe" because of this, which isn't true. I do want to commit but I can't be rushed into it or forced which goes along with my free-spirited nature.

I suppose if that makes me "abnormal," so be, I accept that. I probably am in many ways, however my boyfriends have referred to me as more of an "anomaly" which may be closer to the truth as abnormal has a negative ring to it but I am not offended if you wish to refer to me that way.

 

[PowerQuest]

Great, important topic.

I was in the same situation as you, the difference being that you’re a successful player. I was at a post-high school music school in Sweden, which is the worst kind of these places: quirky psychological artists that all adhere to the feminism/alternative/trans/etc/etc. There’s men walking around in skirts/hand bags/etc, many girls in short hair/crew cut, etc. Girls say masculinity is bad. So, “traditional” men, and in particular a red-pilled man such as me — observe the contrast — is then the absolute devil and horror. The threat.

After a while there was gossip and I got black-listed. I admit, as a freshly nofap’ed/red-pilled I could have had a better game, but the criticism was things like “you said to a girl she is pretty” and “You knocked on the door to her exercise room and asked her if she wanted to get sushi, you’re not smooth”. These are basically exact quotes. I fully understand that all SS members are perplexed by this.

As a result I got isolated, no one talked to me, and so forth. This is one reason I left the school, it was in many ways too draining and pointless. I developed a rather strong social anxiety by this weight, and I got an online therapist to tackle this. You write annoying, but monitor yourself here so you don’t take too much beating.

One lady friend brought this up with me (“People don’t speak well of you”). I listened to her feedback and essentially asked questions, leading to her saying she didn’t know what she is talking about. What does this mean? If you’re a “bold” man, it will lead to you being a catalyst for reflection and gossip. Maybe there’s nothing else going on. The friend went into an entangling monolog about age differences among her parents (me being 37, they 20-25). One can have an empathic view on the social system here. Only human.

In one sense feminism hasn’t lead to a balancing coin. Instead the coin has flipped and we see man shaming. Watch the movie Malena (2000). She experienced what we do now. What should she have done differently? I don’t know, thoughts welcome. Maybe a widely acknowledged phenomenon in two/three decades or so, movies about it, etc.

At the same thing, this is the danger of social circles. I’m very content with not being part in any currently. I have close male friends, but beyond that I hit the clubs/bars and have a high volume. I don’t have to deal with being a tool for people’s own reflections and incapability of handling their own lives or boredom in them. I think social circles is for having a girlfriend, that kind of thing.

There are enormous contrasts in our societies, especially in Scandinavia. Red-pill vs. the officially backed policies. Watch out.

We have societies that treat women as rational beings, but this kind of behaviour shows aspects that we on SS are well aware of. Women will gossip about you if you make an impression or is worthy, so it’s essentially gigantic sh1t tests. One can shrug it off, but it can indeed get grim beyond some girls eye rolling. It’s manly to not conform, be individualistic and take risk, so I agree with the advice to remain red-pilled, though unsure about the practical specifics of how.

Social systems are though moldable, so this gives hope. For instance, I got good connection/rapport with the girls I’ve flirted with, so the critique and scolding I in one sense cannot confirm. I got that good rapport (“You’re leaving the school? That makes me sad” etc) because of demonstrated good value over time. The true equilibriums will form over time.

Would be useful with suggestions how to deal with this. I honestly think there’s little to do: either fold, conform and turn invisible, or stand tall in the storm.

Dudebro, you're living in the #1 feminazi country of the world which of course is Sweden.. Nothing can surprise about your story from there. Sweden and swedes are fking bat sheite crazy about feminism, inclusiveness, wokeness, political correctness etc. and even the men call themselves feminist which is insane. It is literally like cutting off your own balls yourself...

 

[anonymous12345]

Dudebro, you're living in the #1 feminazi country of the world which of course is Sweden.. Nothing can surprise about your story from there. Sweden and swedes are fking bat sheite crazy about feminism, inclusiveness, wokeness, political correctness etc. and even the men call themselves feminist which is insane. It is literally like cutting off your own balls yourself...

Hmmm. Some gentle moderation and steering here.

I'd say I'm broadly speaking a feminist. Women aren't treated with the same rights as men around the globe, and I find that wrong. They should have adequate pay, decide over their own bodies, have freedom in all aspects, and so on. Just like men. How they are currently treated around the globe is unswallowable.

But. A promiscuous woman is these days silently accepted and applauded for being a "modern woman." Compare that to OP's situation. He's being slut shamed. If I groped a girl like a BPD girl did with me, I would be thrown out. But men should be gentlemen. Etc.

My scenario above is similar to many on SS: sample biases. The school I've been to is not representative of the general population, just like sex addicts/only old/bar goers/etc aren't.

The current practice of feminism thinks equality is achieved by pretending differences between the sexes doesn't exist. Instead of acknowledging and appreciating the inherent diversity of the two sexes.

I think feminism is generally good and well needed -- it uncovered problem with the man. But we need a phase two. This time around we need to deal with the nature of the woman, and currently there is a general lack of knowledge of this, but instead a taboo of even looking at it. The knowledge is found on rare places like SS.

Phase two needs to be done properly though. Not based on a fad, frustrated men, opinions or religion. It needs to be scientifically based.

 

[jamesfromhouston]

@Barrister @catsmeow

I actually side slightly with Barrister on this point. Id like to think I am category 1 like you explained, Catsmeow. But the problem is, I find girls easily feel they are pumped and dumped when I drop them. Again I never promised LTR. I openly talk about seeing other people. They already know I am casually dating.

Case in point:
I meet Girl X over several dates. We f*ck. I take a liking to her. I take her out more. But she does somethings that I don't really like; hangs out someone I really dislike. So I back off a bit. She doesn't reach out to me, I suppose she expects me to reach out everytime (again she must expect a BP guy). So things fizzle out. She thinks she's been pumped and dumped and thinks I'm an @sshole.

Case in point 2:
I meet Girl Y over several dates. We f*ck. Again she doesn't really initiate. I always initiate. Got tired of it so I just sit back and see whether she will hit me up. She doesn't. She officially thinks I've pumped and dumped her.

In both instances, I've not been sociopathic. I've never misled them. They either expect me to chase all the time or wife them up and because I do not meet expectations and decided to be a man and walk away, I am portrayed as a villain.

The funniest was recently f*cking a girl who was engaged. She hid the engagement from me. Found out through her best friend. I step back but now our mutual friends think she is another victim of my playing.

I do think it's really hard to avoid category 2. Unless there's a better way of dropping plates.

The current practice of feminism thinks equality is achieved by pretending differences between the sexes doesn't exist. Instead of acknowledging and appreciating the inherent diversity of the two sexes.

I think feminism is generally good and well needed -- it uncovered problem with the man. But we need a phase two. This time around we need to deal with the nature of the woman, and currently there is a general lack of knowledge of this, but instead a taboo of even looking at it. The knowledge is found on rare places like SS.

Phase two needs to be done properly though. Not based on a fad, frustrated men, opinions or religion. It needs to be scientifically based.

This is also something I've been thinking about. I feel feminism has really tipped everything over in now a very skewered and unbalanced manner.

Like the point of the engaged girl I saw. I'm seen as a home wrecker although I was the one misled.

And just because I did not fit into the gender role of being a blue pilled simping guy who chases girls all the time like the Looney tunes coyote, I am seen as a pump and dumper.

 

[catsmeow]

I actually side slightly with Barrister on this point. Id like to think I am category 1 like you explained, Catsmeow. But the problem is, I find girls easily feel they are pumped and dumped when I drop them. Again I never promised LTR. I openly talk about seeing other people. They already know I am casually dating.

I think you may have misunderstood my post @jamesfromhouston. I think you seem like category 1 from your posts (which you confirmed you are or like to think you are) but I acknowledged to @Barrister towards the end of one of my posts, that most women would probably consider you (and men like you) category 2 when things don't go their way.

I've seen and heard it plenty of times from women in real and on a mostly female forum I post on.

As for me, well I think it's already been determined that I'm a bit of a weirdo lol, an anomaly which I've been called by boyfriends or "abnormal" as Barrister called me. Which is fine, I own it and actually kinda proud of it!

I don't relate to how most women think about men. Imo they don't trust them and don't even seem to like them all that much sometimes despite being sexually drawn to them and attracted.

And therein lies the problem, many women in today's dating environment simply don't trust men, and even when they encounter guys like you, who never made promises and who was completely upfront about dating casually, they will draw their own negative conclusions when things don't match their expectations.

I don't know what the answer or solution is, maybe someday someone will figure it all out and let us know? In the meantime, we carry on and do the best we can.

Anyway @James, good luck with the girl you're dating, hope it works out the way you hope.

 

[Grounded eagle]

In my experience,it’s never been a problem being gossiped about by girls.For me and for other players I know.Of course that’s highly dependent on what it is the girls are saying about you,but I would say that the fact that you’re being discussed at all is a good thing.It means you have a social pulse.

Girls are highly susceptible to the herd mentality.If they know a guy is successful with women they will want him.They will assume there’s something special about him.

Players are players because women keep choosing them.

 

[Barrister]

As for me, well I think it's already been determined that I'm a bit of a weirdo lol, an anomaly which I've been called by boyfriends or "abnormal" as Barrister called me. Which is fine, I own it and actually kinda proud of it!

Anyway @James, good luck with the girl you're dating, hope it works out the way you hope.

To be clear, I wasn't saying you were abnormal. Merely that your state of mind of not really caring about a guy you ended up in a relationship with before said relationship is abnormal. I would say that my experience with high interest women is uniform, 100%, in that they typically are scrambling to spend time with the man they are most interested in. Not in a "take it or leave it" mindset like you claimed you were with your current BF.

 

[Barrister]

@Barrister @catsmeow

I actually side slightly with Barrister on this point. Id like to think I am category 1 like you explained, Catsmeow. But the problem is, I find girls easily feel they are pumped and dumped when I drop them. Again I never promised LTR. I openly talk about seeing other people. They already know I am casually dating.

Case in point:
I meet Girl X over several dates. We f*ck. I take a liking to her. I take her out more. But she does somethings that I don't really like; hangs out someone I really dislike. So I back off a bit. She doesn't reach out to me, I suppose she expects me to reach out everytime (again she must expect a BP guy). So things fizzle out. She thinks she's been pumped and dumped and thinks I'm an @sshole.

Case in point 2:
I meet Girl Y over several dates. We f*ck. Again she doesn't really initiate. I always initiate. Got tired of it so I just sit back and see whether she will hit me up. She doesn't. She officially thinks I've pumped and dumped her.

In both instances, I've not been sociopathic. I've never misled them. They either expect me to chase all the time or wife them up and because I do not meet expectations and decided to be a man and walk away, I am portrayed as a villain.

The funniest was recently f*cking a girl who was engaged. She hid the engagement from me. Found out through her best friend. I step back but now our mutual friends think she is another victim of my playing.

I do think it's really hard to avoid category 2. Unless there's a better way of dropping plates.

Brother, the point is not to worry about what category women put you into. You are analyzing these situations in a very logical, analytical way. That isn't how the female brain works at all. Women's thoughts and actions are based upon emotions and feelings. She wants to feel that you are interested in her, and having sex with you will do that for her. But it also tends to lend itself to assumptions on the female part -- ones I have become convinced they can't avoid making no matter how intelligent they are.

I have also found, in my experience, that women are generally very poor communicators when it comes to explaining their feelings. So, if you were to sit down and say: "Why do you think I am a player? I never said I wanted to be exclusive. You knew I wanted sex and I didn't promise it was anything more than that." All you will get in response will be some type of gas lighting about how you lead them on. It isn't a conversation worth having and you are better off having a IDGAF attitude and moving onto the next.

 

[catsmeow]

To be clear, I wasn't saying you were abnormal. Merely that your state of mind of not really caring about a guy you ended up in a relationship with before said relationship is abnormal. I would say that my experience with high interest women is uniform, 100%, in that they typically are scrambling to spend time with the man they are most interested in. Not in a "take it or leave it" mindset like you claimed you were with your current BF.

I didn't (don't) have a "take it or leave it" mindset nor did I not care. I already explained.

I simply live in the moment, take one day at a time and don't concen myself with what happens "tomorrow." I focus more on the journey versus the destination.

There is a big difference between that and not caring and having a "take it or leave it" attitude. I'm not religious per se but follow the principles of eastern philosophy /religion.

I actually think my mindset is much more healthy than all the BS we see from.people and their contrived notions about expectations, promises, etc. And how a high interest person is "supposed" to behave. I don't date men I don't have a "high interest" in. I'd rather be alone which I have no problem with either. I actually prefer it sometimes even when IN a relationship.

Life is not a Disney fairytale which is what many women and some men believe. Aka delusional thinking.

I expect nothing except to enjoy the moment with my boyfriend and allow the Universe to lead the way, wherever that may be. I know I will be OK either way. If it doesn't work, I learn from the experience, grow and evolve..

May sound hokey to some, but it's how I choose to live my life and I'm the better for it as well as my relationships.

PS. Hope that clarifies @Barrister . I dislike being misunderstood but understand why it happens especially on forums like this. But I DO care, perhaps too much sometimes even. Again, we all do the best we can.

 

[HaleyBaron]

Who caaaaaaaares what women say. Women will say that a guy is ugly then still be sticking to his d*ck cause she's fawning over him [and also to deter other women from going after her prize]. Stop listening to them, geez. Nothing important comes out of their mouths except my d*ck.

 

[SW15]

First off, I think we should define “player,” I never could figure it out.

(1) Does it mean successful with women and multi-dating, which includes having sex with various women simultaneously until you meet a woman you’re inspired to become exclusive with? You guys call it spinning plates but to me it’s simply casually dating which is fine, especially in early stages as you’re getting to know each other (aka abundance). No need to tell your "plates" any of this (unless she asks and if she does be truthful).

Or (2) does it mean spinning various plates and/or engaging in ONS, lying and deceiving women into thinking you want a RL when you really don’t, you just tell them that so they’ll sleep with you, which is somewhat sociopathic. To me, THAT is a player but people will have their own way of defining.

A guy who is called a player could do either one of those things.

Just one woman’s opinion but I am fairly certain @BeExcellent now-fiancé was a player also, not sure if number 1 or 2, but either way she apparently wasn’t bothered by it as she and her former "player" boyfriend, are now engaged.

Perhaps she will chime in with her own thoughts, personally I always learn something valuable from her postings if even if/when her opinions have differed from mine.

She has been a valuable and useful contributor to the forum.

Her fiancé may have been a player at one time or resembled a player to the outside world. A lot of men would look at him now and think he's a big time beta male and quasi cuck for settling for a single mom with children under 18.

I've seen men who to the outside world looked like players/alpha males but ended up settling for typical married man lifestyle. They end up committing to some woman and then they tend to live beta male lifestyles. They start to exercise less and put on weight. They get a single family house in the suburbs, get a dog or two, and then potentially start to have children if they are young enough to have children. I perceive it as disappointing when I see men I know choosing this path when they were successful with women and had good non-marital relationships.

Manosphere writer Caleb Jones (Blackdragon) noticed what I described about men and mentioned it in this article below....

The Only 9 Options for Men as They Age - Alpha Male 2.0

Enable Dark Mode Enable Light Mode Get Free Email Updates! Join us for FREE to get instant email updates! -By Caleb Jones As I’ve discussed before, most men, even Alpha Males, have no intention on being players for the rest of their lives. At some point, even the horniest players will want to...

alphamale20.com

"3. Be a player forever

This option is barely worth talking about because very few men will choose this option. The vast majority will chose to settle down and pair bond in some form or fashion. Regardless, it's still an option technically.

The only big problem with this option is loneliness. I have never seen a guy choose this option and not wrestle with recurrent feelings of loneliness. Some form of pair bonding is more conducive to long-term happiness for a man, particularly as he gets past age 35."

Most men are not true players. They are men who outwardly resemble players but are really beta males at their core.

 

[jamesfromhouston]

I thought I'd give a bit of recent input to this thread I started.

Despite the fact that I have been labelled as a player/f'ckboi/other names by many and some girls being directly told/warned that I am.

I still managed to get laid with them recently. In other words; it has not really deterred me in my dating.

In fact, recently, some chick called me a sociopath; yet she is still keen to meet up with me.

I feel what many have said here has been true. Bad publicity does not necessarily mean a bad thing.

 

[TheKid]

It can work against you and make them zero in on certain shvt and turn a happily compliant girl into an ungrateful pos.

 

[SW15]

There is also the gossip about your Availability....That is whether you are or are not in a relationship. I think occasional monogamy keeps some women interested because you have shown you can maintain a relationship. At a certain age , if you don't have an occasional public girlfriend, or ex wife... women will wonder why? and avoid you for the same reason we don't go to a restaurant with no reviews.

In a big city, how the fucck does anyone know this if you're randomly cold approaching or app swiping? They don't.