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Is (Girl/Group) Gossip About You A Bad Thing?

BackInTheGame78

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Seems like most of the bros here are of the

Bad publicity is good publicity route.

That's interesting. I'd imagine being man slut-shamed would actually deter women from considering you since most women have a built in biological drive for security and loyalty.

Also, I genuinely think if we are committed to the plate spinning life long enough, even in a bigger metropolitan area, inevitably the word will go around on the player rep. I really don't see how bad publicity (at least in female eyes) is avoidable if you're red pilled and plating.

And additional thing is I've recently experienced being gossiped on by men in my social groups that I considered friends. Funny thing is they are trying to bang as much as I am but because I'm somewhat successful they started to tell other girls gossips about me.
No, that's not how it works. Women are ultra competitive with each other, so if she is hearing about "so and so" with a guy she is going to want to prove that she is as good as her and get him too.

When women go out most guys think they are dressing up for them. Wrong...they are dressing up to be better than the other women.

Plus women like guys who know how to lead them to the bedroom and clearly a guy who is a player is one of those type of guys.
 

anonymous12345

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Great, important topic.

I was in the same situation as you, the difference being that you’re a successful player. I was at a post-high school music school in Sweden, which is the worst kind of these places: quirky psychological artists that all adhere to the feminism/alternative/trans/etc/etc. There’s men walking around in skirts/hand bags/etc, many girls in short hair/crew cut, etc. Girls say masculinity is bad. So, “traditional” men, and in particular a red-pilled man such as me — observe the contrast — is then the absolute devil and horror. The threat.

After a while there was gossip and I got black-listed. I admit, as a freshly nofap’ed/red-pilled I could have had a better game, but the criticism was things like “you said to a girl she is pretty” and “You knocked on the door to her exercise room and asked her if she wanted to get sushi, you’re not smooth”. These are basically exact quotes. I fully understand that all SS members are perplexed by this.

As a result I got isolated, no one talked to me, and so forth. This is one reason I left the school, it was in many ways too draining and pointless. I developed a rather strong social anxiety by this weight, and I got an online therapist to tackle this. You write annoying, but monitor yourself here so you don’t take too much beating.

One lady friend brought this up with me (“People don’t speak well of you”). I listened to her feedback and essentially asked questions, leading to her saying she didn’t know what she is talking about. What does this mean? If you’re a “bold” man, it will lead to you being a catalyst for reflection and gossip. Maybe there’s nothing else going on. The friend went into an entangling monolog about age differences among her parents (me being 37, they 20-25). One can have an empathic view on the social system here. Only human.

In one sense feminism hasn’t lead to a balancing coin. Instead the coin has flipped and we see man shaming. Watch the movie Malena (2000). She experienced what we do now. What should she have done differently? I don’t know, thoughts welcome. Maybe a widely acknowledged phenomenon in two/three decades or so, movies about it, etc.

At the same thing, this is the danger of social circles. I’m very content with not being part in any currently. I have close male friends, but beyond that I hit the clubs/bars and have a high volume. I don’t have to deal with being a tool for people’s own reflections and incapability of handling their own lives or boredom in them. I think social circles is for having a girlfriend, that kind of thing.

There are enormous contrasts in our societies, especially in Scandinavia. Red-pill vs. the officially backed policies. Watch out.

We have societies that treat women as rational beings, but this kind of behaviour shows aspects that we on SS are well aware of. Women will gossip about you if you make an impression or is worthy, so it’s essentially gigantic sh1t tests. One can shrug it off, but it can indeed get grim beyond some girls eye rolling. It’s manly to not conform, be individualistic and take risk, so I agree with the advice to remain red-pilled, though unsure about the practical specifics of how.

Social systems are though moldable, so this gives hope. For instance, I got good connection/rapport with the girls I’ve flirted with, so the critique and scolding I in one sense cannot confirm. I got that good rapport (“You’re leaving the school? That makes me sad” etc) because of demonstrated good value over time. The true equilibriums will form over time.

Would be useful with suggestions how to deal with this. I honestly think there’s little to do: either fold, conform and turn invisible, or stand tall in the storm.
 

Barrister

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No that is incorrect @Barrister because we didn't discuss being exclusive (committing) for at least a couple of months, and during that time, I had no idea what he was up to with other women; I assumed he was dating around and perhaps even having sex with others (I didn't actually know), but it didn't concern me. 100% truth, I believe I have previously posted that and why it never concerned me. As for me, I chose to remain monogamous during that time, but again we didn't agree to exclusivity for at least a couple of months.
Not sure I completely buy that what he was doing in that time with other women "didn't concern you." That isn't how women operate pre-relationship at all. Unless you are telling me you settled for him/weren't that into him. Even the most dialed back of women who are HI are reaching out a lot, wanting to spend time together, and even a sniff of competition sends them into overdrive to get your attention and onto your calendar as much as possible. You make your time before the relationship sound like you could have taken it or left it. That certainly isn't my experience with high interest women and I would say is abnormal - unless again you simply settled.

What you describe sounds like two people who were fvck buddies and just decided to get involved in an LTR after some time had passed. I would venture this is a very small percentage of LTRs that form this way. Most women are pushing, perhaps discreetly but still pushing, a man towards a relationship from the get-go if she perceives him as having very high SMV. I can safely say this is true because I have experienced it many times. Hence my original comment that when women make this push and don't get to where they want to be, they normally cry deception by the man.
 

2Rocky

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There is also the gossip about your Availability....That is whether you are or are not in a relationship. I think occasional monogamy keeps some women interested because you have shown you can maintain a relationship. At a certain age , if you don't have an occasional public girlfriend, or ex wife... women will wonder why? and avoid you for the same reason we don't go to a restaurant with no reviews.
 

PowerQuest

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Great, important topic.

I was in the same situation as you, the difference being that you’re a successful player. I was at a post-high school music school in Sweden, which is the worst kind of these places: quirky psychological artists that all adhere to the feminism/alternative/trans/etc/etc. There’s men walking around in skirts/hand bags/etc, many girls in short hair/crew cut, etc. Girls say masculinity is bad. So, “traditional” men, and in particular a red-pilled man such as me — observe the contrast — is then the absolute devil and horror. The threat.

After a while there was gossip and I got black-listed. I admit, as a freshly nofap’ed/red-pilled I could have had a better game, but the criticism was things like “you said to a girl she is pretty” and “You knocked on the door to her exercise room and asked her if she wanted to get sushi, you’re not smooth”. These are basically exact quotes. I fully understand that all SS members are perplexed by this.

As a result I got isolated, no one talked to me, and so forth. This is one reason I left the school, it was in many ways too draining and pointless. I developed a rather strong social anxiety by this weight, and I got an online therapist to tackle this. You write annoying, but monitor yourself here so you don’t take too much beating.

One lady friend brought this up with me (“People don’t speak well of you”). I listened to her feedback and essentially asked questions, leading to her saying she didn’t know what she is talking about. What does this mean? If you’re a “bold” man, it will lead to you being a catalyst for reflection and gossip. Maybe there’s nothing else going on. The friend went into an entangling monolog about age differences among her parents (me being 37, they 20-25). One can have an empathic view on the social system here. Only human.

In one sense feminism hasn’t lead to a balancing coin. Instead the coin has flipped and we see man shaming. Watch the movie Malena (2000). She experienced what we do now. What should she have done differently? I don’t know, thoughts welcome. Maybe a widely acknowledged phenomenon in two/three decades or so, movies about it, etc.

At the same thing, this is the danger of social circles. I’m very content with not being part in any currently. I have close male friends, but beyond that I hit the clubs/bars and have a high volume. I don’t have to deal with being a tool for people’s own reflections and incapability of handling their own lives or boredom in them. I think social circles is for having a girlfriend, that kind of thing.

There are enormous contrasts in our societies, especially in Scandinavia. Red-pill vs. the officially backed policies. Watch out.

We have societies that treat women as rational beings, but this kind of behaviour shows aspects that we on SS are well aware of. Women will gossip about you if you make an impression or is worthy, so it’s essentially gigantic sh1t tests. One can shrug it off, but it can indeed get grim beyond some girls eye rolling. It’s manly to not conform, be individualistic and take risk, so I agree with the advice to remain red-pilled, though unsure about the practical specifics of how.

Social systems are though moldable, so this gives hope. For instance, I got good connection/rapport with the girls I’ve flirted with, so the critique and scolding I in one sense cannot confirm. I got that good rapport (“You’re leaving the school? That makes me sad” etc) because of demonstrated good value over time. The true equilibriums will form over time.

Would be useful with suggestions how to deal with this. I honestly think there’s little to do: either fold, conform and turn invisible, or stand tall in the storm.
Dudebro, you're living in the #1 feminazi country of the world which of course is Sweden.. Nothing can surprise about your story from there. Sweden and swedes are fking bat sheite crazy about feminism, inclusiveness, wokeness, political correctness etc. and even the men call themselves feminist which is insane. It is literally like cutting off your own balls yourself... :eek:
 

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anonymous12345

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Dudebro, you're living in the #1 feminazi country of the world which of course is Sweden.. Nothing can surprise about your story from there. Sweden and swedes are fking bat sheite crazy about feminism, inclusiveness, wokeness, political correctness etc. and even the men call themselves feminist which is insane. It is literally like cutting off your own balls yourself... :eek:
Hmmm. Some gentle moderation and steering here.

I'd say I'm broadly speaking a feminist. Women aren't treated with the same rights as men around the globe, and I find that wrong. They should have adequate pay, decide over their own bodies, have freedom in all aspects, and so on. Just like men. How they are currently treated around the globe is unswallowable.

But. A promiscuous woman is these days silently accepted and applauded for being a "modern woman." Compare that to OP's situation. He's being slut shamed. If I groped a girl like a BPD girl did with me, I would be thrown out. But men should be gentlemen. Etc.

My scenario above is similar to many on SS: sample biases. The school I've been to is not representative of the general population, just like sex addicts/only old/bar goers/etc aren't.

The current practice of feminism thinks equality is achieved by pretending differences between the sexes doesn't exist. Instead of acknowledging and appreciating the inherent diversity of the two sexes.

I think feminism is generally good and well needed -- it uncovered problem with the man. But we need a phase two. This time around we need to deal with the nature of the woman, and currently there is a general lack of knowledge of this, but instead a taboo of even looking at it. The knowledge is found on rare places like SS.

Phase two needs to be done properly though. Not based on a fad, frustrated men, opinions or religion. It needs to be scientifically based.
 

jamesfromhouston

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@Barrister @catsmeow

I actually side slightly with Barrister on this point. Id like to think I am category 1 like you explained, Catsmeow. But the problem is, I find girls easily feel they are pumped and dumped when I drop them. Again I never promised LTR. I openly talk about seeing other people. They already know I am casually dating.

Case in point:
I meet Girl X over several dates. We f*ck. I take a liking to her. I take her out more. But she does somethings that I don't really like; hangs out someone I really dislike. So I back off a bit. She doesn't reach out to me, I suppose she expects me to reach out everytime (again she must expect a BP guy). So things fizzle out. She thinks she's been pumped and dumped and thinks I'm an @sshole.

Case in point 2:
I meet Girl Y over several dates. We f*ck. Again she doesn't really initiate. I always initiate. Got tired of it so I just sit back and see whether she will hit me up. She doesn't. She officially thinks I've pumped and dumped her.

In both instances, I've not been sociopathic. I've never misled them. They either expect me to chase all the time or wife them up and because I do not meet expectations and decided to be a man and walk away, I am portrayed as a villain.

The funniest was recently f*cking a girl who was engaged. She hid the engagement from me. Found out through her best friend. I step back but now our mutual friends think she is another victim of my playing.

I do think it's really hard to avoid category 2. Unless there's a better way of dropping plates.

The current practice of feminism thinks equality is achieved by pretending differences between the sexes doesn't exist. Instead of acknowledging and appreciating the inherent diversity of the two sexes.

I think feminism is generally good and well needed -- it uncovered problem with the man. But we need a phase two. This time around we need to deal with the nature of the woman, and currently there is a general lack of knowledge of this, but instead a taboo of even looking at it. The knowledge is found on rare places like SS.

Phase two needs to be done properly though. Not based on a fad, frustrated men, opinions or religion. It needs to be scientifically based.
This is also something I've been thinking about. I feel feminism has really tipped everything over in now a very skewered and unbalanced manner.

Like the point of the engaged girl I saw. I'm seen as a home wrecker although I was the one misled.

And just because I did not fit into the gender role of being a blue pilled simping guy who chases girls all the time like the Looney tunes coyote, I am seen as a pump and dumper.
 

Grounded eagle

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In my experience,it’s never been a problem being gossiped about by girls.For me and for other players I know.Of course that’s highly dependent on what it is the girls are saying about you,but I would say that the fact that you’re being discussed at all is a good thing.It means you have a social pulse.

Girls are highly susceptible to the herd mentality.If they know a guy is successful with women they will want him.They will assume there’s something special about him.

Players are players because women keep choosing them.
 

Barrister

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As for me, well I think it's already been determined that I'm a bit of a weirdo lol, an anomaly which I've been called by boyfriends or "abnormal" as Barrister called me.:oops: Which is fine, I own it and actually kinda proud of it!

Anyway @James, good luck with the girl you're dating, hope it works out the way you hope. :)
To be clear, I wasn't saying you were abnormal. Merely that your state of mind of not really caring about a guy you ended up in a relationship with before said relationship is abnormal. I would say that my experience with high interest women is uniform, 100%, in that they typically are scrambling to spend time with the man they are most interested in. Not in a "take it or leave it" mindset like you claimed you were with your current BF.
 

Barrister

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@Barrister @catsmeow

I actually side slightly with Barrister on this point. Id like to think I am category 1 like you explained, Catsmeow. But the problem is, I find girls easily feel they are pumped and dumped when I drop them. Again I never promised LTR. I openly talk about seeing other people. They already know I am casually dating.

Case in point:
I meet Girl X over several dates. We f*ck. I take a liking to her. I take her out more. But she does somethings that I don't really like; hangs out someone I really dislike. So I back off a bit. She doesn't reach out to me, I suppose she expects me to reach out everytime (again she must expect a BP guy). So things fizzle out. She thinks she's been pumped and dumped and thinks I'm an @sshole.

Case in point 2:
I meet Girl Y over several dates. We f*ck. Again she doesn't really initiate. I always initiate. Got tired of it so I just sit back and see whether she will hit me up. She doesn't. She officially thinks I've pumped and dumped her.

In both instances, I've not been sociopathic. I've never misled them. They either expect me to chase all the time or wife them up and because I do not meet expectations and decided to be a man and walk away, I am portrayed as a villain.

The funniest was recently f*cking a girl who was engaged. She hid the engagement from me. Found out through her best friend. I step back but now our mutual friends think she is another victim of my playing.

I do think it's really hard to avoid category 2. Unless there's a better way of dropping plates.
Brother, the point is not to worry about what category women put you into. You are analyzing these situations in a very logical, analytical way. That isn't how the female brain works at all. Women's thoughts and actions are based upon emotions and feelings. She wants to feel that you are interested in her, and having sex with you will do that for her. But it also tends to lend itself to assumptions on the female part -- ones I have become convinced they can't avoid making no matter how intelligent they are.

I have also found, in my experience, that women are generally very poor communicators when it comes to explaining their feelings. So, if you were to sit down and say: "Why do you think I am a player? I never said I wanted to be exclusive. You knew I wanted sex and I didn't promise it was anything more than that." All you will get in response will be some type of gas lighting about how you lead them on. It isn't a conversation worth having and you are better off having a IDGAF attitude and moving onto the next.
 

HaleyBaron

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Who caaaaaaaares what women say. Women will say that a guy is ugly then still be sticking to his d*ck cause she's fawning over him [and also to deter other women from going after her prize]. Stop listening to them, geez. Nothing important comes out of their mouths except my d*ck.
 

SW15

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First off, I think we should define “player,” I never could figure it out.

(1) Does it mean successful with women and multi-dating, which includes having sex with various women simultaneously until you meet a woman you’re inspired to become exclusive with? You guys call it spinning plates but to me it’s simply casually dating which is fine, especially in early stages as you’re getting to know each other (aka abundance). No need to tell your "plates" any of this (unless she asks and if she does be truthful).

Or (2) does it mean spinning various plates and/or engaging in ONS, lying and deceiving women into thinking you want a RL when you really don’t, you just tell them that so they’ll sleep with you, which is somewhat sociopathic. To me, THAT is a player but people will have their own way of defining.
A guy who is called a player could do either one of those things.

Just one woman’s opinion but I am fairly certain @BeExcellent now-fiancé was a player also, not sure if number 1 or 2, but either way she apparently wasn’t bothered by it as she and her former "player" boyfriend, are now engaged.

Perhaps she will chime in with her own thoughts, personally I always learn something valuable from her postings if even if/when her opinions have differed from mine.
She has been a valuable and useful contributor to the forum.

Her fiancé may have been a player at one time or resembled a player to the outside world. A lot of men would look at him now and think he's a big time beta male and quasi cuck for settling for a single mom with children under 18.

I've seen men who to the outside world looked like players/alpha males but ended up settling for typical married man lifestyle. They end up committing to some woman and then they tend to live beta male lifestyles. They start to exercise less and put on weight. They get a single family house in the suburbs, get a dog or two, and then potentially start to have children if they are young enough to have children. I perceive it as disappointing when I see men I know choosing this path when they were successful with women and had good non-marital relationships.

Manosphere writer Caleb Jones (Blackdragon) noticed what I described about men and mentioned it in this article below....


"3. Be a player forever

This option is barely worth talking about because very few men will choose this option. The vast majority will chose to settle down and pair bond in some form or fashion. Regardless, it's still an option technically.

The only big problem with this option is loneliness. I have never seen a guy choose this option and not wrestle with recurrent feelings of loneliness. Some form of pair bonding is more conducive to long-term happiness for a man, particularly as he gets past age 35."


Most men are not true players. They are men who outwardly resemble players but are really beta males at their core.
 

jamesfromhouston

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I thought I'd give a bit of recent input to this thread I started.

Despite the fact that I have been labelled as a player/f'ckboi/other names by many and some girls being directly told/warned that I am.

I still managed to get laid with them recently. In other words; it has not really deterred me in my dating.

In fact, recently, some chick called me a sociopath; yet she is still keen to meet up with me.

I feel what many have said here has been true. Bad publicity does not necessarily mean a bad thing.
 

TheKid

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It can work against you and make them zero in on certain shvt and turn a happily compliant girl into an ungrateful pos.
 

SW15

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There is also the gossip about your Availability....That is whether you are or are not in a relationship. I think occasional monogamy keeps some women interested because you have shown you can maintain a relationship. At a certain age , if you don't have an occasional public girlfriend, or ex wife... women will wonder why? and avoid you for the same reason we don't go to a restaurant with no reviews.
In a big city, how the fucck does anyone know this if you're randomly cold approaching or app swiping? They don't.
 

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2Rocky

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In a big city, how the fucck does anyone know this if you're randomly cold approaching or app swiping? They don't.
What I'm talking about is social circle stuff....not everyone can indiscriminately pump & dump women without recourse. There are a lot more small towns than big cities. I'm 4th generation in my hometown. if I got pulled over the news reached my folks before i got home....
 
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