I'm losing control

[regulus]

I went to another huge party last night and came home alone again. It's depressing as hell to go to party loaded with drunk women and not even being able to get a dance. I was slightly agitated about that when my friends start acting like @ssholes. The designated driver was acting like a total drunk @ss even though he hadn't had a drink all night. Everytime we stopped somewhere he would start driving while my door was still and my legs were dangling outside. I didn't even have a chance to pull my legs in and put on my seatbelt before this @sshole starts flooring it. He almost crushed my legs like this twice because he almost hit another vehicle. I was almost hrown out and into the freeway another time. This @sshole also had the nerve to let go of the steering wheel while driving through a construction zone with many detours for the four lanes. We're weaving through a curved detour and he lets go of the wheel so he can eat a cookie and drink chocolate milk at the same time. He didn't want to set his srink down so I had to grab the wheel to prevent us from dropping down into a 40 ditch (underpass under construction). Then he starts talking major sh1t and belching in my ear and acts like I'm out of line for being pissed. I almost strangled that phucker right there.

As soon as I think I'm making progress, sh1t like this reminds me of how little I've accomplished. To top things off I overheard a conversation that chick was having about me on the phone with another guy. She was talking about how she didn't like even though I had done nothing to her. She hates me anyway. I've had this theory for 2 years and everyone called me paranoid, even earlier on the way to the party. The guy one the phone didn't know I could hear the convo and was like "I'm not gonna tell him because that would make his day. Somebody would get cussed out for sure."

So I found out that I have no real friends and that I was right about chicks in my college hating anyone who was less than perfect. What do I do now? It's obvious that I need new friends, btu I've been strugglign here for 4 years and all I ever had were these two @ssholes. The community around here is very cliquish and I'll never be acceted as an individual. Now I'm faced with a decision, stay with the two @ssholes or be alone.

 

[Milliardo_Peacecraft]

Well man,I was in your situation once and it really sucks.Even though if you look like a regular guy or even a bit worst,your attitude will do all the difference.Just look at my picture in my other thread and know that this guy now goes out and score at least once in a month(score=**** a new girl).So yes,if you do look like a "normal guy" wich means you dont look like a goth or defenitely out of social`s average,youll be fine physically.

I guess your main concern here should be your attitude.Dont follow others,stay independant.It worked for me.The last thing I knew is that its now the other way around and I now have "followers"(you know,like friends that follows you everywhere and never second thought youn no matter what you say).

Trust me,the attitude makes a huge difference on wether you are looked upon as an idiot or a great guy.

 

[TesuqueRed]

You ditch the @ssholes and the rude bytches.

This is a no-brainer. Self respect and self valuation means you don't stay where you're not wanted--no exceptions (even marriage, IMO...)

This will raise your own worth for yourself and maybe for others, too.

Loneliness is a problem that isn't a no-brainer, and is probably the real issue for your post. I would suggest a switch in focus from "how do I get friends" to "how do I do the things that people do who have friends?" One is results oriented--and knowing what results you want is key, but first you need to examine the behavior oriented angle and simply practice. The rest will follow.

 

[Charisma]

Yeah dude, drop them all, you don't need them.

I guess everybody was 16 once in their life on this board, that's about the time where they start experimenting with drugs, smoking, drinking. I wasn't like that, so all my 'friends' were smoking etc.. asap I was the 'outcast' for not wanting to smoke, so they start dissing me, they thought they could, since they were with 20, and I was alone, and figured I wouldn't have the nerve to drop them. I did, one of the best decisions I made. None of them ever tried anything again, not even fight, if they did try, I would just confront them with their own stupidity, and allow them to give a swing, they never did.

Then about the girls disliking you for no reason, I never had that problem, except for this year, this ONE girl simply HATED me .. for real .. I mean she heared my voice and she looked totally pissed off, turns around and says something 'What is it now ??' And I only spoke her once every two weeks or something, I figured she was a total nutcase =D Now just a couple of weeks ago we're standing in line, and I'm doing some smooth talking to this old women standing behind the bar (I know lol, but I was on a roll, so why not make her feel good too ^^), so that chiq that hated me notices that I'm actually a funny, confident guy.. and I think what followed was a test, she asks me to buy her a drink 'Hmm excuse me, but it will take more then just a smile to get me to buy you a drink..' it didn't piss her off, since that day it seems like my voice no longer pisses her off but makes her smile.... women ..

 

[USSOCOM]

I know why your depressed. You have a HUGE problem, you view everything negativly instead of positivly. My brother is the same way,(It annoys me ) you view the glass half empty instead of half full. I can tell from your user information "Austin Texas (it sucks) " lol, you need a big perspective change!

 

[Charisma]

ow yes, and like TSRed said, when I made that decision, it confirmed everything I always thought made me so strong, it's cool to think 'I can be proud of myself, nothing will be able to make me change my mind or believes if I don't want it to happen', but it's a million times better to actually act and do it, it confirms you as being YOU, and what you always thought you stood for. It's like thinking 'If somebody touches my girlfriend, I'm gonne kick his ass' it's cool to think that (for me lol) but if you actually DO it if someone hurts her instead of just standing their like a total wuss (even if you are gonne get your ass kicked afterwards), that confirms what you believed, and makes you a stronger person, with a strong and self-confident personality. And people notice this, the dissing will stop, believe me, don't take no ****, it's your life, not theirs.

 

[regulus]

Things are getting worse. I'm strating to get fill woth rage. This is a pretty phucked up weeked. Now I've got raging hormones and anger pumping through my system. All these half naked chicks are getting to me. I sed to get sad for not having one, then jealous, now I get angry. I'm horny 24-7. The worst part is that soon I'll be 22 and never even slept with a chick.

I feel like I've wasted my phucking youth. There's plenty of time to go to college and work a job. I never got to have any fun. I was forced from childhood to adulthood with no space in between. Now people call me immature because I want to hold on to what little piece of my youth that I have left. I feel like I've been left behind. i'm struggling to catch up. Things are so bad that I've actually thought of hiring a hooker whcih I swore that I'd never do. I probably would've done it if I'd had the money. Right now, I jusr want sex. Almost any woman will do. The thing that pisses me off even more is that I can't even have the phucking rejects. http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=27395 Everyone talks about how wasy it is to get laid in college but I'm going into my fifth year in college and have nothing to show for it.

 

[The_King]

Dude...

All I can say is channel your anger into a positive attitude....do not get me wrong its not easy. Remember, all the stuff about kill the desperation by Pook etc, its easy for me to say read it. But do it.

Get some new friends...make the break...start again..use the anger to change your perspective, friends, anything and then when your happy and confident knowing that you do not need a woman and that they need you. It should become self-fullfilling...like quoted often around here

"Think and you shall become"

or whatever it goes like but you get the idea.

Your desperation will disappear and the chicks should appear. The magic attitude.

 

[regulus]

there is no way to turn rage into a positive attitude

 

[The_King]

What are you going to do then?.

Stay in a rage?.

I do not offer advice on anger management...the only thing I know about that is buy a punch bag or lift some weights.

Its up to you how you deal with the mental aspect, I have given my views on that earlier, anyone any other ideas?

 

[crackhead]

"when you believe I-can-do-it, the how-to-do-it develops"

ACTION CURES FEAR


"WHAT KIND OF ACTION CAN I TAKE TO CONQUER MY FEAR?"

 

[Hypoxia]

Dude,

I just started hanging out with a new group of people.. Not the type of people I would normally hang out with, but their attitudes make all the difference. We look past our small differences and realize we are all just out to have a good time and we want everyone around us to have a good time as well. In the past 3 weeks alone I have done more things, and met more people than I did with my other set of friends in 2 years...

Spend some time alone first. Calm down, and find people who are willing to have a good time with you instead of at your expense.

 

[USSOCOM]

Here's one for you regulus, stop phucking* whining, you sound like a baby for christ sake! If you take on the attitude of "its getting worse" its gonna get WORSE. Slow down, live your life in the now, and forget about what other people say, most of it is *phucking* BS anyway... Suck it up and drive on

 

[rbd]

Originally posted by regulus
Things are getting worse. I'm strating to get fill woth rage. This is a pretty phucked up weeked. Now I've got raging hormones and anger pumping through my system. All these half naked chicks are getting to me. I sed to get sad for not having one, then jealous, now I get angry. I'm horny 24-7. The worst part is that soon I'll be 22 and never even slept with a chick.

I feel like I've wasted my phucking youth. There's plenty of time to go to college and work a job. I never got to have any fun. I was forced from childhood to adulthood with no space in between. Now people call me immature because I want to hold on to what little piece of my youth that I have left. I feel like I've been left behind. i'm struggling to catch up. Things are so bad that I've actually thought of hiring a hooker whcih I swore that I'd never do. I probably would've done it if I'd had the money. Right now, I jusr want sex. Almost any woman will do. The thing that pisses me off even more is that I can't even have the phucking rejects. http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=27395 Everyone talks about how wasy it is to get laid in college but I'm going into my fifth year in college and have nothing to show for it.

Wow, that's great man. You know why it's great?

Because you've realized where you are at life and are so ready to make a change for the better. You WANT to change.

I haden't had sex with a girl, or even kissed a girl for that matter until I was twenty (i.e. about 5 months ago), in the last month and a half I've about tripled the number of girl acquantes/friends I know, made out with 5 girls and hell, I even had a 7 give me her number out of the blue today, after I just talked to her for a bit and went back to my own business. What I mean to say is that I went from zero to this, and 90% of it is due to one thing:

I changed my outlook, and removed as many negative aspects from my life as possible.

I also work out, educate my brain, take care of myself, and everything else. But honestly man, I want you to go get two books from your bookstore/library:

Psychocybernetics by Maltz
What to Say When you Talk to Your Self by Shad Helmstetter

Your posts reek of a horrible self-image. Pull yourself out of that desperation and realize how much power is just waiting to get out.

Robby

 

[regulus]

there's nothing wrong with my self image, it's how they perceive me. i'm sick and ****ing tired of being treated like a threat. people act like i'm holding gun to their head.

 

[rbd]

Originally posted by regulus
there's nothing wrong with my self image, it's how they perceive me. i'm sick and ****ing tired of being treated like a threat. people act like i'm holding gun to their head.

Try to objectively read what you've posted, and notice the words you use "can't", "don't", "won't", always, never, etc. Maybe they're repulsed by your negativity and negative energy?

I hate to disagree with you on this, but man, you need to realize that your self image could use some work.

Robby

 

[regulus]

Originally posted by rbd
Try to objectively read what you've posted, and notice the words you use "can't", "don't", "won't", always, never, etc. Maybe they're repulsed by your negativity and negative energy?

I hate to disagree with you on this, but man, you need to realize that your self image could use some work.

Robby

they never even speak long enough to get to know everything about me. the thing about my college is that nobody wants to get to know anybody. they go looking for a stereotype. at the first sign that it doesn't fit, they bounce. if it does fit, they stick around. the only poeple i met when i first came here all thought since i was a big black guy, i had to be a football player. people want to be able to predict everything, otherwise they get scared.

i'll sy it once again, there is nothing wrong with my self image. it's how fear makes others inaccurately perceive my image that's the problem. If you lost close to 40lbs, would anyone notice? nobody noticed me, because if you can't be classified, they don't care.

 

[Ramin]

Hi Regulus

Regulus, at this point we need to figure out what you can do (that you haven't tried) to improve your situation, not reflect on how bad your situation is currently.

I don't want to be a prick, but nothing you have written remotely compares to how bad life got for me. I come from a country filled with war, famine and disease. When I came to the United States as a child I got my arse kicked everyday because other youngsters called me a "terrorist". Kids would bring toy guns to school and shoot at me. I had my head stuck in a toilet with shyte in it. The teens called it a "chocolate swirly". I became severely depressed, couldn't eat or sleep for weeks at a time... I don't even want to tell you the rest. It's ugly.

Dude, I've been humiliated a lot in my life-- far beyond what I wrote above. I usually don't like to bring it up but for you I will. I thought people hated me and that I had no chance to find a fit for myself in the U.S because of how I was pigeon-holed. Now I get laid! Why? Because I am now able to accept rejection (WITHOUT GETTING ANGRY) because rejection and lonliness is a joke compared to what I've been through. I know that anger hurts me and I feel that deep down. It took time for my feelings to begin following my healthy behavior. First I had to act right then I slowly started to feel right. I know now that if I am assertive sooner or later a hot girl won't reject me. Moreover, I will get better at approaching them every time I try. Beyond that, I also know that the more I try the more I don't care what others think and the more people start to respect me for having guts. People notice and start to treat you differently. If you can honestly tell me that you've approached 100s of hot girls (without acting like an idiot) and every single one rejected you then I will call you a fvcking liar. Dress nice, get a decent haircut and then FORGET about what you look like. This system is foolproof. It will work. End of story.

 

[Ramin]

Oh Yeah...

And don't be a douche bag and expect your feelings to change right away. Just change your behavior and the way you dress and act for now... And don't believe the B.S. voice in your head that tells you things will never get better. That voice is a fvcking liar and is great at fooling us. It remembers situations when we are right about how bad life is, but forgets situations when we are wrong. I PROMISE YOU life can and has changed for people that have been in much worse situations-- like me. I don't care how ugly you may be (assuming you're ugly). As long as you have two arms, two legs, and your nose isn't on the back of your head you can get laid by attractive women without paying cash for it. Start by approaching average girls and even if they act like psychos (a lot of them will) don't give a rats arse. Just learn how to be charming. Right now you are in training. You will screw up and get rejected a lot at first. I still get rejected a hell of a lot, but DAMN do I get some hotties!! Work your way up. I guarantee you this will work if you put in the effort. 100% guaranteed or your money back, bro. If you don't do what I told you then it's all your own fault.

 

[regulus]

Thanks Ramin

I've had a messed up childhood too. It got bad enough that I had to carry a weapon to school to make sure I got home safe and sound. You offered some good advice but I think I know whty alot of advice on this board leads me to failure, there are major cultural differences. Most of the people on the board are either white americans, british, or australian. I don't want to air the dirty laundry but the african american community has its own rules. All they want are thugs, and they're the most materialistic people on the planet. The popular guys who aren't thugs are athletes. People don't even give a damn about college unless you're there because you play sports. I've had people be straight up hostile to me because I was wearing a UT sweat shirt. We suffer from what's called the crabs in a bucket syndrome. As soon as one person tries to pull himself up, another tries to grab him by the legs and pull him down. To be successful in anything other than rapping, drug dealing, pimping, or sports is to be a failure. I'm training so that I can join the navy after college to pursue my dream of being a SEAL. When people find that out they call me crazy. Not crazy like like skydiver kind of crazy, but serial killer crazy. When I tell white folks, all I get are words of encouragement.

Thee's also a problem ith black women's attitudes, it's not a stereotype. Most cultures are or were male dominated until recently in history. Slavery messed that up in america so black women are used to being somewhat independent. So whenever a black man show some ability to make his own decisions, he's considered pushy. That is not an exaggeration. Some of these women are out of control. That's why you see so many college educated black women with men that aren't 5hit. My old boss was and administrator at UT and her husband was a janitor at a high school. This is also why you see so many wealthy black men with white women. Black women think it's because of the media's european definition of beauty but it's not. These guys were treated like me and got sick and tired. Then they were called sell outs. You see where I'm going?

I think I need to focus on appealing to othe cultures. I met some girls from sigma phi omega (asian sorority), so I'll just try to stay in touch with them.