"I'll meet you somewhere"

[drZaius09]

Background:
Met girl, got number. Called a few days later, actually got a date which is amazing because usually (3 times out of 4) the number will get me nowhere. So I went out with this girl last week, and I had a great time, I assumed she had the same. Refer to my drunken ramblings from that night here: http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=29259

I called her again last night to see if she was free for drinks or something. Now here's the catch: she lives about 5 minutes away from me on a street I use to get home from work. I saw her car in her driveway on the way home and called about 30 minutes later. So I call her cell phone and she says she's in the city waiting for her friend (the city is a good 40 minutes away) and she also says she went there straight from work (she also works near the city). Now obviously this is a blatant lie. Whatever, I'm not even going to let that get to me. She apologizes that she's busy and asks me the next time I'm free. I say Saturday. She says she's busy until 9 or 10 Sat. night and offers to "meet me somewhere" after that. I swear she said "I'll meet you somewhere" at least two or three times, as if she was emphasizing it.

Now what I want to know is this: 1) Why did she feel the need to LIE to me, when a simple "I'm busy" or "I have plans" would suffice? I can't see any logical motivation to outright LIE when any reasonable half-truth could have gone by undetected. 2) Why stress "I'll meet you somewhere?" I picked her up on our first "date," could she be trying to avoid the whole "date" stigma by offering to meet me rather than be picked up? Or perhaps she plans on bringing a buffer? I tend to think on the negative side of things and I need some alternative views on this. Basically I don't feel like wasting my time on Saturday with this chick if she's not interested because there are any number of more productive things I could do that night. Thank you.

 

[RKTek]

CONFUSION ALERT! CONFUSION ALERT!

Feeling confused is itself a red flag. You caught her in a lie. Confusion #1.

You asked her on a specific date, she answered in a confusing way. Confusion #2.

Now you're going down that dead-end road of trying to figure it out. Anyone who likes you will also help you like them! But she's still out there, and you're here wondering. Confusion #3.

Is she living with a guy? Is she dating a guy but would he's so much of a challenge she wants a tampon-boy? Does she have a date with her guy Saturday, but would like to MEET YOU ANYWHERE after her date so she can talk about him?

WHO CARES. She's confusing you, and if she really cared, she'd be more honest and she'd meet you half way. Sad.

Next!

 

[drZaius09]

Originally posted by RKTek
Is she living with a guy?

No. She lives at home with her family. She claims she's babysitting her little sister Sat. night, which is why she's busy until later. But that's only what she claims.

Is she dating a guy but would he's so much of a challenge she wants a tampon-boy?

If so, she certainly won't find one here.

Does she have a date with her guy Saturday, but would like to MEET YOU ANYWHERE after her date so she can talk about him?

I can't answer that. But I would assume if she had a date Sat. then she'd be busy the entire night, and not free by 9 o'clock. Makes sense, but then again, women rarely make any sense. To her credit, last week we went out on Friday and now this week on Saturday... I would have to figure that those days would be dedicated to her #1 guy, if she had one.

Next!

I'm glad you of all people responded, RK. Are you saying I should conveniently avoid her call on Sat.?

 

[thissucks003]

Hey Dr,

You seem to be looking for ways to cancel her out. Stop trying to look for motivations that may very well not be. Have her meet you at your place and ask her to buy the wine while you buy the chocolate and just have fun .

Her telling you that she was in the city could be lie, who knows? But she could also have really been there and dropped her car off while she was with a girlfriend, coworker etc... You don't know. Give her a chance and see what happens.

TS

 

[RKTek]

Zaius, wassupwiddis? Has this girl seriously gotten under your skin in an unhealty one-itis way?

You said she lives on a street near your house. Be honest with yourself, does this provide you with the added bonus of being able to keep tabs on her? Maybe you need to purposely AVOID that route just to keep from that temptation.

So you saw her car in the driveway. Does she always stay within shouting distance of her own car? Admittedly, it's probable she was home and lying to you, but then again, maybe she was in the city with someone else under extenuating circumstances. The point I'm trying to make here is 'you'. YOU felt like she was lying. Regardless of what is really going on here, YOU FELT LIKE SHE WAS LYING. Either she's done it to you, or you've done it to yourself, but from here on out, you've got one foot in a bear trap. If she is lying, you need to NEXT her. If she's not lying, and you're just paranoid, then you'll be a lousy jealous possessive wack boyfriend for her anyway. Either way, the healthy thing is NEXT. If it is the case that you're jumping to inaccurate conclusions, then maybe you need to get out of the dating game until you get your mind right and calmed.

Why did she keep saying "I'll meet you somewhere"? Why ask why? If she was interested in having a typical date with you, she would have said either "Yes" or "I can't make it that night, but I'm free on ______________ night, can we make it then?" Instead, she laid this weirdness on you. Geez, is this a Robert Ludlum novel? It was strange, you know it, I know it, we all know it. Had she been normal or thinking of you, she would have made herself more clear and HELPED you understand her.

Do what you want, but to me there's already too much emotion on your part which she probably picked up on, which might help explain her wanting to meet you somewhere to make it an 'unofficial' thing. Either way, unhealthy. Call her and try to make a date, but were I you I'd have zero, zilch, nada, ix-nay, null, nyet exptectations of this going anywhere. Take her call if you want, but my feeling is she's going to dump you.

 

[drZaius09]

Do what you want, but to me there's already too much emotion on your part which she probably picked up on

I can't see how she could be picking up on much of anything unless she happens to be reading this thread right now.

Ouch, RK! Wow, I really don't have any emotions for this girl whatsoever. The fact that I pass her house on my way home from work is coincidence and nothing more. The only "added bonus" for me is that it's the shortest route home! Honestly, I can find other options, and what she does is of no concern to me. The only emotional entaglements I'm trying to avoid here is the feeling that I'm wasting valuable time. You see, I can sit here on these boards all day while I'm working and waste all kinds of time; but when it comes to Sat. night, that's personal, and I want to make sure that I'm getting sh1t done. The last thing I need to hear on my free time is "Thanks for the good time but... LJBF." It doesn't f*cking much matter to me whether it's this girl saying it or some other b1tch. Really that's the only reason I ask for your opinion, to decide if I'm getting set-up for some sort of disaster that can be easily avoided. My resources can be dedicated to more productive activity. And finally, your points are well taken, I'll probably just go out with friends and find some new chickens.

 

[RKTek]

Awright, sorry to zing so much. Did it leave a bruise?

Quoting from your last post:

"...[what] I'm trying to avoid here is the feeling that I'm wasting valuable time"

Is this a Freudian slip or what? You are already thinking this is a lost cause. Recognize your own internal dialogue.

:...but when it comes to Sat. night, that's personal..."

One of the main DJ 'rules' is that you only go out on weeknights until she's proven she's worth your valuable weekend time. Yet here you are jumping the gun on this one.

Maybe you need more convincing. Okay...go out with her. But as my Tae-Kwon-Do sabumnim told me "have a thousand eyes". In other words, keep your wits about you. As much as possible, go emotionally flat and while being physically in the situation with her, mentally float above the scene, observing her every word, move, eye twitch, nostril flair and skin moistness. Observe everything critically and keep your intuition as your first and only counsel.

Let us know what happened.

 

[drZaius09]

Originally posted by RKTek You are already thinking this is a lost cause.

I have a tendency to be cynical.

One of the main DJ 'rules' is that you only go out on weeknights until she's proven she's worth your valuable weekend time. Yet here you are jumping the gun on this one.

First of all, I've never been one to follow every rule or suggestion here to the absolute letter of the law. Second, a combination of work and traffic make my weeknights a torrent of irritation and exhaustion. I have little desire to leave my house after work, ESPECIALLY not to introduce even more stress into my day (i.e., going on a "date"). So... usually weekends are the only time where I have the patience and fortitude to trudge through conversation with women. I just happened to have the day off yesterday, hence asking her out on a Thursday.

Okay...go out with her.

Nah. You were right the first time, I've got better things to do. Thanks for the input.