If a condom is missing.. does that mean she is cheating?

[Healer]

Say your GF has a small pile of condoms that she never uses, then one day you find one of them missing, Is she cheating?

 

[AmatuerUKDJ]

She may have just put it on her head and seen how much she could blow it up.

 

[chlywly]

This is beyond dumb. Jumping to idiotic conclusions like that is what makes you an afc.

 

[seulaxplaya]

maybe it fell, gave to a friend. test her and do the same get some condoms let her know the number and then the next day remove one and see what she does.

 

[Chewy Bagel]

I had a girlfriend who had a condom stash. I told her to get rid of it or I was out. There is absolutely no reason why a woman should have a pile of condoms laying around if you are in a committed relationship.

As far as one missing.. that would drive me over the edge bro. She best give you some excuse that she gave it to a girlfriend so she could bang some dude. I can't think of any other legit reason right now.

Good luck with that one, maing.

 

[chlywly]

Originally posted by Chewy Bagel
I had a girlfriend who had a condom stash. I told her to get rid of it or I was out. There is absolutely no reason why a woman should have a pile of condoms laying around if you are in a committed relationship.

As far as one missing.. that would drive me over the edge bro. She best give you some excuse that she gave it to a girlfriend so she could bang some dude. I can't think of any other legit reason right now.

Good luck with that one, maing.

Just as silly, and insecure.... Possibly you could have used them together? I mean common if you aren't comfortable with your woman having condoms because your so damned insecure and scared, and have no trust maybe you need to re-assess your situation.

 

[Chewy Bagel]

If I have been in a committed relationship with a girl and we haven't been using condoms for over a year, then there is no need for her to have condoms in her house. Why make it easier for a woman to cheat? Call me insecure or whatever - it's just one thing that I don't need in the back of my mind. If she knows that it bothers me, then she should be considerate of my feelings and discard them.

Why does this make me such a bad insecure person? Are you someone who thinks that it'll never happen to you? Ever had it happen to you? It hurts bad when you've been cheated on, bro.

 

[seeVip]

I guess because you are in a committed relationship. But i think having her know of your weaknesses makes her take advantage of it when she gets angry at you. Thats why i always make some lil things seem like a big deal, so if they get pissed at me for something, thats all they do, then i act like im pissed because its the first thing that comes to their mind.

Its human nature, and as djs we should be beyond that and jealousy.

Jealousy is a sign of weakness, you should have a mindset where u dont even care if she cheats on you or not, because you can find someone else. It is always better to find out before you're married and your business partners/clients find out beofre you do!

Human nature is often opposite to what seems logical, but once u know why it seems more logical, make any sense?

 

[Blaaaaat]

Originally posted by chlywly
This is beyond dumb. Jumping to idiotic conclusions like that is what makes you an afc.

 

[seeVip]

Blaaaaat
Senior Don Juan

Registered: Jan 2003
Location: Amsterdam
Posts: 241
Age: 23

quote:
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Originally posted by chlywly
This is beyond dumb. Jumping to idiotic conclusions like that is what makes you an afc.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

RELAX man this is a help forum, if you want to flame people , flame the people who give bad advice not the person who dosent know what he is doing YET. Last thing we need to do is scare off people who have the guts to ask for help when they are doing something wrong. This forum will be filled with flamers and next thing you know we wont even be a DJ forum.

 

[Chewy Bagel]

I don't get it guys. Jealousy is normal. Being overly jealous is another thing entirely - not cool. I'm talking about getting upset over something that bothers you. Are some of you saying that if your girlfriend/wife cheats on you, then you won't get jealous because you are a DJ? You will just let it slide right off you back and stick with her? Or are you saying if a girl cheats on you, then you'd just get angry and leave her? (because you can't experience this emotion called jealousy as it is considered by some to be "AFC".)

 

[FlyGuy]

This is a legit question. The problem is that you can't jump to a conclusion based JUST on a missing condom. If there was a condom missing it would definitely be enough to make me suspicious and to start paying attention to her behavior more. Before anyone says that I'm just being paranoid, I've been screwed over in the past by people who I trusted the most. From now on, I look out for myself. Paranoia can be a good thing sometimes, it helped my catch the last girl who cheated on me. If I had just let it go without following my instincts I might still be with the *****.

 

[Healer]

Well, Without enough proof of action, Jealousy is bad news..
Otherwise use it as a sign that things are about to get bumpy in
the relationship. Once you can recognise the problem you can deal with it much more efficiently when the time comes.


As concerning my own question, I would take it as a red flag but not make a big deal of it.

 

[Blaaaaat]

*double post*

 

[Blaaaaat]

Originally posted by seeVip
RELAX man this is a help forum, if you want to flame people , flame the people who give bad advice not the person who dosent know what he is doing YET. Last thing we need to do is scare off people who have the guts to ask for help when they are doing something wrong. This forum will be filled with flamers and next thing you know we wont even be a DJ forum.

Somtimes hard words work better. If i made him cry, then i'm sorry.

 

[seeVip]

WE are human ofcourse we feel jealous, but we should forget about it so fast that we need not mention it and write her off and look forward to good things. If jealous is in our head for that long then its not going to do any good is it?

Like in a fight EVERYBODY gets scared, going up with a larger person, but the fact that your game enough to get in their makes you not a wimp. Good fighters never mention fear, they feel it , they never deny they feel it, they jsut believe its not important enough to be mentioned.

Think about it, we should be at a level where we need not mention jealousy, feel it let, record reasons why, let it past, and ACTION. all within afew seconds

Any extension or prolonging of jealousy will you do more harm than good, such as fear. These human senses are senses, like sensors on a car when something is playing up, it should be noticed, but you should not go out of your way and over analyse something simple.

 

[Demon]

Originally posted by chlywly
I mean common if you aren't comfortable with your woman having condoms because your so damned insecure and scared, and have no trust maybe you need to re-assess your situation.

It's not about insecurity, it's about control.

 

[Giovanni Casanova]

Okay, Healer isn't being unreasonable with his question.

His girlfriend has a stash of condoms, and he happens to know that one is missing. Are there reasonable explanations? Sure.

• She wanted to see how it worked
• She gave it to a friend
• She put it in her car
• She moonlights as a clown making balloon animals and ran out of balloons
• She put it in a more accessable place in her bedroom
• She's cheating

It's very conceivable that she's cheating. There's only one way to find out. Confront her. Ask her straight up and watch her reaction, particularly watching her eyes (darting, unable to make contact with yours) and her body language (nervous shifting) and a long hesitation when you ask what's up. If she doesn't have an explanation right away or seems like she's trying to think one up, or if she tries to make it about you ("What? Don't you trust me?"), I'd say that's good grounds for kicking her to the curb.

 

[seeVip]

Id rather not ask. But if you do watch where her eye movements are, look her right in the eye, and see where those eyes move around and you usually can tell if shes lying, someone had a thread on NLP and eye movements. That could be usefull.

 

[GirlCrazy]

Here's what a dj who suspected his lover was cheating would do:

He would keep his eyes open and look for other warning signs. If she's cheating for any length of time the signs will be there. He wouldn't automatically confront her, but rather he would wait until there's enough evidence and then calmly explain he doesn't put up with that chit and show her to the curb. To show he's the bigger person he wouldn't pull any of that vindictive revenge crap. He'd take his lumps like a man and move on. He will realize that she's damaged goods and not have anything to do with her, even when she shows up at his door crying her eyes out.

Here's what a chump would do:

Follow her around trying to catch her cheating red-handed. Question her every action and confront her if she's an hour late from the dentist, or there's a period of time that's unaccounted for. Send her angry and emotional emails and instant messages. Confront her friends too, since they are probably in on it. If that doesn't work try hanging around in the parking lot where she works. Make sure to creep everyone out.