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I'd like your thoughts

Dash Riprock

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It is possible for previously desirable women to become unattractive, and it's much more difficult for a man to "hold up his end," when he isn't properly motivated(unless he just has very low standards); so, I doubt it's always and only the women withholding sex.
I was in a 9-year LTR. Never wanted to get married and she didn't pressure about it. It ended about 4.5 years ago. After about 6 years in, my attraction for her started to decline. It was all me. She kept in really good shape; we worked out at the gym, biked, hiked, and she taught Pilates and yoga. But, I just wasn't into her that way anymore. Had I hit my head and gotten amnesia, I would have said "Wow, hot chick!" as she was easily a HB8+ from Croatia.

But if you have a hot fudge sundae every day, at some point, you'll get sick of them.

And that's what happened.

Towards the end, I remember never initiating sexual encounters with her and even avoiding it. Had zero interest--in her anyway. Other girls? Yes. It was just the same thing all the time. And I don't think outfits and toys and all that jazz would have changed my mind. Plus, some of her personality traits were a real turnoff. She was more of a prude and not a s*lut, but she thought she was ALWAYS right and her way was ALWAYS best, etc. She was also independent (which is good), but she over did it and had a feminist flare to her. Had separate rooms (her idea). We did get along pretty good and from a household operations perspective, she was A+. We also had many similar interests, loved fitness and outdoors, and even bought a dog together (I have it), so all that kept us together longer than we should have. But, none of that turned me on, and I lost interest.

I remember when we broke up, it was a big "WHEW!" to me as now I was free to do whatever without always having to consider another person. I recall telling people that "I felt bad for not feeling bad about it." I really couldn't care less and still don't. I told her once we broke up I'm not the kind to reach out, hang out, all that crap. We're done and that's it and I'm moving on. No hard feelings.

So yes, men can pull the plug on sex too. I did.

Men, from a DNA-level, aren't even meant to be married. We're designed to mate with as many females as possible to spread our DNA as much as we can in the gene pool. That's why men are sex-driven and women are more into families, raising kids, and relationships. It's simple evolution and hasn't changed in 100,000’s of years despite the internet and social media. Marriage was invented as a way to produce (many) offspring and have them cared for and help us on our property when we were largely an agrarian society. But that was hundreds of years ago.

Men largely don't marry for sex. They get married for companionship and they want someone to love them. 100% true. Many fear being alone. Most married men are not alpha, but very beta, as they understand the sacrifices they will make for this “companionship.”

I don’t hold contempt or look down on anyone who is or wants to get married. It’s just not for me.
 

Lynx nkaf

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A good buddy of mine is a CEO for a large hospital in Oregon, USA. We met up at a reunion last year. While catching up over beers, he was telling me about his divorce. In his state, Oregon, he is still paying alimony to his ex-wife even though she is remarried. I almost choked on my beer. I repeated it back to him to make sure I heard him correctly, and yes, he pays her monthly and she's remarried. He's probably pulling down $300-$400K/year too. Nice cash-out on her part, huh?
That. is. criminal.

There must be an end date. If it wasn't her remarriage.......what just a minute. Fuok this!

Tell him to stop paying.
Go back to court.
Call the media.
Call, write to collect petition signatures, start Gofundme page and picket outside of politician offices.

I heard Portland was really cool. This doesn't sound like a cool state to have such a cool city.

He must just stop payments. Change accounts. Cancel what he has to. Let her try to sue him. That's criminal she's actually collecting.
 

Lynx nkaf

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I was in a 9-year LTR. Never wanted to get married and she didn't pressure about it. It ended about 4.5 years ago. After about 6 years in, my attraction for her started to decline. It was all me. She kept in really good shape; we worked out at the gym, biked, hiked, and she taught Pilates and yoga. But, I just wasn't into her that way anymore. Had I hit my head and gotten amnesia, I would have said "Wow, hot chick!" as she was easily a HB8+ from Croatia.

But if you have a hot fudge sundae every day, at some point, you'll get sick of them.

And that's what happened.

Towards the end, I remember never initiating sexual encounters with her and even avoiding it. Had zero interest--in her anyway. Other girls? Yes. It was just the same thing all the time. And I don't think outfits and toys and all that jazz would have changed my mind. Plus, some of her personality traits were a real turnoff. She was more of a prude and not a s*lut, but she thought she was ALWAYS right and her way was ALWAYS best, etc. She was also independent (which is good), but she over did it and had a feminist flare to her. Had separate rooms (her idea). We did get along pretty good and from a household operations perspective, she was A+. We also had many similar interests, loved fitness and outdoors, and even bought a dog together (I have it), so all that kept us together longer than we should have. But, none of that turned me on, and I lost interest.

I remember when we broke up, it was a big "WHEW!" to me as now I was free to do whatever without always having to consider another person. I recall telling people that "I felt bad for not feeling bad about it." I really couldn't care less and still don't. I told her once we broke up I'm not the kind to reach out, hang out, all that crap. We're done and that's it and I'm moving on. No hard feelings.

So yes, men can pull the plug on sex too. I did.

Men, from a DNA-level, aren't even meant to be married. We're designed to mate with as many females as possible to spread our DNA as much as we can in the gene pool. That's why men are sex-driven and women are more into families, raising kids, and relationships. It's simple evolution and hasn't changed in 100,000’s of years despite the internet and social media. Marriage was invented as a way to produce (many) offspring and have them cared for and help us on our property when we were largely an agrarian society. But that was hundreds of years ago.

Men largely don't marry for sex. They get married for companionship and they want someone to love them. 100% true. Many fear being alone. Most married men are not alpha, but very beta, as they understand the sacrifices they will make for this “companionship.”

I don’t hold contempt or look down on anyone who is or wants to get married. It’s just not for me.
honest of you Dash, I had the feeling it was that way for some men.
Might have maybe prolonged/got more out of the relationship if you did what that Texas Dom guest did on one of Entrepre neurs in Car s youtube video did. His wife became a Submissive(capital S) I picked up on that could have worked for you by two or three things you wrote in that post.
 

ShePays

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I was in a 9-year LTR. Never wanted to get married and she didn't pressure about it. It ended about 4.5 years ago. After about 6 years in, my attraction for her started to decline. It was all me. She kept in really good shape; we worked out at the gym, biked, hiked, and she taught Pilates and yoga. But, I just wasn't into her that way anymore. Had I hit my head and gotten amnesia, I would have said "Wow, hot chick!" as she was easily a HB8+ from Croatia.

But if you have a hot fudge sundae every day, at some point, you'll get sick of them.

And that's what happened.

Towards the end, I remember never initiating sexual encounters with her and even avoiding it. Had zero interest--in her anyway. Other girls? Yes. It was just the same thing all the time. And I don't think outfits and toys and all that jazz would have changed my mind. Plus, some of her personality traits were a real turnoff. She was more of a prude and not a s*lut, but she thought she was ALWAYS right and her way was ALWAYS best, etc. She was also independent (which is good), but she over did it and had a feminist flare to her. Had separate rooms (her idea). We did get along pretty good and from a household operations perspective, she was A+. We also had many similar interests, loved fitness and outdoors, and even bought a dog together (I have it), so all that kept us together longer than we should have. But, none of that turned me on, and I lost interest.

I remember when we broke up, it was a big "WHEW!" to me as now I was free to do whatever without always having to consider another person. I recall telling people that "I felt bad for not feeling bad about it." I really couldn't care less and still don't. I told her once we broke up I'm not the kind to reach out, hang out, all that crap. We're done and that's it and I'm moving on. No hard feelings.

So yes, men can pull the plug on sex too. I did.

Men, from a DNA-level, aren't even meant to be married. We're designed to mate with as many females as possible to spread our DNA as much as we can in the gene pool. That's why men are sex-driven and women are more into families, raising kids, and relationships. It's simple evolution and hasn't changed in 100,000’s of years despite the internet and social media. Marriage was invented as a way to produce (many) offspring and have them cared for and help us on our property when we were largely an agrarian society. But that was hundreds of years ago.

Men largely don't marry for sex. They get married for companionship and they want someone to love them. 100% true. Many fear being alone. Most married men are not alpha, but very beta, as they understand the sacrifices they will make for this “companionship.”

I don’t hold contempt or look down on anyone who is or wants to get married. It’s just not for me.
That's why I'm dead set against shacking up: it keeps people in bad relationships too long.

As for marriage...if you want companionship, get a dog; if you want a family, get married. If you just want to get laid, don't shack up.
 

Lynx nkaf

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It is possible for previously desirable women to become unattractive, and it's much more difficult for a man to "hold up his end," when he isn't properly motivated(unless he just has very low standards); so, I doubt it's always and only the women withholding sex.
oh yes, I've heard of that too.
I'm thinking there's two things in life men or women just can't fake.

Attraction.

Happiness.

Those two reasons can't be argued away when 'lack of' either is given as reason for breakups.
 

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mrgoodstuff

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oh yes, I've heard of that too.
I'm thinking there's two things in life men or women just can't fake.

Attraction.

Happiness.

Those two reasons can't be argued away when 'lack of' either is given as reason for breakups.
I can get why "attraction" might go in a relationship. Why would "happiness" go?
 

Lynx nkaf

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I can get why "attraction" might go in a relationship. Why would "happiness" go?
Dude, my exfiance said that to me. That's after I accepted his bisexuality, his refusal to stop the emotional email and phone call affair with a married woman, admitting he takes lifelong personality medication(after he answered no to all these in the beginning).
I was submissive, cooked and cleaned, he had my paycheques going to his account(complete financial control), I was willing in the future to go to a naturist beach and 'share a room' with a couple he knew at a vacation spot.... but he wasn't 'happy'.
How or what else do I or should I have done?
 

mrgoodstuff

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Dude, my exfiance said that to me. That's after I accepted his bisexuality, his refusal to stop the emotional email and phone call affair with a married woman, admitting he takes lifelong personality medication(after he answered no to all these in the beginning).
I was submissive, cooked and cleaned, he had my paycheques going to his account(complete financial control), I was willing in the future to go to a naturist beach and 'share a room' with a couple he knew at a vacation spot.... but he wasn't 'happy'.
How or what else do I or should I have done?
Wow!!! His happiness became dependant upon feeding his ego ( the lifestyle, I'm sure he grew into it ) and thus could never be "happy".
 

Lynx nkaf

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Wow!!! His happiness became dependant upon feeding his ego ( the lifestyle, I'm sure he grew into it ) and thus could never be "happy".
I really did feed his ego. I really tried.

I'm horrified now. I had the image kinda right about what a wife should be but I didn't realise we weren't a match. What I offered should never have been offered to him.

I just have this idea in my head about how a future wife is supposed to be and act. Belonging to this forum, I realise I was on the right mission, just wrong man.
 

mrgoodstuff

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I really did feed his ego. I really tried.

I'm horrified now. I had the image kinda right about what a wife should be but I didn't realise we weren't a match. What I offered should never have been offered to him.

I just have this idea in my head about how a future wife is supposed to be and act. Belonging to this forum, I realise I was on the right mission, just wrong man.
We can't feed an ego with "unhealthy" things that cause us to compromise our dignity or self respect. Many of the other folks ego's need you to lose self respect, and it's not your job to fill that. If you can fill it being whole and true to yourself, and living within your standard, great!
 

Lynx nkaf

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We can't feed an ego with "unhealthy" things that cause us to compromise our dignity or self respect. Many of the other folks ego's need you to lose self respect, and it's not your job to fill that. If you can fill it being whole and true to yourself, and living within your standard, great!
that's right, you're right.

thank you for the reminder.

I don't know how to fill it(loved one's egos) being whole and true to myself, and living within my standard.
Probably why I never married.

I can no longer afford unhealthy relationships that cost me my dignity and selfrespect.

This is how my Dad used to talk to me when he was the age I am now and I was 23.

Thanks for your kindness.
 

mrgoodstuff

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that's right, you're right.

thank you for the reminder.

I don't know how to fill it(loved one's egos) being whole and true to myself, and living within my standard.
Probably why I never married.
You do! All ego's don't need you to disrespect yourself to fill them. Someone good for you will be filled simply by your company, your voice and your love, things that you want to do that make you happy.

I can no longer afford unhealthy relationships that cost me my dignity and selfrespect.

This is how my Dad used to talk to me when he was the age I am now and I was 23.

Thanks for your kindness.
Sometimes we forget.
 

Lynx nkaf

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You do! All ego's don't need you to disrespect yourself to fill them. Someone good for you will be filled simply by your company, your voice and your love, things that you want to do that make you happy.


Sometimes we forget.
good job you really are mr good stuff, I was crying earlier.
Keep up the good brotherly fellow member support here.
Other members appreciate it too.
 

metalwater

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Dude, my exfiance said that to me. That's after I accepted his bisexuality, his refusal to stop the emotional email and phone call affair with a married woman, admitting he takes lifelong personality medication(after he answered no to all these in the beginning).
I was submissive, cooked and cleaned, he had my paycheques going to his account(complete financial control), I was willing in the future to go to a naturist beach and 'share a room' with a couple he knew at a vacation spot.... but he wasn't 'happy'.
How or what else do I or should I have done?
This is way over the top. Don't ever let a man do all those again. Not all men are like that. Many that are good looking are like that as they, just like women of the same have grown up from a different view as the world treats them different. Many men have the same questions of how and why it goes bad. Red Pill explains much of it. I got the pointer to that from this forum and the truth of it is overwhelming. You read hear that many tell of the HB9 that should be avoided for LTR and others that say it is ok. The ones that say it is ok are either lying or at least an HB9 themselves. Sometimes real men are HB9+ alphas and really don't know or care they just are what they are. There could be a couple in this group... You can find them leading armies, teaching children, and some will pray. If you tried all that you tell and probably more then I would suggest you can feel very good and confident of yourself as you did fight as best you could to win. There is / was no need to actual fight to the death... you got away and can now have fun instead of fighting to fix. it is a new day.
 

Lynx nkaf

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This is way over the top. Don't ever let a man do all those again. Not all men are like that. Many that are good looking are like that as they, just like women of the same have grown up from a different view as the world treats them different. Many men have the same questions of how and why it goes bad. Red Pill explains much of it. I got the pointer to that from this forum and the truth of it is overwhelming. You read hear that many tell of the HB9 that should be avoided for LTR and others that say it is ok. The ones that say it is ok are either lying or at least an HB9 themselves. Sometimes real men are HB9+ alphas and really don't know or care they just are what they are. There could be a couple in this group... You can find them leading armies, teaching children, and some will pray. If you tried all that you tell and probably more then I would suggest you can feel very good and confident of yourself as you did fight as best you could to win. There is / was no need to actual fight to the death... you got away and can now have fun instead of fighting to fix. it is a new day.
I won't.
This was 7 years ago.

I'm getting into a praying social circle soon.

Got invited to go trout fishing and last week learned of possible access to provincial forest area/private land for good moose hunting. I would buy a bigger freezer when I finally succeed in harvesting my moose.

It only comes in small waves but then dissipates....the feeling I need to find 'the one'.

I am more balanced and neutral feeling without any romance.

He(the exfiance)was unattractive btw.
I selected him for perceived scarcity and expected thirstiness/loyalty.

Oops. Don't assume.
 

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ShePays

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Dude, my exfiance said that to me. That's after I accepted his bisexuality, his refusal to stop the emotional email and phone call affair with a married woman, admitting he takes lifelong personality medication(after he answered no to all these in the beginning).
I was submissive, cooked and cleaned, he had my paycheques going to his account(complete financial control), I was willing in the future to go to a naturist beach and 'share a room' with a couple he knew at a vacation spot.... but he wasn't 'happy'.
How or what else do I or should I have done?
A lot of people misunderstand, when told that a woman should be focused on the man, and the man should be focused on the world. It isn't so much about surrendering one's self to the subject of one's focus, but merely an acknowledgement of the natural order. If long-term happiness were possible in some other way, it would have my endorsement.

Having established that, your alignment wasn't the error; your error was surrendering yourself to a man who wasn't prioritizing your interests. People often misunderstand this concept, too, but leadership is defined by a concern for the welfare and long-term happiness of those under your stewardship. A man must remain focused on the world, because that's where the resources and dangers are, not because that's what should be most important to him. The most important thing to a leader should always be the welfare of his army, country, company, family, etc. A man who says, "follow me!", and then leads you over a cliff is unfit to lead anything but a cult.

Still, the best leaders do inspire a cult-like loyalty, so that those they lead will endure the lost battles and setbacks, contented that each temporary sacrifice is for a good cause, and brighter future. If a leader can't sell a vision bigger than momentary discomfort, and can't deliver enough victories, he'll find himself alone.

Men and women love differently. A man can be focused on the welfare and long-term happiness of his family, while absent from it, out of necessity. A man brings home a haunch, a sack of flour, and a bolt of fabric, and his woman turns them into comfort food and curtains. A man comes home covered in sweat, his clothing torn, and with fresh scars, and comes home to a woman who's perfumed, powdered, and wearing her best dress.

Who would follow a general or captain who showed nothing but contempt for his men? Human psychology dictates that we'll sometimes follow leaders we dislike, but never those who dislike us...not willingly. It seems to me that fellow was showing contempt for you, which is never acceptable. Prioritizing the welfare of others never necessitates downgrading the care for one's self. If others depend on you, and you neglect yourself, you do them no service. Anyone who would want you to neglect your own well-being isn't interested in your welfare.
 

Lynx nkaf

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Unfortunately, I was to repeat the same type of choice 2 more times in the past 7 years. The orbitor from that same city and this recent ex.

Its almost as if I picked the worst possible leaders in men. Not for me to compete for leadership position. Not to masochistically punish myself.

No, the common trait in these ones was that all three resented my gender.

Its fuoked, but I think I did it martyr fashion to change their minds about women. "Hey look at me, I'm submissive ideal AND independent." I'm the exception.

When really its just LSE and griefburdened, anxietyridden settling for subpar partners.

The other commonality: all three had money or earning capabilities so its almost as if I forgave/overlooked everything else as long as they could provide a longterm money generating household.

Now, I've come to realise that 'bodyguard' security is something I seek just as strongly as money security.

My childhood friend's mother married a boxer.
Her father was damaged but had that earning capability with thug protector capability.

When I was younger, I admired model Christie Brinkley and her regimens and values and environmental outlook and how she always looked up to professional boxers. Its amazing she never just went for the type of man she admires.

Like I will no longer settle or play martyr again. I have been building more positive self regard and my 'community work' in dating and transforming the belief systems in anti-female men in my personal romantic life is done.

Thankfully, I am learning to have patience with myself and my growth and development and its raising my self esteem.
I no longer have to settle for subpar leaders in my mate selection.

My gratitude runs deep Shepays, to all the members who have helped me or posted their anonymous, honest thoughts and suggestions.
I hope to truly produce my permanent and improved transformation as evidence all your words did not fall on deaf ears. Please keep coming back to the forum to post.
My upbringing and life experiences requires the object constancy of this forum.
I do try to circumvent my solipsism by encouraging others here too.
 

mrgoodstuff

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That's why I'm dead set against shacking up: it keeps people in bad relationships too long.

As for marriage...if you want companionship, get a dog; if you want a family, get married. If you just want to get laid, don't shack up.
So in marriage don't expect companionship or to be laid?
 

mrgoodstuff

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I hear it's possible to start a family, without getting laid, but it doesn't sound like any fun. However, if you're motivation in getting married is solely a desire for companionship or sex, you should consider less drastic alternatives.
What if you got married, because you love each other, want to grow together and form a family, and you are against what society is pushing? I mean get married and you can't expect companionship and sex? It SHOULD be a GIVEN, but we know in the reality in our culture, it doesn't work that way a lot of the time.
 
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