Master Don Juan
- Feb 4, 2008
- Reaction score
So you've lead the horse to water and it won't drink. We are all motivated by different things. It sounds like there is a pretty big difference between your wife and you in regards to the importance of money and looks. Its not as important to her as it is to you?I have given her all the tools she needs to succeed and have been trying to lead her in this. She does not do any of it if I'm not there hawking over her.
Imagine being the supervisor of a recalcitrant employee.
when I say "given her all the tools she needs to succeed"...
-I have a $15,000 home gym that she hasn't touched in 9 months, alongside 2 different gym memberships. I have a side gig as a trainer and have made her the better part of a dozen custom training programs, tweaked to her specific liking, and have also paid for training programs written by others for her to follow. She has never completed one.
-I have half a dozen different diet cook books with macro counts and everything - she has never cooked one meal from them.
-I gave her the green light to use a meal prep service. She used it, ate half the meals, then threw away the other $60 of them, and stopped using them. Now she eats nothing but carbs again.
-I've given her an explicit budget to follow and instructed her to let me know if she needs to go off budget before doing so. She regularly goes off budget and leaves it for me to find out.
-I bought a $300 vaccuum (roomba-like) to help keep the floors clean and take vaccuuming off her list of things to do. She can't be bothered to pick sh*t up off the floor to let it run.
I'm going through it at the moment. My wife was there for me when I was a broke nobody and didn't look like this. Now I make 10x my former income and look like this, and my wife is still on level 1 like she was when we married.
She's a SAHM who barely cleans, doesn't cook, puts absolute minimal effort into her looks - if any, diet and excercise are both subpar (she has 10-15lbs to lose), and can't stick to a budget unless I watch over her spending like I would a child with a credit card.
She's loyal (so far as I know) and reasonably respectful, and puts out 80% of the time that I want (just lacking in enthusiasm), and I'd give her a 7-8/10 on being a mother.
I know it isn't fair of me to ask more of her, but I need it. Even if the sex doesn't improve, I need the rest of it to step the hell up.
Maybe you guys are no longer a match for each other?
The tool your wife doesn't have to address the things you are concerned about is desire/personal incentive and only she can provide that.
The desire has to come from her. External incentive is about the only thing you can create, and you can use more dread game to do it.
She is way too comfortable in the relationship. Any time a woman gets too comfortable they get fat, lazy, less submissive, stop doing the things they used to do. They feel they no longer have to impress you. A man has a lot of control over her level of comfort. Afterall, they look to us for security. Comfort comes from feeling secure.
I think you need to readdress some expectations going forward. Tell her the list above that you shared here. Let her know she needs to lose some weight, get off her spoiled azz. At this point she has left you with no choice. She needs to understand that your needs aren't getting met and the relationship won't work if this continues. Ask her if she wants to go back to work, and you can hire a maid to do what she isn't doing around the house.
I had to tell my exwife one time after 12yrs of being together that she needed to lose 20lbs. I told her "If I wanted a fat chic, I would have married one to start with." Straight up dihk comment, but it worked.