I posted in OYS this week and would like some other perspectives

[Money & Muscle]

did you ever try some dread game/competition anxiety?

I'm on level 7-8.
https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/2lpafb
Problem is that dread was only ever intended to save a dead bedroom... I fvck 4-5 times a week most weeks. I'm at the point where I turn down sex if I'm not seeing genuine interest.

 

[pipeman84]

I locked eyes with these two 18-20 year old baddies at the grocery store the other day. I saw something in their eyes that I haven't seen coming from my wife's eyes in a very long time - if ever. In that very moment, I no longer felt there was any good reason to be monogamous with my wife anymore.

This paragraph jumped out at me. That's a very good point to ponder for any guy thinking about marriage - considering all the women I could have sex with, why am I limiting myself to this one? There has to be something very special about her (and being 'hot' doesn't cut it).

You made your marital vows so that should be good enough reason. An honourable man wouldn't even consider cheating.

She's a SAHM who barely cleans, doesn't cook, puts absolute minimal effort into her looks - if any, diet and excercise are both subpar (she has 10-15lbs to lose), and can't stick to a budget unless I watch over her spending like I would a child with a credit card.

So what have you been doing to rectify these issues?

 

[The Duke]

I'm on level 7-8.
https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/2lpafb
Problem is that dread was only ever intended to save a dead bedroom... I fvck 4-5 times a week most weeks. I'm at the point where I turn down sex if I'm not seeing genuine interest.

I've always heard about dread game, but never took the time to read it. What you just shared helped me understand more about things I do that help me have success with women. There was a time I didn't do these things(in my marriage to first woman I had sex with).

I reside at the level 8-9. But push me and you will see level 10. I don't have a problem telling someone what I think. I have no fear of going alone. A woman is either in or out. Don't act right, and I will shut you out. I am the Captain of my own ship. I'm a dihk at times. And women respect me because of these things. My attitude is congruent with Dread Game and its congruent with my personality. Raw and Real is attractive to women, they find it very masculine.

Here are a few examples of Dread Game I've done in relationships that had major impacts on women.

Dread Level 8(Show her you are capable of talking to pretty girls)
There's a country dance bar that I have spent a lot of time in over the years. The best looking women on the planet go to dance there and there are always lots of them, which is why I liked it so much. I made friends with a HB9 smoking hot late 20's bartender. I never hit on her, never asked for her number, never over-tipped. She always remembered my drink, there was always a free drink thrown in the mix, she got my name on a list so I didn't have to pay the door fee and could skip the line. I made it a point to bring every new girl I dated and introduce her to this bartender. It convinced these new girls that I had options. And you can bet I got questioned on my relationship with the bartender, but it worked to my advantage. I was always vague with my replies. Every woman wants a desirable man. It turns them on.


Dread Level 9(Speak Plainly but no ultimatums).
My last LTR(I'll call her Heather) once told me how she thought we had great sex together and enjoyed our sex like no guy before. She asked me if I felt the same way. I did not, so I unknowingly threw some dread game out there and told her it was good but could be better. I told her that sex with my ex(whom she investigated on social media and thought was pretty) was the best I've ever had. My response ruined the night, she started crying and we went back to her house. She was over it the next day. From there on out she turned it up in the bedroom. We had way better sex than ever before. A few months later she asked me if I was happier about it and I told her yes, thank you and that I appreciated her effort. I knew I had a good girl.


Dread Level 10(Tell her how its going to be).
I broke up with my my last LTR(heather) several months back. We had the stress of building a new place together on a large tract of land that took about 2yrs to finish and her job was super stressful. My needs weren't getting met. I had to do all the work and wasn't getting much support from her. She was real combative. Her submissive side evaporated. I wasn't even in the mood to have sex with her and turned her down many times.

After leaving her behind at a restaurant 30miles from home and giving her the ultimatum that if she couldn't act right she needed to pack up her schitt and leave, she finally left.

One day I told her i would have a hot 25yo in 4wks to bang and thats what I did. It was the first new girl I'd fuhked in 5yrs and it was good to remind myself of what I am capable of. She still asks me about that 25yo. I refuse to tell her anything. We technically weren't together so it doesn't matter. But just the fact that I had what it took to get an attractive 25yo put her on notice once again. It also helped her realize where her value stood. Heather is still a nice looking HB8 that most all guys would want but she is in her 40's. A 40 plus y/o woman better act right, because she doesn't have youth to fall back on. Their power diminishes with their looks, they need to understand that. A top man keeps increasing his value as he ages. Always let them know how its going to be. Put your money where your mouth is.

She also wanted to take a break and live in separate places when we split up but still see each other. I refused. Told her I don't take breaks. I put that girl thru several months of heartache and emotional stress. We stayed talking but I was very short and didn't make much of an effort.

We are now talking again, so we will see. Who knows. I have no expectations or preconceived notions. If it works it works, if it doesn't it doesn't. She's a top notch chic, but I'll find another one if I have to.

 

[Money & Muscle]

what have you been doing to rectify these issues?

I have given her all the tools she needs to succeed and have been trying to lead her in this. She does not do any of it if I'm not there hawking over her.

Imagine being the supervisor of a recalcitrant employee.


EDIT:
when I say "given her all the tools she needs to succeed"...
-I have a $15,000 home gym that she hasn't touched in 9 months, alongside 2 different gym memberships. I have a side gig as a trainer and have made her the better part of a dozen custom training programs, tweaked to her specific liking, and have also paid for training programs written by others for her to follow. She has never completed one.
-I have half a dozen different diet cook books with macro counts and everything - she has never cooked one meal from them.
-I gave her the green light to use a meal prep service. She used it, ate half the meals, then threw away the other $60 of them, and stopped using them. Now she eats nothing but carbs again.
-I've given her an explicit budget to follow and instructed her to let me know if she needs to go off budget before doing so. She regularly goes off budget and leaves it for me to find out.
-I bought a $300 vaccuum (roomba-like) to help keep the floors clean and take vaccuuming off her list of things to do. She can't be bothered to pick sh*t up off the floor to let it run.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I have given her all the tools she needs to succeed and have been trying to lead her in this. She does not do any of it if I'm not there hawking over her.

Imagine being the supervisor of a recalcitrant employee.


EDIT:
when I say "given her all the tools she needs to succeed"...
-I have a $15,000 home gym that she hasn't touched in 9 months, alongside 2 different gym memberships. I have a side gig as a trainer and have made her the better part of a dozen custom training programs, tweaked to her specific liking, and have also paid for training programs written by others for her to follow. She has never completed one.
-I have half a dozen different diet cook books with macro counts and everything - she has never cooked one meal from them.
-I gave her the green light to use a meal prep service. She used it, ate half the meals, then threw away the other $60 of them, and stopped using them. Now she eats nothing but carbs again.
-I've given her an explicit budget to follow and instructed her to let me know if she needs to go off budget before doing so. She regularly goes off budget and leaves it for me to find out.
-I bought a $300 vaccuum (roomba-like) to help keep the floors clean and take vaccuuming off her list of things to do. She can't be bothered to pick sh*t up off the floor to let it run.

You cannot force someone to do something just because you want them to.

They have to want to do it for themselves. Until you give her a reason that makes her want to do it, nothing will help and no amount of trying to force her will work.

It will just be like trying to pull a mule when it doesn't want to go instead of leading it there by dangling a carrot in front of it and letting it eat it once it gets there.

The fact you view your wife as an insubordinate employee shows what is wrong in your relationship.

 

[Money & Muscle]

You cannot force someone to do something just because you want them to.

They have to want to do it for themselves. Until you give her a reason that makes her want to do it, nothing will help and no amount of trying to force her will work.

It will just be like trying to pull a mule when it doesn't want to go instead of leading it there by dangling a carrot in front of it and letting it eat it once it gets there.

I'm not forcing her to do anything. If she wants me to stay, these are required. I cannot continue working my life away to support the lifestyle of a woman who will not support the lifestyle I want.

I am the carrot and the stick.

The fact you view your wife as an insubordinate employee shows what is wrong in your relationship.

I didn't say insubordinate, I said recalcitrant. Like a child that doesn't want to eat her vegetables.
But I am the leader of my family and she is literally in a subordinate position.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Sex every day is not enough? Bruh…

I have to get my wife off me sometimes. I have too much else to do than bang her all evening.

 

[Money & Muscle]

Sex every day is not enough?

Is sex the only thing you expect out of marriage?

I'll protect and provide, do FAR more than the minimum required, and willingly put myself into an early grave for both.

She can keep a house clean, keep herself pretty, raise our daughter, and cook a few meals every now and then. Parenting is the only one of these things she gets a passing grade on.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Is sex the only thing you expect out of marriage?

I'll protect and provide, do FAR more than the minimum required, and willingly put myself into an early grave for both.

She can keep a house clean, keep herself pretty, raise our daughter, and cook a few meals every now and then. Parenting is the only one of these things she gets a passing grade on.

I should have been more clear. I meant, is every day really not enough sex? I think my wife wants it more than me. I have quite a lot going on and other interests. She wants to bang all evening.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Is sex the only thing you expect out of marriage?

I'll protect and provide, do FAR more than the minimum required, and willingly put myself into an early grave for both.

She can keep a house clean, keep herself pretty, raise our daughter, and cook a few meals every now and then. Parenting is the only one of these things she gets a passing grade on.

The problem is you are screening for these things after getting married rather than before.

Maybe you should look at how you are trying to lead and maybe that will give you more insights into why she doesn't want to follow.

 

[Money & Muscle]

I should have been more clear. I meant, is every day really not enough sex? I think my wife wants it more than me. I have quite a lot going on and other interests. She wants to bang all evening.

oh, every day is sometimes too much with my schedule. It's not the frequency that's the problem, it's the enthusiasm.

 

[Money & Muscle]

The problem is you are screening for these things after getting married rather than before.

You are very correct in this.

Maybe you should look at how you are trying to lead and maybe that will give you more insights into why she doesn't want to follow.

When you give someone all the tools to succeed (including on the spot course-corrections) and point them in the right direction, then they repeatedly fail - what next?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

You are very correct in this.


When you give someone all the tools to succeed (including on the spot course-corrections) and point them in the right direction, then they repeatedly fail - what next?

Ask the question "How can I make it so that she WANTS to do this on her own rather than because I want her to do it?"

Until you can figure out the answer to that question any attempts you make in that direction will be futile.

Giving someone all the tools to do something does NOT also make them motivated to do it.

 

[Chowda]

@Money & Muscle

I've read your post several times. Thought about it a lot today.

Here are a few things that came to mind:

-First thing I'd do is have a deep discussion with my wife. Chances are if you feel a lack of enthusiasm/passion, she does too. Women have really good relationship awareness. Getting her to be honest about it will be the challenge. If there is a glimmer of hope, be patient. If there was passion before, there can be passion again. A lot of time life gets in the way, kids/work take priority, we stop dating each other, etc. If you want the fire to burn bright and warm, you must constantly tend to it(try it sometime). Take a vacation with just you and her and see if you can reignite some passion. The pain/damage if you cheat(and you will get caught) is far far worse than having this conversation with your wife.

-Keeping the passion/enthusiasm going strong in a relationship is a lot like keeping the passion/enthusiasm going at the gym. If you are in a dedicated work out program, you get in a routine. That routine eventually gets lame, you don't work as hard as you should, and you don't see the results you once did. Its up to you to evaluate and make changes so you can be successful again.

-I've been married, had multiple one night stands, two threesomes, lots of short term relationships, a few medium term, and 2 live in long term girlfriends. I've done it all but the swinger thing. I've fuhked 75 women and had an absolute fuhking great time, minus those 2 std's! I tell you not to brag, I tell you because I was the guy that all other male friends lived vicariously thru and NONE of that schitt matters except for the 2 long term girls and my exwife. It was all lust, excitement, ego, drama, and cheap. Careful what you wish for. There is a flip side to it. We all want what we don't have. Out of those 75 women, there were less than 5 that were wife material. Every thing @Ricky mentioned above is the absolute truth. So much wisdom there.

I want you to know from the bottom of my heart that most women aren't worth a fuhk, and I love women. My gut tells me your wife checks all the boxes except for whats not right in the bedroom. Get the reason why out in the open, and see what can be done to fix it. Remember men solve problems by actually fixing them, women solve problems just by talking. The first few things she mentions probably won't be what the actual problem is, it will come after.

-Make a list of the pro's and con's of your situation.

-I've never had a lack of sexual desire from a woman. I've been told by all of my LTR's that I am hard to please, and they feel they are never good enough. Its not that I put them down, its that I have high expectations. It puts the woman in a position of pleasing the man so that sexual desire stays strong. Don't let them get too comfortable. You also have to be a good lover. Don't expect passion in the bedroom if you are selfish.

-Are you the man you should be? Are you the same or a better man than when you decided to marry her?

-Is it really worth throwing away your marriage for lust? Maybe so. But, those girls that gave you the look the other day, that doesn't mean schitt. I know you realize this but reality checks are good for all of us. Only 304's and crazy girls do that. Its all lust. Its amplified for a man with little experience that isn't happy at home. Guys like @Ricky and I have been there, done that, and been burnt and can spot that in an instant. @RangerMIke is another good one with lots of experience.

-I've had a few friends that went the swinger route to try and reignite passion in their marriages. They all ended up divorced.

-The kind of girl that is ok with a threesome/swinging doesn't love her man enough.

There's a great movie called Lonesome Dove. Its about a bunch of cowboys that steal cattle from Mexico and drive them to Montana. Its about triumph, tragedy, struggle, adventure, masculinity, and women that plays out along the trail. Robert Duvall who plays Gus has two women in the movie he likes. One is a saloon wh0re named Lori. She's young, beautiful, submissive, needy, charming, and has those bedroom eyes. The other girl Gus likes is Clara. Clara is conservative, nice looking, a little independent, ran the farm/ranch after her husband died, not as exciting in bed, raised her own family, has good virtues, supportive. Guess which one Gus really wanted in his old age....he had experienced all the crazy, fun times, drama, and hot sex that come with those girls that are super stars in the bedroom and its not what he wanted.

A never ending supply of fine looking, wild bedroom toys will never trump a solid-pretty girl that supports you and loves you that might not be as exciting in the bedroom.

Just food for thought. I wish you the best in whatever that may be.

This made me think a bit, apologies on hijacking this thread. I’m meeting women from my travel destinations and eventually they want to come visit me when I come back home, it’s exciting. Adds to OLD, approaching and social acquaintances.

I have a a couple of ex’s that are submissive and overly compassionate to me. We still talk and are down to hang out if I were to ask.

I wonder if I can fulfill my conquest with women and eventually spend the rest of my life with an ex in the past. That would be pretty cool if it comes together.

 

[Money & Muscle]

Ask the question "How can I make it so that she WANTS to do this on her own rather than because I want her to do it?"

Until you can figure out the answer to that question any attempts you make in that direction will be futile.

I'm not sure I posess the ability to instill a value/quality of life system into someone who I am not the literal parent of. IDK if anyone has that ability tbh.

Which might be answering a question I've been asking myself for some time.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

I'm not sure I posess the ability to instill a value/quality of life system into someone who I am not the literal parent of. IDK if anyone has that ability tbh.

Depends on the dynamic of the relationship.

 

[DROPTOP_GTA]

I'm on level 7-8.
https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/2lpafb
Problem is that dread was only ever intended to save a dead bedroom... I fvck 4-5 times a week most weeks. I'm at the point where I turn down sex if I'm not seeing genuine interest.

Maybe tell your wife your true feelings. Would she be receptive to giving you a hall pass or possibly getting your swang on with other women/couples?

 

[DROPTOP_GTA]

Good luck with that. Never works.

Sucks to be you

 

[Money & Muscle]

Would she be receptive to giving you a hall pass or possibly getting your swang on with other women/couples?

probably not, but I think if I really pushed it that she would let me. She wouldn't be able to find someone who can hold a candle to me if she were single. Just being honest.
That's not my ideal outcome though.

 

[DROPTOP_GTA]

probably not, but I think if I really pushed it that she would let me. She wouldn't be able to find someone who can hold a candle to me if she were single. Just being honest.
That's not my ideal outcome though.

The ideal outcome is having your cake and eating it too! A marriage of convenience can work. You keep her happy and loved and you get to have your fun.