I need some guidance...

[JavaJay22]

Oki my backstory, avid reader the last 4 years or so.

i used to be somewhat overweight always had a beard on me but wore good clothes and was percieved as somewhat good looking still.
i got my **** together after a huge onitis problem, lost alot of weight , clean shaven new wardrobe.
i started letting myself go these last two months as the budget isent all that great but it will be fixed by mid desember so im gonna hit the gym hard starting then.
Some girls think im really hot, some girls think im hot , some/most girls think im just above average. guess it depends on taste.
but yeah Im indian decent, so im pretty much screwed by stereotyping , but ive grown up all my life in the west.
ive got this one mixed asian girl saying that im the hottest guy shes ever seen, ive got other girls saying im goodlooking and stuff aswell , that i have a great personality.
but yeah still sometimes i wonder if im goodlooking. some days...
i always thought if i was that goodlooking wouldnt some girls come up to me and try to say hi or something , but its never happened.
i still have a little confidence problem.

ive never had a gf, never had anything serious.
im a virgin, but by choice till i find someone i really do want to **** not just a one night stand.

i had this oen girl basicly begging me to **** her one night , but she was in half on and half off again relationship with this good guy i know, adn shes a good friend of mine so i dont want it to get too wierd and basicly the main reason was shes not my type, my friends think that shes really hot and all that but for me shes not my type , i could have lost my virginity that night but i chose not to.

but to the main problems.

1. i can handle talking to anyone im not afraid or anything, if theres a legit reason to talk to someone i can carry a conversation to the max ,
But i dotn talk so much in groups, as many people have soemthing to say i msotly lsiten adn respond.
i do a great first impression and keep the interest lvl high the first few months, but after that they all somewhat get tired of me, its like in my eyes they expect me to put on a show for them and if i dont have anything good to say or soemthing they yeah just get tired. now thats how it feels from my viewpoint.
same way with my roommate, she was half head over heels for me the first two months, saying how cool i am how funny i am, she braught me gifts when she went back home ,she kept touching me slight kino here and there then like bam! she went cold turkey. now she never does anything.
and i feel like i have to please her just to be her friend.
btw im not trying to get into her pants just using her as an example...

2. I for the love of god just cant bring myself to do cold approaches.
The reason why im single now is because i never and i say NEVER meet any signle girls that IM INTERESTED in, i meet girls who either arent my type or yeah just too plain or girls who are my type but already in committed relationships, and i see so many hot girls at uni and stuff, some days i see hot girls glancing at me then quickly turning their heads away when i look at them.
but for the love of all that is good ,i just cant find it in myself to go up to them and talk to them unless i get introduced by a mutual friend or were in class together or were in line to get the same thing or something.
unless i have a legit reason you know...

i know i have read the dj bible before , iknow its not life or death just going up to a girl , but for some reason i just cant make myself do it,

today i saw this really cute beutiful girl sitting waiting for the same bus as me , and i really wanted to go over there and just be like , Hi im jay, mind if i sit here.
but i cant do it....

any help greatly appreciated.

 

[DonJoseCantosie]

Don't underestimate ur ability

When you see her...wouldn't u love meeting her? There's a saying thats rung true, even for me..."The women whom u desire the most...tend to be the ones who desire u back" Why? Because attraction is a magnetic thing....so when u already like someone...there'll be bound to be very hot girls who will too...when u are ur best you.

So with that in mind, also realize...as a man...ur more than good enough...u just have to go for it, even if ur scared. The woman will heavily respect it...even if she rejects you. In a sense, when u fail to go up to a woman u want, ur rejecting her. She is there for you. The opportunity is meant for you to take. Don't waste it

In the past, these women have wanted u, so there's the proof...if u doubt it...that u are a catch. Just go up to her, say hi to her or go direct or whatever, and then find out about her and set things up with her. Girls LOVE this, its what they want. They'll tell their gfs about u, and then gfs themselves will be intrigued and some might even want u for themselves ;-). But thats all i can offer so far, since im still a student in the game myself and still have got LOTS of learning to do

But remember this, most girls u go up to will be happy to meet you...especially her. The aright looking girls tend to be the ones who don't react as well much and its only because its their own insecurities and them protecting their ego, why even bother with them...i still don't know why i do sometimes. I didn't believe myself, until i tried it...but the hot ones really showed the most interest. Trust me and with u being Indian, it will only be an advantage for you

 

[JavaJay22]

bump , anyone else with some insight ?

 

[edu11]

This is my problem too. I'm working on it right now. You have to be more social.

1. Forget your past experiences. Psychologically you're still the fat guy in the corner despite the fact that your appearance doesn't betray it. These bad experiences that made you a social retard must be put away for ever. Right now you're an above average guy. I know, i know. Easier said than done. I can understand how tough it is because i've been there. But it can happen.

2. The golden rule: what you feel, she feels. Don't ever forget that.

3. Don't dwell on the past. Too often i catch myself thinking: "there was this girl in hs that was so pretty and thought i was hot. Why the hell did i keep my mouth closed? Now i blew it. Way to go." While you're sitting there dwelling, you're doing nothing to improve your personality. So, when the next gal comes along, you'll do exactly the same thing. Are you following me?

4. Don't connect your self-esteem to your physical appearance. In hs i used to think i was butt-ugly. Turns out i wasn't but because i thought i was i missed many, many opportunities. You can't know if a girl finds you hot or not unless you talk to her. The girls that will hit on you are only a fraction of the girls who find you attractive. In college, not a single girl has hit on me and my appearance has been vastly improved. What does that tell you? We have to draw them out buddy. And they'll thank us for it.

5. Do one step at a time. Do you see a nice girl next to you? Ask her: "do you have a pen?". That's it. The next day ask her something about the class. Do that until you build confidence. Trust me, i've started doing that and now i'm hooked. Now, when i see a pretty girl i think to myself "i must find a way to get to know her". In the past i used to think "Run Forest, RUN"!

6. Read pilinski's book. It's directed at painfully shy guys. It's great.

7. Read "How to be social" which is located somewhere in this forum. Great stuff.

I'm not a PUA, so don't ask me anything about methods and stuff. I'm just a re-AFC who is trying to be social and get #s. Have fun.