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I’m seriously stuck at the crossroads and I need any help/guidance that I can get, please.

Eljayem

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I do not agree with the “before god” and **** part. If one is a Christian these days it seems like most pick the parts of the morality they want to adhere to situationally. For example God says “do not fornicate before getting married”. I’m fairly sure we all lost out v-card before marriage. So calling out the sim and before god bull**** is hypocritical, at best.

That being said, I agree with the OP having stuck his D in cray. Crazy is almost always guaranteed to be good sex. Yea she will probably stalk the OP and confront the wife too, that’s utterly ****ed up, but it is a real risk.

Your only option to drop her is to simp to her and have her despise you over a few months. Become the opposite of the guy you were when you met and/or are now. It’s like the the only option to walk unscathed.

That or suddenly decide to move to South Dakota, feign death, tell her you have HIV, you get the idea. The last option is to come clean, it NEVER will be able to be repaired after that point. DO NOT DO NOT DO IT.
Very aware of how crazy this ***** could get if it doesn’t go her way, and that’s definitely the fire I will have to face and yep that’s all on me.
 

Eljayem

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N
Nowhere am I suggesting anything of a moral statement @Pierce.Manhammer. Let me summarize:

Some people actually take their marriage vows seriously. I know I did. This husband did not. And there begins all his trouble.
Not to deflect here but do you think my wife did (take it seriously) from what I have detailed so far?
 

Eljayem

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Ya know, because guilt is such an effective tool at making people respond advantageously…

Dude knows he ****ed up, he’s here for advice and potential solutions, not admonishment.
need all the advice I can get and I appreciate every single point of view, good/bad or even getting my ass handed to me
 

Eljayem

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Thab
Here’s the problem as I see it:

1) your girl who has been married multiple times is unstable and cannot keep a man. She is not worth sharing your valuable resources with especially with kids.

2) If/when you dump this girl she will tell your wife.

3) Not sure how your wife will respond but it won’t be good for you.

Good luck!
Thanks mate, definitely have played all scenarios out in my head, anything can happen that’s for sure
 

Plinco

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I want to ask you a few questions to get clear answers.

Do you love your wife?

Do you find your wife attractive?

Do you find woman #2 more attractive?

Do you have sex with your wife?
 

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Eljayem

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1.Yes I do, I may not currently be madly in love with her but I do love her that’s for sure

2.Yes

3.Yes

4.Yes, obviously no where near as much as woman number 2 takes a lot of that up
 

Plinco

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1.Yes I do, I may not currently be madly in love with her but I do love her

2.Yes

3.Yes

4.Yes, obviously no where near as much as woman number 3 takes a lot of that up
Woman #3?

If I were you, I would ditch woman #2, she sounds like trouble, she probably lacks impulse control.


That leaves woman #1, the one whom you decided to marry. If things are going well enough for you to have sex with her, and you two are compatible enough were you both love each other then you should least try to make it work with her. I would pay close attention to the relationship and yourself as you work it out with your wife; do not have kids with her until you have this 100% figured out.
 

Eljayem

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Woman #3?

If I were you, I would ditch woman #2, she sounds like trouble, she probably lacks impulse control.


That leaves woman #1, the one whom you decided to marry. If things are going well enough for you to have sex with her, and you two are compatible enough were you both love each other then you should least try to make it work with her. I would pay close attention to the relationship and yourself as you work it out with your wife; do not have kids with her until you have this 100% figured out.
Sorry mate that was a typo, was meant to type it as woman number 2
 

bmp2cpm

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Thab


Thanks mate, definitely have played all scenarios out in my head, anything can happen that’s for sure
After further thought….

You best and only path to avoid complete implosion of your life is to tell your wife and then end it with the other girl. Only option I see.

This way when other girl tries to play the “tell the wife” card, it will be completely ineffective.

Even if you end up in divorce, the divorce will be less messy if you come clean with your wife.

However, if your wife finds out from the girl, your divorce will be a blood-bath on your resources.

Extra good luck!
 

BeExcellent

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To answer your question. I cannot say your wife took very seriously her vows, you have shared little about her, but what you have shared is indicative of solid character.

If your wife has solid character I would expect her to take her vows seriously and be faithful.

Truly this is about trust. You have betrayed the trust and faithfulness your wife has vowed to uphold. You made the same vow, but you broke your vow.

So this is not even or reciprocal treatment. She is existing under one standard and you are not meeting that same standard. THAT is the crisis you face in your marriage. It is a crisis of trust.

If woman #2 tells your wife it is much worse for you as noted above by @bmp2cpm (he is married as well) for the reason that not only did you break the trust, but you perpetuated the lie. Woman #2 knows this perpetuating the lie is the most hurtful thing and why telling your wife is so destructive.

If you tell your wife then your mistress loses the shock and pain of the surprise. It dispels much of the power your mistress wields in telling your wife your big secret.

This is going to deeply hurt your wife. You must accept this & stop trying to avoid it. Your marriage may not recover, but it may if she loves you & will forgive you. But you will be subject to suspicion and distrust from your wife for a very long time even if she will keep you. Trust must be built over time but can be destroyed in an instant.

See this for the betrayal it is and see it as the trust crisis you created. You need to get your priorities straight and figure out what is important long term.

Your wife will be deeply hurt. That is unavoidable. But how she discovers the truth will have an enormous impact on the outcome. And if you tell her you must walk away from the mistress forever & know she will make efforts to destroy you.
 

lost_blackbird

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I wouldn't go buying another rental property just now if I were you, by the sound of things and the way this is
likely to pan out it's likely to devalue quickly by at least 50% pretty soon.

You'd be better off hiding that investment capital somewhere only you know about instead, I feel you'll be
needing it pretty soon. Especially once the cat is out of the bag.
 

Gedmun

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What I'm about to say is immoral and totally unethical but what would happen if your wife was seduced by another bloke and you happen to find out... That could give you leverage and protection if the **** hits the fan so in the end you won't look so bad and it would give you a free pass so to say.
 

Modern Man Advice

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Let's hope your wife or her lawyer doesn't find your post or say bah bah to everything you own (unless you signed a prenup). I do not know why guys keep making that same mistake. Why would you vent such a high-stakes and legal matter in an online public forum for all to see and to be used against you?

But anyway, to your question. You provide very little context to fairly judge one woman or the other, especially your wife. She seems like a keeper, while the other does not. So to me, it seems like an obvious choice. However, because of the very little context, you seem unhappy and unfulfilled with your wife which any man (or person for that matter) should avoid.

At the end of the day, nobody can properly answer that. You should build a better judgment for yourself or provide way more details and context so somebody can give you some type of guidance.

PS: Not a bad idea to start talking to a lawyer, and also not a bad idea to stop venting about adultery on an online platform.

Modern Man Advice
 

Roober

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"Don't ever trust a man who can't think with anything but his d1ck"

-Someone Smart

You sir, are weak-minded.

Some women will let you have sex with other women. Some won't. Eventually your wife is going to find out, and you will then find out if she accepts it or not.

From the sounds of it, you didn't learn anything from this site many years ago. I don't even understand why you returned. SS is a great place, but often ends up like telling someone to go fly a plane without any experience.
 

Eljayem

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To answer your question. I cannot say your wife took very seriously her vows, you have shared little about her, but what you have shared is indicative of solid character.

If your wife has solid character I would expect her to take her vows seriously and be faithful.

Truly this is about trust. You have betrayed the trust and faithfulness your wife has vowed to uphold. You made the same vow, but you broke your vow.

So this is not even or reciprocal treatment. She is existing under one standard and you are not meeting that same standard. THAT is the crisis you face in your marriage. It is a crisis of trust.

If woman #2 tells your wife it is much worse for you as noted above by @bmp2cpm (he is married as well) for the reason that not only did you break the trust, but you perpetuated the lie. Woman #2 knows this perpetuating the lie is the most hurtful thing and why telling your wife is so destructive.

If you tell your wife then your mistress loses the shock and pain of the surprise. It dispels much of the power your mistress wields in telling your wife your big secret.

This is going to deeply hurt your wife. You must accept this & stop trying to avoid it. Your marriage may not recover, but it may if she loves you & will forgive you. But you will be subject to suspicion and distrust from your wife for a very long time even if she will keep you. Trust must be built over time but can be destroyed in an instant.

See this for the betrayal it is and see it as the trust crisis you created. You need to get your priorities straight and figure out what is important long term.

Your wife will be deeply hurt. That is unavoidable. But how she discovers the truth will have an enormous impact on the outcome. And if you tell her you must walk away from the mistress forever & know she will make efforts to destroy you.
I honestly think that if my wife found out from the other woman I would have no chance of working things out with my marriage, if I come clean and tell her then that truly is my best chance, if I even want to stay in the marriage that is.

where you mention the standard yes I agree for sure, but my point is part of the reason it came to this was from her not taking it seriously at the start either by not moving in, sounds petty but it was a big thing which I guess I avoided.

100 percent this does all come down to the long term for me and what I really want out of life.
 

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Eljayem

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I wouldn't go buying another rental property just now if I were you, by the sound of things and the way this is
likely to pan out it's likely to devalue quickly by at least 50% pretty soon.

You'd be better off hiding that investment capital somewhere only you know about instead, I feel you'll be
needing it pretty soon. Especially once the cat is out of the bag.
Agree, probably best not to get into anything else until this is sorted!
 

Eljayem

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What I'm about to say is immoral and totally unethical but what would happen if your wife was seduced by another bloke and you happen to find out... That could give you leverage and protection if the **** hits the fan so in the end you won't look so bad and it would give you a free pass so to say.
As silly as that sounds yes I have thought of that as a positive outcome but then that would also be me trying not to face things head on and hoping for an easy way out
 

Eljayem

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Let's hope your wife or her lawyer doesn't find your post or say bah bah to everything you own (unless you signed a prenup). I do not know why guys keep making that same mistake. Why would you vent such a high-stakes and legal matter in an online public forum for all to see and to be used against you?

But anyway, to your question. You provide very little context to fairly judge one woman or the other, especially your wife. She seems like a keeper, while the other does not. So to me, it seems like an obvious choice. However, because of the very little context, you seem unhappy and unfulfilled with your wife which any man (or person for that matter) should avoid.

At the end of the day, nobody can properly answer that. You should build a better judgment for yourself or provide way more details and context so somebody can give you some type of guidance.

PS: Not a bad idea to start talking to a lawyer, and also not a bad idea to stop venting about adultery on an online platform.

Modern Man Advice
No where else to do it is why, the few I have spoken to in private can only provide so much guidance.

Unfullfilled with my wife would be the start of this for sure and it does come down to whether I want to stick with her or not, happy to message you privately to discuss further…
 

Eljayem

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"Don't ever trust a man who can't think with anything but his d1ck"

-Someone Smart

You sir, are weak-minded.

Some women will let you have sex with other women. Some won't. Eventually your wife is going to find out, and you will then find out if she accepts it or not.

From the sounds of it, you didn't learn anything from this site many years ago. I don't even understand why you returned. SS is a great place, but often ends up like telling someone to go fly a plane without any experience.
Wow really, I’m all for being told what’s best for me and I sure didn’t come here for free hugs…. but to tell me I didn’t learn anything years ago or question why I returned….. **** move. I’ve come a very long way from what and who I was at the age of 21 and a lot of it is thanks to reading the bible here and many great posts.

Weak minded in this situation, probably. In other areas of my life, no, but I can always always improve

There are also factors that led me to this point
 
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Modern Man Advice

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No where else to do it is why, the few I have spoken to in private can only provide so much guidance.

Unfullfilled with my wife would be the start of this for sure and it does come down to whether I want to stick with her or not, happy to message you privately to discuss further…
Yeah, that's one of my biggest fights. Men don't have nearly enough resources, outreachs, and support systems. So I understand you, however, do know that when it comes to legal matters where you could find yourself involved and impacted you should avoid discussing it openly. Since the judicial system will not look out for men, the way it does for women, we, as men, have to be proactive and diligent in protecting ourselves.

And absolutely, do reach out to me in private.


Modern Man Advice
 
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