I’m going through hell

flowtheory

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Ahh, yes, he needs to destroy the old to build anew.

When one technique doesn't work, such as ur gentle persuasion then another methodology is needed, one that I used on you awhile back, though it should be used as a last resort.

Would you consider trying that Flow?
i think a mix of approaches got me to where I am now.
Reality checks of how things actually are.. not the dreamy world we have in our minds but also a softer self forgiving approach.

But in the end. It’s all just about personal responsibly. Knowing your boundaries, owning frame, understanding masculinity and not acting feminine. It’s a long road. It’s taken me 1 year and about 4 months to break the lining on my old way. It’s not overnight. Deprogramming takes time
 
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flowtheory

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Also.. seek and ye shall find. He has to want to REALLY know the answers to greater sense of self. Not just a bandage to get through this situation. It’s in seeking perminant change. Most will give up
 

Newman996

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You need to work on your emotional self control. It’s what got you in this position you’re in now in the first place. Accept that. Really accept that. Only with accepting can we have the awareness to change and to break the poor programming and patterns we’ve developed.

You have to care about your own sovereignty more than women. Especially this woman. She is a major lesson for you if you choose to really pay attention right now.

You say you hope someone reads this thread and gains insight from it.
I say: I hope you read this thread 10 times and reflect on what you’ve been projecting and how you’ve been feeling. Because right now you’re riding your emotions which are clearly up and down and which are vasillating between momentary clarity of action and weakness where you’re devolving.
This is very true. I have been going through huge phases of high and lows and I’m not sure where this stems from. I’m guessing she will come back again but by then I believe I will have the emotional self control to not give in and simply ignore her. You say this took you time to reprogram. Along with emotional self control, what things do you see in me that I need to improve in? What books did you read to make you understand this?
 

Newman996

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Ahh, yes, he needs to destroy the old to build anew.

When one technique doesn't work, such as ur gentle persuasion then another methodology is needed, one that I used on you awhile back, though it should be used as a last resort.

Would you consider trying that Flow?
Please use all the techniques necessary. I truly want to understand the stem of this problem. So far I have gathered that from this relationship for the most part I was able to maintain my masculine frame ( never any needy behaviour, ability to walk away, acting correctly when she first ended things etc.) but after the first break up this is where things changed and I shifted into her frame and lost my emotional self control.
 

Newman996

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You broke.


It will never be settled until you let go completely. Relinquish her.


This is you’re failed paradigm programming. You need to reprogram to believe she lost you and you’re never coming back. But your framing is that you lost her. So that would make you the loser. You the victim. You’re the prize, right?


Heed your own advice. You say it, but you don’t understand it. Yet.


You’re in her frame still. You gave up your sovereignty. You pretend it’s cool, but you went back on what you knew what was best for you. And now it bit you and you’re back in a low because you’re in the petty realm. Blocking and removing someone is not petty. It’s nessacary because when ruled by emotions like you are, you will break. If a crack addict wants to get off crack, should e have access to crack? Or should he go to a recovery house where there is none of the drug in site?


Learn from this seriously now: block, no contact, focus on you, rebuild and construct your masculine frame, understand how women actually work, the game, live your life and do what’s best for you. Stop trying to think the world between you two needs to be peaceful and pleasant right now. It won’t be. There’s deep strife right now, and you’re actually in a battle. So man up, do what needs to be done. Flush this toxic crap out
I have come to realise how toxic this has been when looking at my own abnormal behaviours. How do I understand how women work? Any advice?

Also her number is still blocked and will remain this way- I guess this is where I can learn from.
 
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Newman996

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Also the real reason I unblocked her was because I read some other threads and convinced myself it was the right thing to do. However, as always, hindsight it was weak and just an excuse to be a *****.
 

flowtheory

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Also the real reason I unblocked her was because I read some other threads and convinced myself it was the right thing to do. However, as always, hindsight it was weak and just an excuse to be a *****.
Don’t read other threads for advice on your situation. They are completely different. Now, understanding general theory of how to interact and conduct yourself after a break up or even during a relationshipnis different. But each case is specific with its own nuances. So it must be catered to specificly. Right now you’re in early stages, and you had a strong emotional attachment. Removal has to be prioritized above all else.

How do I understand how women work? Any advice?
By reading Rollo Tomassis book. By reading the DJ bible. By learning from your experiences. And understanding masculine and feminine energies in relationship.

Aside from understanding women, it’s about understanding yourself; your sovereignty, what you want, your values, etc. This all creates your frame. This is strength. This is what women crave and are attracted to. Among a multitude of other things

Along with emotional self control, what things do you see in me that I need to improve in?
What things do you think you need to work on?
The best advice we can give is generally what we would tell ourselves. You know you better than anyone can. So if you were your best friend, what no bs guidance would you tell him?
 

flowtheory

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The greatest thing you can do right now is to dive inwards to yourself. Recalibrate and reconfigure how you view relationships and women, destruct, abolish, and eviscerate your need for validation outside of yourself.

Become your only source of validation. Total sovereignty. You don’t need any validation from anyone. You create so much value and validation that you give it to people. Your time and attention is a complete gift. What you give is only the excess which you have created for yourself. Complete abundant energy.

The general population are in dependent relationships. They seek their partner to validate them. Make them feel special. Recognize them. And so they negotiate with their partner in many ways to achieve their external validation. They will even self sacrifice their own self respect to get a dollop of attention. However it’s fleeting and the cost is heavy.

Read about a dependant relationship so you see where you have gone wrong. So you know what not to do.

A woman is an addition to your life. And the time spent with our women should be fun, exciting, sexy, relaxing. If it’s anything but positive 90% of the time, YOU aware doing something wrong. Save 10% for general disagreements and frame battles. But even during these a man should never lose his emotional self control.
 

Newman996

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This is good advice. I will print screen this and read it over. I believe she is now of the past and whatever happens from now with her is not of my concern. I will appreciate my experience with her as a huge learning curve. I believe a man should NEVER be attached to his woman because this means he can no longer independently lead the relationship. I have looked at where I went wrong in someways and although it is hard as I would love to go back and correct those mistakes, I believe by changing my mindset, my behaviours will change and improve. I started this relationship off with the correct mindset and therefore, it was very healthy in the beginning but by failing the tests and having a fear of loss, not being able to fully walk away when needed I succumbed to being emotionally attached and therefore lost my frame. Tbh I had real reasons to end the relationship and at many times where she tried her hardest to convince me to work things out I said NO until she eventually gave up. What is a man without his word I guess. It hurts and it is definitely difficult but I believe without pain we as men can never truly learn.

I will focus simply on rebuilding my masculine frame and ensure that I do not form any emotional attachments to anyone by being fulfilled and validated simply by myself.

Thank you for making me understand. Her number will remain blocked forever and I will simply NC her forever as she is of the past. I have nothing to prove to her even though sometimes I feel I want to.

So far, my plan is to simply to higher my value by ultimately working on myself and at this moment although I have all the opportunities to go out and **** other women I will refrain from this behaviour as I believe it is simply a weak way of filling a void. Once I have done this correctly and this previous relationship is no longer constantly on my mind, I will then use what I have built to find other women.
 

flowtheory

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This is good advice. I will print screen this and read it over. I believe she is now of the past and whatever happens from now with her is not of my concern. I will appreciate my experience with her as a huge learning curve. I believe a man should NEVER be attached to his woman because this means he can no longer independently lead the relationship. I have looked at where I went wrong in someways and although it is hard as I would love to go back and correct those mistakes, I believe by changing my mindset, my behaviours will change and improve. I started this relationship off with the correct mindset and therefore, it was very healthy in the beginning but by failing the tests and having a fear of loss, not being able to fully walk away when needed I succumbed to being emotionally attached and therefore lost my frame. Tbh I had real reasons to end the relationship and at many times where she tried her hardest to convince me to work things out I said NO until she eventually gave up. What is a man without his word I guess. It hurts and it is definitely difficult but I believe without pain we as men can never truly learn.

I will focus simply on rebuilding my masculine frame and ensure that I do not form any emotional attachments to anyone by being fulfilled and validated simply by myself.

Thank you for making me understand. Her number will remain blocked forever and I will simply NC her forever as she is of the past. I have nothing to prove to her even though sometimes I feel I want to.

So far, my plan is to simply to higher my value by ultimately working on myself and at this moment although I have all the opportunities to go out and **** other women I will refrain from this behaviour as I believe it is simply a weak way of filling a void. Once I have done this correctly and this previous relationship is no longer constantly on my mind, I will then use what I have built to find other women.
Just keep validating yourself and don’t look to women to give you that. No woman will love you unconditionally like your mother. Women love opportunistically.
Always remain calm when dealing with women too. They will do a lot to try and get a man to get emotional. I learned this very much from my previous relation. And that’s just a failed test. It’s in the emotional self control one needs to go. And in the avenue of validation
 
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Newman996

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Yes. This is purely a mindset thing and they test you simply to check whether you are real or fake. This was a first for me and although I may have broke up with her in a weak manner, I did it to stick to my values and keep the little strength and pride I had left in me. I understood that she wasn’t the one, although it was gruelling I’m proud I made the decision as there is a lot to learn from this. I will spend this time to correct these inner weaknesses by changing my outlook and mindset and let this be the last time it happens. The advice on this forum has been absolutely critical in understanding the root of this issue. I guess we are all men with weakness in the end and those who do nothing about them will remain that way.

For me this is a huge opportunity and I believe the next test is how quickly can I bounce back and get over it- this will display whether I have really improved or not. If 3 months from now I am in the same state then that will show I am still weak in this regard, if however, I bounce back quickly and efficiently than that will be an indication that I have adhered to the lessons I have learnt. I believe this will require me to truly build an abundance mindset and recalibrate my masculine frame by validating and loving only myself. Good to know there are guys out there that can see these situations for what they are.
 

flowtheory

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Yes. This is purely a mindset thing and they test you simply to check whether you are real or fake. This was a first for me and although I may have broke up with her in a weak manner, I did it to stick to my values and keep the little strength and pride I had left in me. I understood that she wasn’t the one, although it was gruelling I’m proud I made the decision as there is a lot to learn from this. I will spend this time to correct these inner weaknesses by changing my outlook and mindset and let this be the last time it happens. The advice on this forum has been absolutely critical in understanding the root of this issue. I guess we are all men with weakness in the end and those who do nothing about them will remain that way.

For me this is a huge opportunity and I believe the next test is how quickly can I bounce back and get over it- this will display whether I have really improved or not. If 3 months from now I am in the same state then that will show I am still weak in this regard, if however, I bounce back quickly and efficiently than that will be an indication that I have adhered to the lessons I have learnt. I believe this will require me to truly build an abundance mindset and recalibrate my masculine frame by validating and loving only myself. Good to know there are guys out there that can see these situations for what they are.
When there’s a belief or stale way we’re seeking to change, use all your mental energy to bring awareness to it. Everyday. Meditate on it and recalibrate.

You will feel the actual mental click and shift happen. It will all just make sense.
You’re currently picking up the pieces. Now you need to sift through and see how you were compared to how you wish to be. Then you actualize and cement that way you wish to be in to your newer self.
 

Dash Riprock

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Posted earlier too but just need assurance right now. I’ve dumped her but still have had back and forths yet I’ve stood my groind with my decision. Yesterday she texted me something and said don’t reply and as much as I wanted to I didn’t. I then put an ig story up of me having fun but it was mildly kind of related/ targeted at her ( as in I did it to get her attention because I guess I’m an emotional mess) I don’t know why but ever since this break up ( a month ago) I’ve been suffering huge anxiety attacks and depression. This is very alien to me as usually I have a very strong mentality and nothing really breaks me. Right now I feel like I’m going through absolute hell and I need advice from guys who have been through this before and what I should do now. I don’t want her back at all but I guess I’ve felt good with the attention. Someone help me out and how I get through this hell. Thanks
Op,

I went through something similar many moons ago. I posted my story in a prior SS thread.

Read on: https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/wife-left-3-month-update.259502/page-2#post-2639662

Good luck. You'll be ok.

~Dash
 

Newman996

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Op,

I went through something similar many moons ago. I posted my story in a prior SS thread.

Read on: https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/wife-left-3-month-update.259502/page-2#post-2639662

Good luck. You'll be ok.

~Dash
This is sound advice my man. I can really say today my emotions have settled. I have been sleeping well and for the first time I didn’t wake up with any pains. The truth is I am now looking at this scenario with a rational mind and accepting where my weaknesses are. I no longer blame myself entirely and I honestly couldn’t care about her. I know what I have to do now. Yes there are still low moods but these are simply reminders of where I was insecure and where I need to work on. I am glad these feelings come up because this is a sign of where I lack as a man. I can’t lie but I have taken this well so far and with the help of this forum I have been able to control myself. I am quite glad this happened because it brings out the truth. We all have egos and we all lie to our selves about our insecurities but I feel mine have been put to the test and I have now been able to identify them. Thank God for you guys. In general, I have a good job and have been concentrating on that along with continuing my boxing. I have written down a plan on what my ideal life would be and I am working to live on that.

I have been looking at Corey Wayne’s work recently and have been recommended the rational male along with other readings. However, I don’t believe picking up strategies and behaviours from these will help but in fact changing my mindset completely so that I live and breathe this ****.

Some of use are born great and some learn how to be great. I will learn. Again, I appreciate the insight
 

Newman996

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Quick update guys: So it’s been a month and I can say I’ve really done some digging on myself and read through beneficial material. I’ve taken advice from the right guys on here and started to live to my full potentiol again. Just as this was happening she pops up again and messaged me on Facebook saying something along the lines of her ‘losing’ her photos and wanting to know if I could send them ( haven’t opened the message properly as I done feel the need to actually read it) she then messaged me on insta asking whether I had read her fb message ( also calling me ‘mate’). Not sure if this her covert way of trying to get back or her checking if I’ve moved on. Anyway I haven’t replied and it’s been a day and I will keep it this way. As a man I know it’s purposeful to do what you want and I feel far greater than I did last month. Is it worth having her as a pump on the side or is this situation best left alone?
 
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flowtheory

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Quick update guys: So it’s been a month and I can say I’ve really done some digging on myself and read through beneficial material. I’ve taken advice from the right guys on here and started to live to my full potentiol again. Just as this was happening she pops up again and messaged me on Facebook saying something along the lines of her ‘losing’ her photos and wanting to know if I could send them ( haven’t opened the message properly as I done feel the need to actually read it) she then messaged me on insta asking whether I had read her fb message ( also calling me ‘mate’). Not sure if this her covert way of trying to get back or her checking if I’ve moved on. Anyway I haven’t replied and it’s been a day and I will keep it this way. As a man I know it’s purposeful to do what you want and I feel far greater than I did last month. Is it worth having her as a pump on the side or is this situation best left alone?
Let it go. Having an ex as a plate will only get heavy and emotional. The history is too deep. Your waters will want to seek that same depth as before.

She’s wanting you back. But it may not be out of true desire; it could simply be missing your validation or comfort. Realizing there’s not many good options out there. Only if she was begging and really pursuing you would that be a major indicator.

I’ve never had an ex not reach out after a break up. They will never overtly say they want you back and all of that; unless they really do. So the covert picture ask is her just using something else inconsequential as an opening gambit to get your attention for something bigger. Don’t give in.

It sounds like you’re in a better place and if that’s the case it could ipenyou up to better women. Don’t go back to things that broke you.

With exes, generally things won’t change if you went back. You’d fall into old patterns unless a solid amount of time passed. This is why it’s generally better to find someone new. The only way it could work is if both individuals were unwavering in dropping their old ways and building anew through a great amount of self-work.
 

broadstone

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I've been through it (with a girl for 16 yrs). When we split it fked me up. A week after we divorced, I jumped on a place and travelled the world.

Let her go. keeping on the side will fk your mind up. I did it, nothing changed.

I found game after the divorce, best thing that ever happened. When I date and I split now, I'm excited about the new women I'm gonna meet.

Just takes time.
 

Newman996

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Hello all.

Update. So I’ve kept NC and been improving myself and my game. Have a few women around I’m actively in contact with so and so forth. So I ‘bump’ into my ex the other day (but she really followed me into a store) we had a general catch up chat I was nervous at first but then picked it up, eventually she was in my frame. **** tested me a few times but they didn’t phase me and I **** tested her back. I then excused my self and she left in a hurry ( last **** test attempt of her getting me to follow her or tell her to stay). She then called me yesterday from an unknown number I picked up and she wished me a happy birthday and basically wants to meet up to celebrate. I said nothing much - joked around with her and said sure let me know when you’re about. She then texted me telling me what day she’s free on this week and I replied a day later saying that I’m busy on that day so another time.

Tbh I don’t mind ****ing her again- she looks a little thicker aswell. Not sure how to proceed- I won’t LTR again as I can’t be asked to go through any emotions with her.
 

Focal core

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She doesn't want to have any relationship with you nor another women in your life simply means, we were fb until I secured my new bf. Stop doing this to your self, learn to honor your own feelings, mourn the lost of the relationship, start to thrive again.. Ohh boyy
 

Mauser96

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She then called me yesterday from an unknown number I picked up and she wished me a happy birthday and basically wants to meet up to celebrate. I said nothing much - joked around with her and said sure let me know when you’re about. She then texted me telling me what day she’s free on this week and I replied a day later saying that I’m busy on that day so another time.

Tbh I don’t mind ****ing her again- she looks a little thicker aswell. Not sure how to proceed- I won’t LTR again as I can’t be asked to go through any emotions with her.

What would you hope to get from associating with her?

My guess is, more bad will come out of it then good.
 
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