I’m going through hell

Bible_Belt

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Thanks for this man. Have you been through this before? I know for a fact I can dust myself off and in a few months it won’t matter. However, seeing her in IG everyday as if nothing happened is continuing my pain. An example of this is when I viewed her story today I then went onto my WhatsApp which she left a message on and said ‘don’t reply’- she then must have unblocked me, came online checked if I was online then reblocked me again. What is her ****ing game? I can tell that through my actions she’s already over me and I’m absolutely crushed because of this. I know there are real reasons I dumped her (red flags) but I wasn’t able to demonstrate my strength when actually dumping her because of my feelings towards her. This has me dying. As in I’ve told her I don’t want her but my actions have shown something different which is why she said she dosent believe me. I need a reason to block her because otherwise it will hurt that I demonstrated such weakness and that will play on my mind. Will she come back at any point so I can demonstrate strength and then remove her from my life entirely? That would give me rest from this hell that I am living.
People get what they want out of life, whether they realize it or not. Right now, you obviously want to suffer. If you didn't, you would stay the hell off of social media. You are like a man who keeps putting his hand into a fire, and then asking why are you in such pain. The real question is why you have a need to feel this way.
 

Newman996

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People get what they want out of life, whether they realize it or not. Right now, you obviously want to suffer. If you didn't, you would stay the hell off of social media. You are like a man who keeps putting his hand into a fire, and then asking why are you in such pain. The real question is why you have a need to feel this way.
You are correct. I have blocked her off everything and have come to peace with it. I also understand that maybe the next few weeks will be hard as I will be missing her. What I’m trying to get my head around is I know this relationship failed simply because i lost my masculine edge and I knew if I went back into it now I would have failed miserable as I was too attached but literally I can’t blame her for much tbh- I know the reasons I dumped her because I trusted my instinct and I no longer trusted her, but in all fairness, she tried her best to work things out and I rejected ( Im a stubborn person and didn’t want to get manipulated) - so as I can’t insert the blame on her I guess I just have to accept this situation and heal- any tips on how to heal and bounce back quickly?
 

EyeOnThePrize

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You are correct. I have blocked her off everything and have come to peace with it. I also understand that maybe the next few weeks will be hard as I will be missing her. What I’m trying to get my head around is I know this relationship failed simply because i lost my masculine edge and I knew if I went back into it now I would have failed miserable as I was too attached but literally I can’t blame her for much tbh- I know the reasons I dumped her because I trusted my instinct and I no longer trusted her, but in all fairness, she tried her best to work things out and I rejected ( Im a stubborn person and didn’t want to get manipulated) - so as I can’t insert the blame on her I guess I just have to accept this situation and heal- any tips on how to heal and bounce back quickly?
Listen to your feelings. Get out of your comfort zone. Do things alone, for yourself. Go to the gym, go on solo trips, build something, read something, train your discipline, find new social circles in hobbies, stick to those hobbies and train consistency, meditate, buy new clothes, rearrange your room, paint your room, practice patience in everything, feel it out, live your life.
 

Newman996

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Listen to your feelings. Get out of your comfort zone. Do things alone, for yourself. Go to the gym, go on solo trips, build something, read something, train your discipline, find new social circles in hobbies, stick to those hobbies and train consistency, meditate, buy new clothes, rearrange your room, paint your room, practice patience in everything, feel it out, live your life.
Thanks man. Tbh I think if anything this is a moment of change and growth and a time to reflect on my weaknesses and work on them. The rebirth starts now.
 

flowtheory

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Thanks man. Tbh I think if anything this is a moment of change and growth and a time to reflect on my weaknesses and work on them. The rebirth starts now.
Good. You’re at a precipice. Do the inner work to ensure this doesn’t happen again.

Also, don’t blame the whole relationships demise on yourself. It takes two people for things to go the way they did. Two sets of reactions. Take your share of the responsibility and know where the work needs to be done and buttress that so it doesn’t happen again. Forgive yourself; no need to rake yourself over the coals anymore than you have.
 

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Wily

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You are correct. I have blocked her off everything and have come to peace with it. I also understand that maybe the next few weeks will be hard as I will be missing her. What I’m trying to get my head around is I know this relationship failed simply because i lost my masculine edge and I knew if I went back into it now I would have failed miserable as I was too attached but literally I can’t blame her for much tbh- I know the reasons I dumped her because I trusted my instinct and I no longer trusted her, but in all fairness, she tried her best to work things out and I rejected ( Im a stubborn person and didn’t want to get manipulated) - so as I can’t insert the blame on her I guess I just have to accept this situation and heal- any tips on how to heal and bounce back quickly?
As much as I'm inclined to agree with the rule of not getting back with your exes, It may help in the process to consider that the relationship that you had is over; just as dead as last Thanksgiving's turkey. IF you do get back together with her, you should think of it as a new relationship with new possibilities: in any case, you don't want the tension of a prior breakup to be in the way if you two have another go. So whether or not you get back together with her, consider it a done deal. I would get rid of everything that would tempt you to ruminate such as social media, and damn sure delete your text messaging thread. It's probably full of everything flirty and sexy that you guys sent back and forth. Just delete it to make room for whatever comes along.
 

Newman996

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Good. You’re at a precipice. Do the inner work to ensure this doesn’t happen again.

Also, don’t blame the whole relationships demise on yourself. It takes two people for things to go the way they did. Two sets of reactions. Take your share of the responsibility and know where the work needs to be done and buttress that so it doesn’t happen again. Forgive yourself; no need to rake yourself over the coals anymore than you have.
Thanks my brother. This means a lot- you’ve helped me through this so far man. I’m an avid learner and I feel in the space of a few days I have learnt a **** load.
As much as I'm inclined to agree with the rule of not getting back with your exes, It may help in the process to consider that the relationship that you had is over; just as dead as last Thanksgiving's turkey. IF you do get back together with her, you should think of it as a new relationship with new possibilities: in any case, you don't want the tension of a prior breakup to be in the way if you two have another go. So whether or not you get back together with her, consider it a done deal. I would get rid of everything that would tempt you to ruminate such as social media, and damn sure delete your text messaging thread. It's probably full of everything flirty and sexy that you guys sent back and forth. Just delete it to make room for whatever comes along.
Agreed. This has been done. My mindset is simply that I will never return. I didn’t do it to get her back I simply did it for myself. You get to a point where you have to accept your flaws (which I found hard to do) cut your losses and work on them. You either win or you learn right
 

In2theGame

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Please tell me someone else is out there who has experienced this and has moved on.
Sh*t, Many of us have been there. You've got to let it burn. You will come out the other side without a doubt but rest assured, all this pain is necessary in order for you to grow. You're 22 right now, You'll meet plenty of Women in the future who will fill the void. Although sometimes you'll look back and think about this one girl but you will have the realization that it was for the best.
 

Newman996

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As much as I'm inclined to agree with the rule of not getting back with your exes, It may help in the process to consider that the relationship that you had is over; just as dead as last Thanksgiving's turkey. IF you do get back together with her, you should think of it as a new relationship with new possibilities: in any case, you don't want the tension of a prior breakup to be in the way if you two have another go. So whether or not you get back together with her, consider it a done deal. I would get rid of everything that would tempt you to ruminate such as social media, and damn sure delete your text messaging thread. It's probably full of everything flirty and sexy that you guys sent back and forth. Just delete it to make room for whatever comes along.
Quick question. I blocked her from my phone and removed her from my followers and unfollowed her on instagram. This means I can still see her page and she can still see mine when I should have just blocked her. I haven’t gone back on it to look at her page or anything however, should I have just blocked her. I know it’s a little thing but it’s kind of playing on my mind
 

Wily

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You should just be trying to take away her presence from your point of view. You should be able to check you IG or whatever without having to notice what she's up to...unless you decide to take a peek in which case you ar beginning to slide down a slippery slope.

I would just get her out of my view, and continue on my merry way. I think you are too wrapped up in her actions/reactions, and this is the very thing you need to understand to let go of (easily said). To hell with her (so to speak) and whatever she wants to look at: focus on yourself and your happiness: don't gauge your actions by how it will affect her. Establish a strong frame for yourself.
 

Newman996

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Thanks man I blocked her anyway just to make sure everything is tied up and I have nothing that’s going to make me look back. Tbh what she thinks of me is no longer my concern. I am done for good and I believe this is a point in my life that will define my future as a man. You either become stronger or you become a *****. I’m only looking at one option.
 

flowtheory

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Thanks man I blocked her anyway just to make sure everything is tied up and I have nothing that’s going to make me look back. Tbh what she thinks of me is no longer my concern. I am done for good and I believe this is a point in my life that will define my future as a man. You either become stronger or you become a *****. I’m only looking at one option.
Good progress here.
 

jnMissouri

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How long is this process and what are the best steps to take? This is really ****ed bro. I would never think in a million years this would happen to me.

It takes TIME. I didn't read the entire thread yet but why did you let her go? Get busy improving yourself, build your career, get a degree, hit the gym, flirt with new women, hang out with friends, travel.
 

Newman996

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It takes TIME. I didn't read the entire thread yet but why did you let her go? Get busy improving yourself, build your career, get a degree, hit the gym, flirt with new women, hang out with friends, travel.
Yh you’re right. I hear a lot of men after break ups become broken themselves and I really don’t want that. If anything this should be a defining moment in my life where I get up and become something bigger- in order to do that I need it done properly and if that means TIME then fair enough.
 
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Newman996

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Okay I have a confession guys. I kinda messed up. So I’ve been feeling very good lately and thought to myself I don’t need to block her on instagram as I find it petty so I unblocked her ( did not follow or anything, simply unblocked) I felt i was being childish. So now she’s blocked me haha. Tbh I’m not really too fussed about it but I feel as if that probably just put a spanner in the wheel to my own recovery. I guess **** it what’s done is done right?
 
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Newman996

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In fact it dosent matter. Ive realised I’m going through huge emotional ups and downs throughout the day. So I will not do anything from now until this is settled. She is never coming back and that’s that. I hope someone reads this thread one day and learns from my mistakes. When you are emotionally vulnerable simply go NC and look out for yourself and do not care what she thinks at all.
 

FMCSMT

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They say there will always be storms. I say, does it rain everyday?

I have been right where you are, as every man in this forum, and I ask myself what would I have done differently?

I even crossed paths with her by chance not too long ago...

Bottom line, ask yourself “WHAT DO I WANT?”.

The answer shouldn’t involve a woman or a relationship. A woman should only compliment a man’s life, never be the focus. More and better women will follow.

If you choose not to follow this advice, you will choose the path of the common cuckk. Do you want me to come over and bang this girl while you’re at work?

Then knock it off. No matter what you do, someone else will ****k her in her lifetime and there isn’t anything you can do about that. So waste no more time with this unproductive drama. The juice isn’t worth the squeeze. You will always display lower value than her to this one and that leaves the door and her legs wide open for plunging.

It’s harsh but it’s real. Control your every thought toward what you want and take action in that direction and that direction only. Life will come back together for you.
 

flowtheory

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You need to work on your emotional self control. It’s what got you in this position you’re in now in the first place. Accept that. Really accept that. Only with accepting can we have the awareness to change and to break the poor programming and patterns we’ve developed.

You have to care about your own sovereignty more than women. Especially this woman. She is a major lesson for you if you choose to really pay attention right now.

You say you hope someone reads this thread and gains insight from it.
I say: I hope you read this thread 10 times and reflect on what you’ve been projecting and how you’ve been feeling. Because right now you’re riding your emotions which are clearly up and down and which are vasillating between momentary clarity of action and weakness where you’re devolving.
 

flowtheory

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I hear a lot of men after break ups become broken themselves and I really don’t want that.
You broke.

So I will not do anything from now until this is settled.
It will never be settled until you let go completely. Relinquish her.

She is never coming back and that’s that.
This is you’re failed paradigm programming. You need to reprogram to believe she lost you and you’re never coming back. But your framing is that you lost her. So that would make you the loser. You the victim. You’re the prize, right?

When you are emotionally vulnerable simply go NC and look out for yourself and do not care what she thinks at all.
Heed your own advice. You say it, but you don’t understand it. Yet.

So I’ve been feeling very good lately and thought to myself I don’t need to block her on instagram as I find it petty so I unblocked her ( did not follow or anything, simply unblocked) I felt i was being childish. So now she’s blocked me haha. Tbh I’m not really too fussed about it but I feel as if that probably just put a spanner in the wheel to my own recovery. I guess **** it what’s done is done right?
You’re in her frame still. You gave up your sovereignty. You pretend it’s cool, but you went back on what you knew what was best for you. And now it bit you and you’re back in a low because you’re in the petty realm. Blocking and removing someone is not petty. It’s nessacary because when ruled by emotions like you are, you will break. If a crack addict wants to get off crack, should e have access to crack? Or should he go to a recovery house where there is none of the drug in site?


Learn from this seriously now: block, no contact, focus on you, rebuild and construct your masculine frame, understand how women actually work, the game, live your life and do what’s best for you. Stop trying to think the world between you two needs to be peaceful and pleasant right now. It won’t be. There’s deep strife right now, and you’re actually in a battle. So man up, do what needs to be done. Flush this toxic crap out
 

Spaz

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