I’m going through hell

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Newman996

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Okay guys. I have thought this through and I’m looking for my best options here for myself.

1. I completely remove her now off everything- but by doing this I will beat myself up for being weak and passive
2. I leave it how it is and wait for her to come back ( which I don’t believe is gna happen) and see where things go
3. I call her and explain to her that I want to give her another chance (knowing she’ll reject) and I will have peace of mind that my intentions were set. I will then block and remove her off everything.

Please let me know what you guys think. I guess I don’t wanna go out like a puzzy so wanna do what’s best for me.
 

sosousage

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I’m an emotional mess) I don’t know why but ever since this break up ( a month ago) I’ve been suffering huge anxiety attacks and depression.

This is very alien to me as usually I have a very strong mentality and nothing really breaks me.
hi richard

no you dont have strong mentality if u get anxiety attacks and depression from break ups

what you have instead is lack of friends/things to do/ideas/hobbies/life plans

thats why you feel depressed because your only source of pleasure/dopamine/happiness left you
 

Newman996

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hi richard

no you dont have strong mentality if u get anxiety attacks and depression from break ups

what you have instead is lack of friends/things to do/ideas/hobbies/life plans

thats why you feel depressed because your only source of pleasure/dopamine/happiness left you
That’s funny you say that but I have plenty of friends a good job and I’m a boxer. This is why she was very attracted to me in the first place and when I was with her it was healthy as she understood she was only a part of my life. I think what’s affecting me is that I never handled the break up properly and made the wrong decisions which is the stem of my problem.
 

sosousage

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That’s funny you say that but I have plenty of friends a good job and I’m a boxer. This is why she was very attracted to me in the first place and when I was with her it was healthy as she understood she was only a part of my life. I think what’s affecting me is that I never handled the break up properly and made the wrong decisions which is the stem of my problem.
its cuul bro every male feels bad after loses sex access
 
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flowtheory

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Okay guys. I have thought this through and I’m looking for my best options here for myself.

1. I completely remove her now off everything- but by doing this I will beat myself up for being weak and passive
2. I leave it how it is and wait for her to come back ( which I don’t believe is gna happen) and see where things go
3. I call her and explain to her that I want to give her another chance (knowing she’ll reject) and I will have peace of mind that my intentions were set. I will then block and remove her off everything.

Please let me know what you guys think. I guess I don’t wanna go out like a puzzy so wanna do what’s best for me.
Why did you break up with her in the first place?
 

Newman996

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Apologies for the long message but I just wanted you to get some context
 

Newman996

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Why did you break up with her in the first place?
Basically, initially she broke up with me and I took it like a man and said ‘cool hmu if you wanna work things out’ this made her go crazy and for 3 days she kept calling me and we worked things out, meanwhile however, I realised she might have been talking to her ex. So I brought it up and broke up with her and she went crazy again and said that there was absolutely nothing there- I had no evidence so I simply took her back. But when I did she had all the power and I was in a weaker position. We kept having back and forths for about a month until I took it upon myself to sort it out and bury our problems. However, only a few days later she posted something online she knew I didn’t like so I dumped her( but even then I kind of just said I’m not feeling the relationship) she then called me to her house and we had sex and she tried working things out. I said I needed time. 2 weeks later she blew up my phone saying how much she missed me and then I fully just dumped her properly and said good luck in life. She wanted to be friends and I never really said anything. The following 2 weeks was her trying to message me but I was blunt and showed disinterest by ignoring her. She then eventually blocked me off everything as she was hurt. By this time I didn’t care until a few days later and so I messaged her on fb then unsent the message coz I was like **** this. Then she blew up my phone again told me she hated me I said fine. She then called and stated she wanted to work things out and I said we can see each other but I’m not interested in a relationship (but I told her I still had feelings). She realised and said I was confused and being stupid and I was scared of being hurt. She then was all over me and we ****ed two times. However, I messed up as I called her on a day I told her I was busy and when I saw her that day my energy was very negative. We had sex and she cried and I walked off. She then called me and said please wait for me so like an idiot I waited, took her home and through my actions I was just weak as hell. She tried everything to work things out and I still declined ( but I was weak in doing so) and we kissed and I left it there. Now I can tell she’s over it because of my weak actions- she basically knows I want her but I’m being stubborn because I’m ‘scared my feelings will be hurt’. So I’m now trapped and don’t know what to do.
 

flowtheory

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Basically, initially she broke up with me and I took it like a man and said ‘cool hmu if you wanna work things out’ this made her go crazy and for 3 days she kept calling me and we worked things out, meanwhile however, I realised she might have been talking to her ex. So I brought it up and broke up with her and she went crazy again and said that there was absolutely nothing there- I had no evidence so I simply took her back. But when I did she had all the power and I was in a weaker position. We kept having back and forths for about a month until I took it upon myself to sort it out and bury our problems. However, only a few days later she posted something online she knew I didn’t like so I dumped her( but even then I kind of just said I’m not feeling the relationship) she then called me to her house and we had sex and she tried working things out. I said I needed time. 2 weeks later she blew up my phone saying how much she missed me and then I fully just dumped her properly and said good luck in life. She wanted to be friends and I never really said anything. The following 2 weeks was her trying to message me but I was blunt and showed disinterest by ignoring her. She then eventually blocked me off everything as she was hurt. By this time I didn’t care until a few days later and so I messaged her on fb then unsent the message coz I was like **** this. Then she blew up my phone again told me she hated me I said fine. She then called and stated she wanted to work things out and I said we can see each other but I’m not interested in a relationship (but I told her I still had feelings). She realised and said I was confused and being stupid and I was scared of being hurt. She then was all over me and we ****ed two times. However, I messed up as I called her on a day I told her I was busy and when I saw her that day my energy was very negative. We had sex and she cried and I walked off. She then called me and said please wait for me so like an idiot I waited, took her home and through my actions I was just weak as hell. She tried everything to work things out and I still declined ( but I was weak in doing so) and we kissed and I left it there. Now I can tell she’s over it because of my weak actions- she basically knows I want her but I’m being stubborn because I’m ‘scared my feelings will be hurt’. So I’m now trapped and don’t know what to do.
Wow!
That’s a lot, man.

Both of you are clearly emotionally wrecked whatever you believe in her thinking she’s just over it. She is not. She’s probably feeling this burn deeply too. You’re both bleeding everywhere and all over each other. Somewhere earlier you lost your masculine edge in the relationship and that’s what caused this insane spiral. She didn’t want it to actually be over. She just didn’t know how to communicate what she needed from a man and felt like breaking up was the only answer. Poor communicator.

Whatever the case.. you can’t go back.. right now. Don’t even think about his option or the option of being done forever.

All you need to focus on right now is reflecting and doing some much needed internal work. Don’t even worry about her. You need to get your self back. Stronger than before. You’re breading yourself over your weakness and that’s where your pain is..
Work on your weaknesses and investigate. Get out of the hole you’re in right now because you’re helpless there. Help yourself like you’re someone you actually care about. You’re reliving turnpikes states over and over again right now
 

Newman996

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Thanks this is very insightful
Wow!
That’s a lot, man.

Both of you are clearly emotionally wrecked whatever you believe in her thinking she’s just over it. She is not. She’s probably feeling this burn deeply too. You’re both bleeding everywhere and all over each other. Somewhere earlier you lost your masculine edge in the relationship and that’s what caused this insane spiral. She didn’t want it to actually be over. She just didn’t know how to communicate what she needed from a man and felt like breaking up was the only answer. Poor communicator.

Whatever the case.. you can’t go back.. right now. Don’t even think about his option or the option of being done forever.

All you need to focus on right now is reflecting and doing some much needed internal work. Don’t even worry about her. You need to get your self back. Stronger than before. You’re breading yourself over your weakness and that’s where your pain is..
Work on your weaknesses and investigate. Get out of the hole you’re in right now because you’re helpless there. Help yourself like you’re someone you actually care about. You’re reliving turnpikes states over and over again right now
Thanks this is very insightful. Do I unfollow her on instagram? Tbh I feel a lot better today as I have gone through where I went wrong and I am ready to forgive myself and simply work on these mistakes. I guess the question is do I still have a chance with her? I’m assuming she’ll be dating other guys now and just getting over it that way and soon I’ll be a distant memory.
 
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flowtheory

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Thanks this is very insightful


Thanks this is very insightful. Do I unfollow her on instagram? Tbh I feel a lot better today as I have gone through where I went wrong and I am ready to forgive myself and simply work on these mistakes. I guess the question is do I still have a chance with her? I’m assuming she’ll be dating other guys now and just getting over it that way and soon I’ll be a distant memory.
Yes unfollow. Your only goal right now should be to expel the poison of heaviness which you carry around.

Don’t worry about getting back with her right now. You’re not at that stage and who knows how you’ll feel.

Her dating or not dating is none of your concern. She’s no longer your responsibility. Only purifying your mind is. You’re thinking irrationally and highly emotionally right now due to the hurricane of events which has gone down.

To heal you need to cut off the infected area. The inffecation is coming from your attachment with her in the current state. There’s too much turmoil and emotion tonhsve any rational conversation or reconciliation
 

Newman996

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Yes unfollow. Your only goal right now should be to expel the poison of heaviness which you carry around.

Don’t worry about getting back with her right now. You’re not at that stage and who knows how you’ll feel.

Her dating or not dating is none of your concern. She’s no longer your responsibility. Only purifying your mind is. You’re thinking irrationally and highly emotionally right now due to the hurricane of events which has gone down.

To heal you need to cut off the infected area. The inffecation is coming from your attachment with her in the current state. There’s too much turmoil and emotion tonhsve any rational conversation or reconciliation
Thanks man! I just unfollowed her and tbh it’s kind of triggered anxiety coz I feel as if I’m gna look weak again. But tbh I’ve realised that my weakness isn’t to do with needing her but in fact how I’m perceived- I care too much if I look weak or strong instead of just working on myself and letting go
 

rando5495

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Thanks this is very insightful


Thanks this is very insightful. Do I unfollow her on instagram? Tbh I feel a lot better today as I have gone through where I went wrong and I am ready to forgive myself and simply work on these mistakes. I guess the question is do I still have a chance with her? I’m assuming she’ll be dating other guys now and just getting over it that way and soon I’ll be a distant memory.
If it's an ego thing, then they remember alright. Even if not, it's her loss.

Don't worry about her doing whatever with whomever. She's not your responsibility. It's not your problem.

Thanks man! I just unfollowed her and tbh it’s kind of triggered anxiety coz I feel as if I’m gna look weak again. But tbh I’ve realised that my weakness isn’t to do with needing her but in fact how I’m perceived- I care too much if I look weak or strong instead of just working on myself and letting go
Worrying about looking weak is weak. Just do whatever suits you. No guys in your circle are going to be bothered. Some of the women might, if you have mutual friends, but have solid boundaries on it.
 

Mauser96

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Why do you still have her on any social media where you can see what she does?

Delete and block
 

flowtheory

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Thanks man! I just unfollowed her and tbh it’s kind of triggered anxiety coz I feel as if I’m gna look weak again. But tbh I’ve realised that my weakness isn’t to do with needing her but in fact how I’m perceived- I care too much if I look weak or strong instead of just working on myself and letting go
It triggered anxiety because that’s you detaching and you were and still are dependent on her for your emotional state. That’s weak. You unfollowing her isn’t weak.
 
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Newman996

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Yeh
It triggered anxiety because that’s you detaching and you were and still are dependent on her for your emotional state. That’s weak. You unfollowing her isn’t weak.
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It triggered anxiety because that’s you detaching and you were and still are dependent on her for your emotional state. That’s weak. You unfollowing her isn’t weak.
yeh I guess so. I mean tbh as hard as it is I realised from my own perspective that a relationship is lead by a man and I did that well until a point. Due to my lack of LTRs I didn’t handle the break up well and there are many points I could have made this an easy ride. I guess you either win or you learn. Time to get up and dust off.
 

Newman996

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Why do you still have her on any social media where you can see what she does?

Delete and block
I unfollowed her but she hasn’t u followed me yet. Shall I just leave it like that. At this point I know I shouldn’t worry what she does so not sure how to go about this
 

stovepipe

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I unfollowed her but she hasn’t u followed me yet. Shall I just leave it like that. At this point I know I shouldn’t worry what she does so not sure how to go about this
You're overthinking. Either be done with her for good, cut off all contact forever, block her, ect. Or continue to cause yourself unneeded stress/anxiety.
 

Bible_Belt

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Thanks for this man. Have you been through this before? I know for a fact I can dust myself off and in a few months it won’t matter. However, seeing her in IG everyday as if nothing happened is continuing my pain. An example of this is when I viewed her story today I then went onto my WhatsApp which she left a message on and said ‘don’t reply’- she then must have unblocked me, came online checked if I was online then reblocked me again. What is her ****ing game? I can tell that through my actions she’s already over me and I’m absolutely crushed because of this. I know there are real reasons I dumped her (red flags) but I wasn’t able to demonstrate my strength when actually dumping her because of my feelings towards her. This has me dying. As in I’ve told her I don’t want her but my actions have shown something different which is why she said she dosent believe me. I need a reason to block her because otherwise it will hurt that I demonstrated such weakness and that will play on my mind. Will she come back at any point so I can demonstrate strength and then remove her from my life entirely? That would give me rest from this hell that I am living.
People get what they want out of life, whether they realize it or not. Right now, you obviously want to suffer. If you didn't, you would stay the hell off of social media. You are like a man who keeps putting his hand into a fire, and then asking why are you in such pain. The real question is why you have a need to feel this way.
 

Newman996

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People get what they want out of life, whether they realize it or not. Right now, you obviously want to suffer. If you didn't, you would stay the hell off of social media. You are like a man who keeps putting his hand into a fire, and then asking why are you in such pain. The real question is why you have a need to feel this way.
You are correct. I have blocked her off everything and have come to peace with it. I also understand that maybe the next few weeks will be hard as I will be missing her. What I’m trying to get my head around is I know this relationship failed simply because i lost my masculine edge and I knew if I went back into it now I would have failed miserable as I was too attached but literally I can’t blame her for much tbh- I know the reasons I dumped her because I trusted my instinct and I no longer trusted her, but in all fairness, she tried her best to work things out and I rejected ( Im a stubborn person and didn’t want to get manipulated) - so as I can’t insert the blame on her I guess I just have to accept this situation and heal- any tips on how to heal and bounce back quickly?
 
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