I’m going through hell

Newman996

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Posted earlier too but just need assurance right now. I’ve dumped her but still have had back and forths yet I’ve stood my groind with my decision. Yesterday she texted me something and said don’t reply and as much as I wanted to I didn’t. I then put an ig story up of me having fun but it was mildly kind of related/ targeted at her ( as in I did it to get her attention because I guess I’m an emotional mess) I don’t know why but ever since this break up ( a month ago) I’ve been suffering huge anxiety attacks and depression. This is very alien to me as usually I have a very strong mentality and nothing really breaks me. Right now I feel like I’m going through absolute hell and I need advice from guys who have been through this before and what I should do now. I don’t want her back at all but I guess I’ve felt good with the attention. Someone help me out and how I get through this hell. Thanks
 
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Newman996

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To add to this everything else in my life is a mess and I never was like this. I’m someone who has my shut together but right now I can quite easily say I am a broken man. I don’t want to feel like this anymore. Please tell me someone else is out there who has experienced this and has moved on. What do I do? I feel as if I’ve created a highly toxic attachment to a women who I don’t want back but I want her attention.
 

Julian

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its gonna f u up for a little while bro. the anxiety is the worst. u need to find some new chicks but when your so down its hard to. just focus on building yourself up and pray to God for some measure of peace. Eventually it will come.
 

Newman996

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How long is this process and what are the best steps to take? This is really ****ed bro. I would never think in a million years this would happen to me.
 

flowtheory

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The darkness you’re feeling is part of life. It’s showing you where you’re weak in aspects of yourself. It’s part of the process. Look further in to the anxiety and also the depression.

What does the anxiety mean?
Where does it come from?
Why is it originating at that place?

Is it the comfort of her you miss?
Is it being received freely that you miss?
Do you not think you’ll find it again?
Why are you gearing actions towards her when she is no longer around on IG? She is no longer your responsibility.

You’re in scarcity and so everything is fleeting. Your neuronchemicals are being downregulated right now. You’re not getting your emotional fix like you were when she was around. Needs of yours are not being met. But thy never were even with her. You’re the only one who can truly meet your needs. We often make others responsible for what we feel we can’t provide.

You’re being rebirthed right now and it’s painful and bitter. A world was destroyed but a new one is being created. Focus on your new world.
 
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Newman996

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The truth is what kills me a lot is all the mistakes I made. And by that I mean I didn’t check her when I should have. I stopped being the assertive masculine I was once in the beginning. Those thoughts are breaking me every day. Somehow I just want to correct it all but by now I feel it is way too late for that and if I go back she’ll just **** me over as she has seen the weaknesses. This can really damage a man
 

flowtheory

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The truth is what kills me a lot is all the mistakes I made. And by that I mean I didn’t check her when I should have. I stopped being the assertive masculine I was once in the beginning. Those thoughts are breaking me every day. Somehow I just want to correct it all but by now I feel it is way too late for that and if I go back she’ll just **** me over as she has seen the weaknesses. This can really damage a man
You have to learn to forgive yourself and recognize it’s a never ending learning process. And it also sounds like you’re taking more than your fair share of the relationships demise. A failed relationship isn’t all the man’s fault.

Every male here has been weak in his relationship. It’s what leads a man to obtain depth of knowledge. Sometimes we don’t get to correct our mistakes with that particular woman. That’s life.

But look at the blessing for the next woman. She gets to revel in your stronger self if you look in to your weaknesses and buttress them. A failed relationship can lead to the best union if you allow it. Look forward, not back. Your depression is behind you.

Just as she’s seen your weaknesses, you’ve seen hers. Weakness to me, is someone who doesn’t own the fact they were weak. Someone who was weak and owns they were, required courage and awareness to admit to it. A weak person repeats patterns.

Reform your paradigm. Your self esteem is being crushed by your own mind.
 

Newman996

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Thanks for this man. Have you been through this before? I know for a fact I can dust myself off and in a few months it won’t matter. However, seeing her in IG everyday as if nothing happened is continuing my pain. An example of this is when I viewed her story today I then went onto my WhatsApp which she left a message on and said ‘don’t reply’- she then must have unblocked me, came online checked if I was online then reblocked me again. What is her ****ing game? I can tell that through my actions she’s already over me and I’m absolutely crushed because of this. I know there are real reasons I dumped her (red flags) but I wasn’t able to demonstrate my strength when actually dumping her because of my feelings towards her. This has me dying. As in I’ve told her I don’t want her but my actions have shown something different which is why she said she dosent believe me. I need a reason to block her because otherwise it will hurt that I demonstrated such weakness and that will play on my mind. Will she come back at any point so I can demonstrate strength and then remove her from my life entirely? That would give me rest from this hell that I am living.
 

Newman996

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The other issue is that only a few days ago I had all the power. I could call her when I wanted and she’d drop all plans to see me as she wanted to work things out. She even acknowledged that I was ‘afraid of being hurt’ and that’s why I was neglecting her. Now the tables have turned and I am finding this very hard. Do I just go NC?
 

Robert28

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Hell I was in your shoes. I’m still going back to a girl that’s no good for me and going against everything taught here. I can’t stop myself from it, most I’ve ever gone no contact with her is 10 days but she ALWAYS breaks it, apologizes and she knows I’ll come running back. I’ve tried everything, I’ve slept with other girls, gone out with other girls, hung out with friends, worked out even more, nothing helps. I just said fvck this I’m going to ride this out and see what happens. Right now things are good between us, we fight and then hangout like nothing ever happened. It’s not an attention thing because I can get attention from other girls at the snap of a finger, they just don’t do it for me like she does. This girl stirs something inside of me that not many girls ever have and I am not young either and I know better but I just can’t walk away and stay walking away. It’s the most messed up relationship ever but I’m enjoying it for some reason.
 
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Newman996

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Maybe you should block her and move on? Also when you break it off with her how do you do it? My breakups have been too weak lol.
 

Robert28

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Maybe you should block her and move on? Also when you break it off with her how do you do it? My breakups have been too weak lol.
I’ve blocked her and then unblocked her. Block her number and she will use a friends to text me and just know what to say. Block her Facebook and she will send a message from a friends account. She won’t quit me and damn if I can move on from her. It’s so weird. The weird thing is the more we fight it’s like we have a stronger bond when we sleep together afterwards and hangout. She doesn’t want a relationship but she doesn’t want anyone else to have me, she is everything we teach in here to avoid. The longest we’ve gone without seeing each other is 2 weeks.
 

flowtheory

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However, seeing her in IG everyday as if nothing happened is continuing my pain. An example of this is when I viewed her story today I then went onto my WhatsApp which she left a message on and said ‘don’t reply’- she then must have unblocked me, came online checked if I was online then reblocked me again. What is her ****ing game?
Your issue is that you made a decision to end it and now you’re regretting it and playing games with yourself. Your pain is inflicted by your own self.

1. Block her on IG and stop watching her stories and viewing her on all platforms. Severe the connection completely.

2. If she is even playing at anything it doesn’t matter. You two aren’t together. She is no longer your responsibility.

3. Your only responsibility is taking care of yourself to improve daily so you can be of more value to yourself and find someone more compatible and better suited for you.

? I can tell that through my actions she’s already over me and I’m absolutely crushed because of this.
She’s probably not overyou if she’s blocking and unblocking you and blocking you. Besides it doesn’t matter if she is or isn’t. She’s no longer part of your life.

Do you want strength? Do all the above and let go. You made choices in the past. That’s etched in memories forever and nothing can change that. Let go. Accept. Your biggest weakness right now is not accepting what IS.
 

flowtheory

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I’ve blocked her and then unblocked her. Block her number and she will use a friends to text me and just know what to say. Block her Facebook and she will send a message from a friends account. She won’t quit me and damn if I can move on from her. It’s so weird. The weird thing is the more we fight it’s like we have a stronger bond when we sleep together afterwards and hangout. She doesn’t want a relationship but she doesn’t want anyone else to have me, she is everything we teach in here to avoid. The longest we’ve gone without seeing each other is 2 weeks.
You’re masochistic?
Or completely bored with your life that you entertain this?
 

Robert28

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You’re masochistic?
Or completely bored with your life that you entertain this?
Neither. It’s not an abusive relationship, we aren’t even dating at the moment. We just can’t leave each other alone for more than a couple weeks. When things are good, and that’s usually most of the time, they’re REALLY good. When we fight we go all out, not physically, but we call each other every name in the book and I don’t think she’s ever had anyone that could go toe to toe with her. I say that because SHES always the first one to apologize after a couple days.

I have a lot going on in my life but I make room for her, if that makes sense. I want to make room for her. When I’m out with other girls it just feels like something is missing, I don’t have the connection with them I have with her. I’m not saying this girl is the love of my life and we will get married, I could probably never marry her. I’m just saying I can’t kick her to the curb and stick with it and she can’t do the same to me either.
 
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EyeOnThePrize

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The other issue is that only a few days ago I had all the power. I could call her when I wanted and she’d drop all plans to see me as she wanted to work things out. She even acknowledged that I was ‘afraid of being hurt’ and that’s why I was neglecting her. Now the tables have turned and I am finding this very hard. Do I just go NC?
I had the same issue. I was like you and wanted a chance to show strength. Well 6 months later she unblocked me and I still wasn't healed. I invited her over and acted like a little weak ***** again, tried to get her to spend the night after some pathetic sex and failed. She could see my desperation and it just reassured her that being apart was the right move. Trust me when I say that you definitely don't want to do that too early. And now that I feel I'm finally getting my strength back after a few months NC I'm realizing that the ultimate show of strength is moving on and having a kickass life without her. I wouldn't block her unless she starts harassing you. Just hide her stuff so you don't see it. And the gym is your new girlfriend. Get in there and pump until you can't move a muscle. Go run until you feel like you'll die if you take another step. The endorphins from that stuff will literally save you right now.
 

mrgoodstuff

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I had the same issue. I was like you and wanted a chance to show strength. Well 6 months later she unblocked me and I still wasn't healed. I invited her over and acted like a little weak ***** again, tried to get her to spend the night after some pathetic sex and failed. She could see my desperation and it just reassured her that being apart was the right move. Trust me when I say that you definitely don't want to do that too early. And now that I feel I'm finally getting my strength back after a few months NC I'm realizing that the ultimate show of strength is moving on and having a kickass life without her. I wouldn't block her unless she starts harassing you. Just hide her stuff so you don't see it. And the gym is your new girlfriend. Get in there and pump until you can't move a muscle. Go run until you feel like you'll die if you take another step. The endorphins from that stuff will literally save you right now.
Get some better puzzy
 

EyeOnThePrize

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Get some better puzzy
I actually got some good pvssy after the breakup but was full of too much unnecessary self blame and guilt to enjoy it. Right now I want to rebuild a social circle of friends. I like the idea of having an ecosystem of hotties. Good pusssy is easy, my problem is I neglected myself for it for most of my life. But hey better late than never.
 
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mrgoodstuff

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I actually got some good ***** after the breakup but was full of too much unnecessary self blame and guilt to enjoy it. Right now I want to rebuild a social circle of friends. I like the idea of having an ecosystem of hotties. Good ***** is easy, my problem is I neglected myself for it for most of my life. But hey better late than never.
3 months of the good puzzy while you do the other things. It bridges you to your new life.
 

greatsnake

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Oneitis is one ugly monster, but you can weather the storm. It starts with rewiring your mentality, boosting your self esteem and landing some plates. We’ve all been there, it’s not easy, but there are greener pastures.
 
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