Hypergamy is an illusion

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There is no such thing as hypergamy. Well there is, but not in the sense that you all know or have learned from the community. Women do not consider the highest value male as the end all, be all. Sometimes it is possible to be too high value for a woman. Especially if she has low self esteem or is afraid that you might be too much of a player. The most important thing for women is perfect chemistry. Women are more envious of other women who have found "love" with a guy who is absolutely "perfect" for them. They envy those types of women more so than they envy a woman who's in a relationship with a good looking player, or a rich a$$hole.

Every woman's greatest fear is being all alone with no real love in their lives. And when I say "real love", I don't mean a beta who's obsessing over her. I mean a guy who is on her wavelength and is perfect for her. The same way that every man's biggest fear is failure to achieve greatness, every woman's biggest fear is failure to experience great romance. Some women go about quelling these fears through all sorts of ways like dating multiple men, online dating, trying to to find guys in the bars and clubs, etc.

The "hypergamy game" only exists when noone in the room have chemistry with one another. Then you will see women going for the token hot guy, or the alpha guy. But this is fool's gold, and women know it. For women, it's just frogs you have to kiss before you find your prince. So when you encounter a rare (and I mean really rare) situation where you have perfect chemistry with a woman, you don't have to worry about value, social status, or any rules that you might have picked up on in the game. A woman who has perfect chemistry with you breaking your heart is essentially breaking her own heart as well. Whatever she does to you, it hurts her just as much, if not more. She is stuck within the matrix of "high romance". There's nothing she can do about it. This is the way her brain is hardwired. So in a sense, hypergamy does exist, but it is not the ultimate paradigm. The ultimate is perfect chemistry. So the next time you see an anomaly like a fat guy who isn't rich with a really hot woman, just chalk it up to chemistry.
 
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HoneyHitter said:
Define chemistry. What are the conditions such chemistry takes place?
Chemistry is like you can't have Michael Jordan and lebron james on the same team because both want to be the alpha and dominate the ball as much as possible. Hypergamy asks for both MJ and LBJ to team up but they won't be able to effectively play with each other. A relationship is like a team of two people. If you're an alpha male, you will bump heads with an alpha female. Chemistry is two people complimenting each other. Physical attraction alone won't cut it in a relationship. Perfect chemistry really is an exception and not a rule, but women's egos are big enough to dream and fantasize about this ultimate exception.

From my experience, a woman who compliments your qualities causes chemistry. Like for me, I'm usually reserve and introspective. I'm always attracted to free-spirited women who are unique and don't follow the herd. Whenever I date these women, it's usually the best relationship. I don't want a woman who is too much like myself. Because I know what I'm attracted to, and have had successful experiences with my type of women, it gives me confidence to escalate without fear. Almost as if I have a sense of knowing that the sparks will be flying.

This is one of the reasons why I don't believe in a lot of what the community preaches when it comes to changing yourself to attract women. You can't have chemistry with every woman. It is best to figure out who you are and what you are attracted to, and your success will sky rocket via chemistry, instead of trying to be the most alpha dude and blindly pursuing every woman and then complain that you're not on the same wavelength with them.

I used to have a harem of hb 8's and above when I used to work at victoria secret. This post is ahead of its time and noone will get it until years later, or if someone on this site have actually achieved great success. Saying hypergamy exists is like saying I'm always going to commit to the hottest girl in the club. If she has a fvcked up personality, I might just use her for sex, if I feel like taking a risk. If I'm talking to a hot woman that I have no chemistry with, I probably won't put much of an effort to it. For hypergamy to actually exist, it has to be true for both men and women. Yeah sure, I will notice the woman with the highest value, but a lot of intangible ingredients goes into having a relationship with her. If I have more in common and an emotional connection with an 8, I won't drop her for a 10 that I don't even get along with. When you clearly look at hypergamy, it falls apart. The idea of hypergamy is a cop-out for insecure guys who suck with women. They blame all their failures on hypergamy.

In reality, every guy can be dominant. It is beta males that create hypergamy. If every guy lived up to his potential, there is no hypergamy. In a field of naturally dominant men, a woman will simply choose the dominant guy that she has most chemistry with. Chemistry is the only thing that is real. First, guys became beta, then they see it's impossible to get laid as a beta, then they create the idea of hypergamy and call women slvts. I have never met a guy in real life who believes in hypergamy that actually gets laid. Every guy is meant to be dominant. It is in our genetics. If it wasn't, you wouldn't be here. Your genes would have been weeded out a long time ago. Hypergamy is a beta male illusion. It is something that shouldn't even exist but has become a cop-out for betas.

If hypergamy affects you to the point where you believe in it, chances are you are probably a beta. From the perspective of a normal dominant guy, there is no such thing.
 
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ucde

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This post is the truth

Its true, gentlemen. What this post says is true.

Some women do float between dudes based on superficial things like status. But ask yourself this question: How superficial are you as a person?

Chances are, if you're reading this board, you're not a very superficial person. You're putting the time in to get real with women and have a shot with a quality relationship.

Superficial people 'game' each other, have status competitions, and chase after the next shiny thing. If you feel that's who you are, then be prepared to deal with women who are that way as well. If you feel you are deeper than that, then you will find a woman who is deeper than that. Chemistry trumps, like the other gentleman said above.

The good news is, if you are that superficial, it will feel natural to game and be gamed, because that's what you'll be doing. But if you aren't, any girl you meet who does it to you, is just a temporary mismatch on your road to meeting 'the real thing' (for you).

Don't get caught in the male internet mindjob matrix. Some dudes on here are so insecure that they accumulate THOUSANDS of posts. Do you know how much you should trust a dude with a THOUSAND posts? Basically not at all. I've been on this board (ghosting, mostly absent, lurking) for almost 10 years now. Inhale this truth deep down into your soul and save yourself some dead ends and wasted time:

Game is for chumps; chemistry always trumps.


:up:
 

alwaysbeclosing

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So when you encounter a rare (and I mean really rare) situation where you have perfect chemistry with a woman, you don't have to worry about value, social status, or any rules that you might have picked up on in the game. A woman who has perfect chemistry with you breaking your heart is essentially breaking her own heart as well. Whatever she does to you, it hurts her just as much, if not more.
This doesn't change anything. Chemistry just means performance/behaviours is what she is attracted too. If you stop those behaviours then that "chemistry" will combust and she will branch swing or cut it off. There is nothing magical about a girl that is really attracted to you. It's nothing special about you, just your behaviours push the right buttons
 
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Danger

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OP, midnight is right.

You are trying to deny hypergamy by picking circumstances. You may want to have a read of "Schedules of Mating" by Rollo Tomassi.

Different women will choose men based off of different reasons which are generally determined by where they are in life.
 

InnerHappiness

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Men who have dealt with women tendencies don't argue, they sit back. Can someone who is Alpha chime in on this? Arguments are for the weak?

When you are with someone who is not 'hypergamous,' that's when you know you've made it. If she likes you for who you are, you did well.

We're all gonna make it brah. Regardless of what anyone tells you.
 

Skinnylove

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@Danger
That's what I wanted to say-Someone alert Rollo Tomassi!

Strong belief in 'chemistry',no matter how hard you resist, leads to belief in romanticism. And let's not even get started on that.
If you really think chemistry trumps hypergamy,then you don't really understand it.You're purple-pilled.Chemistry is natural connection between mates.Hypergamy is a woman's nature.You must be pretty alpha to imply that a woman is so intuned to it that she trumps everything for that fleeting connection known as 'chemistry'.Are you?
 
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ucde said:
Its true, gentlemen. What this post says is true.

Some women do float between dudes based on superficial things like status. But ask yourself this question: How superficial are you as a person?

Chances are, if you're reading this board, you're not a very superficial person. You're putting the time in to get real with women and have a shot with a quality relationship.

Superficial people 'game' each other, have status competitions, and chase after the next shiny thing. If you feel that's who you are, then be prepared to deal with women who are that way as well. If you feel you are deeper than that, then you will find a woman who is deeper than that. Chemistry trumps, like the other gentleman said above.

The good news is, if you are that superficial, it will feel natural to game and be gamed, because that's what you'll be doing. But if you aren't, any girl you meet who does it to you, is just a temporary mismatch on your road to meeting 'the real thing' (for you).

Don't get caught in the male internet mindjob matrix. Some dudes on here are so insecure that they accumulate THOUSANDS of posts. Do you know how much you should trust a dude with a THOUSAND posts? Basically not at all. I've been on this board (ghosting, mostly absent, lurking) for almost 10 years now. Inhale this truth deep down into your soul and save yourself some dead ends and wasted time:

Game is for chumps; chemistry always trumps.


:up:
This is one of the best posts I ever read, lol. And coming from a guy with only 1 post. This is one of those "full circle" outside the manosphere matrix posts. Sometimes I feel that the seduction community is full of guys who don't actually get laid or even understand women. Everytime I share an actual experience based on real life experience, it is usually met with manosphere drones who are satisfied with their hatred towards women and celibate life.

If I have 5 people who want me to write down the real game, instead of trying to attack my character, then I'll do it. Otherwise I'm too lazy to argue like a little kid. I have better things to do.
 

Skinnylove

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Ok.
 
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ucde

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da dynamically said:
Sometimes I feel that the seduction community is full of guys who don't actually get laid or even understand women. Everytime I share an actual experience based on real life experience, it is usually met with manosphere drones who are satisfied with their hatred towards women and celibate life.
Hey, I take offense at that! j/k :)

When I was desperately celibate and basically nuts with insecurity, about 6 or 7 years ago, I used to write on these boards, under a different name. Want to take advice from someone who is basically a virgin and a functioning alcoholic, but has read every post on 'game' that exists? Meet my 24 year old self!! So full of knowledge back then!

If I have 5 people who want me to write down the real game, instead of trying to attack my character, then I'll do it. Otherwise I'm too lazy to argue like a little kid. I have better things to do.
I'd say you should do it just because its good karma to drop wisdom on people and at least 2 or 3 guys are probably going to profit from it.
 

ucde

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Basically the equation is this:

"I don't want to wait around and be single, and I'm desperately worried about meeting someone."

becomes

"I met someone and it kinda works, kinda doesn't. I'm going to make it work though."

becomes

"Oh my god, she's such a *****, why did I ever do this, I have to meet more girls now, this is so fvcked"

The hard thing to do is to believe that you can meet a quality woman who will love you for who you are. Believing in that fact, and having patience while it manifests, is harder than all game, and easily 1000% more effective. You can't have ****ty beliefs and an awesome life, because the beliefs create the life (to a larger extent than we realize). It sounds so meta and so psychological, so unsatisfying to guys who want to "just fix things" -- but I never found a way to escape it and I'm still seeing at 30 how my beliefs turn into my realities.

Also, the hardest part about finding "the great girl" is having the guts to turn away all those girls who don't make the cut, and just wait patiently and in faith. I discovered a deep belief in God (its OK if you think I'm nuts at this point), and it taught me to wait. Now something amazing has come into my life, and the deal isn't sealed on it, but the power of belief/faith has been demonstrated so powerfully to me. I want the same for all you guys, but you have to believe its possible and to wait patiently and contentedly until it comes to you. When its your time, you will know, because everything will feel very 'right'. OK, thats all the soapbox preaching I intend to do, now going back to everyday life.
 
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yannick43 said:
100% with you and how i felt at 32 when i met my ex lasted 9y, now at 43 i flipped the switch from AFC turning into Alpha and thanks to this board and the rational man book i will never see women the same way. There is no need to defend women because they are not has innocent as everyone wants us to believe, i was recently on Plenty of moms POF and spoke with a few Moms with 2 kids before closing my account, all the same story there ex are drug addicts losers, yet they still had 2 kids with them, and now they have there kids full time, and wasting single men time chatting with endless chats and being told well i can't go out i have my kids, what was i thinking even chatting with such losers.

I went out with a fat chick 3y, what was i thinking being in shape and all i had pitty for her, and she manipulated me to perfection until we bough a house she became even fatter and said you are going to love me like i am and we are going to have kids next year, this is where i dumb that fat byatch.

And the ex of 9y the same i did so much for her and she never ever thank me women don't give a fukk what you do for them when they find someone better or they have more things in common with they leave you just like that sell the house lose everything and they don"t care, selfish byatches.

I am done with that being a beta jerk, i am changing and people around me are noticing that i don't give a fukk about a lot of things anymore. Like the rational male book says once your eyes are opened and you swallowed the red pill there is no turning back. This is how fukked up social programming is because when i was with her i had met a super hot chick and we had so much in common and i fell for her but i stayed with the ex cause i was suppose to do the right thing, but when the time came that bytch dumped me and did not care about doing the right thing worst she sucked in bed was the worst lay i ever had. You must deprogram that social crap we been fed for all theses years.

Who knows i might get back in the game , right now getting back in serious shape but for me its not gonna be long term just for fun of bagging chicks and then moving on living the LIFE I WANNA LIVE AND BEING HAPPY.

The most important thing cause we only have one life to live is be happy no matter your age, and do the things YOU LOVE, not for someone else.

I don't know what the future holds for me being single for 2y now and to be honest i don't care. Its when i stopped focusing on getting back into a LTR that my life got better, i am still very single and not meeting anyone and yet i am so happy right now, filled with joy.

And realize that the last 15y i spend in LTR i was miserable having bad sex and DOING THE RIGHT THING by staying in theses relationship AND NOT THINKING OF ME. Enduring crap and so on.

This tread is on fire, you guys ROCK and i am glad i found this forum.
You sound great. PHug a "hot chick" it's just a female who takes care of her appearance. She likely does this so she can be held LESS accountable to men and in life in general. Up your game and get all the tang you can, I wouldn't put any of them on a pedestal... UNLESS they just had a staggering "character".
 

ucde

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Another post about 'game', so this thread has all my wisdom:

Women who we love without reciprocation are our teachers. They are teachers of a truth that is about self-worth. Valuing the self. They are teaching a lesson that has numberless variations but which is generally along the following lines:

In your excitement over my beauty, and your enrapturement over my beauty, you forgot your own inherent value, and have opened yourself to me in a way that was not compassionate towards yourself. I do not desire this expression of low self-worth in a man.
How do you learn what self-worth, and self-value are? How do you learn to love yourself. Unfortunately, the egoic ways are false paths to this, in my view. "I am a man! I am the prize!" is a nice affirmation, but many say it without believing it. I had to discover a specific form of buddhist meditation before I could begin to truly see my own value. Perhaps for you just saying those words above is enough. Each of us must find our own way to these truths.

But if you are loving a person who doesn't respond, or who gives you all kinds of trouble, what you are actually trying to do, on a soul-level, is learn a lesson about your own value and specialness. Keep free of slogans and ego, keep free of posturing and "being cool", and try to realize deep within yourself -- meditation is the only way I know of that works -- that you do have truly limitless, unbounded value as a man. Your expression is just as blindingly beautiful as hers is, your value is just as sacred. If you truly believe this, and discover the truth of this for yourself, there will be no more waiting over unreturned text messages, having to struggle with her "male friends", or being miserable for not getting what you want. What you want is the truth I have just stated, taken in a form that is absorbable for you. Good luck to all of us.
 

HeadLightsOn

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da dynamically said:
If I have 5 people who want me to write down the real game, instead of trying to attack my character, then I'll do it. Otherwise I'm too lazy to argue like a little kid. I have better things to do.
Myself and my three buddies are right here. I think that makes five people? Let's hear it.
 
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Skinnylove

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Same story to y'all.Back then(not too far actually) there was a 16 year old HB10.And since we were in the same hood I would "struggle" to talk to her,till I came to see that there was a group of guys she was always hanging out with.I'd be starring out of the window to spot the snowflake screwing a guy almost every single night.It was in a sort of backyard verandah so they thought they were safe.This changed me so much that I literally hated chicks,knowing that behind every beautiful face is a string of diks,bjs,handjs,nightfuks and so on.That's why I attacked the OP with his talk about "chemistry"...

My question is,would you still defend the "chemistry" if you knew about the girl 100%.Probably not.Hypergamy is just a code phrase to explain many many things men go through.Hypergamy doesn't care whether you beleive it or not.

When you were a child life was set up for you.Therefore you took in everything as truth(even religion) blinding you to the real truths.Every man can observe what happens,we just wanted to know why hence stumbled on the biological "phsycology we call hypergamy.

In fact now we know that neither time nor investment can save you from it,considering the amount of burned/divorced Djs in this site.I wasn't trying to refute 'chemistry' per se.Just understand that the girl you've had chemistry with has done bad things before you came along.Sorry if you find it callous,but if you choose to love, don't love like a chump.Chumps believe in "chemistry"
 

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da dynamically said:
This is one of the best posts I ever read, lol. And coming from a guy with only 1 post. This is one of those "full circle" outside the manosphere matrix posts. Sometimes I feel that the seduction community is full of guys who don't actually get laid or even understand women. Everytime I share an actual experience based on real life experience, it is usually met with manosphere drones who are satisfied with their hatred towards women and celibate life.

If I have 5 people who want me to write down the real game, instead of trying to attack my character, then I'll do it. Otherwise I'm too lazy to argue like a little kid. I have better things to do.
I agree and I do feel like this post is full circle for me. I've been lurking on this forum and other discussions for years now and really it boils down to one thing for me. Always become better at knowing who (or what) you can trust and who you can't. This is all that really matters.
 

dbot

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It's been a while, but this is an interesting topic so I'll jump in.

MidnightCity said:
oversimplification. again, put a bunch of people on an island. limited food, resources and shelter. the men literally have to fight for their keep. one man comes out on top by any means of wit, strength, intelligence or a combination of all and acquires more than the rest to survive. you expect me to believe the women will stick with the guy/s they have the most chemistry with?
I think you're the one who's oversimplifying. Perhaps you're correct in your scenario, but we aren't on an island. This isn't the zombie apocalypse. Nobody is fighting for survival in the bars and clubs. We live in a modern world where we have the luxury to choose our partners based on metrics that are not absolute.

I'm not saying our biology doesn't play a part in attraction, but things change considerably when you throw survival out the window. We don't live in a world of absolute "value." We can meet three different girls and disagree on which is the most attractive. And don't tell me you've never met a girl who was perhaps not the most conventionally attractive or "high value," but something about her draws you in. The simplest or most subtle thing. To put it differently, what's valuable to you depends on your individual needs and desires and is in no way a universal opinion.

The pickup community loves to push these paradigms like they're gospel (I've been guilty of this myself). Often, there's truth to them, but that truth tends to only exist in a vacuum (such as your island survival scenario), and cannot be extrapolated to the real, modern world.

I believe the OP is on the right track, whether he was able to properly articulate it or not. It's ultimately the undefinable subtleties that bring people together, not some absurd primal hierarchy or idea of universal "value."
 

ucde

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dbot said:
It's ultimately the undefinable subtleties that bring people together, not some absurd primal hierarchy or idea of universal "value."
Agree. Acting like there is no mystery going on in Love, is just absurd. If we can't stand back and acknowledge that there is a weird kind of magic going on between people when they connect, then we are truly practicing self-deception.

An analogous situation is with the history of the Great Pyramid in Giza. I don't want to get too cosmic on you gents, but there are just sooo many weird facts about its construction. Yet academic researchers have managed to remove all the mystery around its existence, claiming simply that an army of slaves labored for 45 or 100 years every day, with elaborate rope-and-pulley systems, dragging stone to make some Pharoah a tomb. There are many unanswered questions there which I won't go into here. But they make it an open-and-shut case. We should acknowledge that Love contains a mystery which is beyond our knowing.
 

Drewskie

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dbot said:
It's been a while, but this is an interesting topic so I'll jump in.



I think you're the one who's oversimplifying. Perhaps you're correct in your scenario, but we aren't on an island. This isn't the zombie apocalypse. Nobody is fighting for survival in the bars and clubs. We live in a modern world where we have the luxury to choose our partners based on metrics that are not absolute.

I'm not saying our biology doesn't play a part in attraction, but things change considerably when you throw survival out the window. We don't live in a world of absolute "value." We can meet three different girls and disagree on which is the most attractive. And don't tell me you've never met a girl who was perhaps not the most conventionally attractive or "high value," but something about her draws you in. The simplest or most subtle thing. To put it differently, what's valuable to you depends on your individual needs and desires and is in no way a universal opinion.

The pickup community loves to push these paradigms like they're gospel (I've been guilty of this myself). Often, there's truth to them, but that truth tends to only exist in a vacuum (such as your island survival scenario), and cannot be extrapolated to the real, modern world.

I believe the OP is on the right track, whether he was able to properly articulate it or not. It's ultimately the undefinable subtleties that bring people together, not some absurd primal hierarchy or idea of universal "value."
I haven't been on this site in years, but it's awesome to see you still around here man. You should post some advice, even way back when you had amazing insight.
 
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