Hi @Be, thanks for your detailed responses. Much appreciated.@Glassguy should add his 2 cents. He simply withdraws his attention if a chick doesn’t play ball.
As others have said it’s really about valuing yourself first.
Comply or bye.
@Glassguy is a man I gather? Lol
Yes, I know very well how men feel about silence and distance and withdrawing attention.
Comply or bye!
And it does work (with women) as I said in my previous post.
My point was that what strategies and behaviors work on women, may not necessarily work on men. Silence and distance being one of them, again my experience.
There's a polarity, men and women are different and respond to different things.
Not only that, but in my experience, my boyfriends didn't always intend to be disrespectful, often times they didn't even realize they were being disrespectful!
So if my response were to go silent and distance myself, they're left wondering WTF, think I'm playing games and go distant themselves, which never resolved anything.
For me, I am a big communicator, and will voice my concerns calmly and rationally.
I think that's pretty standard among women, that we like to talk things through.
Problem is many women can become overly emotional and well, become a bit psycho (for lack of a better word) when voicing concerns, which isn't good either!
Which causes men to turn off when communicating.
But there's a way to communicate in a calm, rational, non-accusatory way that let's a man know you felt disrespected and it wasn't appreciated.. Or any other issue you're experiencing as a couple.
And like I said, my hubs appreciates that about me so much, that I don't employ 'comply or bye' or withdraw my attention when I'm troubled by something he said or did.
I talk to him. I let him in on what's happening with me so he knows. HE does same with me. It's also a great way to build intimacy between you..
I do understand the logic behind it though, it makes sense. I just always believed it was a 'masculine' thing, my dad would sometimes distance himself and withdraw, and I came to accept it. He was a great dad (may he RIP)..
But again, if silence and distance, withdrawing attention, comply or bye has worked with the men you have been involved with @Be, including your fiancé, then more power to ya, I mean that sincerely.
It just never worked well for me and my boyfriends, for reasons stated, that's all.
But I have a feeling given how different our natures are, we may attract a different type of man, which might explain our different experiences.
Doesn't matter, we all have our own style and what works for us as individuals and as a couple.