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How your peers saw you in childhood-adolescense. Is that permanent?

oc16

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Just an FYI, this post is not here to express bitterness, resentment or venting.

It's just an interesting question from a psychology perspective and it entered my mind recently.

For example ( and I am sure all of you can relate or have similiar stories)

Lets say your "friends" that you grew up with and played neighborhood sports with saw you as this weak, quiet, nerdy, unathletic person that they picked on alot because your athletic skills or strength weren't up to their standards This was not a short phase, but lasted years from elementary school into maybe early high school.

In short, these people acted superior/felt superior to you.

However, now you are assertive, in good physical shape, successful and competing in road races/triathlons. You are out there making your statement in the world and working hard.

My opinion is, no matter what, your peers earlier impression of you from early in life is cemented in their minds and that is how they WILL ALWAYS see you regardless of what you have become now.

You agree?
 

Billtx49

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My opinion is,

no matter what, your peers earlier impression of you from early in life is cemented in their minds and that is how they WILL ALWAYS see you regardless of what you have become now.

You agree?
No I don’t agree. The reality of life is as others see your life change their opinion of you changes.
Try to change your defeatist and negative self perception.
 

mrgoodstuff

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Just an FYI, this post is not here to express bitterness, resentment or venting.

It's just an interesting question from a psychology perspective and it entered my mind recently.

For example ( and I am sure all of you can relate or have similiar stories)

Lets say your "friends" that you grew up with and played neighborhood sports with saw you as this weak, quiet, nerdy, unathletic person that they picked on alot because your athletic skills or strength weren't up to their standards This was not a short phase, but lasted years from elementary school into maybe early high school.

In short, these people acted superior/felt superior to you.

However, now you are assertive, in good physical shape, successful and competing in road races/triathlons. You are out there making your statement in the world and working hard.

My opinion is, no matter what, your peers earlier impression of you from early in life is cemented in their minds and that is how they WILL ALWAYS see you regardless of what you have become now.

You agree?
Most will. And they will fight your growth. Let them live in their fairy tell but leave them out of your life. They will conspire to destroy you.
 

mrgoodstuff

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No I don’t agree. The reality of life is as others see your life change their opinion of you changes.
Try to change your defeatist and negative self perception.
In real life they will refer to that earlier point so they feel better.
 

mrgoodstuff

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It’s where the jokingly stated phrase - I can’t believe he did that originated…
Do it enough times and their current perception Will change, but yes earlier memories will remain…
Its not worth fighting their view point. Best to keep them out your image. Your image will "frame" with other people who were present for your development.
 

NSX-R

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When i was younger i was going through a hard phase . Maybe the worst period of my life. Some people took advantage of it to make themselves feel better . Fast forward 10 years , they nowhere to be found and myself is like 3 times bigger and 10 times better than how i used to be . These guys are like aunts in front of me . What i mean by that? I don’t see them . They like thin air in front of me and if they don’t accept the way I am now , i wouldn’t mind giving them a beating but still i wouldn’t do it cause it destroys my image and that’s what they want . If you see such people keep your distance . There’s literally nothing to be gained.They like weasels . In the end they going to only “suck your blood”
 

Baibars

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Many guys tend to give up on themselves because they accept the image others made for them in the past. I was a weak child with chronic illness.
I realized just some time ago that i accepted this image they painted of me for a very long time. I think if someone realizes that he must not be the person others expect him to be, he can really change and even if they dont want to accept, that they must do it when they face you.

Maybe some of you guys know the shinebox scene in Goodfellas :D The other guy didn't respect the new Tommy after he got out of jail.
But at the end he had to.
 

oc16

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Many guys tend to give up on themselves because they accept the image others made for them in the past. I was a weak child with chronic illness.
I realized just some time ago that i accepted this image they painted of me for a very long time. I think if someone realizes that he must not be the person others expect him to be, he can really change and even if they dont want to accept, that they must do it when they face you.

Maybe some of you guys know the shinebox scene in Goodfellas :D The other guy didn't respect the new Tommy after he got out of jail.
But at the end he had to.
Haha "Mother F***ing mutt, you, you piece of ****"!
 

glass half full

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I think that with the guys we grew up with, it's mainly the same now. Women, on the other hand, seem to be much nicer than when we were kids. It's like they've realized they had an attitude, and know better now. But I still wouldn't date them! Lol

I've hooked up w/ a couple of old flames from my teen/young adult years. Found that I'd forgotten why we quit dating...some traits in women don't change. Flakiness, sense of importance. Pfft...
 

Who Dares Win

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I believe we should consider two concepts before giving any answer.

1)What you are in your childhood and teens strongly depends from your upbringing and genetics and much less on your true self.
If you are shy and skinny its possibly cause you didnt get a supporting family and allowed you to do any sport and your genetic doesnt help.
I was skinny and lazy in my childhood and teens cause basically I didnt attend any sport nor my family gave a fvck about my activities (or lack of), therefore I was that kid in the backround no one noticed.
It changed in my early 20s when I became much stronger than the others through sport and diet even then while I was beating in physical performances people I knew, they looked at me like a ghost like some kind of paradox despite it was all in front of them.

2)People generally is lazy and to change or to accept change requires work and people would rather let things be the same.
Men who happened to meet someone while he was young even 15 years and two degrees later would still see him as a young kid rather than a professional and would likely not hire him despite his great skills and amazing resume.

My best suggestion for you is to drop any environment where you are not comfortable or that complicates your improvement, you dont need that people and you will only gain in life quality by dropping toxic environments and toxic people.
Its much easier to make it clear who are from day one rather than trying to have people change their mind.
 

mrgoodstuff

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When i was younger i was going through a hard phase . Maybe the worst period of my life. Some people took advantage of it to make themselves feel better . Fast forward 10 years , they nowhere to be found and myself is like 3 times bigger and 10 times better than how i used to be . These guys are like aunts in front of me . What i mean by that? I don’t see them . They like thin air in front of me and if they don’t accept the way I am now , i wouldn’t mind giving them a beating but still i wouldn’t do it cause it destroys my image and that’s what they want . If you see such people keep your distance . There’s literally nothing to be gained.They like weasels . In the end they going to only “suck your blood”
Trolls to waste your time and they get a bit out of energy of the timewaste. From what I know, there is no good in having them in the environments you are part of.
 

Mike32ct

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Will they keep their early impression of you? Probably on some level, yes. But it's somewhat of a moot point because you probably aren't going to be around people from grade school or high school anymore.

Later in life, this is still an important lesson though. When you start a new job or join a new social circle for some activity, you have a "clean slate." First impressions are very important because you are setting up your reputation. A "clean slate" is a gift. Don't waste it or F it up.

A weird (completely unrelated) analogous phenomenon occurs in social interactions too. As a quiet/introverted guy, I notice this all the time... If you are INITIALLY quiet around a certain person or group, and you later try to open up and chat more with them later on, they will ignore you. They have already established in their minds that you aren't worth talking to, and it's very difficult to fix.
 

Barrister

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No. I was not really a "nerdy" or "weak" person in elementary school/junior high, but I was not one of the more popular kids either. I would not have been viewed as an "alpha" back in the school environment.

That has completely changed since late high school for me. And that is not just in how I am towards women. Whereas I was timid around girls when I was very young, I realized in high school that typically the more indifferent you were about how you treated them the more they liked you. Likewise, the more you didn't care about how others perceived you in general, the more respect you received from your peers.

Me now is almost 100% different than me at age 12-15. Obviously, everyone grows up and changes. But I have certainly had a mindset change. And to ultimately circle back to the question: No - how they perceive you in childhood is NOT permanent (although I suppose it could be depending on your situation). That is certainly not how I am viewed now.
 

mrgoodstuff

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No. I was not really a "nerdy" or "weak" person in elementary school/junior high, but I was not one of the more popular kids either. I would not have been viewed as an "alpha" back in the school environment.

That has completely changed since late high school for me. And that is not just in how I am towards women. Whereas I was timid around girls when I was very young, I realized in high school that typically the more indifferent you were about how you treated them the more they liked you. Likewise, the more you didn't care about how others perceived you in general, the more respect you received from your peers.

Me now is almost 100% different than me at age 12-15. Obviously, everyone grows up and changes. But I have certainly had a mindset change. And to ultimately circle back to the question: No - how they perceive you in childhood is NOT permanent (although I suppose it could be depending on your situation). That is certainly not how I am viewed now.
We were talking how you were perceived by THAT GROUP of people. Some of them never change their view always referring to when you were younger.
 

Barrister

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We were talking how you were perceived by THAT GROUP of people. Some of them never change their view always referring to when you were younger.
I know - that is what I meant. Obviously, I don't see a lot of those people still. But the ones I do see I can definitively say see me completely differently than they did back in the 7th or 8th grade.
 

Medina

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Reminds me of that argument

A different version of you exists in the minds of everyone who knows you

Every person you meet creates a version of you in their minds. And that creation is most likely totally different to what another person views you as

This even applies to your own version of yourself. The way you view your character could be totally different to reality, or to how everyone else see's you

There are hundreds of different "versions" of yourself out there, that exist in peoples minds

So who are you? Really?
 

Xenom0rph

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Maybe some of you guys know the shinebox scene in Goodfellas :D The other guy didn't respect the new Tommy after he got out of jail.
But at the end he had to.
LOL, on Youtube, if Joe Pesci is in the video then guaranteed there's gonna be shinebox jokes in the comments section.
 

jaymbrs

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Na. Most people understand that people change as they get older. Hell I ran into an old high school friend and we were both surprised at how much we had changed, physically and mentally. He actually had some messed up things happen in his life that turned him into a completely different person. It was sad to see actually.
 
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