How would you play this?

[LARaiders85]

Sounds like you were a bit needy. What did you tell her when you got back? Texting her was a mistake and you probably weren't as honest in person about your intentions with her so the text came off creepy. Only thing you can do now is back off and spin a few plates in front of her.

I just said "come over". It wasn't really that needy, I don't think I really made a mistake there other than perhaps being too aggressive and then trying to walk it back the next day rather than own it.

 

[LARaiders85]

You're kinda vague on the "drinking...and copping feels" and what exactly she texted you.

Where were you drinking? Was it in the bar where she works? Was she off work? Was it just you and her? Was she also "copping feels"...and meaning what exactly... was she grabbing your diick... or were you just feeling her up? And, what precisely did she text you, to which you responded with an unrequited invitations for her to come over and fuuck your brains out?

I should say, it's possible that I've actually made out with her a few months ago before but I was legit blacked out that day lol. She kind of made reference to it once but I didn't push the issue any further.

I was grabbing her ass and tits and she was rubbing my chest and holding my hand at different times. In her bar after hours.

She just texted my name, like she wanted to chat. I didn't have her number so I was like who's this. Then she says it and I'm like come over.

 

[LARaiders85]

My first suggestion would be...drink less?

Yeah but not the issue here

 

[backseatjuan]

I say you didn't fck up enywhere, she was just not into you like that. But it does mean she wouldn't give..... However, if you were on your top physical phape, she'd chase you.

 

[Trojan3000]

There's been like one bar / restaurant open near my office during the lockdown that I go to literally 5-6 days a week and I've been hitting it off decently with one of the waitresses, who eventually ended up in a relationship with someone else. I go on vacation for a couple weeks and then come back and she is almost in a complete panic and starts crying when she sees me bc she thought something happened to me. We end up drinking a lot and copping feels and stuff like that...she texts me and I ask her to come over my place. No response.

Where I f***** up was the following morning I texted her sorry I was drunk. I should have just owned it but instead I was trying to backtrack from the solicitation the night before because I didn't care for the radio silence and wanted to avoid awkwardness. Again no response.

I go there today and she is pretty cold and aloof with me. So much for avoiding the awkwardness.

Obviously the interest level is not at 100% Or else there wouldn't be any hot cold or confusion or ambiguity, but it's sort of a weird situation and we are still under a total lock down here so I don't really have any other options. How would you all play it? I'm probably just going to sit back and wait for her to reach out and just kind of keep it strictly business when I go to this place with my friends.

Its clear to me you jumped the gun in this situation on assuming she was into you or that her crying meant she wanted you. Shes acting aloof because she wants you to know shes not into you like that or obviously because she is dating someone else right now.

A waitress' job is to boost you up or be super nice to you to make you tip well. You gotta be pretty arrogant to think some waitress in a relationship wants you, no offense.

 

[zinc4]

There's been like one bar / restaurant open near my office during the lockdown that I go to literally 5-6 days a week and I've been hitting it off decently with one of the waitresses, who eventually ended up in a relationship with someone else. I go on vacation for a couple weeks and then come back and she is almost in a complete panic and starts crying when she sees me bc she thought something happened to me. We end up drinking a lot and copping feels and stuff like that...she texts me and I ask her to come over my place. No response.

Where I f***** up was the following morning I texted her sorry I was drunk. I should have just owned it but instead I was trying to backtrack from the solicitation the night before because I didn't care for the radio silence and wanted to avoid awkwardness. Again no response.

I go there today and she is pretty cold and aloof with me. So much for avoiding the awkwardness.

Obviously the interest level is not at 100% Or else there wouldn't be any hot cold or confusion or ambiguity, but it's sort of a weird situation and we are still under a total lock down here so I don't really have any other options. How would you all play it? I'm probably just going to sit back and wait for her to reach out and just kind of keep it strictly business when I go to this place with my friends.

Id act like nothing happened. Meet a girl online and bring a girl you meet in there in front of her and just ignore her except for basic courtesy type stuff and try to bang the online girl. Maybe she will come chasing u after maybe not.

 

[LARaiders85]

Its clear to me you jumped the gun in this situation on assuming she was into you or that her crying meant she wanted you. Shes acting aloof because she wants you to know shes not into you like that or obviously because she is dating someone else right now.

A waitress' job is to boost you up or be super nice to you to make you tip well. You gotta be pretty arrogant to think some waitress in a relationship wants you, no offense.

I agree with not generally assuming that a waitress wants you at all, but its really not that arrogant in the real world...happens all the time. I have had women that were interested in me show 1/10th the IOIs.

 

[Trojan3000]

I agree with not generally assuming that a waitress wants you at all, but its really not that arrogant in the real world...happens all the time. I have had women that were interested in me show 1/10th the IOIs.

Yeah my bad, I replied to your original post, and missed the other posts you made. haven't been in a forum setting in 4 years so gotta remember to read everything before replying.

Now that I've caught up to what you said:

Brother, why are you sweating this? haha you know what I do in these situations? I continue to act the way I do regardless. if your'e naturally flirty, you're going to keep flirting with her and teasing her and stuff. If she starts acting aloof, and you go there alone , next time go with friends or bring a date. or just go to another bar. Women , especially older women, waitresses, bartenders are huge flirts. It means jack**** to be honest because a huge element of a waitresses job as i mentioned previously is charming customers.. and that turns into flirting too .. Because, why not? If its fun for us to have a girl and be able to flirt wih other women while working or anything, of course its fun for them too. Plus, it means good tips.

However, this doesnt' mean you can't pipe them because waiters and bartenders, when you recognize the ones that are flirty, they're usually easy to get as long as their single and interested in you.

You should also note this: "come over" to a woman is a very intimidating statement if you dont butter her biscuits well enough first. You gotta play with her a bit, make her wet. Most simple way to do this with any woman, is tell her what you want to do with her. Now, you also have to keep in mind where you guys are at in your level of rapport. If you do this to a woman who just sees you as a patron at a bar, you're messing **** up before it starts..

At the end of the day, you can't let this **** bother you. It's not the first time they've heard something like this. It's not really about what you did, but how you react to it, and what you do moving forward. My own style is to still be thes ame way, playful, flirty, etc.. But if I see she's playing games, i might just go ghost on her and hit another bar for a bit. That's why you always need an abundant mindset.. Unless you play the field long enough to knwo that its so easy to collect women, or to plant seeds, you might always be hyperfocused on specific women because its a scarcity mindset.. thinking u wont find another flirtful situation like this one.

 

[Dash Riprock]

Being a regular at a bar or restaurant is the best plan for dating someone there, so no big deal on that. I think you did mess up with the apology text. You invited her over, which is nothing to apologize for.

Don't stop going there, but don't make any extra effort to reach out to her. Let things cool off. Better yet, invite a friend from work to join you there next time. A female friend will *certainly* get her attention.

Good luck.

 

[da storm]

I just said "come over". It wasn't really that needy, I don't think I really made a mistake there other than perhaps being too aggressive and then trying to walk it back the next day rather than own it.

The mistake is you rewarded her when she didn't make any efforts to seduce you, so she ended up placing zero value on you.

By now, you all should know what my game is. I frame my escalation as a reward and I only reward women who make efforts to seduce me or efforts to comply with my leading. As soon as she pulls back, I dismiss.

It's like a game of tennis. You can't play tennis by yourself. Your partner needs to hit the ball back. Once she went silent, you kept hitting the ball to her, and thus, displayed more low value.

I know times are desperate, but these are universal principles of value and attraction that you cannot break.

Back when I was known as the "bartender puller" amongst my friends, my game was to have a cool conversation with bartenders and then at a HIGH POINT (When she is really into it) I do a false takeaway by pretending I'm all cashed out or left my card at home or whatever. 9 times out of 10, if there is high interest, she would grab a drink and put it in front of me just to keep me there. This shows effort and compliance (which is absolutely necessary before an escalation), and so I would use a "plausible deniability" excuse to invite her alone. This would work 10/10 times because she feels like she has earned my escalation.

Women only place value on you when they feel like they worked for your escalation.

Escalation is a TIMING thing. When she was crying and showing that she was worried about you, you should have escalated right there and then. It would have made perfect sense. And if she pulled back, you could have just pretended that you misread her.

Either way, women never punish you for perfect timing.

Even in desperate times, my game doesn't change much. I prompt the woman to make an effort somehow, and only then do I reward her with an escalation. This could be done overtly by asking for compliance, or it could be done in a sneaky way by doing false takeaways or creating competition anxiety.

The woman makes an effort -> you reward her for her efforts -> the relationship between you and her escalates towards a romantic/sexual vibe.

It doesn't matter if there's a pandemic, world war, alien invasion, etc. The principles of game all work the same.

 

[Tilex]

How did you two exchange numbers?
That's usually kind of tricky with hired guns.

 

[LARaiders85]

The mistake is you rewarded her when she didn't make any efforts to seduce you, so she ended up placing zero value on you.

By now, you all should know what my game is. I frame my escalation as a reward and I only reward women who make efforts to seduce me or efforts to comply with my leading. As soon as she pulls back, I dismiss.

It's like a game of tennis. You can't play tennis by yourself. Your partner needs to hit the ball back. Once she went silent, you kept hitting the ball to her, and thus, displayed more low value.

I know times are desperate, but these are universal principles of value and attraction that you cannot break.

Back when I was known as the "bartender puller" amongst my friends, my game was to have a cool conversation with bartenders and then at a HIGH POINT (When she is really into it) I do a false takeaway by pretending I'm all cashed out or left my card at home or whatever. 9 times out of 10, if there is high interest, she would grab a drink and put it in front of me just to keep me there. This shows effort and compliance (which is absolutely necessary before an escalation), and so I would use a "plausible deniability" excuse to invite her alone. This would work 10/10 times because she feels like she has earned my escalation.

Women only place value on you when they feel like they worked for your escalation.

Escalation is a TIMING thing. When she was crying and showing that she was worried about you, you should have escalated right there and then. It would have made perfect sense. And if she pulled back, you could have just pretended that you misread her.

Either way, women never punish you for perfect timing.

Even in desperate times, my game doesn't change much. I prompt the woman to make an effort somehow, and only then do I reward her with an escalation. This could be done overtly by asking for compliance, or it could be done in a sneaky way by doing false takeaways or creating competition anxiety.

The woman makes an effort -> you reward her for her efforts -> the relationship between you and her escalates towards a romantic/sexual vibe.

It doesn't matter if there's a pandemic, world war, alien invasion, etc. The principles of game all work the same.

I actually do try to reward and I think I got that part right, and I did escalate when she was crying, but I think my apology was incongruent with that and over text I was probably too aggressive. No plausible deniability like you said.

 

[LARaiders85]

How did you two exchange numbers?
That's usually kind of tricky with hired guns.

She asked me for my number haha

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

I have posted this in another thread, but its relevant.

"The unrecognized world only becomes recognized once an error is made." - Jordan Peterson

It does not sound like you did anything wrong, but rather you simply glossed over a situation that you did not have the information to take full advantage of.

This will probably happen again as well, but all a guy can do is simply be present and learn.

 

[da storm]

In social circles, everyone and their grandma uses plausible deniability. This is why not having a social life outside the bars/nightclub can have you looking like you haven't had sex in 20 years.

If she had come crying to me, I would have made out with her there and then. And then give her plausible deniability on the spot (because as I've said before, escalation is about perfect timing). And if she pulled back, I would have walked away.

Either way, there would have been NO CONFUSION.

I know these are the right moves because I've done it over 100 times in social circles.

In her mind, she probably has no idea why it didn't work out either. Because she assumes the attraction will just carry the entire thing. Most women are on auto-pilot. And any little bit of social miscalibration/incongruency on your part can throw them off and cause them to pull back. And then they backwards rationalize that they weren't feeling you.

Women feel an emotion first, then backwards rationalize.

You not have a social life and abundance is throwing everything off.

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

You not have a social life and abundance is throwing everything off.

You speak of manipulation, when you say these things; im not saying you personally, but the cognitive dissonance going on in this forum is incredible, apparently we shouldnt manipulate people but we will find our way there anyways because these tools are powerful strategies that change the way people view us.

 

[7onriverI f]

In social circles, everyone and their grandma uses plausible deniability. This is why not having a social life outside the bars/nightclub can have you looking like you haven't had sex in 20 years.

If she had come crying to me, I would have made out with her there and then. And then give her plausible deniability on the spot (because as I've said before, escalation is about perfect timing). And if she pulled back, I would have walked away.

Either way, there would have been NO CONFUSION.

I know these are the right moves because I've done it over 100 times in social circles.

In her mind, she probably has no idea why it didn't work out either. Because she assumes the attraction will just carry the entire thing. Most women are on auto-pilot. And any little bit of social miscalibration/incongruency on your part can throw them off and cause them to pull back. And then they backwards rationalize that they weren't feeling you.

Women feel an emotion first, then backwards rationalize.

You not have a social life and abundance is throwing everything off.

Alcohol is plausible deniability. That's why club game is so damn easy.

 

[da storm]

Alcohol is plausible deniability. That's why club game is so damn easy.

i was thinking more in terms of isolation. When dealing with hired guns, a good plausible deniability is an excuse to hang out and do something together outside the bar/club.

 

[da storm]

You speak of manipulation, when you say these things; im not saying you personally, but the cognitive dissonance going on in this forum is incredible, apparently we shouldnt manipulate people but we will find our way there anyways because these tools are powerful strategies that change the way people view us.

I was referring to his internal state, not how he is perceived by women.

When I have a social life and abundance, my internal state feels great and I always end up making all the right moves, coming from abundance and not lack and desperation.

Hence, his lack of social life and abundance is throwing off his entire game.

 

[7onriverI f]

i was thinking more in terms of isolation. When dealing with hired guns, a good plausible deniability is an excuse to hang out and do something together outside the bar/club.

Lol you learn that stuff in school by doing activities which both parties enjoy. It's called making friends. As with hired guns some like drugs and I know guys who invite them over to do some drugs. I don't do drugs so I couldn't use that excuse.