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How would you play this?

LARaiders85

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There's been like one bar / restaurant open near my office during the lockdown that I go to literally 5-6 days a week and I've been hitting it off decently with one of the waitresses, who eventually ended up in a relationship with someone else. I go on vacation for a couple weeks and then come back and she is almost in a complete panic and starts crying when she sees me bc she thought something happened to me. We end up drinking a lot and copping feels and stuff like that...she texts me and I ask her to come over my place. No response.

Where I f***** up was the following morning I texted her sorry I was drunk. I should have just owned it but instead I was trying to backtrack from the solicitation the night before because I didn't care for the radio silence and wanted to avoid awkwardness. Again no response.

I go there today and she is pretty cold and aloof with me. So much for avoiding the awkwardness.

Obviously the interest level is not at 100% Or else there wouldn't be any hot cold or confusion or ambiguity, but it's sort of a weird situation and we are still under a total lock down here so I don't really have any other options. How would you all play it? I'm probably just going to sit back and wait for her to reach out and just kind of keep it strictly business when I go to this place with my friends.
 

Romanemp22

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There's been like one bar / restaurant open near my office during the lockdown that I go to literally 5-6 days a week and I've been hitting it off decently with one of the waitresses, who eventually ended up in a relationship with someone else. I go on vacation for a couple weeks and then come back and she is almost in a complete panic and starts crying when she sees me bc she thought something happened to me. We end up drinking a lot and copping feels and stuff like that...she texts me and I ask her to come over my place. No response.

Where I f***** up was the following morning I texted her sorry I was drunk. I should have just owned it but instead I was trying to backtrack from the solicitation the night before because I didn't care for the radio silence and wanted to avoid awkwardness. Again no response.

I go there today and she is pretty cold and aloof with me. So much for avoiding the awkwardness.

Obviously the interest level is not at 100% Or else there wouldn't be any hot cold or confusion or ambiguity, but it's sort of a weird situation and we are still under a total lock down here so I don't really have any other options. How would you all play it? I'm probably just going to sit back and wait for her to reach out and just kind of keep it strictly business when I go to this place with my friends.
Seems like she was only out for attention.. She was giving you a signs of interest but she hooked up with someone else? Definitionally attention seeking girl. Start ignoring her totally, when you go to that bar act like you dont even see her, Like you give a sh1t and flirt with other girls and believe me she will hit you up sooner or later.
 

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BackInTheGame78

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I don’t think you did anything wrong.
I agree...I mean maybe she was not comfortable enough for that yet but you asking shouldn't have gotten that response if she was interested...usually more along the lines of "Can we meet somewhere else first, I am not comfortable with that yet."
 

TheFinalLine

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I agree...I mean maybe she was not comfortable enough for that yet but you asking shouldn't have gotten that response if she was interested...usually more along the lines of "Can we meet somewhere else first, I am not comfortable with that yet."
I hate seeing a man over analyze but I’ve done it before as well. Sometimes, we as men can be really stupid.
 

fastlife

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You over-escalated without having logistics in place. Instead of texting her to come over, next time try to find a more plausibly deniable way to keep hanging out when you have her in person like inviting her over to keep drinking or maybe taking her to a cheap all night place to grab food and coffee after her shift to keep things going from there.

Hired guns have to try to keep their work life and their personal life separate in case you turned out to be an annoying clinger or stalker and she's in a relationship, so trying to just get her over via text is a big ask once her emotions settle down and rationally she realizes how many lines she crossed.

That's just for future reference and why you're in the situation you are now. Apologizing was bad, but the best way to handle things from here is to act like it never happened. It'll only be awkward if you let it be awkward. Just act the exact same way you did before and give her time to come around. The quickest way to make that happen would be for her to see you flirting with other girls, since competition anxiety tends to overpower all that other stuff and she would see that you're not caught up on her and that other girls like you.
 

dude99

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There's been like one bar / restaurant open near my office during the lockdown that I go to literally 5-6 days a week and I've been hitting it off decently with one of the waitresses, who eventually ended up in a relationship with someone else. I go on vacation for a couple weeks and then come back and she is almost in a complete panic and starts crying when she sees me bc she thought something happened to me. We end up drinking a lot and copping feels and stuff like that...she texts me and I ask her to come over my place. No response.

Where I f***** up was the following morning I texted her sorry I was drunk. I should have just owned it but instead I was trying to backtrack from the solicitation the night before because I didn't care for the radio silence and wanted to avoid awkwardness. Again no response.

I go there today and she is pretty cold and aloof with me. So much for avoiding the awkwardness.

Obviously the interest level is not at 100% Or else there wouldn't be any hot cold or confusion or ambiguity, but it's sort of a weird situation and we are still under a total lock down here so I don't really have any other options. How would you all play it? I'm probably just going to sit back and wait for her to reach out and just kind of keep it strictly business when I go to this place with my friends.
Whatever happened happened in her head. It doesn't matter what the facts are she will blame you. When they turn rude for no reason at all that is childish, and unacceptable. She is showing she doesn't know how to be an adult.

How would i handle this? I would 100% ignore her behaviour and move on. She is now in your rear view mirror. She blew it. If you still go to the establishment treat her as staff only. You be polite but professional. No how are you how have you been are you still......blah blah. A beer please. That is all she would get from me. Take other women there and have a good time. Live your life. She isn't a part of your life anymore.
 

LARaiders85

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That's just for future reference and why you're in the situation you are now. Apologizing was bad, but the best way to handle things from here is to act like it never happened. It'll only be awkward if you let it be awkward. Just act the exact same way you did before and give her time to come around. The quickest way to make that happen would be for her to see you flirting with other girls, since competition anxiety tends to overpower all that other stuff and she would see that you're not caught up on her and that other girls like you.
I do bring women there occasionally and talk about my dating life with her. Too bad there is no quick fix but good advice.
 

stringpuller

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There's been like one bar / restaurant open near my office during the lockdown that I go to literally 5-6 days a week and I've been hitting it off decently with one of the waitresses, who eventually ended up in a relationship with someone else. I go on vacation for a couple weeks and then come back and she is almost in a complete panic and starts crying when she sees me bc she thought something happened to me. We end up drinking a lot and copping feels and stuff like that...she texts me and I ask her to come over my place. No response.

Where I f***** up was the following morning I texted her sorry I was drunk. I should have just owned it but instead I was trying to backtrack from the solicitation the night before because I didn't care for the radio silence and wanted to avoid awkwardness. Again no response.

I go there today and she is pretty cold and aloof with me. So much for avoiding the awkwardness.

Obviously the interest level is not at 100% Or else there wouldn't be any hot cold or confusion or ambiguity, but it's sort of a weird situation and we are still under a total lock down here so I don't really have any other options. How would you all play it? I'm probably just going to sit back and wait for her to reach out and just kind of keep it strictly business when I go to this place with my friends.
I really don't know on this on LA. Sounds like you read her right but without more context its kinda vague what might have went down. Sounds a bit weird yea.
 

dude99

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T
There's been like one bar / restaurant open near my office during the lockdown that I go to literally 5-6 days a week and I've been hitting it off decently with one of the waitresses, who eventually ended up in a relationship with someone else. I go on vacation for a couple weeks and then come back and she is almost in a complete panic and starts crying when she sees me bc she thought something happened to me. We end up drinking a lot and copping feels and stuff like that...she texts me and I ask her to come over my place. No response.

Where I f***** up was the following morning I texted her sorry I was drunk. I should have just owned it but instead I was trying to backtrack from the solicitation the night before because I didn't care for the radio silence and wanted to avoid awkwardness. Again no response.

I go there today and she is pretty cold and aloof with me. So much for avoiding the awkwardness.

Obviously the interest level is not at 100% Or else there wouldn't be any hot cold or confusion or ambiguity, but it's sort of a weird situation and we are still under a total lock down here so I don't really have any other options. How would you all play it? I'm probably just going to sit back and wait for her to reach out and just kind of keep it strictly business when I go to this place with my friends.
You did say she started a relationship with another dude and then after some drinking she made out with you, and is now trying to punish you for her bad behaviour?

Dude, she is not worth a second thought.
 

Murkserious

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There's been like one bar / restaurant open near my office during the lockdown that I go to literally 5-6 days a week and I've been hitting it off decently with one of the waitresses, who eventually ended up in a relationship with someone else. I go on vacation for a couple weeks and then come back and she is almost in a complete panic and starts crying when she sees me bc she thought something happened to me. We end up drinking a lot and copping feels and stuff like that...she texts me and I ask her to come over my place. No response.

Where I f***** up was the following morning I texted her sorry I was drunk. I should have just owned it but instead I was trying to backtrack from the solicitation the night before because I didn't care for the radio silence and wanted to avoid awkwardness. Again no response.

I go there today and she is pretty cold and aloof with me. So much for avoiding the awkwardness.

Obviously the interest level is not at 100% Or else there wouldn't be any hot cold or confusion or ambiguity, but it's sort of a weird situation and we are still under a total lock down here so I don't really have any other options. How would you all play it? I'm probably just going to sit back and wait for her to reach out and just kind of keep it strictly business when I go to this place with my friends.
First off, you shouldn't be going to any bar 6 days a week, that's a red flag for me personally considering I see you as a top-level member here.

Secondly, you have a good rapport/vibe with this girl that's obvious, but she is in a relationship and this guy is obviously doing a half-decent job (I can only assume).

You did f*ck up texting the next day that you were "drunk". Just leave that apology for the in-person chat next time you see her, you could have played it off and escalated more flirting from there, it just flows better. You created the awkwardness don't forget that.

You didn't make it clear how much you text outside of meeting her at work/when you want to drink.

I gamed a Spanish waitress/bartender at my office 18 months ago but I kept chipping away while she had a BF and pounced when she was single, it was a great 3 months of sex and adventure. Don't rush it, she has a BF you are going to be second place unless in the short workplace interactions you have blow her away, which is very difficult to achieve.

Just be normal and humourous next time you see her "ay, so we're not friends any more haha" and own it/go from there.

Don't make this a big deal because it's not, just keep chipping away at her, you already copped a feel so the attraction is there. It's the logistics (her being at work you being a customer) and her relationship (current BF?) situation you have to consider.

What you really should have done is invite her to drink somewhere when she finishes her shift. That worked for me. Imagine some girl outside your workplace trying to hit on you at work - you need to pick this up outside of a working environment.

edit:

You gotta ask what she wearing before you ask her to come over.
...and there's a lot of truth in this too - put the feelers out - depending on her response you could have saved yourself the knockback and embarrassment here. I get you probably knew what she was wearing but the premise is the same, put the feelers out, especially so close to work/somewhere you go often. Game needs to be tight so close to home.
 
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oldmanofthesea

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I wouldn't worry about playing it off. I just wouldn't bring it up. Be nice and friendly with her at the bar but that's it.
 

Murkserious

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I wouldn't worry about playing it off. I just wouldn't bring it up. Be nice and friendly with her at the bar but that's it.
That's a very slow way to get to where he wants to get (inside her). He needs to address it with confidence and humour. Ignoring this is a weak beta move.

Again this is just me, but I'm expressive and emotionally open. Women love that.
 

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oldmanofthesea

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That's a very slow way to get to where he wants to get (inside her). He needs to address it with confidence and humour. Ignoring this is a weak beta move.

Again this is just me, but I'm expressive and emotionally open. Women love that.
The only reason I'm saying this is that I don't think he has any chance with her, given what happened and her reaction. No need to make excuses to her or anything. By just being polite when he sees her at the bar, if she ramps up the flirtation then he can go from there but I seriously doubt that is going to happen. I don't think there is much of a chance with this girl.
 

fastlife

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The only reason I'm saying this is that I don't think he has any chance with her, given what happened and her reaction. I don't think there is much of a chance with this girl.
Disagreed. LA just overplayed his hand a little and set off all the alarms in the prison break. She’s obviously into him—there’s just obstacles that had to be disarmed before there could be a clean get away.

From here, it’s just a matter of time while all the guards settle back down and things get back to normal. There’s no fast play here, the facility is on lockdown, but if LA gets back to just doing what he did before, there’s a good chance the window reopens. Again, the quickest way is competition. But barring that, being unreactive and not falling into the frame that either of them did anything weird is the next best play. So while it’s good to know where he messed up, internally his frame should be, “Yeah, no sh1t I tried to fvck you—you’re attractive and I’m a guy. You got a little weird on me though, but no biggie.” Ignoring her will look like he’s butt hurt; trying to force things will look like he’s desperate; being the exact same way he was before will get things back to business as usual.

It’s just a waiting game at this point.
 

oldmanofthesea

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Disagreed. LA just overplayed his hand a little and set off all the alarms in the prison break. She’s obviously into him—there’s just obstacles that had to be disarmed before there could be a clean get away.

From here, it’s just a matter of time while all the guards settle back down and things get back to normal. There’s no fast play here, the facility is on lockdown, but if LA gets back to just doing what he did before, there’s a good chance the window reopens. Again, the quickest way is competition. But barring that, being unreactive and not falling into the frame that either of them did anything weird is the next best play. So while it’s good to know where he messed up, internally his frame should be, “Yeah, no sh1t I tried to fvck you—you’re attractive and I’m a guy. You got a little weird on me though, but no biggie.” Ignoring her will look like he’s butt hurt; trying to force things will look like he’s desperate; being the exact same way he was before will get things back to business as usual.

It’s just a waiting game at this point.
But how is that different than what I suggested here?

By just being polite when he sees her at the bar, if she ramps up the flirtation then he can go from there
That's not ignoring her.... it is simply not being reactive/apologetic (any more than he already has by apologizing to her the morning after his invite), being polite, pretending it didn't happen, and then getting a reading on her based on her reactions. If she continues being cold to him, there's little he could or should do to change that. He has two options: 1 - Do something deliberate to try to "fix" the situation or get her to act or do something, or 2 - Be confident, be cool, shrug it off and be polite like he normally is to her (before she got flirty and touchy with him) and wait and see if she warms up before trying to advance his agenda again. #1 isn't an option IMHO.... there is often an "illusion of action" belief that a man believes he can change or fix anything through action.

Bottom line - I think we are suggesting the same thing here. I just wouldn't hold out a lot of hope. At this point I would be more focused on keeping things not-awkward at his regular hang-out.
 

Alphamonkey

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There's been like one bar / restaurant open near my office during the lockdown that I go to literally 5-6 days a week and I've been hitting it off decently with one of the waitresses, who eventually ended up in a relationship with someone else. I go on vacation for a couple weeks and then come back and she is almost in a complete panic and starts crying when she sees me bc she thought something happened to me. We end up drinking a lot and copping feels and stuff like that...she texts me and I ask her to come over my place. No response.

Where I f***** up was the following morning I texted her sorry I was drunk. I should have just owned it but instead I was trying to backtrack from the solicitation the night before because I didn't care for the radio silence and wanted to avoid awkwardness. Again no response.

I go there today and she is pretty cold and aloof with me. So much for avoiding the awkwardness.

Obviously the interest level is not at 100% Or else there wouldn't be any hot cold or confusion or ambiguity, but it's sort of a weird situation and we are still under a total lock down here so I don't really have any other options. How would you all play it? I'm probably just going to sit back and wait for her to reach out and just kind of keep it strictly business when I go to this place with my friends.
Sounds like you were a bit needy. What did you tell her when you got back? Texting her was a mistake and you probably weren't as honest in person about your intentions with her so the text came off creepy. Only thing you can do now is back off and spin a few plates in front of her.
 
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