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How to handle a girl who is trying to slide out?

Romanemp22

Master Don Juan
Joined
Aug 30, 2020
Messages
953
Reaction score
890
Age
24
Hi,
I am a 22 yr old college student and a couple of months ago I met a girl online and we really hit off. I thought this was someone I would like to know better.
We met a few times, at no point it felt that any of us had to drag the conversation, we were explicit with our liking for each other, there were wisps of physical intimacy as well, I was really into her but believe me I never tried to push it and come off as desperate.

Then quite suddenly, she told me that she has feelings for some other guy, with whom things are very complicated as he can't be in relationship because of his ex. She cut contact with him and it was affecting her in a bad way.
Honestly, I was disheartened by this point, we had been talking for a couple months, everyday, not just like "friends". She was leading me on believing something else and she did not care to mention this before.
Still I tried to help with utmost effort to remain unbiased and I did not make it look like it affected me much but I did clear things with her and she let me know about how marvelous of a guy I am for not making it complex and how much she likes me and enjoys my company but she was not ready for something serious.
No way anyone could say that she wanted it to be just casual via the conversations we had before. I actually was seriously pissed with incident and let her know about it and she apologized.

I tried to remain friends but things just changed, she kind off started pulling back her conversations, like she has shrugged her conscience off and she does not need to engage anymore. I remained cool but at one point I erupted and she ended up saying that I am making it too complicated, we had a spat and she deleted my number.
I ended up apologizing after a few days of no contact and post that I tried initiating conversations, but she never did the same apart from a few times which felt very customary. She did not store my number back unless I messaged her.

She again did not message me for a week.

I made a mistake of calling her out on how she used to message me and ask me out when she needed to and now that she is feeling all better she just is basically ghosting me, she again apologized and we ended our conversations.
She hasn't contacted me again and neither have I, this no contact on-off thing has gone on for 3 weeks in total now.

I could have handled it better but I turned naive because I genuinely liked someone after so long but I stand by that she used me to blow away the unavailability of the other guy and I hate her for just tossing me aside now that she does not need me.

Anyway, it's been a week of no-contact, she hasn't messaged me either as before. But now I am tired with being a good guy (as I am generally quick to stop people in their tracks) and am done with putting any efforts in , I have deleted her number now and she would know that because she won't be able to see my profile pic but she still has not deleted mine again because I can still see hers on the chat page (Whatsapp this is).

What should I do now? Let the number be deleted and forget about it or put it back in and then maintain no contact (to come off as busy given that she has not deleted mine)?
Which would put me in a better position?
How to handle this situation further?

I don't think she is gonna message me but there comes a point when you can't be all nice and I know I will be a little disengaged if she ever does message me but if someone has any advice which would work in my favor to salvage this or erase this all together, I am all ears.

Thanks.
Fellas, don't ever do this to yourself
 

bat soup

Master Don Juan
Joined
Apr 10, 2020
Messages
3,053
Reaction score
3,536
Age
41
Hi,
I am a 22 yr old college student and a couple of months ago I met a girl online and we really hit off. I thought this was someone I would like to know better.
We met a few times, at no point it felt that any of us had to drag the conversation, we were explicit with our liking for each other, there were wisps of physical intimacy as well, I was really into her but believe me I never tried to push it and come off as desperate.

Then quite suddenly, she told me that she has feelings for some other guy, with whom things are very complicated as he can't be in relationship because of his ex. She cut contact with him and it was affecting her in a bad way.
Honestly, I was disheartened by this point, we had been talking for a couple months, everyday, not just like "friends". She was leading me on believing something else and she did not care to mention this before.
Still I tried to help with utmost effort to remain unbiased and I did not make it look like it affected me much but I did clear things with her and she let me know about how marvelous of a guy I am for not making it complex and how much she likes me and enjoys my company but she was not ready for something serious.
No way anyone could say that she wanted it to be just casual via the conversations we had before. I actually was seriously pissed with incident and let her know about it and she apologized.

I tried to remain friends but things just changed, she kind off started pulling back her conversations, like she has shrugged her conscience off and she does not need to engage anymore. I remained cool but at one point I erupted and she ended up saying that I am making it too complicated, we had a spat and she deleted my number.
I ended up apologizing after a few days of no contact and post that I tried initiating conversations, but she never did the same apart from a few times which felt very customary. She did not store my number back unless I messaged her.

She again did not message me for a week.

I made a mistake of calling her out on how she used to message me and ask me out when she needed to and now that she is feeling all better she just is basically ghosting me, she again apologized and we ended our conversations.
She hasn't contacted me again and neither have I, this no contact on-off thing has gone on for 3 weeks in total now.

I could have handled it better but I turned naive because I genuinely liked someone after so long but I stand by that she used me to blow away the unavailability of the other guy and I hate her for just tossing me aside now that she does not need me.

Anyway, it's been a week of no-contact, she hasn't messaged me either as before. But now I am tired with being a good guy (as I am generally quick to stop people in their tracks) and am done with putting any efforts in , I have deleted her number now and she would know that because she won't be able to see my profile pic but she still has not deleted mine again because I can still see hers on the chat page (Whatsapp this is).

What should I do now? Let the number be deleted and forget about it or put it back in and then maintain no contact (to come off as busy given that she has not deleted mine)?
Which would put me in a better position?
How to handle this situation further?

I don't think she is gonna message me but there comes a point when you can't be all nice and I know I will be a little disengaged if she ever does message me but if someone has any advice which would work in my favor to salvage this or erase this all together, I am all ears.

Thanks.
This girl is a timewaster. All talk, no action.

Next time you meet a girl that you like, make a move instead of trying to play it cool.
 

stringpuller

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jun 21, 2017
Messages
7,123
Reaction score
4,907
Hi,
I am a 22 yr old college student and a couple of months ago I met a girl online and we really hit off. I thought this was someone I would like to know better.
We met a few times, at no point it felt that any of us had to drag the conversation, we were explicit with our liking for each other, there were wisps of physical intimacy as well, I was really into her but believe me I never tried to push it and come off as desperate.

Then quite suddenly, she told me that she has feelings for some other guy, with whom things are very complicated as he can't be in relationship because of his ex. She cut contact with him and it was affecting her in a bad way.
Honestly, I was disheartened by this point, we had been talking for a couple months, everyday, not just like "friends". She was leading me on believing something else and she did not care to mention this before.
Still I tried to help with utmost effort to remain unbiased and I did not make it look like it affected me much but I did clear things with her and she let me know about how marvelous of a guy I am for not making it complex and how much she likes me and enjoys my company but she was not ready for something serious.
No way anyone could say that she wanted it to be just casual via the conversations we had before. I actually was seriously pissed with incident and let her know about it and she apologized.

I tried to remain friends but things just changed, she kind off started pulling back her conversations, like she has shrugged her conscience off and she does not need to engage anymore. I remained cool but at one point I erupted and she ended up saying that I am making it too complicated, we had a spat and she deleted my number.
I ended up apologizing after a few days of no contact and post that I tried initiating conversations, but she never did the same apart from a few times which felt very customary. She did not store my number back unless I messaged her.

She again did not message me for a week.

I made a mistake of calling her out on how she used to message me and ask me out when she needed to and now that she is feeling all better she just is basically ghosting me, she again apologized and we ended our conversations.
She hasn't contacted me again and neither have I, this no contact on-off thing has gone on for 3 weeks in total now.

I could have handled it better but I turned naive because I genuinely liked someone after so long but I stand by that she used me to blow away the unavailability of the other guy and I hate her for just tossing me aside now that she does not need me.

Anyway, it's been a week of no-contact, she hasn't messaged me either as before. But now I am tired with being a good guy (as I am generally quick to stop people in their tracks) and am done with putting any efforts in , I have deleted her number now and she would know that because she won't be able to see my profile pic but she still has not deleted mine again because I can still see hers on the chat page (Whatsapp this is).

What should I do now? Let the number be deleted and forget about it or put it back in and then maintain no contact (to come off as busy given that she has not deleted mine)?
Which would put me in a better position?
How to handle this situation further?

I don't think she is gonna message me but there comes a point when you can't be all nice and I know I will be a little disengaged if she ever does message me but if someone has any advice which would work in my favor to salvage this or erase this all together, I am all ears.

Thanks.
Focus on yourself man. There is no long form to this. Let her go and walk away.
Be a lot disengaged when she texts.
Send her this when she says.
"Hey"

You. "Who is this?"
 

dude99

Master Don Juan
Joined
Feb 1, 2016
Messages
2,418
Reaction score
2,945
Age
48
Hi,
I am a 22 yr old college student and a couple of months ago I met a girl online and we really hit off. I thought this was someone I would like to know better.
We met a few times, at no point it felt that any of us had to drag the conversation, we were explicit with our liking for each other, there were wisps of physical intimacy as well, I was really into her but believe me I never tried to push it and come off as desperate.

Then quite suddenly, she told me that she has feelings for some other guy, with whom things are very complicated as he can't be in relationship because of his ex. She cut contact with him and it was affecting her in a bad way.
Honestly, I was disheartened by this point, we had been talking for a couple months, everyday, not just like "friends". She was leading me on believing something else and she did not care to mention this before.
Still I tried to help with utmost effort to remain unbiased and I did not make it look like it affected me much but I did clear things with her and she let me know about how marvelous of a guy I am for not making it complex and how much she likes me and enjoys my company but she was not ready for something serious.
No way anyone could say that she wanted it to be just casual via the conversations we had before. I actually was seriously pissed with incident and let her know about it and she apologized.

I tried to remain friends but things just changed, she kind off started pulling back her conversations, like she has shrugged her conscience off and she does not need to engage anymore. I remained cool but at one point I erupted and she ended up saying that I am making it too complicated, we had a spat and she deleted my number.
I ended up apologizing after a few days of no contact and post that I tried initiating conversations, but she never did the same apart from a few times which felt very customary. She did not store my number back unless I messaged her.

She again did not message me for a week.

I made a mistake of calling her out on how she used to message me and ask me out when she needed to and now that she is feeling all better she just is basically ghosting me, she again apologized and we ended our conversations.
She hasn't contacted me again and neither have I, this no contact on-off thing has gone on for 3 weeks in total now.

I could have handled it better but I turned naive because I genuinely liked someone after so long but I stand by that she used me to blow away the unavailability of the other guy and I hate her for just tossing me aside now that she does not need me.

Anyway, it's been a week of no-contact, she hasn't messaged me either as before. But now I am tired with being a good guy (as I am generally quick to stop people in their tracks) and am done with putting any efforts in , I have deleted her number now and she would know that because she won't be able to see my profile pic but she still has not deleted mine again because I can still see hers on the chat page (Whatsapp this is).

What should I do now? Let the number be deleted and forget about it or put it back in and then maintain no contact (to come off as busy given that she has not deleted mine)?
Which would put me in a better position?
How to handle this situation further?

I don't think she is gonna message me but there comes a point when you can't be all nice and I know I will be a little disengaged if she ever does message me but if someone has any advice which would work in my favor to salvage this or erase this all together, I am all ears.

Thanks.
You were used by her for validation. Move on do not waste any more time on her.

Coles notes:

1. You and her met. She was using you for validation because things didn't work out with the guy who was at the top of her score board. The complicated guy.
2. You liked her more than she liked you. that was plain to see.
3. She friend zoned you because she wanted the guy she couldn't have and was trying to figure out a way to get rid of you without being the bad person.
4. You gave her the out " to blame you " when you called her out on her behaviour.
5. She deleted your number. Absolved herself of guilt and is now chasing guy she can't have.

She literally had to work for nothing with you. You gave her everything and she friend zoned you. She was literally telling you she gets feels and is attracted to problems when she said "she had feelings for a guy who she can't have a relationship because it is complicated." Then thanked you for not making things complicated.

Aka "i am attracted problems. Thank you for not being a problem."

Distance your self exit stage left, next, and go date other women.

She will reach out after a month and throw bread crumbs your way because she will need more validation after chasing the complicated guy for a month or so. Do not engage her and let her use you again.
 
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