How important is confidence?

[Hacker]

As a shy guy with massive unrelenting confidence when I drink I can give you an answer from both sides. The shy guy who meets girls through circumstance has a limited field and view and passes opportunity when it arises. I can safely say my sober self has never once got laid despite being surrounded by woman (relationships dont count). Dont take the risk, dont get the reward type thing.

Now my drunk self who honestly could give a F and does what ever he wants, that guy has got me over probably 70+ body count. Ive seen girls both be intimidated by my confidence and also impressed by it so theoretically the intimided ones would be better suited to a guy whos more in the middle, the problem is his lack of effort due to the fear of rejection.

Ive been seeing a psychologist about merging the two sides of my game, Id love to be more like my drunken self sober, if I could pull that off Im sure my game would go up 50%.

I noticed my lay count increases as well when im in a stage in my life when I am drinking too. My lay count increases even more when I am drinking and then also working out. I think the attitude of not caring along with having some muscles turns on women alot.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

I noticed my lay count increases as well when im in a stage in my life when I am drinking too. My lay count increases even more when I am drinking and then also working out. I think the attitude of not caring along with having some muscles turns on women alot.

Now learn how not to care while you're sober and you're golden.

 

[Bingo-Player]

Extremely important , probably the most important thing in a mans arsenal

Women are like water they go with the flow if you project a strong / confident and dominant display 9/10 she will go with it

you start doubting yourself or her interest in you and she will sense it and start disrespecting you

 

[Stoic]

Confidence is close to everything.

I once heard it’s the female equivalent to a man’s confidence is a beautiful rack.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Extremely important , probably the most important thing in a mans arsenal

Women are like water they go with the flow if you project a strong / confident and dominant display 9/10 she will go with it

you start doubting yourself or her interest in you and she will sense it and start disrespecting you

I agree. Reframing your relationship is not as hard as made out to be. (Most) Women are like water is a good analogy. You have to add effectiveness to confidence though in a longer relationship, while a short one is much more easy to manipulate.

 

[MtmVaott]

Give me some examples of non reactivity with women and why does that work with women?

You are allowed to satisfy your needs, interests and wishes at the cost of the needs, interests and wishes of others. And what you want is important.

That's a part of the formula to non-reactivity.

The other part is probably "sangfroid" (I never heard of this English word before, but the dictionary says it's what I mean). I guess an example for that is someone who stays calm in argument or who doesn't panic when he's in lethal danger (i.e. self-control).

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

Confidence is important but you can't just fake it until you make it either, your confidence needs to be backed by actual skills, knowledge and experience, you may make it through the night faking it but you may not, truly confidence should be a byproduct, not a product itself.

 

[MtmVaott]

You are allowed to satisfy your needs, interests and wishes at the cost of the needs, interests and wishes of others. And what you want is important.

That's a part of the formula to non-reactivity.

The other part is probably "sangfroid" (I never heard of this English word before, but the dictionary says it's what I mean). I guess an example for that is someone who stays calm in argument or who doesn't panic when he's in lethal danger (i.e. self-control).

This means that when a woman asks you to change her oil, you don't feel automatically the need to help her. You could say no, or yes, or a more detailed answer, but it will be something with what you will feel right and not one word more.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

The other part is probably "sangfroid" (I never heard of this English word before, but the dictionary says it's what I mean). I guess an example for that is someone who stays calm in argument or who doesn't panic when he's in lethal danger (i.e. self-control).

Sang-froid is French for 'cold-blooded', but in English it's often translated in 'cool-headed', calm under stress/pressure.

Confidence is important but you can't just fake it until you make it either, your confidence needs to be backed by actual skills, knowledge and experience, you may make it through the night faking it but you may not, truly confidence should be a byproduct, not a product itself.

Real confidence shows in the way you act, especially under pressure or when your 'manhood is threatened'. Boys panic, men stay calm.

In Japanese martial arts, the concept of staying in a state of imperturbable calm is known as Fudōshin.

 

[Westminster]

I agree. Reframing your relationship is not as hard as made out to be. (Most) Women are like water is a good analogy. You have to add effectiveness to confidence though in a longer relationship, while a short one is much more easy to manipulate.

Could you explain what you mean by 'effectiveness' please.

 

[AureliusMaximus]

Read Marcus Aurelius.

Marcus Aurelius is awesome. A clever wise chap.

 

[AureliusMaximus]

Ive been seeing a psychologist about merging the two sides of my game, Id love to be more like my drunken self sober, if I could pull that off Im sure my game would go up 50%.

See this post "How do you start not giving a fvck?"

The two(or more) types of men and how to switch between them

Recently i met this woman hb6,5/7 through a dating app i went full feck boy, experimenting with a shirtless picture. She matched me had the same ol' dull bs convo and I was like F this. Send my nr and told her to hit me up if she wants to hangout. No repsonse.oerhaps too much too straight...

www.sosuave.net

(Note: Click the in to the post on the archived website on way back machine. It might take some time to load for that reason.)

 

[Learning Curve]

Confidence means that all though you want the woman, you are good in bed and you f3uck her brains out.

You can dump her at any moment. And she needs to sense that in order to have a scarcity mindset.

This means you are confident enough to get her but also to dump her at any moment.

 

[AureliusMaximus]

Confidence means that all though you want the woman, you are good in bed and you f3uck her brains out.

Actually confidence means = The cumulated life experience (E.g. belief system), that you are something/that you can achieve/do something and thus do it successfully and finally proven true to yourself and the world...

Which is why you can have high confidence in certain areas while in others you suck at it and therefore have low confidence/self-esteem in that area.

 

[Learning Curve]

Actually confidence means = The cumulated life experience (E.g. belief system), that you are something/that you can achieve/do something and thus do it successfully and finally proven true to yourself and the world...

Which is why you can have high confidence in certain areas while in others you suck at it and therefore have low confidence/self-esteem in that area.

The analogy was based on women.

If you want to move the analogy on life, yes you have a point.

Confidence has many variables. At the end of the day is about having the same mentality no matter what hits you in life.

This needs confidence.

 

[Millard Fillmore]

Without confidence what have you got?

You can be rich, handsome, tall, well-connected, but if you leave the house thinking you won't accomplish anything or that you don't deserve good fortune, by and large it won't come to you. Yes you'll get some things handed to you based on your station in life but people won't respect you because you're basically telegraphing that you don't respect yourself.

Believe in yourself and good things will come.

 

[Bingo-Player]

Here is a good example

Ive approached girls in bars not really feeling that confident in myself and practically 9 times out of 10 ive been almost instantly blown out but I can almost feel the rejection coming , like ive rejected myself before the interaction has even began and women can 1000% pick up on this

Conversely

Ive been in bars where I hit that peak level between confident and drunk and absolutely cleaned up 'm talking numbers , foreplay , girls twerking on my d1ck , kissing me you name it

The vast majority of women WANT to follow a mans lead ...... it's literally biologically programmed into them

what they don't want is some guy who's not really sure of himself

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Who wants to be led by someone who is not a leader?

 

[AureliusMaximus]

Here is a good example

Ive approached girls in bars not really feeling that confident in myself and practically 9 times out of 10 ive been almost instantly blown out but I can almost feel the rejection coming , like ive rejected myself before the interaction has even began and women can 1000% pick up on this

Conversely

Ive been in bars where I hit that peak level between confident and drunk and absolutely cleaned up 'm talking numbers , foreplay , girls twerking on my d1ck , kissing me you name it

The vast majority of women WANT to follow a mans lead ...... it's literally biologically programmed into them

what they don't want is some guy who's not really sure of himself

One time I and some mates (I was like 22-23 yrs then so quite young and dumb), was going to this random private party and I was in total drunk killer happy 200% confidende mode and once we got there i walked in there like a king screaming something, (which I cannot remember), and these two hot girls came up directly, approached me and i started to make out with them both on the same time and I had not even spoken one single word to them. I banged them both too. Totally bonkers ha ha.

Next day I reflected on it after sobering up and I was thinking "WTF happened back there lol..?"
The power of confidence should never be neglected.

 

[itouchyou]

One time I and some mates (I was like 22-23 yrs then so quite young and dumb), was going to this random private party and I was in total drunk killer happy 200% confidende mode and once we got there i walked in there like a king screaming something, (which I cannot remember), and these two hot girls came up directly, approached me and i started to make out with them both on the same time and I had not even spoken one single word to them. I banged them both too. Totally bonkers ha ha.

Next day I reflected on it after sobering up and I was thinking "WTF happened back there lol..?"
The power of confidence should never be neglected.

Yea this one time I merely made eye contact with 3 10/10 blonde models and they instantly came up to me and started sucking my **** and balls, then we had sex all night!!! Totally bonkers haha